Chapter 13: Choices.

Tony leant against the doorframe and watched Abby work. There was something that was life affirming in her every movement, the room around her buzzing with positive energy. It was what he needed right now. The frown left his features for the first time in hours.

She was walking across the room, her head dancing to some music that, for a change, wasn't blaring out for others to hear, not that it mattered, she didn't need to hear it; it was there in her head. She was partway across when she spotted him. Her face lighting up with a radiant smile as she positively bounded across the remaining distance towards him, the screech that she uttered made Tony give a slight wince and then she shouted his name with glee. "Tony Tony! Nobody told me you were out of hospital; they didn't tell me you were here." She made to give him a hug. Stopping just a few inches away with her arms in mid-embrace. She pulled back, looking at him with sudden concern "Is it all right? Can I?" She gestured with her hands.

"It's OK Abby I won't break." Tony smiled at her, and it was a genuine smile as she folded her arms around him and squeezed. The embrace was warm and comforting and positive, and everything that Tony needed. "If I'd known I was going to get this sort of welcome I would have come here first." He said, as they rocked slightly together.

Then Abby pulled back, realising that her enthusiasm was, as usual, a little over the top for what people would consider to be normal, not that it ever fazed her. "It's just good to see you up and around." She looked into his eyes and then allowed her gaze to drop, pulling back and bouncing a little as she studied him. Her gaze lingering as she seemed to spot for the first time the bandage on his neck. "Hey, that is perfectly positioned," she stated.

Tony looked a little confused.

"I know some parties you could go to where a neck bandage like that is considered to be a serious turn on." She mocked vampire fangs with her fingers.

Tony smiled again. "No thanks, no offence but long black hair and deathly pale skin, just doesn't do it for me Abs, and I doubt you get any well tanned blondes at those sorts of parties."

Abby looked thoughtful, a glint forming in her eye. "Oh I don't know, if you go to the ones that have fallen foul of the 'Buffy Influence' you might." She stepped back. "I could get you some invites to the right ones if you'd like."

Tony allowed a chuckle as he waved his finger, as a less painful alternative to shaking his head. "I'll still pass," he stated lightly.

Abby's phone began to ring and she automatically turned to answer it. He moved to intercept, taking hold of her wrists to stop her. The pressure was gentle and she didn't resist. She just gave him a curious look.

"Whoever that is. You haven't seen me."

She raised an eyebrow. "Even Gibbs?"

"Especially Gibbs." Tony answered emphatically, holding eye contact for a second before releasing her to take the call.

She picked up the receiver. "Oh Hi McGee,"

She looked up at him and he gave her his best pleading look not to give him away. She hadn't actually said she wouldn't.

"Tony? No, no I haven't seen him."

He breathed a huge sigh, relaxing a little at her words.

"So, what's up?" She listened for a moment. "Yeah, if he shows up here I'll call you." She replaced the receiver and watched Tony for a moment. "Want to tell me what all that was about?" She gestured down at the phone.

Tony tried to ignore the question. "Thanks for not giving me away."

Abby stared at him again, noticing for the first time how pale and tired he looked. The heavy rings under his eyes, and the slight wrinkles that gave away the fact that he was in pain. "McGee sounded worried."

Tony looked down at the ground, when he looked up again his expression gave away the guilt that he felt. These were his friends; they were trying to help him. They deserved better from him. He wished fervently that he could be stronger, but knew that he didn't have it in him. Not right now, maybe never, not that he wouldn't try to come back; he would, just not now, not today. . .and then the small voice in his mind echoed, maybe never. "I know," he said softly, "I kinda ran out on him."

"Is there a reason?" Abby's curiosity seemed somehow gentle, not demanding.

Tony sighed, looking down at the floor again. He turned to rest his weight on the edge of the table. There was silence. Abby didn't push, didn't make him feel under pressure. She just watched and waited, unnaturally still for her, and yet it seemed entirely natural.

"Gibbs thinks I should go and see. . .Jeffrey." Tony stated hesitantly, his eyes still aimed at the floor although he didn't see it. "I think he thinks it will help."

"And you don't think it will?"

"Oh, no, I'm sure that it will." Tony turned to look at her, meeting and holding her gaze. "I just can't do it."

"Can't?" Abby asked, still gently curious.

"Can't," Tony confirmed. "Do you remember when you couldn't go down to Autopsy?"

"Yes, I. . ."Abby allowed her thoughts to drift back to that time, the cold sweats, the abject terror; her inability to even press the button on the elevator that would take her there. "Oh," she said quietly, looking for and finally seeing the fear in his eyes as he met her gaze once more. "Oh," she repeated, her tone changing to one of true understanding. "What are you going to do?"

Tony gave her another smile. "I was thinking of running away," he stated.

She stared at him again, but only for a moment. He needed more time; he knew what he needed to do, he just needed more time. She could help him with that. She gave him a conspiratorial smile. "OK, how can I help?"

NCISNCIS

Abby gave him the all clear sign and he moved further out into the underground lot. "OK," she said in her best stage whisper. "I've got Ducky's keys to the truck."

"You're wonderful Abs," Tony stated. "I won't forget this."

"So, what are you going to do when you get home?" she asked.

"Sleep for a week," Tony lied, the fatigue was starting to turn to exhaustion. It had been a long day, and any reserves of energy he'd had had long since deserted him, but he wasn't at all sure that he was even capable of sleep, was afraid of the nightmares it would bring. What he really needed was to get away from here, to get away from the things he just couldn't yet face; they were close to the van now and Tony couldn't remember when he'd seen a more welcome sight.

"Yes, well you do need the rest."

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, the soft baritone making the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. Silently he turned to face Gibbs, the muscles in his abdomen cramping just on the edge of pain. His eyes closed briefly as he uttered a silent curse- busted.

"Sorry Tony," Abby said beside him, and he caught the look of guilt on her face. She had known Gibbs would be here; maybe she had called him. He stared for a moment, his expression a mixture of confusion and betrayal.

"He was there when I went to get the keys off of Ducky," she explained, shrugging.

"S'okay," he managed to say, watching as she tossed the keys to Gibbs.

"I'll be in my lab if you need me," she stated, before making her escape.

Tony turned back to face Gibbs, unable to hide the look of guilt. "Hey Gibbs I. . . er. . ." He was at a loss for words. He stared at Gibbs expression, trying to gauge just how much trouble he was in.

Gibbs let him struggle for only a moment; normally he encouraged this fear from Tony. He wanted it, it kept him on his toes, made him work harder, made him a good agent, but at this particular moment it grated. Made him feel every inch of the bastard in his reputation, for the second time in as many days, and it hurt. This was more emotion, more pain than Gibbs was used to handling. "Get in the truck Dinozzo," he stated.

Tony looked dazed; this was clearly not what he expected.

"Get in the truck; I'm taking you home."

It took time for Tony's frazzled neurons to connect the dots. Gibbs didn't sound angry, in fact he was offering to take him home. Tony blinked twice, as though that would clear any illusions. He willed his muscles to work. "Yeah. . .uh Thanks boss."

Gibbs watched as Tony moved, desperately wishing he could be more open with his feelings, his concern. Tony had enough fear, shouldn't need to, shouldn't have to be afraid of his own boss, not right now, and yet Gibbs couldn't offer him any more comfort and support than a lift home. It just wasn't in him; three failed marriages were a testament to his inability to express his feelings, too much military training, too much successful suppression. So why in all hell did it hurt so much? He ground his jaw in frustration and climbed into the driver's seat of the truck, wondering as Tony strapped himself, in how long it would be before Tony could face climbing into a car again.

NCISNCIS

It was the little things, the fact that she didn't need to hide her purse, and check that there was nothing incriminating in it because he would find it anyway. She could leave her cell phone openly on her desk without worrying about calls being answered. She could eat the healthiest of meals without anyone making a comment. She could report to Gibbs without worrying about her information being upstaged by something that he had found out, infuriating her because she hadn't seen him put an ounce of effort into its production. She could work at her desk and not worry about small missiles hitting her or her computer screen; there were no innocent poses as she turned to track their source, not that she didn't know it was him but he could certainly pull the 'picture of beatific innocence' look when he wanted to. She could have normal rational conversations with no arguments.

She hated it.

It was the little things that made her hate it. His empty desk and chair mocking her, his deliberate minimal contact worrying. He'd called in at precisely 9a.m. each day. He was fine, but he wouldn't be in today, still tired and sore. He'd come in as soon as he felt well enough. They shouldn't worry or try to visit; he'd probably be asleep. He'd call back tomorrow.

He always rang Kate, asked her to pass the message to Gibbs. She always tried to argue, tried to get him to agree to come in. He always politely but firmly refused, and that was another part of the problem, he was too damn polite with her. It was as if she was a total stranger to him.

Today was different. Gibbs perched on the edge of her desk at exactly 8.58 a.m. and waited, his intentions clear. When the phone rang he picked it up.

"It's time Tony," he stated quietly.

In the brief conversation in the truck they had come to an agreement. NCIS couldn't hang on to the bodies of Donaldson and White indefinitely. Gibbs would delay closing the case for a few more days to give Tony the chance to make some decisions. The same choices Gibbs had given him in the hospital. Get past it, or clear his desk.

Gibbs needed his decision, they both did.

Could he get past it?

Gibbs waited for an answer.