Author's Note: So.. I'm doing a whole bunch of these shorties for my KH Claim and this was the first one. Um.. The theme is: "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers" So... This is what came about.. XD Yah. You know I'm cool. So.. If you like this one, stay tuned for somemore. They won't all be quite this sadistic... I swear/p>

Rated T for Slightly OOC Kairi, some Selphie bashing, depression, many character's deaths and the author's twisted humor.

Disclaimer: I don't own: KH or Prozac. But I do own psychotic-depressed Kairi :D .

"So, if I become a vegetarian can I still eat beef?" Selphie asked, as she was painting her nails this horrific blue color.

My eye twitched for at least the 300th time tonight. I had once again forgotten the reason that I liked Selphie. Why had I invited her over again? Occasionally she had these bouts of niceness and intelligence. Today obviously wasn't one of them. "If you want to eat beef Selphie… Then why would you become a vegetarian?"

"Oh. Whatever. What about animal crackers?"

301. "Selphie… Animal crackers don't count as meat just because they're shaped like animals." My brain was slowly turning to mush and my nice personality was starting to deteriorate. Between being abandoned for a day and having to hang out with the most annoying person on Destiny Islands it was hard not to lose patience.

"Good, cause I really like animal crackers. What's wrong?"

I guess I had spaced out for a moment, from complete and utter boredom, "Nothing."

"Anyway, I wouldn't want to give up animal crackers, cause they're my favorite. Do you think Tidus likes me?"

302. Did this girl have no brains? Did she not notice Tidus' grimace at the sound of her voice? "Oh of course." I said nodding. That poor boy, I thought.

"Really? I was thinking about asking him out." She chirped happily as she blew on her blue nails.

I could only imagine what was going on in this girl's head. I mean for one thing.. It was amazing that she could breathe let alone form sentences. She could also be a completely different person if she tried. But right now I felt like killing myself. I checked my watch and realized that infact, I was due for my meds. "Um…I'll be right back." I ran downstairs and leaned against the counter, breathing heavily. I grabbed my medication and popped in a few more pills than usual. Mm… Anti-depressant. I hopped up the stairs and gave a huge fake smile to Selphie.

"That was quick." Selphie didn't know I'd been prescribed anti-depressant. She only knew about my counseling.

No more eye twitching for me; the medication was starting to kick in already. I sighed and nodded. "Yah well.. I just had too.. Um.. Well you see I.."

"Yah. Ok Kairi. Anyway, so I was like at the Paopu tree today and I-" She said, waving me off and plowing forward.

Thanks to the meds, all I heard was, "Blah blah… Blah blah. What do you think Kairi?"

"…Um… Yes?"

"Oh… I should have thought of that… Anyway-" She said, continuing as if my input didn't really matter.

I was basically at the end of my wire. For exactly a year I had had to put up with Selphie, and I was wondering why in the world I had liked her before. I mean sure I'd been this perfect little angel girl who had never yelled at anyone. But now? Well let's just put it this way,

I wasn't going to deal with anyone I didn't like anymore.

Selphie was going to die tonight.

Kairi's really awesome side note- Yah I take anti-depressants now. You have no idea how traumatic that whole "getting your heart taken" experience was. Six months of therapy and a regular prescription of Zoloft fixed most of my problems. However, because of the medicine, I can't really sleep. Stupid anti-depressant side effects. They don't ever tell you the important ones on TV. Did you know Zoloft is basically like DEATH? Jeez.. They figure you're screwed up enough, what else could you possibly what than to kill yourself… Right?

Insomnia was one of the many side effects of Zoloft. I usually took this time to think of what to do the next day. Usually, these plans were cheerful and involved: playing Blitzball with Wakka or going swimming with Riku and Sora. However, I think I'd OD'd just a little on the anti-depressant and my anger caught a hold of me.

How should I kill that annoying girl? Gun? No. Too messy… How would I clean that up? Knife? No… She wouldn't die right away, and it's too messy. Noose? How would I get her up there? Hm… Poison…?

FLASHBACK

"So, if I become a vegetarian can I still eat beef?"

"If you want to eat beef Selphie… Then why would you become a vegetarian?"

"Oh….Whatever. What about animal crackers?"

"Selphie… Animal crackers don't count as meat just because they're shaped like animals."

"Good, cause I really like animal crackers."

/FLASHBACK

That's it! I could poison some animal crackers and FEED THEM TO HER. I cackled evilly, but stopped abruptly as Selphie turned over beside me.

"No! I hate cantaloupe!" She muttered in her sleep before she went quiet and still.

I sighed in relief and nodded, making my way to the kitchen, to prepare for my evil plan.

THE NEXT MORNING

The next morning I felt loads better! I took my correct dose of Zoloft and headed downstairs to be faced with a overly cheery Selphie who was cooking breakfast and Sora watching. "Good morning sunshine!" Selphie beamed as she noticed me. "Eggs?"

"Yes please!" Selphie was an exceptional cook and I'll have to say that eggs were her specialty. I hugged Sora and ruffled his already mussed hair.

"Morning Kairi." Sora said, returning the hug and smiling before turning his attention back to the food. Nothing can really distract Sora away from good food, not even me. I noticed that Sora was chewing something that he soon after swallowed. Then I noticed something else that left me shaking…

The animal cracker box was open next to his hand….. Uh oh.

I inwardly groaned and forced a smile as Sora turned to look at me. Sora had eaten one of the poisonous animal crackers! It wouldn't be long now…

Selphie handed Sora his eggs first and he dug in enthusiastically, obviously enjoying the taste and unaware of his impending death.

'Oh God, oh God, oh God' I thought, repeating this mantra in my head and chewing at my nails.

"How are they Sora?"

However, Sora didn't answer as he crumpled to the ground, his tongue sticking out of his mouth, reminiscent of a cartoon.

"That bad?" Selphie frowned. "I thought these were my best yet!" She said, shrugging and dumping the rest of the eggs into the garbage before starting over.

I nudged Sora with my foot and he twitched, but didn't move otherwise. He was gone and I laid my head against the counter and sobbed… 'I can't believe I just killed Sora!' I thought, Selphie looked at me in question but shrugged. She probably decided that it was just my meds acting up again.

She then squinted at Sora on the floor, who twitched violently before lying still. "Ha ha Sora. You can get up now." She said putting her hands on her hips and pouting. "What's with him? It's like he died or something." This only caused me to cry harder as I sobbed into my hands. "Oh."

"It was… The animal crackers!" I sobbed, pointing to the box and Selphie raised an eyebrow at me.

"Animal crackers huh?" She said tapping the box and looking at me before grabbing me by the arm. "I think Kairi needs to go to back to counseling… Mm?"

"Noooooo!" I screamed, reaching for Sora's dead body as she dragged me out the door.

After successfully handing the psychotic Kairi over to Riku. She entered Kairi's house once again. "Stupid girl." She mumbled, dragging Sora's body by the arm. "It was the eggs!"