Disclaimer: Joss Whedon's path in life has led him to be the creator and owner of all things "Buffy". My own has led me to shamelessly rip off from him.

The Hidden Diary of Buffy Summers

Day One

Vampires in town so boring. Miss Master. Smashed up his bones for old times sake.

Day Two

Boys built girlfriend out of dead body parts. Maybe town vampires not so bad.

Day Three

Mom totally embarrassed me at school today. How many times have I told her to leave the axe at home?

Day Four

Xander got it on with 500-year-old mummy, yet judges me for vampire fetish.

Day Six

Cordy and I walked in on frat boys worshipping giant phallus in basement. Explains so much.

Day Seven

Seem stuck with Angel as he is only attractive vampire in town. Tried playing game with him, but all he wanted was to dress me up in 18th century drab. Annoying, but then forgot superpower abilities and almost died, so not all bad.

Day Eight

Loser boy who had major crush on me in LA followed me here. Told him I only went for vampires, so he turned himself into one. I mean, how desperate can you get?

Day Nine

Turns out Giles killed one of his friends once. Who knew he was ever cool?

Day Ten

Have new secret admirer. Vampire in town keeps sending me paid assassins. Kind of adventurous.

Day Eleven

Turns out am not only hot chick with superpowers in town. Wouldn't mind except she's killed like five of my boyfriends so far. Tried luring her away with Angel, but then he got kidnapped. Had to burn down church. Suppose am not going to heaven now. Sigh. At least girl left town.

Day Twelve

Mom dated psycho wife-killing robot. Guess I know where I get it from.

Day Thirteen

Health teacher gave us monster eggs to adopt. Everyone turned into murderous drones in service of giant squid. Sometimes I think science teachers just get bored.

Day Fourteen

Angel gave me demon's arm for birthday. At least he's trying.

Later

Took Angel on major shopping spree. Have never seen him so happy.

Day Fifteen

Angel bought new outfit and is like whole different person. Much more peppy, though did try to kill everyone in mall. Can't say I blame him. Mall people so annoying.

Other news: Got rocket launcher for birthday. Best gift ever! Used at mall per Angel's suggestion.

Day Sixteen

Oz turned out to be werewolf. So exciting. Just have to get him away from Willow next full moon…

Day Seventeen

Xander extremely attractive all of a sudden. Went to pursue him but then I spontaneously turned into rat. Weird.

PS. Am no longer rat.

Day Eighteen

Angel pursuing Giles now. Left rose petals and body of his dead girlfriend in his bed. Tried to explain that's just how vampires woo. Giles still upset. Me too. I thought Angel was my boyfriend.

Day Nineteen

Killed childhood bogeyman while I was delirious with flu. Beat that Xena!

Day Twenty

Angel tried to romance me by having us relive moment boy killed his girlfriend and then self. So good to finally get some real attention from him. Wasps a nice touch too.

Day Twenty-One

Xander turned into fish. Suspect is trying to re-capture last year's hyena glory, but the spark just isn't there.

Day Twenty-Two

Angel totally obsessing about giant rock. So annoying. Kendra back in town. Told her she could kill Angel this time if she wanted to.

Later

Dude, totally freaky chick killed Kendra and stole Giles! WTF! Got blamed for it. So not fair.

Day Twenty-Three

Ran into total vampire hottie in street! I was like, "Where have you been all year?" And he said, "Trying to kill you", which you know is just shameless flirting.

Oh, and turns out freaky chick took Giles to Angel. So much for monogamy. Well, I found a really impressive sword and have Spike now, so what do I care?

Later

Decided to show Angel sword. Rammed it through him just for fun. Turns out, if you ram a specific sword through a specific vampire while he is standing in front of a specific rock at a specific moment in time it will actually kill him. Oooops. Decided to leave town til it all blows over.