A/N: Hey all! Today is my first day of winter break! Woot! Thanks very much to:
TheWildWind, vampslayer04, ElfAnanya, d2queen, and ShadowHunterMashell for reviewing the last chapter! And here is the story...
"No," I shook my head and jumped to my feet, staring at them in annoyance, "No I didn't. That's impossible- that's… silly."
"You'll have to change yourself back, there's no other way," Elspeth said to me and Rolan snorted in agreement from behind me.
"No!" I shouted, whirling around at the multitude of serious faces and feeling my insides crush down into each other, "No- that's not true. I didn't change myself, how could I? How could I?"
Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and I hated them, because Companion's don't cry and how was I supposed to turn myself back if I was acting like a human? With a sudden cry of revulsion I tore off my scarf and gloves and jacket and then I was pulling off my boots and pants and throwing them away. I could bear the touch of the cloth on my skin. It was cold, but it was real and when I stood naked and white before them I turned once more.
:You're wrong: I said, :You have to be wrong.:
"We're trying to help you…" Elspeth started and I laid my ears back at her, my eyes narrowed and my body poised defensive.
Rolan stepped in front of me then, his ears back at me and I immediately cowed, embarrassed at my show of rage. :Daneric: he said, :Listen to them. They still may be able to help you:
I sank to the ground, not feeling the cold snow, or the chill wind blowing my mane around my face and neck, hating the fact that I sat in a position no Companion could manage and before I knew it gentle hands were lifting me and I was sitting astride a Companion- Rolan, a position that repulsed me. This is not where I am supposed to be.
And then before I knew it, I was staring at green walls and a warm blanket covered me, but somehow I was cold all over, shivering and feeling terrible, and sometimes I saw Elspeth, other times it was Healers, and even a few times Teryl's sweet face swam before my eyes, but then she was gone, and I was alone with my pain.
They told me I was out for a week, and I told them it felt like longer. They said the combination of the shock, the cold, and the exposure had all meshed together and I was just sick. And that was why my mouth tasted like medicine and I happened to have a bed, a human, bed in the Healer's Collegium. I still felt sick- but it was only in my mind now.
They had dressed me in soft whites- Heraldic whites, and I wondered if they were suggesting something, or if those had simply been the most appropriate clothing for a Companion turned Herald.
On the second day that I was better Rolan came in. All the way in, his hooves chiming on the tiled floors and his horsy scent filling the room. My nose no longer identified it as normal- it was something else, but I held back my tears- because Companion's don't cry.
:Daneric: he asked and I nodded glumly, :Tell me all that you can remember before you were changed.:
I looked over his shoulder and saw Talia standing in the doorway. The Queen's Own. The Empath. Was I in need of emotional Healing? I wouldn't have said so a week ago, or even a few months ago. But if what they told me was true, and I had changed myself, then I really didn't know what to say.
"I," I started and then quickly switched to mind speech, :I was…:
I suddenly realized I couldn't remember. The moments when I'd first transformed, they were vivid. Strong. The experience of seeing with different eyes, moving with different muscles… And the days before, I'd been traveling, searching the land for a Chosen that hadn't come to find me first. But that night? What had I been doing, traveling at night?
Talia came all the way in and sat down at the end of my bed. I felt her as a light weight and I winced at the reminder that I was not as I should be. Why wasn't I changing back, if I had changed myself? Why couldn't I change myself back? Why was I still lying here, human?
"Keep going," she urged, in a soft, almost childish voice that calmed me and soothed me.
I took a deep breath and said, "I was going by night. I didn't want to stop, because I had a feeling my Chosen was just around the corner, if I could just go a little farther. I was right too- Dacian"-
"That night," Talia reminded me and I pushed my thoughts away of my far away to be Chosen. He could wait, he'd been waiting this long already.
"I can't remember," I whispered, pulling myself up right and hating every movement I made, "I can't remember."
"Yes you can," Talia said, reaching out and taking my hand in her own small ones. I winced, and looked away, hating the glimpse I'd gotten of the long, pale fingers. They were like bony bars on a cage.
"I can't," I whispered, my voice a gentle breath.
She waited for an hour, and the left, Rolan following behind her. Each day she came back, but I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried. Not even Teryl's delighted visits in the rusty red colors of a Bardic Trainee could jar or inspire anything. I tried, I really did, and I pushed myself because they were trying to help me so.
And finally, someone made a suggestion I liked- "Why not go get Dash?" It was Teryl, and I saw a glimpse of longing in her eyes as she said so. The Bardic Collegium had no doubt sent a letter- and her as well, but that didn't stop her from missing him. I missed him too. Somewhere in the weeks she'd been told about my decision to Choose him- I can't remember who I told, probably Talia and Rolan… but it seemed everyone knew my story by now.
"Would you like that?" Talia asked me from the other side of the bed and I nodded, feeling too choked up to answer. Yes, Havens yes…
"We can send for him"- Talia started.
"No," I said, shaking my head so that my forelock fell once more into my eyes.
Talia added, "Or we could go to him."
"We?" I asked, looking surprised.
"Maybe a different place will jar those memories. The Queen can spare me- she's busy anyway," Talia said, "So we yes. Rolan, you, and me."
"I can't come?" Teryl protested and I could tell she felt left out, her soft brown eyes protesting silently along with her voice.
Talia shook her head, "Not unless the Bardic Collegium gives you leave from your studies. And don't worry, I doubt we'll return without Dash."
Not if I had anything to say about it anyway.
A/N: Reviewers will be given candy canes!