Return To Me

by Radiorox

COMPLETE Harm and Mac went to separate ends of the world and never stayed in touch. Four years later, when Harm returns to the States, he and Mac find that you can’t fool destiny. That friendship is the road that leads to the heart.

10. The Scar Becomes The Truth

Hey gang, again, not abandoning you. Thank you for the slack though. This week should end the more hectic of studies for at least a couple of months. My final for this part of the course is on Friday, got help us all. We now start the more practical, hands on, type of stuff so I'll free my time up. I've been too burnt to do much lately, work problems have come up, my car and their breaks have been acting up. Yadda yaadda, damn Murphy and his law. :P

Anyway, not sure if I can get part 11 out this week, but at least you have part 10. :)

Enjoy it and if not. . well :P ;)

Jackie

Part 10 – The Scar Becomes The Truth

1420 Local
Mac's House
San Diego, California

As much as he wanted to deny it, the bath did wonders for him. His body hurt less, his mind was less wracked with worry. And for the life of him he could swear there'd never been a better time than this very moment. He was sitting in the tub, a few candles giving off the only light in the room. A scent of sandalwood in the air and Sarah MacKenzie sitting on the head just talking with him.

It was innocent, more than innocent, she'd had stepped out while he stripped and stepped into the tub. She'd filled the tub with so many bubbles that he couldn't even see his toes and yet, just having her there with him was awesome. 'Maybe there is something to the sandalwood-aphrodisiac thing.' He grinned up at her and then sighed contentedly. "You know, you didn't have to watch me."

Well, that's the thing. Mac was there, but she wasn't exactly watching him. She wasn't exactly not watching him either; in fact, she'd never been so aware of how good her peripheral vision actually was until that moment. "I'm not watching you. I just wanted to keep you company." That sounded plausible enough, though, on occasion, when he leaned back and closed his eyes, she glanced at his upper torso noticing that his pecs were more defined than before. Damnit, did he look good. "You have to admit, this is kinda nice."

Yup, she was right, but he still wasn't planning on letting her know. "Yea, it's alright. . .I still don't like baths." What would have been nicer though, was for her to be in the water, naked, with him. 'Stop it!' His conscience yelled at him. 'You two could have been killed and all you can think of is having her naked in a bath!' Sighing deeply he thought back to the night before. It had been utterly strange what had happened. To begin with, why hadn't his gas leak alarm gone off? If there was a leak, why didn't they smell it the moment they went to the kitchen to get the pie? It was very odd, almost as if someone. . . 'No, that can't be.' Stranger things had happened, but now, as he thought about it, something felt weird. Maybe someone had sabotaged his kitchen, attempted to kill him. "Did you get a chance to talk to the cops?"

"Only at the scene, I gave them my contact information so that if they found anything they would know where to contact you." She glanced at him then, noticing a sense of apprehension. "Is there something you know but aren't saying?"

Shocked, he turned rapidly towards her. "What would I know?"

"Nothing. . .never mind." She got up off of the head, grabbed a towel and placed it where she once sat. "You need to get out before you become a prune."

"Aye aye, ma'am!" He gave her a mock salute and waited for her to close the door before, carefully, coming out of the tub. Harm dressed in the t-shirt and shorts he'd had in his seabag, brushed his teeth with an extra toothbrush she had, then limped outside. "Ugh, Mac, did they give you any pain killers?"

"Yea, hang on a sec, okay?" He heard her voice from down the stairs and slowly, he attempted to descend them without help. He was fine, really, just a little bit of pain and stiffness. He'd argued with Mac all the way up the stairs about him attempting to move around too much by himself. As he hit the final step, Harm looked up to find a rather pissed of Marine glaring at him. "Harm."

"Yes?" He tried to make his voice sound as innocent as possible.

Irritated, Mac threw her hands up in the air. "Never mind. . .It's like arguing with a brick wall. . ." She murmured, heading towards her living room. "I ordered pizza, why don't we get you situated on the sofa and you can take those pain pills." She waited for him to sit on the sofa, then gently pulled his feet up, placing a pillow under his knee. "How's that?"

"It's great, but you really don't have to wait on me, Mac. . .I mean, last time I injured the knee I was taking care of. . ." And there was that glare again, beaming into him. "I mean, thank you, Mac. . ."

"You're welc. . ." The ringing of the doorbell caught them both offguard. "That's a fast pizza." She said with a chuckle. Arriving at the door she was surprised to find Bud, Harriet and the kids, along with Jen and a few pizzas. "Hey guys, come on in." She chuckled, opening the door wider for them to walk in. AJ, who was still dressed in his little league outfit, took off his cleats and placed them on the side of the door. "Hey, buddy, I'm sorry I missed the game."

AJ shrugged, "We lost. . .stupid umpire couldn't find the strike zone." She ruffled the top of his head as he moved in to hug her. "Mom says that there's someone special here?"

Mac nodded. "Yes, there is. . .he's on the sofa."

"Auntie Mac, Auntie Mac!" The Roberts' three tornados, Jimmy, Alex and Amy, all lunged at their godmother, each grabbing a body part to latch onto. The twins each grabbed onto her leg and Jimmy was firmly wrapped around her neck.

Harm could hear the commotion, but from his angle he couldn't quite see who was at the door. "Mac? Who's here? Is it the cops?" A couple of seconds later, a blond haired, blue eyed child stood before him. "Uh, who are you?"

Little AJ's smile widened. "Are you Uncle Harm?"

"AJ?" He could barely keep the shock from registering, but it had been so long since he'd seen any of the kids. It was his fault and his choice. When he cut himself off from everyone back home, he felt it would be the right thing to do. "Yes, I'm uncle Harm. C'mere buddy." He held his arms open for AJ, pulling him in for a hug. "You've gotten big."

"Duh, Uncle Harm, I'm nine." He said, very matter of factly, then pulled away to find Mac walking in with three kids using her like a jungle gym.

Carefully, Mac headed back into the house with three giggling children attached to her. "Hold on tight!" She smiled down at Harm and motioned backwards. "We have some company."

"Harm, we heard what happened." Harriet was the first to speak, heading over to hug her friend tightly. "Are you alright?"

Harm nodded. "Yea, Harriet. . .just a little bit of pain in the knee, but I'll be fine." His cheeks flushed a slight tint of pink as the other children stared at him with odd expressions. "They're all so big." He'd missed so much of their lives. Some godfather he was. "I'm uh. . .sorry I never kept in touch but. . .it. . ."

"Hey! None of that." Harriet admonished, settling herself on the coffee table. "I'm sure it was difficult wanting to keep in touch when you were so far away. . .But, you're here now and I fully expect you to visit. . .often." She grinned at him, her negotiation sounding as innocent as possible.

He knew that getting his life back in order meant being friends with his friends again. Seeing Bud and Jen at Mac's office had hit a raw nerve with him. He felt awful for not being a better friend but keeping in touch with them would certainly mean he'd be well informed about Mac's life. While in England, that was the last thing he wanted. "That sounds like a good deal." He extended his hand, shaking as they finished their pact.

Monday Morning
1045 Local
Rabb and Galindez Investigative Services
Pacific Beach, California

"So your house blew up?" Gunny asked conversationally as he sat across from Harm in one of the guest chairs. His Marine façade covered up his real emotion. He was never the type of man to be paranoid without good reason, but with a few cases being as high profile as can be, along with having an employee with a grudge, Gunny was thinking the worst. "You don't think it had to do with any of our cases do you?"

"No!" Harm replied too quickly. He glanced over towards Gunny, and then turned away slightly. He'd given himself away. "Look, I don't know. . .it was weird though."

"What do you mean by weird?"

Harm scrubbed a hand over his face, how would he answer when he couldn't figure it out himself? "I don't know Gunny. . .just weird. I have this feeling. . .Maybe I should have been watching my six better, you know?"

"Look, we've done one helluva job keeping people off of us. . .If someone were trailing, we'd know. . .right?"

That might have been a fact earlier, but the truth was that since Mac had been in the picture, Harm hadn't been as cautious with things. He was trying to let go. "Right. . .It's just that. . .what if. . .What if something had happened to Mac?" He voiced his fear with an undeniable sense of guilt.

"Mac?" Now, that got Gunny's attention. "Woah, woah, woah, you didn't tell me that Mac was there!" Being a Marine, he'd always wanted to care for his own, but this concern for Mac's safety ran deep and long. He wouldn't kid himself, the Colonel was attractive and if it wasn't because of their ranks, maybe, he would have sought after her. So, he took a step backwards allowing himself to care for her much the way that a brother cared for his sister.

Harm brought his hands up in surrender. "Hey, it's not like I knew it would happen, damnit. When have I ever put Mac in danger?" At his partner's off look, he brought a hand up and shook his head. "No, don't answer that. . .anyway, I wouldn't willingly put her in danger. . .This just happened."

"Is she alright?"

"Just some bumps and scratches, she'll be fine." Even as he said it, he wasn't so sure she would be fine. Despite their training and their times served in war zones, this was home. A safe haven without insane surprises. "We'll both be fine."

That look Harm was sporting didn't exactly convince Gunny that it would be the case. "Do you have where to stay?"

"Yep. I'm staying with Mac." It sounded innocent enough, but Gunny's mischievous sounding chuckle said otherwise. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. . ." Standing, Gunny came around Harm's desk to pat him on the back. "Just that you're going to be right where you want to be."

"Is that supposed to mean something?"

Sighing dramatically, Gunny propped himself up on the side of the desk and glared Harm down. "Harm. . .please. . .I told you, I know. Hell, EVERYONE knew! The Admiral knew! I think even the SECNAV knew! We were all just waiting for you two to come to your senses. . .Frankly, I was waiting for you two to have some HUGE battle in the middle of the bullpen and then kiss senselessly for the better half of ten minutes." He chuckled again; that scene would have defiantly made quite the impact at HQ. "And don't you dare ask me what we all knew. Because . . . you know!" He admonished.

Harm's mouth opened and closed a few times until he gave up trying to reason the implications. For a brief moment, he intended to just deny everything, but he knew it would just blow up in his face. "Okay, so. . .I like her." Lame, Hammer, lame. This isn't a high school crush.

"Like her? C'mon Harm! If you just liked her, then Mac would have married Brumby. . .Hell, she would have married Mr. Webb!"

"Ugh, please, don't say those things to me." He placed a hand over his heart in the most dramatic of fashions. The thought of Mac being Sarah Brumby or Sarah Webb both sounded ridiculous and utterly nauseating.

As much as he'd never gotten an affirmation out of Harm, there was a reason why he remained so guarded about the woman. There was a reason why a picture of him and her lay protected on the top shelf of his desk, encased in a thick plastic so that it wouldn't be ruined. "Admit it. . .you are IN LOVE with her."

He was going to say something, he swore he was, but a familiar voice from Harm's office doorway, caught them both off guard. "Who are you in love with?" Lt. Gregory Vukovic stood just outside of Harm's doorway with an expression of morbid curiosity.

Harm stood up quickly, forgetting about his knee injury in the process. He groaned audibly, then bent over to massage the area lightly. "We were, uh. . .discussing a case. . . Gunny this is Lt. Gregory Vukovic. . ." He slumped back into the chair and sighed, that's just what he needed, a visit from Lt. Sleaze.

When Vic and Vic shook hands, it seemed more like a power struggle. Gunny had learned of the Lieutenant from Harm's comparison to their own black sheep – Jarvis. "Call me Vic." Vukovic said, finally relinquishing his hand from the former Gunny.

"Victor Galindez, but everyone here calls me Gunny or Vic."

"Gunny?"

"Yes, Victor is a former Marine Gunnery Sergeant. He used to head up the office at Falls Church until he went back to duty. . ." He grinned slightly at the way the two men were sizing each other up. It seemed almost cute. For a moment he wondered if he did the same thing with other men he'd been introduced to. Nope. "Anyway, Vic, what brings you around?"

Vukovic turned to Gunny. "Actually, Sir. I was hoping we could chat alone?" Without a word, Gunny shrugged his shoulders and headed out of Harm's office, closing the door behind him. Vic slid into the chair across from Harm and grinned slightly. "You know this is difficult for me."

"Do I?" Harm's impassive look and tone was enough to scare even the dead. "Just cut to the chase, what do you want?"

"It's about time I get a promotion." He said and Harm knew exactly who Vukovic was going to blame. "The Colonel. . .I believe she has an unfair grudge against me." Harm almost smirked while Vic continued his pathetic plea. "If I get passed up another time, I'm out. . .And I won't allow anyone to screw with my career, even Colonel MacKenzie."

Harm sat there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. This was absolutely the most pathetic request he'd ever heard of. "What exactly do you want me to do about it, Lieutenant?"

"Talk with her, sir. . .You two are friends. Close friends . . .Very close if the scuttlebutt is true." His accusatory tone left no doubt as to what he was implying. "Apparently the Colonel likes getting close to some male colleagues."

He could literally feel his face burning from a raw rage that was starting to consume him from the inside. "I don't like your tone Lieutenant."

"No, I suppose you don't." Vic's cocky, larger than life self was starting to take over. Had they both been in uniform, this wouldn't have been possible. It would have been a different story. So he leveled the playing field at a place he knew he could get the most leverage. Being the boss, Harm was likely not going to make a scene. "I am not asking for favors, sir. . . But know that I will stop at nothing to get what I deserve."

"What you deserve?" Harm said loudly, then threw his head back and chuckled without emotion. Was this man, this. . .this. . .credent really believing he DESERVED a promotion? "Lieutenant, if you are here, now, that alone means you don't deserve that promotion."

Vic stood up, angrily slamming his fist into the desk in front of him. "I deserve it damnit! But that bitch has an agenda against me! And I swear to God, if I don't get promoted, so help me, I will divulge every little, dark and tawdry secret and ruin her career. Even if it means destroying my own in the process. . .You let her know that, SIR." This wasn't a military office, so he didn't even wait to be dismissed before heading out of Harm's office and slamming the door. So much for not making a scene.

1835 Local
Mac's House
San Diego, California

The hot water was beating down on him. Water that normally washed things away and still, he couldn't help but mull over the fact that someone had threatened Mac's career. Grabbing some shampoo that he'd bought before heading 'home' he poured the solution into his hands and scrubbed it into his hair. "Damnit, who does that punk think he is?" He'd decided not to tell Mac, that it would be better to find a way to massage the situation. "Heh, massage my ass! A rifle, a body bag and a shovel." Angrily, he scrubbed his scalp, wincing slightly when his finger nails dug in a bit too much. Tomorrow, he'd figure out what he should do about Vukovic, how things should be handled. For now, he decided it was best to let it rest. Standing under the stream, he rinsed himself, turned off the water, pulled back the curtain and reached towards the head for a big, soft, fuzzy, blue towel.

Harm took his time, slowly capturing as many beads of water as he could before stepping out of the shower and onto the mat that lay in the center of the large bathroom. He secured the towel around his waist, and then stood before the basin with its mirrored cabinet. His hand brushed away the steam off the mirror. And there it was. As usual, it was the first thing he always saw.

From his angle in front of the mirror, he could see the puckered skin on the left side of his abdomen which wrapped towards his back. Swallowing, he placed his fingers there, wondering if time could really heal all wounds. With this one, the answer was definitely a 'no.' It was part of the "gift" that Susan had given him, something that the last woman he'd slept with happened to find sexy. He remembered that night with vivid clarity, slightly repulsed at the woman's obsession with his scars. Yes, SCARS – plural - there were more than one. The visible kinds were across his back. The non-visible kinds were etched in his memory. Sometimes it would give him the most horrible nightmares.

Hearing the garage door opening, he tried to quickly finish up. When he arrived Mac was not home. She'd left him a message that she may have to stay over at the office to get paper work done. Not that he really minded, it was one of those 'I want to be alone' kind of days, but, he wished he could at least see her.

Engrossed in his thoughts he didn't hear the bathroom door knob turning and barely noticed the door opening until she was standing in front of him. He quickly took sight of her messy hair, half-opened blouse and a skirt that was ready to drop to the floor. "I ah. . .S-sorry, Harm." She stammered, offering a shy smile as she made to retreat. It was easy to forget that she wasn't alone anymore, that she was now sharing her home with someone. Mac felt slightly guilty that she'd forgotten about him when his very essence seemed to fill her up. "Sorry."

"Hey, no, it's okay. . .I'm done." He smiled warmly and his feelings of wanting to be alone vanished. Once again he was wondering how it was that she could do that to him?

Mac couldn't help herself. 'Don't look down. . .You're NOT to ogle Harm. . .Marine. . Don't do it!' But before her rational mind had anything to say about it, she was drinking in the sight of his half-naked form. He was beautiful, tight muscles, but not too many. He even had the right amount of chest hair and the cutest bellybutton she'd seen on a guy. But, her gaze stopped when she'd noticed a difference in his skin. Mac barely caught herself before she reached out and touched him. "What happened?"

Harm shrugged. "Accident. . .Did you get something to eat?" He tried to change the conversation, hoping that food would dissuade her want to discuss this.

"Yep. . . I had something on the way home, you?" She slipped into the bathroom, cursing herself for letting her emotions run away again. Damnit, it was okay to look, wasn't it? But, it was her want to touch that scared her.

"I uh, ate already. . .Let me get out of your way." He grabbed his dirty clothes and headed out of the bathroom in the nick of time. As the door closed behind him, he let out a deep breath. "Whew, close Hammer. . . too damned close."

As Mac disrobed, she put the plug into the tub and waited for it to fill. Today had been a hell of a long day. A witness of Bud's had disappeared, literally and figuratively. It had taken all day to track him down. Vukovic was heading to interview someone and had, somehow, disappeared for the better part of three hours. That was fine, it was all part of Vic's Greatest Hits which would, no doubt, be a black mark on his record. Pouring lavender solution into the water, she sighed. Couldn't he be a bit calmer? She really wouldn't have a grudge against him if it wasn't because he had to undermine everything she said. For the most part he was an OKAY attorney. Which brought up another matter, how many times had he weaseled his way into winning just to win? No one liked to lose a case, but if it meant serving the law, then losing was good, honest and just. But, not to Vukovic. "Ugh! Enough about him."

Taking off her robe, she carefully slipped into the water with a silly grin. This was always the best moment of her day - getting to unwind. Although, seeing a partially naked Harmon Rabb Junior could just as easily become a new favorite. She was right about his body being firmer than it had been. He wasn't huge, but those muscles had certainly bulked up some. Sighing happily, she grabbed the lavender soap and lathered up her arms. "Mmmm." Thinking about him that way always gave her chills – the good kind. It was kind of nice having him around although it had only been a couple of days. He'd decided to stay though he had the keys to Frank and Trish's home – something about that place being too big for just him – not that Mac minded, on the contrary, it was nice to be sharing a place with someone.

The cops had finally contacted them on Sunday with no information. A late night storm had washed any evidence of arson off of the area and Harm had been cleared of setting the blaze himself. They were still scouring the area, looking for any discernable clues which would be sent to forensics. Depending on all of that, the details would be sent to the insurance company who would determine how much Harm should get for the small home.

They had decided (read: Harm had decided) that it would be best if he took the sofa in her office. It was a pull out sofa, with a very comfortable mattress since Mac had bought it especially for Chloe to visit. Mac would stay in her bedroom and they would share the upstairs bathroom since it was the one with a shower and the downstairs only had a half bath. The weekend was pleasant enough, both secretly deciding not to speak of the incident.

After a little while, Mac rinsed off and stepped out of the tub. She quickly dressed, brushed her hair and teeth, then made it towards her office where she'd left a novel she'd been reading. Her knuckles gently wrapped at the half-closed door. "Come in." She heard Harm say. When Mac stepped inside she found him sitting up in bed, typing frantically on his laptop. "It's amusing how well you've gotten at using that thing." She said with a chuckle as she checked her shelves for the book.

Harm snorted. "Yea, well, Gunny offered to shoot me if I didn't." It was partially true. With all of the gadgets they used, it was time he learned to properly use the electronics. "Gunny's a difficult man to negotiate with." Groaning, he turned his neck to every angle, attempting to crack it. Next, he tried to ring out his back, but it didn't budge. Had he really been battered that badly?. "Ugh, I think I need a chiropractor."

"You want a back massage?" The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. Not that it was a bad idea. Not that they hadn't given each other massages before. But never in bed and never when they were still trying to rebuild their friendship.

With a puppy dog look, he shrugged slightly, then nodded his head. "If you don't mind, I'd love one, yea."

Mac smiled. "I don't mind one bit. . .Lay down and flip over." She waited for him to adjust himself, and then started to work on his neck muscles. "Jesus Christ, Harm!. . .You're so tense." She dug her thumbs into his shoulders, massaging the tense muscles. "You need to relax. . .breath in. . .breathe out." She guided him as her hands worked almost expertly.

"Work." He mumbled, his face was shoved into a pillow. As soon as he couldn't breathe, he turned his head to the side. "A case didn't go right, so we're screwed if we don't figure it out." He almost cried out in pleasure as her hands moved downwards to his shoulder blades. "Right there. God, Mac, I forgot how GOOD you are at this."

She chuckled and positioned herself so that she was straddling him, feeling a little more confident. "Just relax, okay?" She heard him murmuring something that sounded like 'okay.' Pressing her palms into his back, she used her body weight to push down on the taught muscles. "Let's get this off you, it's getting in the way." Mac said, tugging on his t-shirt which was hindering her massaging abilities.

The feeling of her hands on his body had him forgetting about everything, even the scars. He quickly pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor and then laying down comfortably on the bed. Her warm hands on his bare flesh, would feel so good. "Thanks, Mac. . .I really really appreciate it and will return the favor."

She didn't answer, didn't banter back, just sat there, staring at the lines across his back. There were three. This time, she couldn't resist touching him. Her fingers ran over the semi-bumpy lines that marked his body. It wasn't too bad, it wasn't disfiguring, but it bothered her, somewhat. It angered her a lot. Who had done this to him? "Harm?" She couldn't bring herself to continue.

Turning slightly, he caught sight of her look, of the horror in her eyes. But why would she?. . .Of course! Embarrassed, he reached for the bed sheet using it to cover him as he sat up. "Jesus, I'm sorry, Mac. . I. . .you shouldn't have had to see that." His breath hitched slightly as he sat up. She had to be off put about the scars and out of curiosity; he wondered what Mac thought about them? "You're wondering where they're from, huh?" If he told her the truth, she would be the first person past Captain Starling (the other victim), the police and medical crew to know the truth. He'd even hidden them away from Mattie. It had been difficult, but thus far, she was oblivious to the scars.

By the sound of his voice, he was ready to spill this secret, but she didn't want him to think she was pushy. "Only if you want to tell me. . .If you can't or don't, I'm fine with it." Mac could feel her face paling over, certainly there was that familiar chill down her spine. "Flip over, I can finish up."

"You're sure?" He studied her for a moment, noticing how quickly her expression changed. Her warm smile, gave him his answer. "Okay and no, they don't hurt." Settling his body, he sighed deeply, hoping it would move the trepidation he felt. This was some sort of un-chartered territory, but maybe it was time for him to be on the spot seeing as he'd put her in it several times before. "Susan." Harm said without much fanfare or introduction of anytime. "I was dating a woman named Susan O'Connor. . .She was a civilian attorney in England."

Mac's teeth grinded slightly, though she tried to stop herself from feeling jealous about his past. Still, hearing about Harm with another woman would always make her feel this way, she should have been used to it by now. As her hands pressed against his skin, she could feel a slight difference between the smooth and scarred flesh. It wasn't gruesome or revolting, but when you cared for someone as much as she did for Harm, it bothered her greatly. She only wished her hands could heal them. Patiently, she waited for him to finish the story.

"Somehow she ended up moving in with Mattie and I. . .Actually, she moved herself in. . .and things were okay. . . She was nice enough but, you know. . .the type that you know you're only with to stop feeling lonely."

"Yes, I know." She could be accused of the same thing in regards to Michael.

"Mattie never really liked her, but I thought that was just. . .you know? A kid thing. I mean, I didn't like Frank either and he's not a bad guy. . .He was really good with mom and I and still is. . .So because I'd gone through that, I tried so much for them to get along. . .Finally, it just got to the point that Susan's presence started to irritate me." He thought about what else to say, carefully choosing his words. "One night, I guess I called someone else's name in bed. . .not that I was seeing someone else." He defended, but it really didn't matter if he was seeing anyone else. As far as he was concerned, Mac had always been the element that kept him from getting closer to anyone else. It had been her name he was calling that night. "She decided I wasn't. . .wasn't fulfilling my. . .uh, duties as her boyfriend, so she decided to drug me."

The whole story Mac was familiar with since she'd gone through much of the same. It had relaxed her somewhat that he had been as miserable as she was. Maybe it was for the same reason? Maybe he couldn't let go, just like her. Maybe this was all about kismet? "She drugged you?" That part of the conversation leaked into her consciousness. Anger surged through her body, so much that she had to stop touching him for a moment. "What the hell was wrong with her?" Mac didn't intend to voice her thoughts, nor for her to sound so aggravated.

"I wasn't. . .satisfying her." He said flatly. It was actually the other way around and it was simple – he didn't want Susan and his body was tired of pretending. He was tired of being spineless in regards to relationships. "I threw her out and dealt with all of the late night phone calls, the stalking. . you know? The fun stuff you see on Jerry Springer?" He grunted in disgust of how his life sounded so much like a soap opera – a bad one. "Well, one afternoon, I was at an early dinner with a friend of mine and Susan went ballistic."

"Lemme guess." Mac took a stab, taking a page from her own experiences. "That 'friend' was a woman, right?"

Harm turned slightly to stare at Mac who shot him a smirk and a shrug. "That's what I get for being friends with a lawyer." He joked, then settled himself back down. "Yes, it was a woman – Captain Joan Starling. . .She was going through a nasty divorce and wanted some lawyerly advice. . ." Stopping a moment, he tried to find the courage to continue. This part of the story had been difficult to tell, especially when both the police and doctors were playing 20 questions with him. He was a man, a strong, healthy man and should have been able to prevent what Susan had done. But, it wasn't the case and as a result, an innocent had been hurt. "Susan. . .she grabbed a knife from the table behind us and lunged at Joan. She got her pretty good, stabbed her in the back. . .I tried to shield her from Susan and in the process she gave me those." Lifting his arm he motioned towards his back.

Mac's fingers gingerly ran over the area. She couldn't comprehend how anyone would want to hurt him this way. She knew well enough about both the emotional and physical scars to know that, sometimes, the memories would haunt you forever. "I'm sorry you went through that."

"I am too. . . not so much because it hurt, but because I had to face Mattie afterwards."

"I take it that she was upset?"

The hospital had done a good job of patching him up. He'd been discharged almost a week after the incident though Joan spent nearly two weeks in ICU because of damage to her organs. The worst of it all was when Mattie went to visit him. "It wasn't anger. . . I think she resented the fact that I didn't. . .listen to her. . .She never liked Susan and was quite adamant about that. . . we didn't really talk much after the fact. . .Actually, right up until we came back home she was pretty pissed off at me."

Easing herself off of Harm, she came to lay on her side right next to him. "I'm sorry for not asking sooner, how is she?"

"Amazing, Mac. . .she fully recovered and is starting Annapolis this term." His face shone with a gleam reserved only for proud papa's. "The trip over here, when we flew Sarah over. . .it healed a lot of our problems. . .It was what we needed." Harm sighed, turning over slowly to look at Mac. "Mom and Frank really love her. . .I was worried about that. . .I never told them about Mattie."

"Harm!" Mac admonished. "I can't believe you did that."

"I didn't know how they'd handle it. . .I love my folks, I do. . .but, after everything I did when I was younger, sometimes, we don't see eye to eye. . ." He knew that sad expression on Mac's face by heart. Whenever he referred to his past, the fact that he took for granted the family he had. They'd had a few arguments about it in the past, she'd always tried to make him see how important it was to have a family, something that she never quite had. "I'm trying to change that. . ."

"That's good. . ." Her smile was so genuine, that it nearly took his breath away. "So what happened with Susan?" Mac was curious as to what fate he bestowed on the woman. It wouldn't be unlike Harm to drop all charges and put some blame on himself. Self-guilt was something they were both famous for.

Harm turned over leaning on his back so he could glance up towards the ceiling and turn away from her eyes. "I pressed charges. . .for my sake, for Mattie's sake. . . Still, it haunts me." He confessed, shuttering at the memories that still haunted him. "I've been in pain before . . . a lot of pain. . .but, Jesus, Mac. . .I have nightmares about her. . .and I was having them since before it happened. . .maybe I should have listened to my subconscious. . .I should have listened to Mattie." Frowning, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened with Mattie. What other things happened between the two that one or the other had hidden from him. If they'd married, God forbid, would she have become that evil stepmother that the silver screen made infamous?

Mac breathed a deep sigh of relief, one that Harm took note of. He gave her a questioning glance. "I was worried you had let her walk. . .I'm glad she's out of your life for good."

"I'm glad Michael is out of yours."

They remained lying together for several more minutes, holding each other's gaze. Their bodies were perfectly attuned, every nerve and fiber wanting to touch and be touched. Neither of them quite noticed that their breathing had changed to quick, shallow breaths. The air had changed in the room, almost sucked out completely. It would be so easy to reach over and take what they wanted. Harm wanted to kiss her so badly, those lips of hers were calling to him and he had every desire to take her and make Mac his. Mac's hands were still tingling from touching his bareback, from manipulating his muscles. It had been so long since they were this easy with each other, this care free and open. It would have been so easy to lean into the kiss he was wanting from her, so easy to give in, but they both knew that the past four years couldn't be undone by a moment of passion. It was a temptation and neither wanted to give in. They'd always been each other's drug, one that wouldn't last but would bring in one hell of a hangover. Unfortunately, they both hesitated a moment too long, each confirming what the other believed – that there wouldn't be anything but friendship between them.

Mac took his own hesitation with a heavy heart. It didn't help to think about the past and all of the times he'd rejected her. 'I don't love you.' It was four years ago and as much as she wanted to tell herself that it was all in the past, that they'd changed, that maybe he didn't mean it, the pain still rocked her to the core. "I'm going to turn in." She needed to get away from him for now, being so close made her vulnerable and that was something she couldn't afford to be around Harmon Rabb. "Night Harm."

"Night, Mac and thank you." Frowning, he watched her retreating form as she left the room and closed the door behind her without even looking back. "Damnit." He breathed out. Why was it that it always happened like this? Why was it that the moment they took two steps forward, something always shoved them thirty steps back? He should have kissed her and worried about the ramifications later. Maybe that is exactly what he needed to do – leap before thinking.