Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer". And, based on my use of the characters here, that's probably for the best.

A/N: You've been warned.

The Hidden Diary of William "The Bloody"/Spike

Day One

Was intelligent and sensitive today. Also most impressively British. Wrote poem about it. Mother says I'm the next Christopher Marlowe, only gayer. Makes sense. I am excessively happy.

Day Two

Shared poetry at party. Called next Walt Whitman, only gayer. Who knew my good spirits were so obvious?

Later

Left party in fit of sensitivity. Met insightful woman who cornered me in alley and killed me with her teeth. Otherwise good day.

Day Three

Hark/What lark/Sing-eth at this moon/Tis my mother/Trying to get in/To my pantaloons

Day Four

Death has obviously made me a better writer. Also a serial killer, which is really just a bonus.

Day Five

Killed, like, everyone I know.

Day Six

Drusilla introduced me to tall dark handsome man with tassel fetish. Had trouble on first date. Kept trying to give me makeover. Finally consented to haircut and name change. Still think "Spike" sounds more like a dog's name, but Angelus said it was his "pet name" for me, so I guess makes sense.

Day Twenty-Six

Killed a Slayer! All that practice attacking teen-age girls has finally paid off!

Day Thirty

Angelus left to seek his fortune with gypsies. Darla left to pout about it. Drusilla here but beginning to suspect is not really here here.

Day 1,000

Mob did something vague to Dru that made her physically weak but still creepy as all get out. I wisely practiced "the art of not being there".

Day 1,080

Seventies came, made my nickname cool. I bleached hair and started wearing tight black clothes to go with it. Am now sexier than Angelus on his best days. Ha!

Day 1,085

Killed another Slayer! I must be like a super-duper vampire now! Though, my art is suffering. Haven't written a poem in years.

Day 1,100

Came to a new location/Via modern transportation/Knocked down a sign/Hope it wasn't mine

…Oh yeah, I still got it.

Day 1,101

Reunited with Angelus, is now going for sensitive artist look a century after I abandoned it. So annoying when people copy me.

Later

Decided to kill another Slayer. This shouldn't take long.

Day 1,102

Still gonna kill Slayer. Yep. She is going down.

Day 1,103

Slayer wore dress, lost fighting ability. Will be easy to kill now. Gonna go kill her soon as I finish writing this journal entry. Yep. Gonna kill. Kill the Slayer. Here I go.

Later

Will definitely kill her tomorrow.

Day 1,104

Boy trapped Slayer in crypt for me and friends to kill. Decided was too easy. Will wait until is more of a challenge.

Day 1,106

Hired mercenaries to kill Slayer so I can focus on more important things, like tying Angel topless to post.

Day 1,107

Buffy interrupted my time with Angel to show off with extra-Slayer Kendra. Pretty impressive, but finale caused church to fall on top of me. Sigh.

Day 1,110

Traded walking ability for wheelchair. Beginning to suspect is not as good deal as salesman made sound, but still got to spend day playing wheelchair tag. Quite fun. And Drusilla strong again. Is less float-y, still creepy. Wants to destroy world with giant smurf. Sometimes you just have to humor her.

Day 1,111

Angel came back. Lots of promises about how he'll make it up to me and never leave again. Was gonna turn away, but then saw him in leather pants and knew he meant it. Oh, and Buffy stopped smurf with rocket launcher. Drusilla sad, but still creepy.

Day 1,112

Oz turned out to be werewolf. Don't know why this is surprise. Boy always running around naked in woods biting people.

Day 1,113

Xander quite smoking. Don't know why I didn't notice before. I mean, how many people can look hot in Hawaiian shirts?

Later

Xander not so smoking as previously thought. Now regret investing in "How to Attract Boys" manual. Did get valuable tips though. Always make eye contact and be yourself.

Day 1,114

Angel drew portraits of Buffy and her friends as surprise gifts for them. You'd think they'd be a little more grateful. The man can draw.

Day 1,115

Spent day playing wheelchair tag with Dru. How I value these carefree moments, though wish Angel would play. Instead was visiting sick slayer in hospital. Having same trouble killing her I did. If she just wouldn't make it so darn easy all the time we would do it.

Day 1,116

Hey, I can walk again! Not saying anything yet, as don't want to disappoint Dru. She so loves our wheelchair games.

Day 1,117

Xander turned into fish. Some people just cry for attention.

Day 1,118

Angel excited about giant rock. Sometimes I don't get art.

Later

Angel completely ignoring me now that he has big rock to play with. And no I did not mean it like that, get your mind out of the gutter. Feel strangely jealous, all the same. Off to wander streets in poetic display of neglect and angst.

Day 1,119

Ran into Buffy. Turns out she not so bad. Apologized for trying to kill her so often. She pretended not to know what I was talking about, funny girl. Made deal with her to get Angel away from rock so he'll pay more attention to me.

Later

Deal did not go as planned. Buffy killed Angel. Had to leave town with Dru. Brought wheelchair. At least we can still have fun.