Pairing: Implied RD, mentioned RL
A/N: Yes, I know I should be updating Bringing Up Baby. I will, never fear, but for now, expect a stream of short little ficlets in a desperate attempt to cure my writer's block.
A/N: Yeah, yeah, I don't own Gilmore Girls. If I did, the show would be in a very "Logan? Who's Logan?" place.
Insomniac
They think about each other, even now.
He's always thinking of her, as he's always done. Other girls flit in and out, but he rarely takes much notice of them. His method of choosing them is sporadic: sometimes picking them as close to her type as possible and other times picking girls who he knows are nothing like her. Sex is easy, love is not. They both know this so well. Love hurts. Love hurts them every time they try. So they just stopped trying.
They both remember everything. Everything. Each other and their relationship in its entirety. From their sweet beginning to their bitter, bitter end.
He thinks of her most at Christmastime. At night, when he's outside, downtown, and the streets are lit up. Everything seems brighter and the world doesn't seem to be the dismal, disappointing place he knows it to be. Couples walk hand in hand, the stars shine a little brighter and the world is blanketed in the quiet hush of peace. This is the world as she saw it, always. She was always seeing the world through twinkle-light trimmed lenses. He loves that world because it brings him closer to what she used to be, and as far as he knows, still is. She is that sparkling, light-filled star that he, in the gutter, is looking up to.
She thinks of him in those moments before sleep. In those moments of sheer consciousness right before she blanks out. Long after Logan has fallen asleep. Long after midnight. She doesn't sleep so well anymore. She doesn't know what caused this perpetual insomnia and she doesn't know how to stop this flow of tortured thoughts.
She wonders. She wonders where he is now. She wonders what he would think of her right now. She wonders if he's found someone new to love. She wonders if her ever thinks of her. There are a lot of things she wonders. She doesn't get answers to any of them.
When she finally falls into a fretful sleep, her dreams are upsetting and twisted. She's running through mazes or drowning or on fire or in a massive storm. She's screaming at the top of her lungs, but no one can hear her. And always, her mother is there, crying. He's there too, always a few steps out of reach.
She thinks of him when Logan doesn't understand things. When Logan doesn't show up. When Logan is late. When Logan doesn't call. She thinks of him and his perfect understanding of her. She thinks of how no one has ever understood her so completely, so perfectly, except for Lorelai and perhaps Lane. She thinks of how no man has ever loved her the way he did and how no other will. She thinks of how she's never loved anyone the way she loved him and never will.
And then she cries herself to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will be a little brighter.