Chapter Two: Love

A/N: Here it is. Hope you like. Review.

Disclamier: I own nothing.

Some girl is dancing on me. Any minute, she's going to take me to a room. Fuck. I'm still dating Marissa. At least I think I am. I haven't really thought about it much since his death.

Speak of the devil. There she is. She's been watching me. I walk to her.

"Wasted?" She asks. And then giggles. Damn, the girl's wasted too.

"Maybe" I reply, as I grin.

And then she kissed me and off to the bedroom we are. This is the first time we've had sex since the tent on the beach. And she's still kissing me. But I realize, I'm not even thinking about her. I've got all this shit going on in my head. I feel like this is some meaningless fuck. Like I don't even care for her. What am I doing? I love her right? I think to myself. Damn, do I even know what love is? I remind myself I'm an Atwood and curse myself. Hell, I'm trying to do the right thing here. Why has it taken me until now to realize…

"Ryan" My thoughts are interrupted.

"Yeah"

"You're out of it. Are you okay?"

"I, uh" Ill just say it now. "I gotta go Marissa" I walk out. I know shell run after me but I wish she wouldn't. I pray to God she wont. She will though. And what do I say? Umm, sorry but I don't love you. Well, I guess I'm not drunk because I've never had this clear of a conversation with myself while being drunk.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" I hear her voice but I'm just not in the frame of mind for this. She deserves an explanation, but I'm not capable of that right now. I bolt out of the house and into the Range Rover and I drive. Two hours later. I'm right back where I started, in front of the Cohen home.

I spot my cell phone on the floor in the passenger seat. Eight missed calls. Damn, I'm popular.

Seth.

Kirsten.

Marissa.

Sandy.

Marissa.

Kirsten

Luke.

Marissa.

The usual, well, besides Luke.

I dial Seth's number, not even sure what to say. Oh yea, Ill go with the classic… "Hey buddy, my fucking father is dead, how's your trip?"

"Ryan?" Seth picks up the phone

"Hey, man, how's the campus" I trying to make light talk. No need for shit about dying people.

"Oh, good good. Listen, I heard about your dad, sorry bro" So he knows already. One less thing for me to do.

"Yea, its all right" It is. My father never did anything for me.

"So, Umm, Ryan, Marissa called me. Said you were really upset or something?" She called Seth? Okay, Ill be honest with him.

"I don't think I love her anymore" And its true. I thought about it and I don't. Maybe it's just this whole situation throwing me off, but I don't think it is.

I let Seth go and call Sandy to tell him Ill be home soon. I go straight to the pool house, still not in the mood to talk. And there she sits. "The grandma" as Seth called her. Gabrielle.

"I'm bored Ryan" And I feel like I'm repeating last year somehow.