This is early season 9…alternate universe- Jack is still a colonel, Janet didn't die, Maybourne is still the head of Area 51, and it's still been nine years since Jack has seen Sara. Oh, and Joe has watched SG-1 in action, and all that fun stuff…by the way, THERE'S NO VALA!

As Jack and Sam embraced, Janet and Daniel respectfully left the area. They walked into Janet's office and as Janet closed the door, she sighed. "I wish I had even the slightest idea of what is going on here."

Daniel rubbed her shoulders. "It's okay, we'll figure it out."

She smiled. "I could get used to this."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well, I could get used to you getting used to this."

The sound of crying in the background brought Janet back to the problem at hand. "Daniel, can you think of anything that might do this? I mean, any Ancient technology that SG-1 might have brought back that Sam was studying or something?"

He shook his head as he sat down across from her. "Nope."

"Well, I just want to…" She paled. "Wait a minute…do we know if Sara is having similar symptoms?"

Daniel's eyes widened. "That would tell us if it's a device that we're working with…kind of like the stones that Jack and Joe were communicating with…"

Janet raced out of her office toward Sam's bed when she stopped suddenly, unwilling to interrupt the tender moment that Jack was experiencing. However, she noticed that Sam was again in possession of her body, and as Janet approached, she heard their exchange.

"Jack, I'm so tired."

"Shh…it's okay. Just go to sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

She nodded, and her eyes closed gently. He allowed his left hand to run through her blond hair as he watched her breathing deepen.

"Uh, Colonel?" Janet whispered.

He looked up and the tender look in his eyes nearly brought tears to Janet's eyes. "Yeah?"

"I would like to send someone to get your ex-wife. I have no idea what is going on, but if she is experiencing these same symptoms, then I could figure out if it's a specific device that Sam was studying…It's a stretch, but…"

He nodded. "I understand. Danny, can you and Teal'c get Sara and bring her back for Doc's tests?"

Daniel nodded. "Sure. I'll get all the info from General Hammond."

"Thanks." Jack said, looking back down at the woman in his arms.

Janet watched Daniel leave, and then turned around to ask Jack another question. She hesitated, and Jack noticed. "Doc?" He prompted.

"Sorry, sir, it's just…I can examine Sara in one of the small examination rooms that we have nearby, if seeing her would be a little too…"

"Uncomfortable?" He asked.

She shrugged. "Like I said, Colonel, if you would like, she doesn't have to see you."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Whatever she thinks is best…"

As Janet left, Sam bolted upright. She was breathing heavily, obviously terrified. "No! Charlie!" She screamed.

"Sam?" Jack asked, trying to pull her out of the distressing ordeal. He tightened his grip on her, and she reciprocated the gesture.

Then, she jerked out of his embrace, and tears ran down her cheeks. "Jack! No, don't! Don't shoot!" She immediately convulsed as though she had just heard a gunshot.

"Sara, snap out of it!"

The tears and shuddering ended abruptly, and Jack studied her carefully, afraid of what would happen. Just then, her eyes grew wide and she studied something a few inches in front of her, and she screamed. Seconds later, she ricocheted into his arms as if she had been hit by something…probably a bullet, given the pattern previously indicated.

"Sara!" He yelled.

She bolted upright in her bed. She started sobbing, and she looked at him. "Jack, I just had the worst nightmare. I saw Charlie…and then, I saw you shoot yourself, but then, in my dream your ghost shot me."

He held her and rocked her back and forth. "Sara, it was just a nightmare…"

"Is it?" She asked; her icy tone of voice made Jack's blood freeze.

"Of course it is." He said, trying more to assure himself than her.

She looked into his eyes. "Jack, I've watched you. I've seen you in Charlie's room, fingering your gun, and I know that you're thinking about it."

He took a deep breath. "I'm not going to do it, Sara. I couldn't do that to Charlie's memory."

She shuddered. "I'm always afraid of what will happen to me if you do kill yourself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And I would probably take your gun and shoot myself too."

Tears instantly sprang to his eyes. "Sara, promise me that whatever happens, you won't do it…it's not worth it."

She leaned into his body. "I won't if you talk to me…if you tell me what's on your mind."

He winced. "Sara, I can't…I just, well, I'm not ready to do that just yet."

She closed her eyes. "Then, I guess I'll keep wondering what will happen if you do kill yourself."

Her eyes fluttered open again, and she looked at Jack's pained expression. "You were going to kill yourself?"

He looked at her, uncomfortable. "I…well, uh…yeah…I was."

She tried to ward off tears, and the strain was seen in her features. "So, that's why you went on the Abydos mission." She stated.

"Carter, I…I couldn't stay there with that memory haunting me. Besides that, I was sure that they wouldn't be able to open the Gate, but with your brilliant work…" He realized that he had begun to blame her for his ill-conceived outlook on his life. "Never mind…listen, the point is that if it hadn't been for Daniel looking me in the eyes and saying that he didn't want to die, and that it was a real shame that I was in such a hurry to, I would have blown up Abydos and myself, and the team would have been here on Earth, somewhat sheltered from the Goa'uld."

She studied his eyes. "You still blame yourself, don't you? You still blame yourself for Apophis's kidnap and murder of the team watching over the Gate, don't you?"

He looked at her, and tried to fake his way out of it. "Of course not, Sam."

"You blame yourself for Sha're and Skaara, don't you?" She continued, her voice escalating.

"All right!" He yelled. "I do! There, you have it. Are you happy now? It's all my fault. If I had obeyed orders, the damn Goa'uld would not have taken Sha're or Skaara because they would be dead. Daniel wouldn't still be mourning his wife because he never would have married her and he would be here on Earth, still safe from the Goa'uld. And…"

He heaved for breath, unaware of the strength of his resent.

"And you wouldn't be having to relive these events," she whispered apologetically.

He looked at her. "Then again, I would never have met you, gotten to know Teal'c, learned how to tune out the technobabble and geektalk…"

She playfully slugged him for that.

"Hey, it's become a very useful skill. But seriously, I wouldn't have learned that there is life beyond grief." He said.

She smiled, and her eyes took on a far-away look. It was different than the times that she switched personalities, and it had Jack intrigued. "Do you think it's worth it? Traveling through the Gate, knowing that every time you walk through that Ring your life is in danger? Knowing that whether it is or not, you've achieved a level of experience and knowledge that other people only dream about?"

He bit his lip in concentration. "You know, I'm not sure."

She nodded. "I know what you mean…Without a family to go home to, a rest and solace every once in a while, this place could get really old…unless you have a deep commitment to your job, not just a commitment to burying your grief."

He shook his head. "How'd you get to be so wise?"

She smiled serenely at him. "I just listen to Charlie."

Read and review...I loved the response I got earlier...just want more of it!