Fandom: Slam Dunk
Summary: There wasn't anything left to speak of anyway, except that one thing he could never say.
Title: Walking Dead
Author: Hana Rui
Genre: Drama / Shounen-ai
Pairing: Kaede Rukawa x Who / Who x Ayako
No punishment was to ever compare with how he was feeling at that very moment.
"I'll be expecting you there."
How his heart wanted to stop beating, and his breath would hitch with every attempt at drawing it in, letting it out in a conscious struggle to stay alive.
"Kaede?"
How her voice, so gentle and prying at once sounded like a baleful din upon his ears.
"Are you… all right?"
How her simple invitation felt like a dagger slitting his throat, killing him slowly, painfully.
"Uh, yeah."
Liar. How could a man tormented to the very core of his being be all right?
"It would really make the event more special seeing you both there."
How could he have agreed so casually to what his heart thought was a direct insult to his existence? To hers?
"I'll be there, Senpai."
How could this woman be so numb? Then again, how could he expect her to know what he had never taken time to say?
"Good. Then, I'll see you."
"Yeah."
How could he have not seen this coming? How could he have lived his life ignoring this feeling for so long?
"Are you sure you're all right?" she asked, peering into his face with a doubtful frown.
"Yeah."
"C'mon, Kaede-kun, you know you can tell me anything. I mean, what are we best friends for, right?"
Best friends.
"It's nothing, really."
They were best friends, after all. And yet…
"You sure?"
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. There wasn't anything left to speak of anyway, except that one thing he could never say.
"Well then, I better get going. If there's anything you wanna talk to me about, just call, all right?"
But…
"Would it… still be the same? Between us, I mean." Unconsciously, he fiddled with the pink square envelope he held in his hand.
She chuckled and gave him a look like he was insane. "Of course. Why would it have to change? Except that…" Her voice suddenly waned into a murmur, her gaze moving to the ground, as the intended promise ended up drowning in a poorly restrained rush of uncertainty. "… we might not get as much time with each other as we did before."
That's very comforting to know. He almost said it out loud, each huffy word loaded with sarcasm.
"But that shouldn't bother you much, should it?" He could not ignore the bitterness in her voice and the smile she attempted on her lips did not reach her eyes when she looked back at him. "Especially now that Ryota's back."
Seeing beyond the calmness with which she had always shrouded her resentment…
"Aya…"
Hearing her talk about it as though it was the most normal thing…
"It was he you wanted all along."
Like she was never really hurt—it was all worst than getting slapped flat out for what he had inadvertently done.
But whatever bit of sadness or incrimination or regret that came flitting pass her eyes was gone long before he could even confirm its existence, entombed in the depths of her smile.
A deceiving reality that never was, nor ever should be.
"Aya… You don't have to do this." He looked her in the eye, openly begging her to reconsider.
She slowly shook her head and kept up with the smile, "You know there's no other way for me. I carry his child."
"You shouldn't have acted so hastily!" The words went rushing pass his logic, through his trembling lips, like he was never guilty of the same foolishness. "You don't have to marry Akagi-san—!"
"Must we go through this again?" she snapped, instantly clipping the rest of his words. She sighed and reined in the rest of her temper before adding in a calm voice, "Besides, I think I'm beginning to like Nori-chan. All other things should follow after the wedding."
"Aya…" You don't have to keep on lying.
"Tell Ryota to come, all right? And that I still wish you both the best." She reached her arms out to pull his face down for a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I'll be fine, Kaede-kun. You can stop worrying about me now."
Her attempt at assurance fell a hundred yards short of pacifying his guilt.
"I'm…" You don't have to keep on lying.
No matter how many times she had told him he had not been at fault, that she would rather he be with someone they both knew would take very good care of him, he still could not forgive himself for letting his best friend fall into this pit of an unwanted union.
Just because of that one tipsy night he hadn't been able to contain his passion.
Just because of that same fateful night she had spent in another man's arms to forget.
"I'm…" You don't have to keep on lying.
For committing the worst crime someone could ever do to his best friend, no amount of forgiveness was worth every inch of his borrowed breath.
"I'm…"
One lean finger gently lay upon his lips, a hushed warning on its tail, "You don't say sorry for loving someone."
A moment more of silently looking into each other's eyes, sizing up the depth of happiness left in each and finding none, Ayako forged another smile—as she would be doing so for the rest of her life—and quietly turned away.
Kaede felt his heart constrict as he watched her go, her gait never once betraying the deterioration of her spirit. Snow began falling on him and on her retreating form, filling up the path between them with a coldness unacknowledged, unappeased.
There wasn't anything left to speak of anyway, except that one thing he could never say.
I'm sorry…
-end-
Note: Written for 52_flavours livejournal: Theme #07 Snow falling on corpses
Thanks for reading! :)