Author: Shacky20
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Summary: Greg reflects on what almost happened
A/N: I bet you all think I forgot about this, I've been a little busy. Good news and bad news, bad news, it shorter then I intended, so good news (hopefully) they will be another chapter, this just seemed to fit in here. Hope you all enjoy, and as always feedback is loved and cherised and snuggled closely.
When he first awoke, he felt something he'd forgotten existed in the past weeks, months, maybe even ever. Time hadn't much mattered to Greg as of late. But when he awoke this time, he felt warmth, human warmth. He could not remember the last time he felt warmth coming from another person, not even Nick. It felt good, like a hot shower after a desert crime scene or a cup of hot coffee on a cold night in Las Vegas. He did not remember it being so special, but it was one of those things a person could forget how good they had it until the well goes dry and they are without. He had gone without for so long, and now he couldn't remember why.
He remembered a fight, screaming, words of anger and fear and love being shouted back and forth between he and Nick. He remembered ending up in the bathroom, standing there as Nick threw away his pills down the toilet and flushed his chance of escaping away. His pills that he kept, he so needed them, afraid without them he would be stuck and alone. Then the hurt and anger came back as the words did. Not at Nick, but at his actions, his life, his failures at work and the mess of a relationship with Nick he had now. He could have never imagined would feel so cold and distant. Words ripping from his chest to the point his throat felt raw and he was empty. All his anger and fear spilling out to the one person that was the innocent and guilty of his wrath of anger and fear and utter hopelessness at the existence he called life. He remembered the words he spat at Nick in sheer fury, at himself for giving in to misery and desperation he had felt for so long. No other feelings even registered with him after a time. He existed, barely, and he hadn't even wanted that anymore.
He remembered Nick reaching for him as the words and tears poured from him. Nick holding him and easing him to the floor when he could no longer stand on his own two legs. How he yelled and fought and cried some more, until nothing was left but the tears. He had no idea how long they had lain there like that, he wrapped tight in Nick's embrace. Nick's shirt soaked in his tears as Nick held him and rocked him like a child, telling him it was all going to be all right cause he was here for him now and always. Listening and feeling Nick's tears as well. He promised it would be ok, that they would fix it. He told Greg if he ever left him, that he would never forgive him and it still wouldn't stop him from loving him for the rest of his life.
The release of letting it all go, of just feeling something in such a long time, had been tiring and difficult. But he also felt something this morning he had not felt in a long time, hope. He turned in his lover's arms to look at him. Nick lay there still in sleep, eyes shut, but he looked relaxed Greg noticed. He didn't remember the last time Nick looked peaceful in sleep. The little lines were gone, the worried expression and the hard outline of his lips were not present. There was also no shifting and turning. His mind lost in a fitful night's sleep, where dreams were harder to face than reality. Greg reached up and brushed his fingertips along Nick's beautiful face. Across his strong jaw, down to his full lips, and up to his warm and embracing eyes, that were still sticky from the tears he had cried earlier. Tears that he had cried for him, for the thought of losing him. For the fear he felt that Greg didn't love him enough to live. At that moment, Greg didn't believe he could ever love someone more than he did at that moment.
Greg turned back around and snuggled up against Nick's broad chest. Nick instinctively tightened his arms around Greg's waist, just like he had always used to do. Greg treasured the feel of Nick's strong protective arms wrapped around him and took in a deep breath and relaxed into the familiarity of it all. Savored the warmth, the love, and smell of Nick pressed up again him. Realizing for the first time that Nick has the presence of mind to slip them out of their jeans and t-shirts before they fell asleep. He could feel Nick's bare chest, moving up and down, and thinking how he almost missed this morning. He shut his eyes at that thought, and felt one lone tear streak down his cheek. Then he sent up a silent prayer for Nick, for bringing Nick to this earth, the Fates for knowing this man. But most of all, for the understanding and strength Nick had and given him. If he didn't possess those attributes, Greg was afraid he would not have been there this morning to live this moment. In this warm embrace, smelling Nick's essence all around, his hot breath against his neck, and if this wasn't worth fighting for, nothing was. He let his body drift off to the familiar feeling and thanked God that Nick didn't let him give up.
Hope you all enjoyed, and hopefully Part 5 won't be too long in coming