I returned of course. And she had clearly expected me to follow, because she had left me with Jack. It touched me, in a way, that they trusted me enough to leave me with one of their all important working horses.

I barely let her get out of sight before gathering my senses together and leaping up onto Jack with a grace I had managed to retain from being a Companion and managed to urge the poor old horse into a canter, slipping on the ice and snow encrusted road until we caught up with Lucy and Teryl, upon which Jack didn't even try to keep going. He clearly knew where he wanted to catch up to.

"I'm sorry!" I called out and Teryl pulled Lucy back so Jack and I could walk alongside her. It was tight, but we managed and I tried to avoid bumping our legs together- if only because I realized now it had come out like I had liked her. Which I didn't.

"I should hope so," she said a bit darkly and I winced inwardly.

"I hope you know I was trying to… to court you or anything," I said, glancing sideways through my now messy white hair, "I didn't- I really wasn't…"

"It's all right," she said, stealing a glance over at me now, and I saw her eyes weren't angry, only thoughtful.

I couldn't help but sigh in relief, bending over my saddle and letting my hands touch Jack's neck before looking back at her with a grin, "So how about Haven?"

"It does sound fun…" she said and then gave me a suspicious look, "But I can't help and suspect your motives."

"No motives," I said quickly and then laughed again and added, "Except that I'd like to show you a good time."

"But Dash can't come," she said and I saw a flash in her eyes as she said his name and I looked away.

He was so old for her. It could be an arranged marriage, probably was, considering. And I supposed it was a good thing they loved each other… But still. I shrugged to myself- I'd been a Herald too long, with relationships built totally on love and marriage only occurring rarely. That brought a smile to my lips. Heralds were said to be a bit… well… different in that area, I guess it was time someone brought me back to reality.

"I suppose it's up to him and your father," I said with a shrug, patting Jack absentmindedly and praying Yael would decide Dash too important, and I felt a twinge of guilt now… I'd be taken away daughter and beloved. What kind of monster was I, one of the white demons of Karsite imagination?

Havens… I couldn't Choose Teryl- she was too needed. If I Chose her, her sense of duty would superimpose her need to be with Dash, but there was no way they could ever be together- he'd be needed here, and she'd be needed there and I wouldn't break up a love like theirs, no matter how weird it was.

I sighed, and decided I'd have to be off the next day, and find a way to thank their kindness. But taking away Teryl would be no way to repay them and I pulled my thoughts away to stare at the white rolling expanses of farmland and lose myself in it. Lose myself in white the way someday I hoped a young boy or girl would lose themselves in blue… my blue. Someday…

By the time we entered the farmhouse once more and stamped our shoes free of snow the sun was setting and I felt frozen to the bone. And this time, as Dash came over, I saw, and I noticed, and I blushed to realize my ignorance. He said little, as always, but he took her clothes and hung them near the fire to dry, he watched her from the corner of his eye… I supposed I should be happy for them, but I could only find it in myself to be sick- not at them, but at what I hadn't seen before, what I had hoped could be, that was only a dream.

That evening, after a silent dinner I prepared myself for a silent sitting in the living room, as always, yet this time Dash didn't gaze off, he turned his light eyes on me. I fidgeted in the chair, wondering what to do and what I would do if he chose to gaze at me all night.

"How long until the festivals?" he asked and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Uh," I said, shivering not from cold, "Uh... two weeks."

When, when, had he learned about this? I was with Teryl constantly since then and never had she said a word… But oh- she was Gifted wasn't she? I frowned at myself and then peered back at Dash, wondering how to tell him I no longer could bring Teryl with me.

"She can go," he said and Yael looked up.

"Go where?" he asked, in an unassuming, simply curious tone.

"The Midwinter festivals in Haven!" she said excitedly, inching closer to Dash. He picked up his arm and draped it around her shoulders, turning his head so he might whisper in her ear. I didn't catch what was said, but once more it brought to my attention the way they both centered around each other in such obvious ways.

I blamed my ignorance on my Companion lifestyle. What would a horse like being know of human courting? That was bull of course- I could still remember hazily being a human, and a Herald. I should have known, but I would never have guessed, never suspected… and sometimes belief is stronger than sight. If I had been in my Companion form this never would have happened- being human was muddling me.

"Ah," Yael said, glancing over at me, "I see. If it's all right with Dash it's fine with me."

I blinked in surprise, glancing between the three of them. They must know each other very well- such underlying communication, such understanding… even without mind speech it was clear they were a tight knit family.

Very well… I thought resignedly, I would take Teryl to Haven. She deserved it, I supposed, to see the beauty, the wonder. But never as a Herald. No, not in this life anyway.