ATG fic: You are nothing without me (2/7)
Author notes: Special thanks for my sweetest beta Myr
Chapter 2
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/Where is Hephaistion? Where is he/
" Lagos, Lagos! Where is your master?"
"... My lord, General Hephaistion has been away since early morning."
"I'm aware of that! Where did he go, boy? Find him, and get him back here," Alexander yelled frantically to the page. When everyone had left the tent, Alexander fell to the floor. He was so lost, confused, and hurt. How could Hephaistion leave him? It never occurred to him that his lover and friend would even think of leaving him. What had happened to their love? What would happen to their relationship? Was this the end?
Feeling like the air was lacking, Alexander's throat tightened and he stared blankly around Hephaistion's empty tent.
"Alexander"
"King Alexander" Ptolemy soft voice was calling him from behind. "Are you alright?"
"He is gone, Ptolemy. Hephaistion is gone. He left me," Alexander rasped. Repeating his words as if he was talking to himself rather than to Ptolemy.
Ptolemy sighed. He had to stop this mistaken assumption. "Alexander... listen to me. Hephaistion went to see Perdiccas. He hasn't left you or any of us." He shrugged to illustrate there was no need to dramatise this.
"What? Did he tell you that he was going to leave?" Alexander went to stand in front of his friend.
"Yes, Alexander. He told me that he thought Perdiccas would appreciate a hand on the bridge. Remember?" he asked, seeking Alexander's worried gaze. "Perdiccas injured himself. He needs help to finish the job before winter sets in."
"I want him back, Ptolemy. Get him back here and send someone else to help Perdiccas. I need him back here by sunset," Alexander said in a commanding voice; it was as if he hadn't heard a word Ptolemy said, still looking weak and lost but his voice was angry and determined.
"Why Alexander? Why you want him back? He has an important job to do, and need I remind you of what you said? That he is not important here." Crossing his arms challengingly, Ptolemy continued, "Please tell me, why do you want him back?"
Alexander glared at Ptolemy; his friend's words hit like sharp needles, making his heart bleed. The target as painful as the reason itself, slapping his face to acknowledge his crime. Nevertheless, he had to pretend to be able to stand it. "What are you talking about, Ptolemy. I didn't mean it like that. Of all people, you and Hephaistion must know that I would never think he was not important. Why would I have given him all these duties if I thought he was worthless?"
"Because he used to be your favourite bed partner, and now he is not. It's natural to assume that you dismissed him to do something ... less important, and have a new favourite replace him in your bed," Ptolemy said bluntly to Alexander. "These are matters of the heart. Not logistics and intelligence."
"What are you talking about, Ptolemy. That is not the reason. You know it and everyone else should know it. He is my right hand and he is a natural at combining all these threads that makes the machinery work. I rely on him that's why I especially entrusted all this tasks to him." Alexander pointed a finger at the other man. Then he turned away with a disgusted look on his face.
Knowing Ptolemy was only generalising it still made him angry, "How can you say that about Hephaistion? He's your friend."
"I am not the one who said that Alexander..." Pausing, Ptolemy knew he must choose his words carefully, but decided to state the facts as they were, "You were the very soul who said that loud and clear to him. You destroyed everything he built for with your careless, ill-chosen words, and by that you betrayed his trust and you abandoned him."
Alexander lifted an arm as if not wanting to listen to this. Ptolemy stepped closer, determined to run a list of the King's sins towards his lover, "You threatened to kill him, Alexander. Your lover. You threaten to kill him because he fought for his dignity. Hephaistion is a man, Alexander. Not a manipulative boy."
By that Alexander turned sharply and pointed at Ptolemy, his expression was furious by now, but Ptolemy didn't care.
"He has his pride and dignity, but there is a limit and he paid dearly for his love for you. I cannot even imagine how much he has endured to be with you and how much of his pride he has had to swallow and still - he wants to be your lover."
Alexander kept staring at him, but the ignited fire seemed to have vanished from his eyes/Finally he listens/ Ptolemy thought, as had Hephaistion when he talked to him.
"You are killing him, Alexander. You are my king and you are also my friend but I no longer believe that you deserve to have Hephaistion back."
Alexander avoided his eyes.
"Ask yourself, my King, why is it that you want him back and what will it cost Hephaistion if he agrees to it? If you cannot justify to him that he truly is worthy and you believe in the potential that we both know he has, what is the point then, Alexander? Let him go, let him live his life, greatly and gloriously."
Ptolemy hesitated before he made his last comment. "You are not good for him right now, and I will not help you Alexander. You can call me a traitor or threaten to kill me, but I will not assist you in hurting Hephaistion anymore."
Before Alexander could utter a word in reply, Ptolemy had already left the tent.
Standing back with the shocking words still audibly in his ears, Alexander felt immensely lonely.
TBC