Lost Soul – Part Nine

By Seed

The Present...

Ranma smiled still sunken in the memory of his first brief encounter with Ryoga. He had followed Ryoga after school back then to get to know him better, but the other boy had spotted him and instantly attacked. Ranma had simply jumped out of harms way and Ryogas momentum had carried him forward until he had hit the wall of the neighbouring house crushing it.

'Man I can still see him ranting and rumbling in that pile of rocks and debris covered in dust and finally running off to "kill that damn bastard" without even noticing that I was just standing behind him the whole time.'

Without having a chance to stop Ryoga before he was already out of sight Ranma had gone home himself that evening and determined to try again the next day. At least as result of his little surveillance mission he had seen that Ryoga had a really bad temper and one damn hard piece of skull.

The next day in school Ranma had made a different approach to get to know Ryoga better. He issued a challenge by jumping onto the Lost Boys head to snatch away the last bread.

'Well of course I was also hungry like hell because Pop would steal my breakfast the whole time leaving me almost starving on my way to school.'

But he also had wanted to draw Ryogas attention, and boy that he got.

Ranma looked at his sometimes friend and all-time rival thoughtfully. Contemplation over the relationship he shared with someone was definitely not his thing, but sometimes even Ranma Saotome took some time to think about what might have gone wrong in the past. He told himself that he really didn't bother at all and most of the time that was right. Ranma truly believed that "was done is done" and no looking back would ever change anything might it bee with Ukyo, Ryoga, Akane or anyone else who was an inhabitant of the little universe of rivals and fiancées circulating around him.

'If I had known that this stupid bread thing would develop into a life and death issue I certainly wouldn't have done it, but how could I know that this obsessive idiot does have to take everything so damn personally?' Ranma sighed a little.

While thinking about the past Ryoga was looking into the future.

'Oh boy I haven't even entered the building of Furinkan yet and I already feel like I'm about to get executed soon. I was so nervous before that I nearly let off a shi-shi-hokoudan in the middle of all these students. But at least Akane came by and was talking to me.'

Ryoga smiled but almost instantly his features were again hardened in a deep scowl.

'Yeah she talked to me and what am I doing, I totally go to pieces like usual and don't even manage to form one intelligent sentence to say to her. No, I start day-dreaming like always and miss my chance. I'm such an idiot. Of course with Ranma around I didn't have real chance.'

Ryoga was not feeling very well, he had the disturbing feeling that his life had somehow been taken out of his control and he hated it.

'I might have been alone all the time but at least I was free. I came and went as I pleased, worked if I had to and slept where I ended up in the evening. And now that freedom is gone. And for what? So now I can get teased by Ranma on daily basis, Ranma who will miss no chance he gets to make me look like a fool in school and trick me with one disguise after another. But I can't leave, I promised Ukyo and Ryoga Hibiki honours his word.'

"Hey Ryoga?" The suddenly addressed boy looked up meeting Ranmas eyes.

"Whaddaya want now Saotome?"

His ever present scowl firmly in place Ranma wondered if he had ever seen Ryoga be in a real happy mood laughing or smiling openly. 'Guess he has no reason to smile that often.'

"Hey relax man I just wanted to know what you were thinking about this, I mean living with Ukyo and all."

Ryoga grunted: "What's it to you? Afraid I will damage your reputation at Ukyo so you won't be able to freeload from her anymore? Relax nothing short of you kissing Akane in front of her restaurant could damage her opinion about you." Ranma almost winced at the bitterness in Ryogas voice.

"Hey you stupid pig, I just try to be friendly, okay? So why don't you stop being the self-righteous idiot and tell me what's going on in your head because I can see that you are not doing too well despite of what junk you might tell Akane or Ukyo. I can feel it in your aura that you are on the edge; you're practically radiating your disturbed chi all over town."

Ryoga now looked a bit startled. Off all people Ranma had seen through the façade he had carefully built up before Ukyo and especially Akane to show them that there was nothing wrong with him and he didn't mind all the sudden changes in his life. But in reality he did. It wasn't just the thought of going to school again where he would have to endure the same endless teasing and the feeling of being isolated while being crowded at the same time, it was more.

Ryoga didn't have a very high opinion off himself. Sure he was a good fighter and could survive in the harshest environment, he had been everywhere and back again in his short life and seen dozens of strange and exotic places, but besides that he had nothing to offer. Nobody would be interested in him or even bother to talk to him, they would all think he was weird and maybe even be afraid of him. He just couldn't bring himself to look at this new direction in his life with more than utter pessimism.

'Don't expect anything good so you can't be disappointed', he thought grimly.

'But maybe I should talk to Ranma, at least he is the only one I know who led a similar life before coming to Nerima and we were together in school after all.'

He shot Ranma a cold glare and was answered by a cocky half- grin.

"Come on now P-chan we're friends right? So tell me what's going on with you or do I have to pull it out of your cute little piggy nose?"

Ryoga brushed off the insult with all the patience he could master and began to talk. He had been tempted to fight Ranma but what good would it do? Besides not thinking things over before he acted and always letting his fists speak had gotten him in this whole mess in the first place so maybe a little civil interaction was in order.

"You remember Junior High?"

Ranma nodded not getting what Ryogas point was. "Sure I do, we had much fun brawling over that stupid bread didn't we P- Chan?"

"Yeah that's what you would like to think. For me it was just one more hardship I had to endure in my miserable life."

'And here we go again', Ranma thought rolling his eyes but keeping quiet for once.

"Ranma you wouldn't know how it feels to be alone all the time. You had your father with you and you were liked by the other boys. But for me school was just hell. Half of the time I couldn't find the damn place and when I did the teachers were all yelling at me and accusing me that I was just some lazy slacker without any discipline. I mean I know I'm not that bright and it always took me some time probably longer than most of the others to learn something new but I am not stupid, despite what you or Ukyo might think. I just missed too many classes but even if I told them about my problem they would just laugh at me for such a lame excuse and call me a liar."

Ryoga paused clenching his fists and remembering the injustice he had felt so strongly about back then.

'Whoa he looks really worked up over this, I never thought school was such a big thing for Ryoga but on the other hand I never know what's going on in his head most of the time anyways.'

"Look Ryoga School wasn't all laugh and play for me either. I mean my school uniform came from some goddamned pawn-shop for heavens sake and half of the time I was standing in the hallway holding buckets because I had fallen asleep again in class. I told them my pop trained with me until late at night but they didn't care about that either. It was just with you and you're getting lost."

"Yeah but still they accepted you. And what about the other kids, they all liked you. I mean I always kept for myself and didn't even want anybody to talk to me or play with me because I knew I was better off alone with my sense of direction. I had accepted that I would never have any friends but at least the other kids respected me in a way because I was strong and could beat every one of them up badly. Maybe they even feared me a bit. Sure any time I turned my back I could just hear them talking and making fun of me but no one dared to do so openly in my face until you came", he pointed with one outstretched finger at Ranma, "you were the worst what could happen to me.

You took away the only thing I had left, the only thing I cringed to like a drowning man for some piece of wood, my pride and my self-esteem as a martial artist. Before you came I was alone but at least I could look into the mirror and be certain I was strong enough to face anything they would throw at me me. But you took that all away, you made me look like some clumsy ox and a fool and from there on I only heard: "Hey Ryoga want some bread", "When will Ranma kick your butt again Lost Boy?" "Hey loser, landing on your face again?"

I tried to block it out but I couldn't, it stung too badly and I just couldn't ignore them anymore. Before they had laughed behind my back but now they had lost their fear and were laughing right in my face. What did I ever do to you to deserve this? How many times I came in having spent the night out in the woods or in some alleyway and all I wanted was my first chance of decent food in days and you would take it away from me just for fun just to have something to tease me end make me look stupid. I didn't even know you, what the heck did you want from me?

If you wanted to make me miserable you achieved your goal but I've got news for you Saotome. I didn't need you to make my life hell but you certainly raised it to new level of misery. And when I wanted to settle things between us to regain my pride and honour you would just run off and leave me. And now I'm back with you in school and everything will start anew and I'm not certain I can restrain myself enough before I go overboard and do something that I would regret later."

After this outburst of memories breaking to the surface Ryoga fell silent again a startled Ranma beside him. First Ranma had wanted to smooth things over but after getting told that he was such a terrible person by someone who was supposed to be someone who knew him better, that was just too much and Ranma exploded.

"You, you don't mean... Oh that's just priceless P-chan, toss everything that went wrong in your life at me why don' you. You're just too damned pretty good at self-loathing. Let me tell you something, you control your fate and you alone. It's your life and when something doesn't go the way you wanted it to then you still can learn from the experience but you're just always sitting in a hole trapped in the past making others responsible for your mistakes and your misfortune until everybody is as miserable as you are, well I have enough. Stay here and rot in your misery for all I care but let me tell you this, nobody likes losers and nobody likes people who give up so easily. I don't like losers and Akane certainly doesn't either."

Ranma stood up angrily glaring at Ryoga. The Lost Boy didn't know how to react to this outburst that was very unusual for Ranma who usually kept calm and cool the exact opposite of himself most of the time. Ryoga rose as well.

"Very well Ranma then this loser won't give you anymore trouble." His last words still hanging in the air Ryoga turned around and ran off into the sunset leaving a shocked Ranma behind.

To be continued...