Lost Soul – Part Ten
By Seed
Ryoga ran, just ran not caring where his feet would carry him. His eyes were blind with tears and his heart felt like it had been ripped out. 'Damn you Ranma, damn you to hell.'
Ryoga didn't even bother to turn or go around when coming to an obstacle; he just smashed through it, not caring at all if he caused some damage along the way on his frantic rampage. He had lost track of time long ago, but it felt as if he had run for hours straight, his pain and misery fuelling his energy to keep going further and further, the darkness of the night matching the darkness inside his soul. Finally, he collapsed out of sheer exhaustion in a dark alley sinking to his knees behind a dumpster. He cursed his miserable life and slammed his fists down on the hard surface of the asphalt beneath him.
A cat which had been startled by his violent displace shrieked and disappeared into the darkness, but Ryoga didn't even notice totally consumed by his own depression.
'Why damn it, why is fate so cruel and twisted, why does it keep playing with me like an old rag doll. What did I ever do to deserve all this misery? Sometimes I believe my life is just a cruel game to someone watching from above and enjoying seeing me dwelling in my misery.
It seems that nothing that I ever do or try to do goes right. Why do I always have to loose and why does he always have to win. It's just not fair. He's got everything, friends, family, a home and a girl who loves him, while I have nothing.'
Ryoga couldn't remember when he had ever felt so bitter in his life and this day had even supposed to be a new beginning for him, but like usual it had all backfired right into his face. It seemed fate liked to lift him up sometimes only so the following crashing down would be all the more devastating. The Lost Boy sighed not understanding just why he was the world's favourite punching ball. His tears had subsided long ago and now he was just having a numb feeling of emptiness and loneliness.
'Why don't I deserve some happiness, is it so much to ask for?'
Was he too emotional, or too shy, or was it that he couldn't comprehend what was going on around him, because he was a bit slow on the uptake?
'Maybe I'm just too stupid to know when to give up. I should just go and leave this place for good. Leaving it all behind might be the best idea, just wandering without aim, not for training or to find the Tendo-Dojo just to get away and stay lost. It's not that anyone would care if I'm not around anymore anyway and I have no reason to come back anymore.'
The image of Ukyos smiling face shortly appeared before his inner eye but he didn't hold onto it too much sunken in his dark hole of self-loathing.
'I was never close to anyone of them so what does it matter? It's not that if they're my friends. I don't have friends and I don't need them. I can survive just fine on my own always have always will be. When you're alone for so long you don't even miss it anymore. A normal life, going to school, meeting with friends, finding a girl, who likes you, sleeping in your own bed, waking up to the sound of your mother preparing breakfast in the kitchen. No I don't need all this, not anymore. I've lost it all a long time ago, or I never even had it to begin with. Love, who needs love? It's just another sort of pain to experience another torment to endure. I'm sick of it. Sick of it all.
I was foolish to think someone like me could fit in, someone who was never accepted from the start. I was just deceiving myself; I am a lone wolf, a lonesome warrior. It's not about friendship or love or some stupid emotions, it's not even about honour it's just about fighting and winning. But I don't even have a reason to fight anymore. And I never win. Ryoga Hibiki never wins'
Finally Ryoga had gathered enough of his bitterness and unhappiness, he formed a small ball with his hands, letting all his depression and anger and fear flowing from his soul into his hands and from there into the growing ball of chi, building up more an more energy as he thought about his miserable life and especially the cruel twist fate had taken today. Finally he couldn't contain it any longer; he raised his arms and shot a huge blast of raw and heavy chi shining with a bright white-blue colour into the silent night's sky.
Ryoga stood up, slightly dazed by the immense draining the shi-shi-hokoudan had cost him. Punching his fist one last time into wall behind him just to emphasize his strength was still there he stepped outside the alley and finally took some time to check his surroundings.
Obviously he had come to a part of town that was a mixture of red-light district and entertainment zone. All around were buzzing neon signs offering 24h karaoke, arcades, topless bars, full body massages and other activities Ryoga didn't feel particular comfortable of. He took in the scenery in front of him. Drunken sailors were swaggering through the streets, young girls with to much make-up and cheap too brightly coloured outfits were standing at the corners obviously waiting for a chance to get a stressed-out manager or one of the sailors to do business with. From the arcades came the unnerving sounds of all sorts of electronic entertainment, police sirens could be heard in the distance probably rushing to some fight that had gotten out of hand.
Ryoga trotted down the street, avoiding the advances by the young women with young faces but old eyes, not really caring where he went. Finally he came to a halt in front of a bar. 'Heck why not, I could use a drink right now.'
The wandering warrior entered the dimly lit and smoke filled bar, his eyes soon adjusted to the dark he breathed the thick air filled with the unique mixture of tobacco, whiskey and beer. He took a seat at the counter and waited for the barkeeper to notice him.
Finally Ryoga grew impatient and yelled at the man who had standing with his back to him polishing a glass. "Hey a beer and a J.D."
The barkeeper turned around looking the strange boy with the huge backpack all over and then shaking his head: "Sorry kid no service to minors. Don't wanna have problems with the police."
In the blink of an eye Ryoga had shot forward grabbed the man's collar roughly with his right hand and hissed in his face, baring his fangs:
"Now listen good buddy. I have had the probably most miserable day in my life today and I don't give a shit if you don't want no problems with the police, but if don't get something to drink right know you're gonna have a problem with me and believe me an' you surely don't want that".
Ryoga let the man go, sat back on his stool and casually crushed some walnuts from a small plate in front of him between just his dumb and index finger.
The barkeeper gulped not wanting to imagine how his head would feel in place of the walnut, he quickly brought the beer an filled a glass with bourbon, but when he was about to take the bottle away, his arm was hold in a steel-like grip
"No leave the bottle here". The man didn't want to risk to irate the boy with the inhuman strength anymore and did as he was told. He watched amazed when Ryoga drowned his beer and half of the bottle within a few minutes.
The Lost Boy filled himself another glass, when he noticed the barkeeper staring at him. "Whaddaya want", he growled not wanting to be bothered.
"Nothing it's just that you look like something is troubling you and you might want to talk about it, barkeepers are good listeners, we're famous for it all over the world." The man tried a careful smile, the strong boy who was radiating loneliness and misery so strong you could practically grab it was beginning to interest him.
The Lost Boy sighed, he was not so keen on sharing his misfortune with a total stranger but on the other side what difference did it make. And perhaps telling his story to someone would help a little to ease the pain within his battered soul.
Ryoga downed another shot and began to tell about his life, how he got lost all the time, therefore not having a real home, family or friends. He told the man who was listening to him with growing intensity of his love for martial arts and his rivalry with Ranma Saotome, how he had pursued Ranma through all over China and back to Japan, where he finally found him in Nerima.
"And then I meet this girl Akane, and she is the most wonderful person I've ever met. It's like the sun is shining brighter and everything is feeling right and good when she is around. It's like I have a place where I belong when I'm around her. Through all the thousands of miles of my journeys since coming to Nerima it was her smiling face, her gentle kindness and comforting sympathy she has shown me, which kept me going. If I was lost I was always searching for a way back home, a way back to her.
But I could never confess my love to her, it's partly because I feel I'm not worthy of her love. And then of course she is the fiancée of this idiot Ranma, who always treats her badly and fights and argues with her, Ranma who insults her and doesn't appreciate all the hard work she puts into cooking for him. But I have no right to confess my love to Akane, I have never beaten Ranma in a formal duel, and deep down I fear that she doesn't love me, but him.
It's just even when I felt I didn't have a real chance with her I still could worship her from afar. I brought her little presents and souvenirs from my travels just so she would remember me sometimes and probably think of me. I know that's pretty shallow and pathetic, but what shall I do. At least I could keep up the illusion, until today that is. Today everything changed, today I lost her forever."
To be continued...
By Seed
Ryoga ran, just ran not caring where his feet would carry him. His eyes were blind with tears and his heart felt like it had been ripped out. 'Damn you Ranma, damn you to hell.'
Ryoga didn't even bother to turn or go around when coming to an obstacle; he just smashed through it, not caring at all if he caused some damage along the way on his frantic rampage. He had lost track of time long ago, but it felt as if he had run for hours straight, his pain and misery fuelling his energy to keep going further and further, the darkness of the night matching the darkness inside his soul. Finally, he collapsed out of sheer exhaustion in a dark alley sinking to his knees behind a dumpster. He cursed his miserable life and slammed his fists down on the hard surface of the asphalt beneath him.
A cat which had been startled by his violent displace shrieked and disappeared into the darkness, but Ryoga didn't even notice totally consumed by his own depression.
'Why damn it, why is fate so cruel and twisted, why does it keep playing with me like an old rag doll. What did I ever do to deserve all this misery? Sometimes I believe my life is just a cruel game to someone watching from above and enjoying seeing me dwelling in my misery.
It seems that nothing that I ever do or try to do goes right. Why do I always have to loose and why does he always have to win. It's just not fair. He's got everything, friends, family, a home and a girl who loves him, while I have nothing.'
Ryoga couldn't remember when he had ever felt so bitter in his life and this day had even supposed to be a new beginning for him, but like usual it had all backfired right into his face. It seemed fate liked to lift him up sometimes only so the following crashing down would be all the more devastating. The Lost Boy sighed not understanding just why he was the world's favourite punching ball. His tears had subsided long ago and now he was just having a numb feeling of emptiness and loneliness.
'Why don't I deserve some happiness, is it so much to ask for?'
Was he too emotional, or too shy, or was it that he couldn't comprehend what was going on around him, because he was a bit slow on the uptake?
'Maybe I'm just too stupid to know when to give up. I should just go and leave this place for good. Leaving it all behind might be the best idea, just wandering without aim, not for training or to find the Tendo-Dojo just to get away and stay lost. It's not that anyone would care if I'm not around anymore anyway and I have no reason to come back anymore.'
The image of Ukyos smiling face shortly appeared before his inner eye but he didn't hold onto it too much sunken in his dark hole of self-loathing.
'I was never close to anyone of them so what does it matter? It's not that if they're my friends. I don't have friends and I don't need them. I can survive just fine on my own always have always will be. When you're alone for so long you don't even miss it anymore. A normal life, going to school, meeting with friends, finding a girl, who likes you, sleeping in your own bed, waking up to the sound of your mother preparing breakfast in the kitchen. No I don't need all this, not anymore. I've lost it all a long time ago, or I never even had it to begin with. Love, who needs love? It's just another sort of pain to experience another torment to endure. I'm sick of it. Sick of it all.
I was foolish to think someone like me could fit in, someone who was never accepted from the start. I was just deceiving myself; I am a lone wolf, a lonesome warrior. It's not about friendship or love or some stupid emotions, it's not even about honour it's just about fighting and winning. But I don't even have a reason to fight anymore. And I never win. Ryoga Hibiki never wins'
Finally Ryoga had gathered enough of his bitterness and unhappiness, he formed a small ball with his hands, letting all his depression and anger and fear flowing from his soul into his hands and from there into the growing ball of chi, building up more an more energy as he thought about his miserable life and especially the cruel twist fate had taken today. Finally he couldn't contain it any longer; he raised his arms and shot a huge blast of raw and heavy chi shining with a bright white-blue colour into the silent night's sky.
Ryoga stood up, slightly dazed by the immense draining the shi-shi-hokoudan had cost him. Punching his fist one last time into wall behind him just to emphasize his strength was still there he stepped outside the alley and finally took some time to check his surroundings.
Obviously he had come to a part of town that was a mixture of red-light district and entertainment zone. All around were buzzing neon signs offering 24h karaoke, arcades, topless bars, full body massages and other activities Ryoga didn't feel particular comfortable of. He took in the scenery in front of him. Drunken sailors were swaggering through the streets, young girls with to much make-up and cheap too brightly coloured outfits were standing at the corners obviously waiting for a chance to get a stressed-out manager or one of the sailors to do business with. From the arcades came the unnerving sounds of all sorts of electronic entertainment, police sirens could be heard in the distance probably rushing to some fight that had gotten out of hand.
Ryoga trotted down the street, avoiding the advances by the young women with young faces but old eyes, not really caring where he went. Finally he came to a halt in front of a bar. 'Heck why not, I could use a drink right now.'
The wandering warrior entered the dimly lit and smoke filled bar, his eyes soon adjusted to the dark he breathed the thick air filled with the unique mixture of tobacco, whiskey and beer. He took a seat at the counter and waited for the barkeeper to notice him.
Finally Ryoga grew impatient and yelled at the man who had standing with his back to him polishing a glass. "Hey a beer and a J.D."
The barkeeper turned around looking the strange boy with the huge backpack all over and then shaking his head: "Sorry kid no service to minors. Don't wanna have problems with the police."
In the blink of an eye Ryoga had shot forward grabbed the man's collar roughly with his right hand and hissed in his face, baring his fangs:
"Now listen good buddy. I have had the probably most miserable day in my life today and I don't give a shit if you don't want no problems with the police, but if don't get something to drink right know you're gonna have a problem with me and believe me an' you surely don't want that".
Ryoga let the man go, sat back on his stool and casually crushed some walnuts from a small plate in front of him between just his dumb and index finger.
The barkeeper gulped not wanting to imagine how his head would feel in place of the walnut, he quickly brought the beer an filled a glass with bourbon, but when he was about to take the bottle away, his arm was hold in a steel-like grip
"No leave the bottle here". The man didn't want to risk to irate the boy with the inhuman strength anymore and did as he was told. He watched amazed when Ryoga drowned his beer and half of the bottle within a few minutes.
The Lost Boy filled himself another glass, when he noticed the barkeeper staring at him. "Whaddaya want", he growled not wanting to be bothered.
"Nothing it's just that you look like something is troubling you and you might want to talk about it, barkeepers are good listeners, we're famous for it all over the world." The man tried a careful smile, the strong boy who was radiating loneliness and misery so strong you could practically grab it was beginning to interest him.
The Lost Boy sighed, he was not so keen on sharing his misfortune with a total stranger but on the other side what difference did it make. And perhaps telling his story to someone would help a little to ease the pain within his battered soul.
Ryoga downed another shot and began to tell about his life, how he got lost all the time, therefore not having a real home, family or friends. He told the man who was listening to him with growing intensity of his love for martial arts and his rivalry with Ranma Saotome, how he had pursued Ranma through all over China and back to Japan, where he finally found him in Nerima.
"And then I meet this girl Akane, and she is the most wonderful person I've ever met. It's like the sun is shining brighter and everything is feeling right and good when she is around. It's like I have a place where I belong when I'm around her. Through all the thousands of miles of my journeys since coming to Nerima it was her smiling face, her gentle kindness and comforting sympathy she has shown me, which kept me going. If I was lost I was always searching for a way back home, a way back to her.
But I could never confess my love to her, it's partly because I feel I'm not worthy of her love. And then of course she is the fiancée of this idiot Ranma, who always treats her badly and fights and argues with her, Ranma who insults her and doesn't appreciate all the hard work she puts into cooking for him. But I have no right to confess my love to Akane, I have never beaten Ranma in a formal duel, and deep down I fear that she doesn't love me, but him.
It's just even when I felt I didn't have a real chance with her I still could worship her from afar. I brought her little presents and souvenirs from my travels just so she would remember me sometimes and probably think of me. I know that's pretty shallow and pathetic, but what shall I do. At least I could keep up the illusion, until today that is. Today everything changed, today I lost her forever."
To be continued...