Return To Me

by Radiorox

COMPLETE Harm and Mac went to separate ends of the world and never stayed in touch. Four years later, when Harm returns to the States, he and Mac find that you can’t fool destiny. That friendship is the road that leads to the heart.

18. Teach Me How To Love You

Thank you very much to my beta, V, who is back attacking bad grammar and spelling. You rock babe:D

So here we go, have a good weekend gang!

Jackie

PS: Yes. I wrote the song that appears there and have its copyright with all the other music I've done. It's probably a good. . .maybe? 7 years old, maybe more. Forgot why or who I wrote it for. LOL Figures.

Thank you to: froggy0319, trekker4life, Abigaile, BlueJay, dansingwolf, Nix707, Tracy, LieutenantjgMegAustin, n.k, EY, jaggurl, LtCmdrFlygirl, Feverish Dream, ady, AgtDanaM, starryeyes10, DD2, KittyX, FoxyWombat, Dessler, JAGJenni, daisymh, Bite Beccy, Sam, Cristina, JamieAClassyone, The Obsessed Three, Dessler, Snugglebug, BlueJay, Britainy, verochan, EasterBunny, Any, freezepop, cbw, highplainswoman, Denaliyasha, outofit, anothershipper, marinejag, Rebecca05, prinnie, TB, Jill, eagleandrose, Daisymh, Eve, Pain, Manic Penguin, Sammy85, JAGFan89LAS, Bail's Other Daughter, MiDushiNoSushi, Lisa, writingmom, Katie, TVAngel, Anita, William, Jecho, tara, Anonymous Skeleton, Acer-127, TB, Mxfan214, KiKi, Ruli, Heather, janlaw, judy52sa, XBlue, M- and you anonymous peeps- for the feedback:)

PART 18 - Teach Me How To Love You
"Teach me how to love you
Tell me what to do
If I do something wrong
Would I have to live without you?
Teach me how to love you
'cause I don't know what to do
My heart's been broken for so long
And baby I'm needing you." – Jackie Cabrera (Yes, Me :P) "Teach Me"

1345 Local
Intrinsic Investigations
San Diego, California

Ted Jarvis stepped inside the elevator of one of the biggest buildings in San Diego. His sharp business suit and newly clean cut projection turning heads. Intrinsic was much more lucrative and demanded its to be dressed to the nines while they were in the vicinity of the central office. With Rabb and Galindez it was a more laid back affair and as long as the clothing was clean and the employee was well groomed, they weren't too picky on what you wore. It was different and not really his style, but with the salary that Intrinsic planned on giving him, Jarvis didn't care if he had to go in with a skirt and high heels. He flashed his best smile at the receptionist. "Hello, I'm Theodore Jarvis here to see John Trinsic.

The woman smiled at Jarvis and extended her finger signifying that he was to wait a moment. "Mr. Trinsic, your two o'clock is here. . .Yes, sir. . .Of course. Thank you, sir." She hung up the phone and glanced up at Jarvis. "You can step right in, it's the last office, you can't miss it."

"Thank you." Jarvis straightened his tie, then casually walked down the halls as if he belonged there. Technically he did, though it wasn't set in stone as of yet. One of the smaller partners, a woman named Gina Fredrickson, had liked the information he'd presented her, despite the fact that it meant he couldn't be trusted because he'd stolen from his previous employer. He knocked on the double wooden door that led into Trinsic's office, then entered once he was called inside.

Trinsic wasn't an old man, contrary to popular belief. He was no older than thirty six with a hell of a lot of advisers, former police, detectives and old investigators on his staff. The company wasn't that much older than Harm's. In fact, they were only about two years older, but, in those two years, they had managed to gobble up clients from most of the other firms. The police loved Intrinsic, so did the rich population which they catered to. In addition, they had several clients all over the states as well as abroad. It worked well and though he didn't mind a little competition, what had pissed John Trinsic off, was the fact that Rabb and Galindez had taken their best photographer and at least three cases that Intrinsic's staff was baffled with. "Mr. Jarvis, have a seat please." Jarvis did as told, waiting patiently while the other man stared him down. It didn't phase him, not one bit. "So you were fired from Rabb and Galindez, why?"

Ah, he was preparing for that question. Most people always wanted to know the secret, especially the dark ones, and Ted Jarvis seemed like a man with many secrets to tell. "On paper it says that they believe I had stolen narcotics that were essential for a case. Off paper, we never seemed to get along. Rabb is quite unorthodox and Galindez has no clue what the hell is going on."

"Hmmm." Trinsic's business like façade was better than that of any seasoned poker player. In his case, the game had much higher stakes. Taking Jarvis' information sheet, he placed it in a shredder and then sighed dramatically. "We'll ignore your faux pas with Rabb and Galindez. It's a clean slate now." Grinning, he spotted a briefcase on the floor next to Jarvis. "Gina said you have something for me?"

Taking the case, Jarvis quickly opened it and then placed a manila envelope on Trinsic's desk. "There are no copies of these. I have the negatives." At first glance, the pictures showed nothing more than a tasteless sex game between a man and a woman. However, as the pictures became more detailed, the shots more risky, Manda Patterson's face came to life. "Rabb's been working on this case, pretty much without the help of any of us. Now I know why. . .Manda Patterson is the former girlfriend of Randy Quinn."

The name struck a cord with Trinsic. "Randy Quinn the man arrested in the big drug scandal a few months ago?"

Jarvis nodded. "The one and only. We handled the case. Well, Rabb and Galindez handled the case while the rest of our crew was working on smaller fish. After Quinn was caught a sudden amount of money that was drawn monthly from one of his accounts to Patterson's accounts stopped. Where it was believed to be a charitable contribution of sorts, we now think otherwise."

"You think it's funding narcotics?"

"Rabb seemed to think so. Getting to Patterson would be the way to stop it from coming in." He motioned towards the pictures raising a brow in amusement. "Rabb wanted those pictures in order to see what her. . .erm. . .love life is like. Apparently, he wants to try to seduce her in hopes to find out more."

Trinsic nodded solemnly. Rabb definitely had gutsy moves, especially if he was taking on a whole underground organization virtually alone. "Nice, but, what concerns me here is believing you. . . See, I keep hearing the word 'Rabb' a lot and not enough of the word 'We.' Now, this leads me to deduce that not only were you NOT involved, but that you shouldn't even have this information. Am I correct on that Mr. Jarvis?"

"You are correct on both points, yes, sir." Jarvis couldn't help but tell the truth. But, there is just one little, itty bitty thing that no one, not Trinsic, Gunny, Harm nor anyone at the office knew about. Grabbing a small, ultra thin tape recorder from his briefcase, he placed it on Trinsic's desk and then slid it across. "I used to do surveillance when I worked for the PD and decided to start finding out what my bosses were up to."

The trouble with that response was that John Trinsic was a business man who, like most bosses, didn't like knowing that his people were spying on his business. "Look, it's nice that you have this information and I am sure many other investigative offices would jump at the chance, but I am not most."

Jarvis raised his brows in amazement. "I had a beef with Rabb, sir, that is why our little problem occurred, but I tell you right now, I can be trusted." Trinsic had some trouble not laughing at his little comment. In the past two years they'd gone through at least 10 'I can be trusted' people.

"Look, it's good that you can obviously find unique ways to get information, that's a great asset to any investigative firm, however, I am curious as to where your ethics are."

"By that you mean?"

Sighing, Trinsic leaned back into his chair, this time chuckling out loud. "Okay, Mr, Jarvis, apparently you have some sort of plan with this Patterson woman, lay it down for me, please."

One thing that Gina Fredrickson had warned Jarvis about was John Trinsic's need to see the whole picture. He didn't like half baked plans, nor did he like his operatives to be unsure and unprepared. That means that even at a job interview it was to be treated like the real deal. "Yes, I do. The narcotics that were stolen, Patterson has them. She found out, through a tip from the PD, that they were loaning it to Rabb and Galindez."

Raising his hand, Trinsic stopped all other explanations. "Wait one moment, how do you know all of this?"

"The man who tipped her off was my former partner." Grinning, he crossed a leg over his knee and settled comfortably in the chair. He could tell that Trinsic was impressed, or so he thought. "All I did was leave the door open and give them the code for the alarm. I had told the truth when I said I didn't steal it."

"Yes, I can tell." Sarcastically the man across from him said as he brought his arms across his chest. "I believe I heard through the grapevine that Galindez was injured?"

Jarvis nodded. "Yes, but that was not my fault, they had promised that no one from our office would be harmed." As a former cop it was very stupid for him to believe that, but maybe that's why he was a former cop? "Look, this is the chance of a lifetime. We know you aren't very buddy buddy with the DEA, this can give you that."

Now, that was actually true. For all of their involvement with government agencies, Intrinsic couldn't quite seem to crack two of the major ones – the CIA and the DEA. It was obvious as to why the CIA didn't need their assistance, but the DEA, with the amount of drugs going into the country, could use any help they could get. "So you essentially threw Rabb and Galindez to the sharks?"

"That's not true." Jarvis argued. "She doesn't know who Harmon Rabb is. . .For that matter she doesn't know who Victor Galindez is. I may have taken some information, but I, in no way, put them in jeopardy."

"Yes, that would be why Galindez is in the hospital." Shaking his head, Trinsic flipped on the shredder and ran the pictures through it, then took the negatives out of the manila and proceeded to pull it apart much to the horror of one Ted Jarvis who attempted to stop the man. Within seconds, Trinsic had Jarvis on the floor, hand bent in an unnatural angle with his foot right in the center of his back. "Now, now, Mr. Jarvis. Whatever you hear from me, remember this, I am a former Marine. And as such, I do not appreciate people trying to attack me." Letting Jarvis go, Trinsic took a few steps backwards, composing the sudden rush of anger which he normally controlled so well. "I'm not going to file charges, this isn't my call, but I expect you to get your sorry ass off of my floor and never return again."

Jarvis dusted himself off all the while glaring. "Gina said you needed a good man to work, I am that man, Mr. Trinsic."

"A good man, Teddy, would not have sold out his boss just because of a little tiff. Which, by what I can decipher from your little story, was entirely your fault." He took a few steps forward, backing the other man a few steps. "Has it ever occurred to you how easy it is for a woman like Patterson to find out about Rabb, Galindez, your old office mates and simply make them disappear?"

"What is this? Military camaraderie?"

Trinsic shook his head, his eyes getting that million dollar stare. "No, it's called ethics and morality, two things you know nothing of. Now, I asked you to leave, Mr. Jarvis. Do so before I am forced to throw you out of one of my windows."

Defeated, Jarvis grabbed his briefcase, shutting it angrily as he turned from Trinsic's office. "It's clear why you are no longer a Marine, Trinsic. . .So much for you charging the beaches." But, his attempt to get Trinsic to attack him and leave some memento that he could whine to the police about, didn't happen. The man was as cool as a cucumber. As he stepped outside of the office, he immediately went into his car, tugging another briefcase into the front passenger seat. Ted Jarvis had never been a good person nor had he been a trusting one. Even before he had begun speaking with Trinsic, a listening device, about the size of an eraser was shoved under the chair he was sitting in. From his briefcase, he removed the backing and pulled out a small transceiver which he turned on.

Trinsic's voice came over the airwaves leaving a message on the Rabb and Galindez answering machine. "Rabb, this is John Trinsic from Intrinsic Investigations. Look, I know you and I are, by all rights, enemies, but an old team member of yours Theodore Jarvis came to the firm. . ." Jarvis listened in as Trinsic spilled bits and pieces of what had been discussed. With a grin, he shut off the transceiver and headed straight to his former employers offices. In less than an hour, Trinsic's message would be ancient history.

1650 Local
The Lady Patricia
Pacific Ocean
Somewhere Off Of San Diego

The shower wasn't exactly made for two adults needing space. It made touching your bathing partner completely inevitable, not that Harm or Mac minded one bit. Her back was against the shower wall as Harm stepped closer to her. One of Mac's legs wrapped around his hip, pulling his body flush with hers. "Oooh, Captain."

Harm's lips came down on that little spot on her neck which he'd recently found. To him, hearing her moan the way that she did when he kissed her there was like discovering a new planet. "So, it's Captain now? Not Sailor or Flyboy?" He questioned with a grin. The way she was saying his current rank during this small trip was definitely not something that any CO would approve of. It had a twang of sexiness that made him shiver.

"When we get off this sailboat, you'll be Sailor and Flyboy again. But right now you're the Captain and I am your First Mate." She teased, arching her back against the wall as she brought his mouth down to her chest.

Stopping his ministrations, Harm glanced up at her. "Somehow I don't think that the Skipper and Gilligan had this type of relationship." He felt her chuckling against the skin of his shoulder, where her lips were suckling. "Jesus, Mac." Something about that was driving him past the point of control. Hell, anything she did lately obliterated his control, from the moment he stepped down to the galley only to find Mac wearing that bikini which now lay with his trunks right in front of the shower.

Their time on the cove had been quite spectacular. Harm had used the dinghy for them to travel to and from the sailboat. Earlier in the day as Mac was at the helm, he busied himself preparing a picnic lunch which they could enjoy at the cove. It had been ages since he'd last been there but it was just as impressive.

Mac tore his lips away from her own, chuckling at his pouting, cute little boy look. "I need food, Captain."

He stared at her in disbelief. "You're kidding me right?"

" 'fraid not. . .Famous appetite, remember?" She grinned cheekily as she pulled away from him. "Besides, if we have dinner now, we can go to bed early." Her voice was dangerously seductive as she washed the last of the soap off her body and then stepped out of the shower.

Harm's mind was already hours ahead, ignoring dinner completely. "I'm holding you to that." He said from inside of the shower, turning the water as cold as it would go.

After cleaning up, Mac had literally thrown Harm out of the galley in hopes of making dinner. At first, he'd bothered her to no ends about her cooking skills, but was pleasantly surprised to smell such a divine aroma wafting its way through the galley and out of the hatch to the helm where Mac had banished him to until she was finished. While she made the dish, Harm had busied himself in preparing the deck for a nice, romantic dinner. He had made sure that the strand of lights which Frank had specially placed on the boat was still working. Harm grabbed a folding table and two chairs, which he placed at the stern.

The waters were calm, making the rocking of the boat quite minimal. The lack of moonlight accentuating every single star in the sky. Dinner was pleasant, filled with interesting conversations and light hearted banter. When the conversation threatened to die down, a mischievous gleam in Mac's eyes caught Harm's attention completely. She leaned in, the small table giving him no room to pull away, not that he would have either. Her lips pressed onto his, kissing slowly, softly. When Mac pulled away, the look in his eyes mirrored her own. "Take me to bed." And that is exactly what he had done, while not looking too eager.

Making love on a sailboat was quite the unique experience. Though the quarters were a little bigger than most, it still was a small space, making the experience that much more intimate. It was around one in the morning when Harm was startled out of his sleep. The boat had moved in an odd angle. Disentangling himself from Mac, he sat on the edge of the bed, pulled on his boxers and jeans, then headed quietly out to the galley. There, he gathered up a flashlight and a diver's knife which Frank had stashed away for emergency purposes.

Ascending the steps, he unlocked the hatch and peaked outside, finding nothing around. He stepped farther out, walking the perimeter of the boat, making sure that all of its parts were secure. As far as he could tell, by the sight of a courtesy light in the distance, the shift in the sailboat was attributed to the wake from another boat. Just in case, he climbed up towards the bow, checking on the anchor's ropes. All was well.

Deciding that nothing was out of place, Harm descended into the cabin again, locking the hatch behind him as he made his way back to. . . "To what?" He said gently, his hand paused over the knob to their quarters. What exactly was Mac to him anyway?

A friend? Yes, they were friends first, but after sleeping with her, could they be categorized as friends or something else?

A lover? Well, there was no uncertainty that making love to someone made them your lover. But, would she appreciate him calling her that?

A girlfriend? Sometimes, he dared to think that their complex relationship was a bit stronger than that of just 'boyfriend' 'girlfriend.' Two terms that made him think of a silly high school crush than anything major.

A soulmate? It was true, he was positive that he'd never felt like this for anyone, never would again. But, just when did someone become your soulmate? If anything, he knew something greater than him and Mac was at hand here. There was no other way past coincidence that, no matter what occurred in their personal lives, they always wound up together. He'd read once some silly book that Susan had in their apartment about soulmates. (Of course, she believed that is exactly what they were.) It stated that soulmates could never truly part. That a force outside of their control will 'always,' and the key word was 'always,' come back to each other. Even back then, when he swore he wanted nothing more to do with Mac, she was the first person who came to his mind. Not the woman living with him, not Renee, not Annie, not even Diane. Only Mac. Always Mac.

With a sigh he stepped into their quarters, removed his jeans and sat at the edge of the bed. They had talked about their lives, yes. But so much was still unsaid. They'd never spoken about love. A word that meant so much to the both of them. Yes, Harmon Rabb Junior too needed to hear the words, I Love You. He wondered if it was enough, though. Nothing could undo all of the years they spent running from each other. Nothing could undo those hurtful words he'd told her outside of McMurphy's. And then, there was another issue – Harm was positive. . .one hundred percent positive that he'd never been in love before. True, he loved Annie at one point and definitely loved Diane. But, was he IN LOVE? No.

That brought up a whole different issue. If he couldn't hang on to either of them, how could he hang on to Mac? And still, there was something else. Something that he wasn't sure how to put into words. It was a fear really. "You okay?" A sleepy voice pulled him out of his mental tirade. He felt Mac's hand, warm and soothing, running slow circles over his back. He sighed slightly, her touch was magic, he swore. After he'd admitted to himself and her (at her engagement party, no less) that he loved her, Harm wouldn't quite recover. He wanted to touch her, to kiss her every moment they were together. Military regulations were the only thing stopping him from taking what he desired so badly. "Harm?" When he didn't answer her, Mac's voice took on a worried edge, something that he didn't like to hear coming from her.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

He'd hoped she would have taken that as an answer, that she was too tired to grill him, but she wasn't. "Liar."

"Really, I'm fine." His body tensed slightly, only slightly, and though he didn't realize he was doing it, Mac did.

Moving out of bed, she came to settle herself next to him, using the sheet to cover her nakedness. "Talk to me."

Harm scrubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head against the overwhelming want to run away from this part of the conversation. He just didn't want to have it. Not with her, not with anyone. So he treaded lightly, voicing his main concern. "I'm scared to death that I'll do something wrong and lose you."

"I told you once you'd never lose me."

"And yet I did. . .for five years. . .Five of the worse years of my life. . I don't want to do that again, I can't do that again."

Mac would agree with that. They had lost each other despite promises to do so otherwise. Then again, you couldn't really lose something you never had. "This is different. . .Before we, we came out of a couple of horrible years, minus a few high points."

"It was the worst feeling to spend so much time without knowing how you were. . .To know that you were millions of miles away and I didn't have the guts to settle things."

But, there were other times that struck a cord to them, times when she could have done something, but she didn't. "One the worst moments of my life was watching you leave that day at Manderlee. . . knowing that I couldn't stop you."

"You weren't ready." He stated, matter-of-factly, believing to understand now what he didn't then. Then again, if she didn't give him time when he asked for it in Sydney, why should she have the right to demand time from him then?

"I was. . .I was more than ready." Her answer surprised him. Actually, it was more like a punch in the gut which winded him. His eyes, confused and hurt met hers, waiting for an explanation. "I needed you, Harm. I wanted you to take my pain away." Guiltily she cast her eyes downwards, starting at her hands which were clasped on her lap. She felt him pull away slightly from her and was worried that she'd given up too much. "Truth was I needed you so much. But, I was afraid."

"Of me?" Harm felt his heart tear open just a little more than it had been. He wanted to crawl under the decks and disappear, move away from this conversation. God, did she actually fear him?

"No." She said simply. Her past fears had become a reality when the ebb and flow of their relationship threatened to stop completely that day at Manderlee. 'Damn Webb.' She thought, knowing he took full advantage of her vulnerability. Knowing she walked straight into his trap. "No, I wasn't afraid of you. I was afraid you'd see yourself as the fallback guy. . .And you could never be that. . .ever." She was also afraid of herself and her need for him to take a piece of her away. "Since we've met, consciously, subconsciously, I've measured every man I've been with against you to find that they don't compare. When you wouldn't take my offer in Sydney I thought there was nothing between us, that I'd read the signals all wrong." Harm made an attempt to speak but she waved him off. "No, I need to get this out. . That night on the Admiral's porch and every moment since. . .I've been fighting my feelings for you. I figured that if I kept you away, at a distance, you couldn't break my heart."

Harm hung his head low in shame. It had taken him five years to figure it all out, but in that time, he realized just how much he'd hurt her. She was strong, yes, but when that façade came down, Sarah, the woman, wasn't as rigid as her counterpart. "Mac, I've always been lousy with words."

"I haven't been a saint in that department either." She cancelled out his apology, something that she didn't need anymore. "You know what the worst of it was?"

"No."

"When we got back from Paraguay and everything happened, you visited Webb at the hospital, told him that you were flying for the CIA. . .You didn't know I was outside, listening, did you?"

"No." But, it made sense to him now, why those calls from her started that night. Mac's voice had sounded lost, scared and when something inside told him to call back, he couldn't. He wouldn't. If she wanted to be with Webb, then he didn't want to know about her.

Mac saw the guilt in his eyes, knowing that part of it was put there by her own mistake. Her own weakness. "Whatever was left of me, of Mac, of Sarah, whoever. . .disappeared when I realized that I really wouldn't see you every day. . .I hate it when you fly, Harm. . .always have and always will. It scares me to death that. . that. . ." She clenched her jaw tightly, blinking away the tears which threatened to fall. "I didn't want to lose you like your mom lost your father. . God forbid something happened to you while flying for the CIA, they wouldn't tell us. . . They wouldn't say a thing, not even to your folks. You'd just be some nameless star on their damned wall. . ."

"Why were you with, of all men, Webb?"

"He showed interest in me and I was tired of being alone, of feeling unloved. So I did what you accused me of so long ago and ran to him."

He suddenly felt sick. "Mac, I didn't mean. . ."

"Yes, you did. . ." She interrupted. "You did mean that and you were right. Except that this time I pushed you away. . .I guess, in a way, I wanted you to see what it felt like. I wanted to be in control of things and figured that I wouldn't give you the chance to push me away. I would do it first. . .Webb was there to pick up the pieces." For the life of her, she couldn't find the logic to her reasoning back then. Then again, if she were suffering from PTSD, all of that was moot. But, she still couldn't forget it and during the nights, when she lay in an empty bed, all she could think of was that lost look in his eyes. "I. . .didn't. . .sleep with him right away. . .I know you don't want to hear this, but. . .I didn't. . ." The look of surprise wasn't lost on Mac, who smiled wryly. "It took me breaking down for him to. . .and he still wasn't you. . .I wanted you. . ." She said with conviction. "I needed you, but. . .I didn't have a right to barge into your life."

"So you let me sit on the sidelines?" He was confused at how things worked for her. Damnit, he'd saved her life back then and still she kept him at arm's length? "Mac, maybe I wanted you to barge into my life. . .I needed you just as much as you needed me."

"I believed that a relationship between us was null and void. . .I thought. . . It thought that part of us was over but I could salvage our friendship. . .Call me selfish but I needed you in my life at any cost and in any form."

"You played Webb against me."

"Yes, more than once. . .I wasn't. . .I wasn't with him on Christmas."

Something about the awkwardness of that evening made him believe that to be true. That she was alone. Mattie had suggested that he head to Mac's place, to thank her properly, but he wouldn't budge. Part of him was too embarrassed for the berating he'd given her. "You spent it alone?"

"Yes." Mac nodded softly, then remembered another time in their past. "And I didn't have a date with him that day you asked me to a peace dinner."

Harm couldn't help but laugh. Damnit, he knew her damn well and still. . .he couldn't read her then? What the hell was wrong with him? Had he really been THAT oblivious? "You were trying to do what exactly?"

"Make you jealous? I don't know. ..get some sort of. . .emotion out of you."

"Childish don't you think?" He admonished with a grin.

She shrugged. "Yes it was." Slowly, she turned to him, looking straight into his eyes. "I don't know if this means much now. But, remember when I told you that saying 'I'm sorry' was a sign of weakness?" Mac waited patiently as he searched through his memory bank and then nodded. "Well, I don't care if I'm weak. . .I don't care if you see how weak I am. . .Because, I am sorry. . .I've been sorry so many years. . .and I take full blame for how we treated each other after Paraguay. . I take blame for it all."

His breath came out, shaky and nervous. Noticing Mac's tears, Harm reached a hand up, brushing them away, his palm caressing her cheek. "Mac you can't take blame for everything that happened in the past. . .I should have seen what was going on with you. I should have been there instead of running away."

Mac was hoping for something more than this tenderness. She wanted him to yell at her, to shake her, to hurt her, anything that showed off an anger that she deserved. "I wasn't very nice to you." She sniffled.

"I didn't give you a reason to be."

Leaning in, Mac pressed her lips to his, breaking off only when the emotion threatened to choke her. It was then that she realized they'd past more than just a milestone. God, were they actually TALKING? Her heart swelled as they stared at each other. She swore he was looking into her soul. For the life of her, she couldn't take it anymore. She needed him to know just what she felt, consequences be damned. It was time for the walls to come down. "I love you, Harm." The words came out shaky, but with conviction. Just in case he didn't hear her, she said it again, "I love you and I want this between us. I want you."

Harm involuntarily shook. The hand which was then touching hers, fell off slightly. He took a deep breath, trying to wash away this new feeling of guilt. "Mac, I. . ."

"You don't have to tell me. . . I know." She assured, but there was something else that was wrong. It was scaring her. 'I don't love you.' It was years ago and yet, his voice was fresh in her mind. "Do you love me?"

He stood. Being close to her was making this so much more difficult. Damnit, how could he explain without looking cold, heartless? Without being the fool. "I. . .I just don't know how to say this. . .I've never felt like this about anyone, Mac. . It's. . .overwhelming."

"I know what you mean."

"No, I don't think you understand." He knew she didn't and though some of her past problems had dictated her future, Mac knew how to love. For him, it was difficult, much more difficult than he could really put into words. "I. . .because of what happened to my father I. . .I closed myself off, I think the only women I've loved have been grams and mom. . ."

She didn't want to bring this part of his past up, but the words flew out of her mouth. "You told me once you loved Diane."

"In a way I did. . .but I wasn't in love." Purposely he said the last two words slowly. "That's. . .it's more complicated for me. .I." How was it that he could woo the jury with his words? How was it that it was so easy for him to say hurtful things but not what he needed to say? It wasn't that it embarrassed him, per se. It was just that he didn't want to seem THIS weak, this. . . out of control. "Teach me." She didn't respond, only stared at him with a completely odd expression. "Please, Mac. . .Just. . . teach me." He pleaded, his hand coming over hers where it had been just minutes before.

"Teach you?"

Harm sighed, his heart thundering hard in his chest. He lowered his head for a moment and slowly raised it again. "Teach me how to love you." Mac's look softened as she understood what this was doing to him. Was this what he feared? Was this the reason that he needed time? "I'm in love with you. . .But, I don't know what it is to love someone. . . I don't know what I'm supposed to do. . .I'm afraid to do something wrong and spend my life without you." With those words, all of the walls he'd strategically built up completely crumbled. He was sitting in front of her, emotionally naked and baring his soul.

Mac took his hands in hers. She held back her tears this time, needing to be strong for his sake. She knew what he was asking and, ironically, it was the same thing she was searching for. It was easy, well, semi-easy to say that you loved someone, but learning to love, it was different, harder. It meant you were willing to give all of yourself and then some. There was only one way to settle this and it was the best solution. "We'll learn together."

- - - - - - -
XBlue - I have laughed for a long time with your comments. Please, SLEEP! LOL! The story is not that good LOL! Calix, HELP. SHE NEEDS HELP! Okay, to comment on a few things - Many people are plotting to kill the fictional characters, but since, I know you're as bad as I am, ebil I mean, you can lead them into victory. :hurridly hides the fictional characters: ;)

MiDushi - Vic and Jarvis CAN get worse, esp since Jarvis is going to try his best to get Vic to help him out. Harm and Mac won't figure it out though not yet. They are going to have a problem with another character I invented. SOmething, Harm might have neglected.

Lisa - No begging please! Okay, fine, if you must. ;)

NK - LOL! Ebil music is cued! Suspence rocks!

outofit - You alright? You kinda went THUD on me. :-O

CBW - Ah, intrigue, yes. That means more sleeplessnights for me until I figure it all out and get an ending which I haven't yet, so this is fun. My plot twists are nuts and that's all I ahve to say about them. :bangs head against wall:

Acer - Harm and Mac as adults, helluva concept? ;) They rock together, too bad we couldn't see it on TV. :sighs:

Jamie - Don't be worried, have I ever steered you wrong? No, don't answer that. :-/

LtJGMEG - Get yer mind out of the gutter, Harm was clothed. . . well, no not always. ;)

Nix - Vic and Jarvis together, romantically? Maybe? You never know. Eww, I know LOL! My beta didn't care for it much either. Well, she warmed up to the idea really. :Ahem: Alex hated you for RTM? Go figure, but I guess we both have such wonderful coaster rides that they just have to bitch. So does THAT one coun't for me, cos you won, hands down. :Sighs: I will need a moment to myself...

froggy - as much as I hate Vic, can't run him down yet, I need him. God, I didn't just say that did I? Eww!

Judy - How much do you hate Vic/Jarvis? Let me count the ways. :-D SEE They TALKD to eachother, you happy now! I am! WOO HOO!

TV Angel - Bad language IS appreciated around here. It's a fine art and it rocks. :D Vic is more than an asshole, don't think there is a word good enough for it. For that matter, ther def isn't one for Jarvis.