Dude, Where's My Shard?

by Y2Jen

InuYasha version of 'Dude Where's My Car' as the half demon and the monk Miroku set out to find the lost sacred jewel, while avoiding Sesshomaru, the band of seven, the wolf demon tribe, and especially their angry girlfriends. Bad sum, FIRST INU FIC R&R!

1. Dude, where's the shard?

Disclaimer- I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT ASHTON KUTCHER IN AN INUYASHA COSTUME! mmmm, lol. Enjoy

It was just another day, just another normal day in the lives of two partners in crime. The sun was rising above the clouds, the birds were singing in the trees, flowers were blooming in the field, and once again the shaggy haired half dog demon InuYasha rose from a deep sleep along with his friend, the not so virtuous monk, Miroku. Time for breakfast! Miroku groggily grabbed some of the eggs he'd stolen from a farmers coupe while on their travels. InuYasha had started the fire and sat before it, sleepily running his fingers through his long white hair in an attempt to brush it back to its strait waving glory.

"Morning boys." The raccoon yawned as he appeared from out behind the bushes.

"Morning Hachi." InuYasha and Miroku muttered back. Miroku took a double take, then shook his head as the raccoon went back to sleep behind a rotting log.

"Man, what a rough night." InuYasha groaned, scratching behind one ear with his foot.

"Yeah my head is killing me." Miroku sighed.

"Too much sake?"

"There's never such thing as too much." Miroku smirked. "Especially with the ladies."

"What DID we do last night?" InuYasha laughed but then stopped as Miroku tried to think.

"I dunno." He shrugged. "I don't remember.

"Huh…" InuYasha got up to crack his back as he looked down the ravine towards the town. "Wow." He looked down and noticed the boxes upon boxes of 'ninja snacks'. "Shibby." He yawned again then stopped in mid-yawn. "Oh holy crap!"

"What is it?" Miroku stood up.

"Dam, it's today, I completely forgot it's TODAY!"

"InuYasha, stop, you're really freaking me out." Miroku rushed over.

InuYasha went pale, "It's our anniversary…!"

Miroku held him by the collar and blinked, "Wait, our what…? How drunk WERE we?"

"OUR ANIVERSARY WITH KAGOME AND SANGO!"

"Oh aye Buddha!" Miroku nearly choked on his jumping heart.

"Quick, we have to get to the village!" InuYasha kicked out the flames and turned and dug in his pocket. "Whoa, wait."

"What is it InuYasha?"

InuYasha felt all around himself, then looked around the site frantically, "Dude where's my shard?"

"Where's your shard dude?" Miroku looked around the campsite.

"Dude, where's the shard!"

"Where's the shard dude."

"DUDE, Kagome is gonna kill me." InuYasha growled and paced around. "That's it, get on.!" He crouched down onto his haunches. Miroku just stared. "Dude it's already sun up, we said we'd be there before dawn!"

"Right!" Miroku nodded and then gulped as he mounted InuYasha. InuYasha ran quickly, the whole time Miroku quietly sobbed to himself.

"Oh, no…" InuYasha gulped again.

"InuYasha, what did you DO last night?"

"I told you I don't remember." InuYasha whimpered.

"Oh man." Miroku shook his head as they looked back up at the hut. It was a WRECK! The shingles on the roof were broken, the door was hanging by one string, the walls were covered in mud, dirt, and food, the lawn was all dug up and there were quite a few half eaten ramen bowls scattered along the path to the porch. Half of a dead demon was next to the steps. "We are so, dead…"

InuYasha raised his hand to knock at the hanging remains of the door flap but it fell in the wind caused by the motion of his arm. So, he just went in, "Hello? Anybody home?"

"Sango?"

"Kagome?" InuYasha looked around, Miroku followed, stepping over the garbage and wreckage inside the hut.

"Maybe, they weren't here?" Miroku shrugged.

"There you are!" The familiar voice growled, causing Miroku to tense like a pole.

"SIT!" The shrill shriek caused InuYasha to slam to the floor. "SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIIIIIT!"

"Uh, I think you've killed him." Miroku held up his hands like a convict.

"You've got some nerve showing up here after what you did last night." Sango growled like transformed Kirara.

"What, did we do last night?" InuYasha asked, a mouth and face full of dirt.

"Excuse me?" Kagome's eyebrow twitched.

"He asked what we did last night." Miroku asked meekly only to get a leer from Sango.

Sango and Kagome looked at each other, then turned back to their men, "YOU SHOWED UP AT ONE IN THE MORNING, TRASHED OUR HOUSE WITH SOME CREEPS YOU APPARENTLY JUST MET OUT ON THE STREET! YOU ATE EVERYTHING, YOU DRANK THREE BARRALS OF SAKE, YOU DROWNED TWO YOUNG HALF ASLEEP VILLAGERS, FIVE HORSES WERE RELEASED INTO THE FOREST, YOU WERE RUDE TO KAEDE, RUINED ALL THE SCHOOL BOOKS IN THE HOUSE, THREW UP IN THE BACKPACK."

"And on yes." Kagome smiled. "YOU RUINED MY BIKE WHEN YOU THREW IT DOWN THE CLIFF!" InuYasha went to speak. "SIIIIITT!" Faceplant through the floorboards. "OH, my mother is going to KILL me."

"Sorry...?" InuYasha pulled a splinter out of his tongue.

"But that's NOTHING compared to what we have in store for you." Sango rolled up a sleeve and prepared a slap as Kirara hissed and fluffed up down by her feet.

"Okay, alright, whoa, hold on." Miroku finally stopped the hormone ranting.

"Now what."

"We, are REALLY sorry." InuYasha gulped. "Frankly, we don't even remember what we did last night."

"What?" Kagome's faced softened quietly.

"Look, why don't you ladies head to the spa for a relaxing bath, and we'll take care of everything here at the hut." Miroku smiled. "As our way of making amends for the other night."

"Well." Sango rubbed behind her neck.

"We could use some rest, we've been getting things back from hell all morning." Kagome sighed and then looked at Miroku and InuYasha. "Alright, we'll give you a chance to redeem yourselves."

"Oh, thank you." InuYasha bowed his head deeply.

"You're so cute." Sango smiled and grabbed a towel as she and Kagome turned to go.

Miroku reached out to stroke her bottom but InuYasha slapped it down, "DUDE, calm down, we have to behave if we want the girls to forgive us."

"Right. Hey, where are our gifts?"

"Gifts…?"

"It's our first year together, we have to have gotten them presents, right? We can't screw that up!"

"Right." InuYasha nodded with a grin.

"So where are the...?"

"Where are what?"

"The gifts!"

"Oh." InuYasha began to think. "I dunno… OH, I'll bet if we came to the village, we left them at Kaede's place!"

"Right, we should go see Kaede."

"Shippo better not have opened them neither." InuYasha growled deep in his throat.

"Calm down boy, we still have to clean up."

"Right." InuYasha nodded and the boys got to work and soon everything was in the big strange black bags that Kagome had left out for them. "Hefty, hefty, hefty…"

"Shut up." Miroku growled as he tried to balance one of the bags.

"How are we going to fit these out the door?" InuYasha looked over his shoulder as he pulled the other black bag.

"Hey, we could squish them to fit!"

"Right!' InuYasha beamed and stepped on it, air hissed out.

"Careful, careful..!"

"I got it, I got it." InuYasha pushed down slowly but a plastic fork popped out of one of the top tie hole. "Oh no!"

"I got it." Miroku went to set down the other bag slowly.

"No, no, leave it!"

"I gotta go back for it." Miroku reached out with his staff, not realizing one of the rings had torn a hole in the bag he held.

"No way man, you're crazy." InuYasha gulped.

"I got it!" Miroku cheered.

"Alright!" InuYasha slammed his foot to the floor. "Aw shi…" The bag burst and scattered trash through out the house once again.

"You know..." Miroku put a finger on his chin. "I could've just used my wind tunel."

"Son of a…"

"SIIIIIT!"

InuYasha sat on Miroku's back, "Oh my spine!"

"InuYasha…!"

"Miroku…!"

"Oh no." Miroku looked up to see both girls covered in trash after their baths. "Listen, girls…"

"GET OUT NOW!"

Both men ran out of the village, "SORRY!"

The boys ran all the way back to their campsite panting, "Damn, now I know why we were out here under the stars and not in the warm sheets with our women." Miroku sighed sadly.

"Look, we can fix this alright?" InuYasha brushed through his bangs. "Look let's just go to Kaede, she should know what to do about this."

"Right, she's a wise old woman." Miroku nodded and they both ran back down to the village.

"Plus man, maybe she's seen my shard."

"Let me see if I understand this." Kaede put down her cup after taking a sip of green tea. "You don't remember what happened last night. You went to see Kagome and Sango to find their house practically in ruins. And you not only lost the jewel shards, but misplaced the gifts for your anniversary?"

"Correct." The boys nodded.

"You guys are so stupid." Shippo jumped up over Kaede's shoulder.

"Why you." InuYasha balled up a fist.

"Sit boy." Miroku put a hand on his shoulder.

"Shippo settle down." Kaede sighed. Shippo lit a stick of incense. "Good boy."

"Uh, Kaede?" Miroku raised a hand slightly.

InuYasha scratched his cheek with one claw, "What is that he's doing?"

"It's a new incense we got from a trader who came to down yesterday afternoon. It's very popular."

"It's really good." Shippo giggled with a hiccup. "You should try it."

"……alright." InuYasha went forward.

"No." Miroku growled firmly. "Look Kaede, do YOU know what we did last night?"

"Well let's see." Kaede folded her hands in her lap. "Hmm, well, last I remember seeing you was yesterday morning. You said you were going to the bazaar out of town to find something nice for the girls."

"Right, the traveling bazaar!"

"Let's go Miroku!"

"Right!"

The boys ran off and Kaede picked her cup back up, "Those boys, I swear every day is such an adventure, their minds have to restart themselves just to hold it all."

"Aw just chill Kaede." Shippotwitched laughingly through his teeth, drooling like a mad dog.

"Hmm." Kaede took another sip of her tea. "Maybe I really should've asked more about those new herbs before purchasing them for the little fox."

"Man I'm hungry." InuYasha growled with his stomach. "That strange smoke made me REALLY hungry."

"Yeah, maybe we can get some food at the rest stop up the trail."

"Right." InuYasha nodded and they both ran off up the path out of the village again. "But dude..."

"Yeah?"

"Where IS that shard?"

A/N: So..? What do you think! Good start to a possible fic you all might like to read? Let me know if I should continue, I've had this planned to write for a while and I know I'm a lazy procrastinator, but I finally just got around to it. Oh and plus, I put a link to a pic in my profile that goes along with this story. It's one of my favorite movies. For those of you who aren't familiar, basically InuYasha and Miroku forgot last night. InuYasha lost the jewel shard, and they've misplaced their aniversary gifts to the girls, if you can't tell. The wolf demon tribe is out to beat them up on a daily basis, and Kikyo has come to finally seek the jewel from InuYasha. InuYasha also had two more items the night before, Bankotu's Banryu and Sesshomaru's Tokajin, and they're both after him as well. Basically InuYasha made a real mess of things he has to fix from a night he's forgotten, and he doens't have much time becauseif Kohaku and the demon slayers don't get to him first, the samurai will.