Seth was burned out. Two finals down, two to go, but next was his Gen. Chem exam and it was going to be a bitch. He needed at least a B to pass the class—clearly it had not been his strong subject. It had been four days of straight studying. Which was definitely not his favorite way to pass time. He had pages and pages of notes spread out across his bed and desk and the floor that constituted his half of the too-small dorm room.
At one o' clock in the morning, he finally got into bed, too tired to even keep his eyes open anymore. He decided to get up early and finish studying, to cram just a little bit more before the test the following morning. Then he had a three day break before his last exam, and then home to Newport. Newport, and Summer.
Seth had was deeply asleep when his cell phone rang. Cursing under his breath, he rolled over and picked it up, cheering slightly when he saw the caller ID. It was Summer. She'd attended school with him on the east coast for the first semester, but she'd hated it. She wasn't happy, and things kept getting worse, and she just couldn't take being there anymore. So she transferred to USC for the second semester of her freshman year. Seth missed her, but he wanted her to be happy. And she would be happier back in California, then that's where he wanted her to be.
"Hey," Seth said, trying not to sound too groggy. He didn't want her to feel bad for waking him up. The long-distance thing had been hard on them. "Did you call to say goodnight?" There was no voice on the other end. Had her phone accidentally dialed him in her purse? "Summer?"
"I need you," she whispered. She was three thousand miles away, but Seth suddenly felt like it was much further. "I need you Seth I need you." The words came out in a rush of air, like she was pushing the words out as she exhaled.
"What's wrong?" Seth asked. "Sum?"
"Please come please come please come please come," she said breathlessly. "Cohen I need you."
"Summer," he said, sitting up. Seth was worried. Summer had been having a hard year, a truly hard year. And transferring closer to home hadn't helped as much as she thought, it just took her further from Seth. "Tell me what happened?"
She burst into tears, sobbing on the other end of the line. Seth wished he was there, so he could rub her back and pass her tissues, so he could kiss away her tears and just hold her. Seth waited while she cried and cried and cried. "I love you," he murmured to her. "I love you baby, I'm here." Summer was crying harder and harder, she was hysterical. Seth was talking to her but she couldn't talk back. He told her it was okay, that he loved her, that she would be okay.
"You…don't…know!" She panted.
"Tell me," he said soothingly. "Take a deep breath, Summer, and tell me what's wrong."
"My daddy," she began, trying to stop her tears, trying to slow her breathing. "My dad is dead, Cohen. Please come Seth. Please come please I need you to. Please come to me."
"I'll be there as soon as I can," he said. "I have a test in the morning, okay, but I'll be on a plane right after that."
"Hurry," she sobbed. "Hurry Seth please hurry." She was crying again.
"Don't worry," Seth said. "Don't worry okay? I'll be there soon, and I'll come straight to you."
"I'm scared," she finally whimpered. "I'm scared, Seth. And I'm all alone." This was a very un-Summer-like admission. As hard a time as Seth knew she'd been having, she didn't talk about it, she rarely admitted to it.
"You're not alone," he said. "I'm coming."
"I need you to," she said. "I need you."
"I know," he said. And he stayed on the phone with her until she cried herself to sleep.
Seth's final went horribly. He couldn't stop thinking about Summer. If she was okay, if she was alone or if someone was taking care of her. He'd called Marissa and left a message, to make sure she knew, to make sure she knew she should go take care of her best friend. And Seth had called Ryan, who was now late to pick him up at the airport. Seth kicked his bag. Didn't Ryan get it? Summer needed him. He needed to be there for her. Seth called her, partly because he needed something to do, and partly because he wanted her to know he was coming.
She didn't answer her phone. "Sum, it's me. I'm here, okay? I'm just waiting for Ryan to come get me, and then I'll be right there. I love you, I'm coming." He snapped his phone shut and dropped it back into his pocket.
Finally, Ryan appeared. He pulled up and Seth practically dove into the car. "Finally!" Seth snapped.
"Hello to you too," Ryan muttered. "So nice to see you Seth."
"You're late," Seth said through gritted teeth. "I need to get to Summer." He cradled the roses he'd bought for her. Two dozen pink and red roses. He just wanted to make her feel better, he wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.
"Is she okay?" Ryan asked.
"Her fucking dad died," Seth said. "After everything else that's happened to her. Now this too. She doesn't deserve this, man. She just doesn't."
Ryan looked over at Seth, blinking slowly. "She's lucky to have you."
When they got into Newport, Seth realized that Ryan wasn't heading for the Roberts' house. "Where are you going?"
"I have to meet Marissa," he said. "She's picking me up at home. I'll just jump out and you can take the car to Summer's. I figured that would be easier. You can leave whenever you wanted."
"Fine," Seth muttered. "Fine, whatever."
Ten minutes later, Seth was on Summer's doorstep, flowers in arm. He rang the bell, shuffling back and forth. After a minute or two, the door swung open. Summer's stepmother was there, her eyes glazed over. Summer had always talked about how medicated her stepmom was, and she certainly looked the part at the moment.
"Seth," she said, and her voice was hoarse. "Come in."
"Hi, Mrs. Roberts," he said. "Is Summer here? Is she okay?"
"Seth," she said again. Her eyes teared. "Summer's gone."
"Where'd she go?" Seth asked, palming his keys, anxious to find her, anxious to be with her.
"No," the woman said. "No. You don't understand. Summer…she passed away."
"What?" Seth said. His mouth had gone dry. His heart was pounding. This was wrong. Summer's stepmother couldn't be right. She was confused. She was wrong. "No, I just talked to her last night."
"We found her this morning," she said, and then she pressed her hand to her mouth. She was sad. She was horribly sad.
"No," Seth said. No, this didn't make sense. This wasn't okay. This was wrong.
"Seth, she swallowed a lot of pills. She killed herself."
The foyer started to spin. Seth suddenly felt all…fuzzy. This wasn't right, and he didn't understand.
"No, it's Neil that died," Seth said. He wasn't trying to be harsh. He just wanted to clarify. "That's why I'm here."
"She loved you very much." Seth shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Seth kept shaking his head. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't understand. He couldn't make sense of this. Summer was not dead. Summer was not dead. The flowers slipped out of his fingers. He turned around, and he left.
Summer was dead.
Summer was dead.
Summer was dead.
His heart was broken.
Seth started walking, leaving his car in Summer's driveway. He walked and he walked. And then he started to cry.
No.
No.
No.
He was shaking.
Seth was crying and walking and shaking, and he couldn't stop doing any of those things. He felt sick. He wasn't enough for her. She didn't think he could make her feel better, didn't think he could fix anything. She didn't let him try.
He couldn't stop crying.
"Baby," he said. He was sitting on her bed. "Why did you do this?" He'd just been to her funeral. He cried there too, he couldn't help it. But nobody noticed. They were too busy staring at Marissa, who was wailing. Ryan kept his arms around her, but she sobbed and cried and wailed, completely hysterical. Making a scene. Marissa had always been good at that.
"I love you Summer." Seth lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. "I love you. I could've tried to help you. I could have tried to make it better."
She was gone, but he kept talking to her. He called her all the pet names she would have hit him for when she was alive. Sweetheart, Love, Baby Doll, Pumpkin, Honey. He told her all about the plans he'd had for them. A house right on the water, not too big and not too small. Two kids, a girl. Their daughter would have all the grace and beauty of her mother, with eyes to sink in, just like Summer's. And their son would have floppy hair, just like Seth's, and he would be everything that Summer always wanted Seth to be. He explained to her why exactly he loved her. Her contagious laugh. Her glittery eyes and her soft skin. The way she tangled her fingers in his curls to pull him closer. The way she smiled at him like he was perfect. The way she made him feel just how much she loved him every second they were together.
She was gone and he'd never stop missing her. She was gone and he'd always remember her. She was gone and he would never stop crying.