Lost Soul – Part Eleven

By Seed

Ryoga had left the bar a few minutes ago with a fuzzy feeling inside, everything seemed to be so blurry, his head felt so warm and light, he couldn't focus and after some struggling he just collapsed on a bench in a near park. He was so confused he couldn't even remember why he had decided to get drunk in the first place. Then memory hit him, hard and painful. This afternoon, after he had run off from the argument with Ranma; he had been quite upset then, Ranma's words had cut deep and they had hurt the Lost Boy more than he would like to admit.

"Let me tell you something, you control your fate and you alone.

I don't like losers and Akane certainly doesn't either."

Ranma's words echoed in his head. He had never really bothered to take anything Ranma tossed at him seriously, it were just stupid insults most of the time anyway meant to tick him off and give Ranma the chance to tease him even more. But today it had been different.

Ryoga seriously thought about what his pig-tailed rival had said. Was he really such a loser, did he really refuse to take responsibility for his own actions. Was he really such a wimp, that he couldn't deal with the problems in his life on his own so that he had to make Ranma responsible for everything.

And now he was drowning his sorrows in alcohol. 'Way to go Ryoga', he scolded at himself.

Akane. Ryoga winced at the memory, countless times he had tried to confess his love to her, but always something had interfered. And now it was too late.

'I have missed my chance and lost everything. If only..., no if I had been a real man, if I had been more persistent I wouldn't have allowed that these mere inconveniences could get me off track so easily. It was my own fault for being so damned nervous and wishy-washy.

Ukyo always said that I needed more off a backbone; guess she was right after all. Wonder what she is doing right now. She is probably making okonomiyaki and is pissed because I haven't come home by now. Funny I never thought of Ucchans as a home before, but I guess it is to me now.'

Involuntarily Ryoga had to smile at the thought off having a real home for the first time in years and Ukyos fiery temper which seemed to sparkle with energy. But then his mood darkened again with the memory off the events of this afternoon.

'No I don't have a home here, never had never will. And Ukyo she is better off without me. I can't stay, not after today.' And Ryoga remembered.

Some hours ago...

The Lost Boy had been splashed with cold water while walking alongside the cannel after his encounter with Ranma and he had to continue his way as P-chan, which by no means had helped to better his mood, that was until he had heard a familiar sound coming behind.

"P-chan, you're back I was really starting to worry about you. Come here sweetie."

In an instant all his anger about Ranma had been blown away and he practically came flying into Akanes open arms.

"Guess you missed me too, huh, P-chan? Come on let's get home it's already getting late."

Akane had taken him back to the Tendo Dojo and into her room. She had done some of her homework and while P-chan had already looked forward to a night off cuddling inside that nice warm bed, Akane had started to talk to him. She had that serious tone she always used when she had something very important to say to her little pet.

"You know something P-chan, I met Ryoga today. I haven't seen him for almost as long I haven't seen you come to think of it."

At this P-chan had to sweat drop big time, bur remained silent.

"Well anyway it looks like he is staying with Ukyo now, I'm so happy for him he always seemed so lonely and depressed. I think him and Ukyo would make a great couple, don't you think so too P-chan?"

At this Ryoga or better P-chan's eyes had almost fallen out of his head. He bweed very sharply as if to insist, that in no way Ukyo and him would become an item, his love belonged only to her.

Unfortunately Akane interpreted his beewing as confirmation.

"See, I thought you would think so too. I really believe Ryoga needs a smart and tough girl like Ukyo to look out for him. It's not that he is not capable of getting by on his own of course, with all that training in the wilderness and all. But I think it would be good for him to socialise a bit more, and when he is now staying with Ukyo maybe he can even overcome some of that immense shyness of his.

Don't get me wrong I like Ryoga a lot, P-chan. He is a very dear friend and always there to help me and he is so polite and gentle and always brings me those nice little gifts. But I really think he should settle down somewhere. Always travelling around alone that's no way to live if you ask me, and I think it also explains some of Ryogas more unsocial behaviour. I always wondered how a boy that can be so sweet and gentle can get so mad and infuriated when fighting. I mean I have seen Ranma and Ryoga fight a bunch of times and sometimes it scares me."

Akane looked at her little piggy thoughtfully. She always felt that P-chan was no ordinary pig, but more intelligent like a real person. She always felt like he really understood what she said and she took comfort in the thought that she could entrust him with everything, all her secret inner thoughts and feelings she wouldn't talk about with anyone else.

"I mean you know Ranma, P-chan, he is always cocky and laid back, even when the both of them fight seriously it's more like a game to Ranma, a challenge between friends, but sometimes I'm not so sure about Ryoga. Sometimes I think he really wants to hurt Ranma. I mean he has such brute strength, the one time where Shampoo set us up on a date I really feared he would break me in half with one of those bear hugs.

Any girl who falls in love with him has to be made off strong stuff that's for sure, ne P-chan? That's why I think Ukyo and him would be such a perfect match. And of course it would make things a lot easier for Ranma and me."

At this P-chan almost didn't believe his hears.

'Could it really be, that she and Ranma? No, no way. She must mean something else.'

"Not that I care for that insensitive jerk of course, but I can't deny that lately I really wish I could spend more time alone with Ranma. He can be so nice and gentle and sometimes when he tries so hard to make it up to me when he feels that he has hurt me somehow, it's just so kawaii. The mighty martial artist Saotome Ranma, all wobbly and jumpy and jittery because off just one clumsy kawaiikune Tendo Akane."

Akane had to stifle a laugh at the reminder of all the times Ranma lost all his confidence when they were close to each other just holding hands or something looking in each others eyes. Well not that she was that much better of course.

"And although we fight all the time he is always there for me, to protect me and he even tries my cooking and when I watch him work-out, well he really is damn handsome.

Sure he insults me and can be the biggest baka in the world, he calls me clumsy and uncute and a klutz, but he is always there, if I'm sick or captured or training, and even if it annoys the hell outta me when he says I shouldn't fight, I know he is only worried about me even if he denies to be at all. When I think of all the things we have been through together, any normal boy and girl would be dead or insane by now.

Well, what can I say, he is a baka but he is my baka. To be honest with you P-chan I can't imagine to spend my life with any other than Ranma, but that's out little secret okay? Hey P-chan where are you?"

Ryoga just hadn't been able to bear it any longer. When Akane had finished her confession that she indeed cared for Ranma a lot, that she loved him even if she hadn't said so right away Ryoga thought his world would collapse. He just ran out of the room racing blindly through the halls and by chance he landed in the bathroom, he even was so lucky that the tub was already filled with warm water. Not wasting any time he transformed and almost blind with tears he grabbed a set of spare clothes Kasumi kept there for him in case he showed up and ran off into the night. He had only one thing on his mind. To get away, get away from the pain and the heartache, never to return ever again.

'And that's how I ended up here, getting drunk to forget. Forget I ever loved, forget she ever existed. But I guess that is not working to well.'

Ryoga looked up and the dark night's sky, with moon shining above and the stars sparkling in a distance so unbelievingly far away. Ryoga had always comforted in the sight of the moon and the stars at night. When out on the road they were his only companions, they were always there never leaving never letting him alone. Ryoga dried away his last tears.

He stood up and walked through the park, he went on along the streets that would hopefully lead him out of town. After some time he didn't know exactly how long he had been walking he stood on top of a small hill where he had a great overview over all of Nerima. He could see Dr. Tofus clinic and Furinkan High, the Nekohanten and Ucchans and of course the Tendo Dojo. Countless times he had tried to find his way there and now he was trying to get as far away from there as possible.

'I have to leave. After all what is there left for me. Akane it was your smiling face, the prospect of seeing you and hearing your beautiful voice that kept me going through thousands of miles through mountains and deserts, through strange cities and endless woods. I always thought someday I would master the courage to confess my love to you. But now it is all over.'

'I have lost you and now the only reason to return here is gone.'

Ryoga forced himself not to cry again.

'Sure there is still my revenge on Ranma, but it seems so pointless now, why should I defeat him, it wouldn't change a thing and even if I could it just would make Ranma train harder and try to win the next fight and the circle would go on and on forever, until one of us gets seriously hurt or killed and if it was Ranma, Akane would never forgive me for that.

And besides how long and how hard I might train, whatever technique I come up with, Ranma will always develop a counter, he will always find a weak spot and defeat me in the end.'

At this Ryoga's face showed a grim expression, he clenched his fists and stared down to the place where the Tendo Dojo was located

'Saotome Ranma always wins. But at least I have proven I am at least as good as him, he cannot longer walk all over me like before, so my honour is restored.'

Ryoga decided to take one last look before leaving forever. He bowed shortly and calmly he spoke into the night.

"Well I guess this is it than Nerima, with noone to fight and noone to love, I have no place here anylonger. I never ever really belonged here anyway. Ranma and Akane they have family and friends here. Ukyo too. Even Shampoo and Mousse and the Old Ghoul have a right to be here, they are a part of it all. But not me, never was never will be. I just should accept my fate. I am a lone wolf meant to live in solitude. And the right place for a wolf is not the city. So fare well Nerima. It was an interesting time."

With these last words spoken Ryoga turned around walking towards the entering of the forest some distance away. He was determined to not ever come back again. From now on he would live in the wilderness. A life just consisting of survival, hunting and killing when he had to, going wherever he would end up. No love, no friendship, no family was needed for that.

After entering the forest, and hearing the familiar sounds of the wind rustling through the trees and the screams of the owls, smelling the scent of the pines and the mushrooms on the ground, feeling the tranquillity and peace that only came from being all alone out here where no humans could disturb or confuse you, Ryoga smiled.

"I guess I'm finally home."

To be continued...maybe.

Well what do you think, should Ryoga return or should the Lost Boy stay lost and the others live on without him?

Thanks for reviews, comments, criticism, etc.