Sorry for making you hang, should be about 2-3 chappies per week unless I say otherwise. ;) Major classes are over but it doesn't mean we don't have to read/study la di da. Just don't have to go ballistic over it. ;)

Thank you to: froggy0319, trekker4life, Abigaile, BlueJay, dansingwolf, Nix707, Tracy, LieutenantjgMegAustin, n.k, EY, jaggurl, LtCmdrFlygirl, Feverish Dream, ady, AgtDanaM, starryeyes10, DD2, KittyX, FoxyWombat, Dessler, JAGJenni, daisymh, Bite Beccy, Sam, Cristina, JamieAClassyone, The Obsessed Three, Dessler, Snugglebug, BlueJay, Britainy, verochan, EasterBunny, Any, freezepop, cbw, highplainswoman, Denaliyasha, outofit, anothershipper, marinejag, Rebecca05, prinnie, TB, Jill, eagleandrose, Daisymh, Eve, Pain, Manic Penguin, Sammy85, JAGFan89LAS, Bail's Other Daughter, MiDushiNoSushi, Lisa, writingmom, Katie, TVAngel, Anita- and you anonymous peeps- for the feedback:)

Part 11 – From One Heart To Another

2345 Local
Mac's House
San Diego, California

The book Mac was reading wasn't exactly her style. Books that dealt with dark issues like rape and abuse seldom were, but it was the story which made it interesting. One of those, 'can't put it down' type of stories about a woman, a lawyer, who had been raped several years ago. During a high profile case, she finds herself prosecuting her attacker, who's now been accused of murder. Of course, what would a good novel be without the tragic romance, in this case it was between the lawyer and a detective that was a witness in her case. The chapter in particular that Mac was reading dealt mostly with the romance, the secret she was hiding away from the detective about her past with the defendant. "Fat chance she's gonna tell you anything, buddy." Mac sighed in frustration. Glancing over the book, she stared at her door as her thoughts moved to the man across the hall from her.

She hurled the book to the end of the bed in annoyance and buried her face into a pillow, muffling a scream. "Why me?" It was against her better judgment. . .hell, it was against who she was, but at the moment, Mac didn't care that she was the only guest to her pity party. Damnit, she was a woman with needs! It wasn't her fault that she fell for him, that, though she tried to hide it, she needed him. It wasn't her fault at all! "If he weren't so damn good looking, sweet, charming. . .the jerk." He could also infuriate her in ways no one had and then, just as quickly, be her best friend - her savior. He was so many things to her, yet the one thing she wanted the most from him, always eluded her. Mac wanted to know what it was like to love and be loved by him. To have those strong arms hold her in the days her Marine façade couldn't hide away her true self. One thing would remain true to form. She would not cry for Harmon Rabb Junior again. Never. Ever. Mourning the loss of the love they never had would occur no more. If they were meant to only be friends, so be it. "So why are you moping around, MacKenzie?" She whispered to herself and agreed to allow this one slip. This one moment to think about everything she could have had and what he took away when he told her he didn't love her. But, there wouldn't be any tears. None. Zilch.

The loud shrill of her home phone cut through her reverie and for a brief moment, she hesitated before reaching to pick it up.

Harm glared at the phone, almost willing for it to shut up. He'd been fully engrossed in reading the details to a new case when the contraption had scared the hell out of him. His sensitive side kicked in, reminding him that Mac might be sleeping and that the ringing would surely wake her up.

Unknowing, they reached for the line at the same time, Mac picking it up a second quicker than he. "Col. .

Something felt weird, odd, out of sorts and even as she answered in her unique form, "Colonel MacKenzie," that marine façade wouldn't protect her from the person on the other line.

"Sarah." A male voice, with a low, sexy baritone spoke over the line. That voice which used to make her heart race, still did so, but in a different way – fear. "Sarah?" The voice cleared slightly, but it's effects on Mac were still evident as goosebumps appeared all over her arms. "I know you're there, baby. . .I can hear you breathe."

Pressing his palm to the receiver, Harm quietly listened in, his stomach churning slightly. Mac hadn't told him that she was dating someone. He contemplated putting the phone down and not listening in to what he was already imagining to be one of those conversations; the types he didn't want to know Mac was having with another man. But her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. "Michael." He heard her say softly in a voice that didn't sound much like the Mac he knew. The voice was soft, fragile, almost as if the world had come down around her. "How. . .you. . .you're s-supposed to be blocked from calling here." She said, her voice showing signs of tenacity, but fear lingered around the edges.

Michael's rich laughter filled the lines. "I have ways, Sarah. . .surely it's not too unheard of to pay off a couple of hacks in order for a man to call his girl, is it?"

"I'm not your girl." She emphasized that point rather loudly trying to find the confidence which was being sucked out of her. Mac wouldn't admit it, not to anyone, but she feared him. He'd been the only man since Chris and her father which made her feel utterly worthless. Damnit, she was a Marine, she should have been able to fight him off from the get go. "Don't ever call me again, Michael, you got me?"

"Come see me and I'll stop calling."

"No."

"I won't let you go, Sarah. . .not without a fight."

Mac laughed without emotion. "I thought we fought enough the day the cops took you away. . .I'm not willing to go through all of that again, but thanks for asking. . .Now, goodbye." She didn't let him say anything else and wouldn't give him the satisfaction of another word. It wasn't her best effort, but it was all she had at the moment. Her finger pressed the 'off' button on the cordless which she then placed on the charging cradle.

What was it about him that managed to destroy so much about her? She knew it all lay at the feet of her childhood and the hell she went through. She knew it was only time before the same thing had happened to her because people that came from those backgrounds seldom broke out of the pattern, or so she'd been told. With a shaky hand, she reached for the phone and pulled the battery out of it. Mac turned the light off and then snaked her arms around a pillow as she folded her body into fetal position. How it happened, she wasn't sure; it was the salty taste in her mouth that informed her that she'd been crying.

"Sarah. . .c'mon, baby. . .beautiful? I know you're there. . .I know you want me. . .I need to touch you. . .to."

Disgusted might have sounded like the correct word to gage Harm's response, but it was far from that. He was enraged. Had Michael been standing before him, he would be a dead man. "Leave her alone." He didn't quite have the strength to stop himself from speaking out and immediately placed himself back in the role of being her guardian.

"Who's this?" A voice that didn't sound too pleased replied.

"That's none of your business, but if you call again or do anything to bother her, I will come after you. . ." Not since Diane's murderer was discovered had he had such a need to rip another human being in two. Of course, he felt this for Sadik, but that was also along the realm of the same dislike he felt for terrorists to the American people. But, this was different – a mix of jealousy and rage which threatened to rip him to the core. "I swear it. . .I'll kill you." He didn't slam the phone down, simply placed it back on it's cradle, oozing the cool confidence that was his trademark.

Satisfied and sporting a smug grin, Harm shut off the laptop and the lights, pulled the covers over him and settled in. He did good that night and though he knew Mac would surely ream him, that was the last of his worries. A soft, muffled sound stubbornly haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard it, sometimes louder than others. It was when he heard the clear sound of a choked sob that he realized Mac was crying. At that moment, a zillion thoughts and emotions ran through him. Should he go to her, tell her that he'd heard the conversation, intruded on her life because he cared? Or should he fall asleep and ignore it, for her sake because he knew she would likely be angry with him for the intrusion. In a split second he made his decision and only prayed she wouldn't maim him.

Harm took a few calming breaths as he moved out of bed and across the hallway. Pressing his ear to the door, he could hear the sobs a little louder now and it took all of him to calm the anger inside. He didn't knock because he knew she'd push him away like she usually did. Opening the door slowly, he stepped inside, allowing his eyes to adjust to the near darkness of her room. He followed the sounds, finding her figure curled up in bed. "Mac?" His voice was soft, gentle, almost healing. Slowly, he approached, stopping just short of falling into her bed. "Mac?"

"Hold me." The words were uttered so softly, he wasn't too sure he heard them. "Please. . .just. . just hold me." She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the weight of his body depressing the mattress. Harm pulled back the covers and slid in next to her, taking the pillow she was holding away and wrapping his arms tightly around her. He didn't say anything, for that she was grateful. He merely held her as she allowed herself to be completely vulnerable in his arms.

It tugged at his heartstrings so much it almost seeped the breath out of him. This was a woman who was stronger than anyone he knew. A woman who had gone through so much and now, some bastard had turned her into this. Harm suspected, on some level, that Michael had opened up all of her past issues with her father and possibly her ex-husband. He didn't want to imagine what it was like for her to be so caught off guard she wasn't able to defend herself. As he held her, Harm could feel the tears against his chest, his heart wrenching slightly. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay, really he did, but he wasn't sure that it would help. Instead, he held her close, stroking her back slowly. "Why won't he leave me alone?"

"I. . .ah. . .I don't. . .know." He stumbled for the words, realizing that it was more of a rhetorical question. "Did. .. has he. . .bothered you since he was put away?"

Mac nodded, removing her head from his and looking up at him. "Someone broke into my place recently. . .I spoke to the warden and Michael's still behind bars. . .but, we know things aren't always as the seem, Harm. . .What if he sent someone. . ."

"You think he did?"

"I am sure he did. . .This piece of jewelry was missing, one that he gave me and only he knew where I would hide it. . .It's just too damn coincidental." That's what she feared the most, the fact that Michael, just like Chris Ragle, could just walk in and out of her life at his convenience. Her relationship with Chris ended with the sound of a gun shot, she only hoped that hers with Michael ended the night the police dragged him off. "I don't want to go through this again. . .I hate not feeling safe in my own skin."

The confession had cost her something, Harm knew it because it had cost him to reveal so much about himself to her. Somehow, though, it had leveled the playing field. Some armor had been torn down and they had, somehow, wound up on the same level where they were both human and vulnerable. "I can't promise anything, but I'll look into it okay?"

"You don't need to do that." She glanced up at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. One thing was for sure, even if they were enemies, they'd still go to the ends of the earth for each other. It was moments like these that made her realize that they weren't as far away from each other as they thought.

"I want to." Harm moved slightly in bed, angling his body so that she was resting comfortably in his arms. "Try to get some rest, okay? I'm staying right here."

Minutes later, Mac's breathing had evened out and Harm would have sworn that she was asleep. He wanted to return to his own bed and make sure she was comfortable, but he couldn't leave her. As he settled himself in, he was startled slightly by her voice. "Why did you leave the Navy?"

That seemed to be the million dollar question, the one he always answered with a shrug, a laugh and some silly story. "I didn't leave the Navy." He responded, using the same sentence he'd used before. And it was true, he never left the Navy.

"Don't give me that, I know you too well. . .Why did you give it up?" It was quite puzzling to her that a man with such good credentials and a high powered billet, who was in line to be the next JAG, would just throw it all away. That certainly wasn't like Harm at all.

He heaved a sigh. This wasn't something he wanted to discuss again with anyone. That evening seemed to be filled with revelations and confessions, so he decided to add another. "Not a lot of people know this." In fact, the only persons that did know were Tom Boone and Gordon Cresswell. "I was getting tired of being the boss. I don't think I ever respected Cresswell or Chegwidden as much as I do now."

Mac nodded in understanding. "Amazing how perceptions change, huh?"

However, his problem didn't really have to do with his command, more with a case and how badly it was handled. "Leading people takes a lot out of you and when they screw up. . ." His voice trailed off as he thought back to a few years prior. Things were going fairly smooth, with a bump or two that, like all other COs, made him question if he belonged in command. Just when things were leveling out, he was thrown one hell of a curve ball. "I had this Lieutenant Commander, a hot shot. . .kinda reminded me of. . . me. . . The case was so high profile and yet, so hush hush. . ." He swallowed down the bile that rose at his throat. Memories of that case would always haunt him along with the handful of others that forced him to wear his heart on his sleeve. "This case was. . .difficult. . .a female, a Marine who was raped by the base CO."

Even through the darkness he could discern that her face had fallen slightly, registering shock. "Oh, God." Rape cases always repulsed her. She couldn't quite figure out what misfiring neuron could make a man or a woman commit such a heinous and despicable crime. It was cases like that which she fought hard for because the right thing needed to be done and those persons capable of such acts needed to be removed from society for the greater good. She felt Harm tense slightly in a way that was odd coming from him. Apparently, the case got severely under his skin. It was then that she realized why, "You had to defend the CO didn't you?" She'd done the same, defended those that she knew were guilty as sin. It was her job, her duty, the part that sucked about being a JAG.

He almost read her thoughts. "You know, we've dealt with cases like these before. It comes down to duty and the oaths we took to get here. . .but this was different."

"How so?"

"For the most part, it's usually a he said/she said type of affair. . . This. . . .it happened, you could SEE it in her eyes, the fear she was trying to hide." It was a look that haunted him to this day. He could still see the woman's surprised look when she found Harm was defending the man she accused. It was almost like a blow over the head when Harm had promised he'd do everything to put him away. Yes, it was indeed the worst part of being a JAG. "When he walked into the room. . .it was eerie. . . You knew she was telling the truth. . . but the moment she was put on the stand, I obliterated her testimony. . .I'd never seen a woman cry so much before, Mac." As the woman moved from the stand, she kept hurling obscenities at Harm with her eyes filled with tears. Between harsh words she would plead him to help her and not allow the CO to get away with such a crime. "I finished the case. . .the CO won but was to be under further investigation. . .The woman killed herself."

Mac sucked her breath in suddenly. She could feel a tension and pain radiating off of him and for a brief moment, she settled in to comfort him. "I'm sorry, Harm." Her arms snaked out from under his, wrapping around Harm's torso. They remained silent for a moment, both emotionally taken by the strain it must have put on him. Ever so often there were cases like those that took with them your soul if you let it.

"I gave up the law then. I lost it. . .completely. . I didn't know what else to do until Gunny gave me that offer." True to what he had said earlier, he still hadn't left the Navy, but was offered a position that seemed to drop straight from the Heavens. "Tom Boone had found out I was leaving and somehow finagled me into the reserves."

"I bet Mattie's loving California." Mac said with a grin remembering how excited she had been ones things had settled down. She loved it there, more so than Washington with its harsh winters. In California, she felt happier despite her personal problems.

"Oh yea, especially since Mom and Frank spoil her all the time. . .She misses it when she's at Annapolis."

These little bits of small talk healed Mac in ways that were inexplicable. It was almost like getting to know someone from the beginning. It felt like the beginning, when words were easy and carefree, before the turmoil that was their dance. Those times seemed so ancient and she longed to piece them together, to come full circle. "Hey, how's your grandmother doing? I haven't. . ." She wanted to keep the conversation going in order to wear herself out and, hopefully, fall into a dreamless sleep. In the darkness, she felt a sharp tense in his body and without words, instantly, she knew. "Oh no. . Harm, I'm so sorry."

"I'm fine, really."

"When did she pass on?."

Harm swallowed hard, willing himself not to breakdown as he did every time he thought about Sarah Rabb. Her death, while not completely shocking, had been hell on him. He felt guilty for not being a better grandson, for not visiting more often. For not taking those little pieces of wisdom that came with her age. "Two summers ago. Hey, she was almost ninety two. . .It's alright. . ." It wasn't alright. With his grandmother gone, he'd lost a slice of life, something that he only got back after his cross-country flighty with Mattie. "She's partially the reason I wound up here in San Diego."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd received a message that Grams was sick. . .So, I took some leave and headed over to her bedside. . spent a week at Belleview. . ." The whole week he'd spent at his grandmother's side, only moving when absolutely needed. Frank and Trish had been present as well as the local priest who had been called into administer her last rights. Harm had seen death and plenty of it, but it just didn't prepare him. Fundamentally, he knew this was for the best. Sarah had suffered through two strokes and a severe case of pulmonary edema which had been misdiagnosed and wrongly treated as bronchitis. To think that he could have done something tore him up inside. During his weekly calls, she'd seemed alright, it was all a ruse so that he wouldn't worry. "She told me she wasn't leaving the farmhouse to anyone. . .She knew that I especially had a penchant for living in the past and she wouldn't allow me to do that if she could help it. So she had made a stipulation in her will that the farmhouse would be sold and the money from it would come to me so that I could have a home of my own." He remembered how upset he was that she never told him this. Harm understood quite well her methods and knew that she was right, if the farmhouse would have stayed, he would have done anything to keep it running in order to hold onto his past memories. It was for his own good and yet, he felt awful about it.

"And now your house is just a pile of rubble." She said sadly, somehow wanting to take away some of his pain. "I'm sorry all of this has happened to you."

Harm remained silent for a moment as he contemplated the turmoil of the last five years. It would seem the two of them were thrown into a whirlwind of sorts. It was upsetting, to say the least. Although he had been angry with her last minute attempt to have him stay, Harm always wanted the best for her – for Mac to be happy and she seemed to be anything but. Sure, both of their professional lives were thriving, but what did that matter if they couldn't find a semblance of happiness in their personal lives? "Seems the two of us attract problems."

Mac sighed, that was certainly the truth. "You seem happy though. I mean, at least you get to fly. . . Flying is your life." She said, with a said tone, which wasn't lost on him. He could only deduced that it still scared him to know that was still a pilot.

"Which is why the reserves aren't so bad. . .I put my time in and get to go supersonic." Again he remained silent, contemplating a past that he loved to revert to. The what ifs that relentlessly plagued him. "This. . .I never told this to anyone." He began with a slightly whispered voice, "I expected to be CAG. . .I wanted that more than anything. . ." Even in his youth he would often have daydreams of leading the squadron of flying with his team and going after the 'bad guys.' It wasn't as 'romantic' in real life. The 'bad guys' weren't fictitious, they were flesh and blood, people whose lives ended by your own hands. Still, he lived for the speed and his intricate knowledge of how to command an aircraft so that it became part of him. "Life threw me one hell of a curve ball; I struck out a few times . .I guess it didn't wind up so bad at the end. . .I don't regret it. . . though I wish I wouldn't have lost my RIO in the process . .I've never forgiven myself."

The Marines were Mac's life, her second family. A group that took her in when she had no where else to go. They broke her down and reshaped her to the strong, professional woman she was now. Her reckless life had been left behind and with it the parts that had threatened to bring Sarah MacKenzie down for good. "Hearing you talk about your life has always amazed me. . . I really wish I could, somehow, take you back in time, make sure that ramp strike didn't happen. . .You are so happy when you are flying. . .I wish that wasn't taken away. . . you certainly do not love the law that much."

She was correct in her assessment – law would never match his love of flying though so of their more elaborate cases came pretty close. But, there was one thing, a not-so-tiny detail that she'd completely missed out on. Something that was as essential to him as flying ever could be. "If I wouldn't have been interested in law, I never would have met you. That alone is a major denominator that could have stopped me from going back." And it did until that dance of theirs was becoming too overwhelming and another woman was trying to trap him. So he'd left and regretted not telling her how he felt then and asking her to wait for him.

Mac chuckled slightly, disbelieving that he'd prefer her over a plane. "I'm not buying it Harm."

"It's true." He defended.

"Even after our arguments?"

"Especially then! You gotta admit, they are rather passionate, those arguments of ours." He cursed himself the moment the words came out. Harm had given a bit too much away and only prayed that she wouldn't run with it. Tonight wasn't about following a lose cause, it was about helping her through a tough day. Still, ash she lay in his arms, the past haunted him, resurfacing memories that he'd tried to bury when he unsuccessfully tried to forget Sarah MacKenzie. "Been a while since we last hot bunked."

"Paraguay." The word still stung, no matter how many times it had been uttered. It seemed like their relationship had two phases – Pre Paraguay and Post Paraguay or Missed Chances and Broken Dreams.

It wasn't a subject that he wanted to dwell on. Harm believed that part of the reason that nightmare happened was because he didn't stop her from leaving. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of the desert. Though I am not too sure you can call that hot bunking." He chuckled, tightening his hold on her body. It felt entirely too nice to hold her then, in the middle of no where. For years he'd thought of what could have happened, if anything could have happened. Maybe a kiss? Maybe more?

Mac was thinking along the lines of the same thing. That night, for those brief moments of near intimacy, she was laying with her legs in between his, his coat covering both their bodies. She didn't need body heat, just having him that close was boiling her blood. God, so many things went wrong after that. If only she could go back in time. "It was nice."

"Yea, pretty nice. . .Until it got blown to smithereens, pun intended."

Despite herself, she couldn't help but laugh. It was just another one of the obstacles that just seemed to get in their road to happiness – if that road even existed for them. "How about out in the mountains? You kept me pretty warm for a squid." She teased, recalling a mixture of emotions. She wanted to leave, to run away from the poachers and stop the fire from the bullet wound that she swore would consume her leg. Yet, there were moments, sweet moments, when the only thing she wanted was to remain out in the wilderness with her partner.

"I didn't sleep that night at all, I was too worried about you bleeding to death on me." Worried was definitely an understatement. He was so terrified he would lose her that he didn't sleep much at all. Most of the evening was spent keeping a vigil over the woman in his arms. As she slept he swore he could feel the warmth being sucked out of her. It was a miracle she had survived. "You were a damn fine Marine out there, Mac."

"No I wasn't, I broke down."

"But you recovered, and despite the pain and a raging fever, you kept on." As much as he loved to tease her about being a Marine, there were moments where he saw just what his partner was really made of. "I am not sure I could have survived."

"Sure you could, you are just as strong as I am."

"I am not talking physical strength, Sarah. . .emotionally, I think you handle things better than I do."

She snorted then lifted her head from where it was resting on his shoulder. "No, I don't. . ." Sighing, she snuggled in closer, enjoying the honesty they were both willing to share. She only hoped it wouldn't open up either of them for another attack. She wasn't too sure that she was capable of taking another snide comment from him. "Emotionally, if I can be brutally honest, we're both idiots."

For a moment, all was quiet, it seemed they were both mulling over that fact until each of them burst out laughing. "Is that the formal term?" Harm questioned.

"Take it as you like."

Moments like these he realized that things might just be alright for them. It was good to have his friend back. Slowly, he leaned forward, kissing the top of her head. "Night Mac."

What shocked them both was Mac's bold attempt. She leaned in as well intending to give him a light peck on the cheek. At the last moment, she switched tracks and gave him a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. "Night Harm."
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Outofit - Did you just call Harm an idiot! Well, see SOMEONE could kiss someone. Gotta love Mac. ;)

MiDush - Yea, the term intense can pretty much classify just about anything I write. I'll toss in A LOT of shit. ;) Talk about being bored. Things will get better, but not for a few more chapters. But soon, there will be a big ol smooooooooching moment and one pissed off Vukovic. ;)

CBW - Meaty chapter! You guys just get all happy when I give details for things. BREATHE!Of course you know Vic will get his, but he's going to do something very stupid, I think. Well, I know. ;) It might cost him his umm epaulets.

NK - My car is better, thanks, just needs new tires. Not that they are on threads or anything, but it would be nice. ;)

Jamie - Harm just needs to grab Mac and give her one of those toe curling kisses we read so much about. Then have a night of hot, wild, passionate sex and that's it. Course, then the story would be boring. ;)

Foxy - LOL! Peripheral vision rawks! ;) Go Mac! ;)

Froggy - You leaping freak you! LOL I cracked up when I sware your review, just like a froggy to want Harmy to leap. Go Harm Go!

Nix - Susan and Michael to hook up? That would be a scary notion, don't you think:/