Here's chapter 1, I made some changes to this chapter and I hope they improve the quality of the writing.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the songs those belong to my heroes… the wonderful bands… AFI and OUR LADY PEACE, please don't sue me guys, I love you… I also don't own anything created by the great Joss Whedon and his gang of genius writers… u all rock! I down own Karen and Mary.
On to the fic…
Confessions from the cuckoo's nest
CHAPTER #1
Karen flew the little brush plane over a few large lakes and forests, her spirits were higher than the plane today, and she woke up smiling. It wasn't a familiar feeling for a person like her but it was a welcome change.
She thought as she sang along to the radio and had bought some beer and chocolate for the little ranger's station in Cuckoo's Valley. She glanced at the groceries in the back of the small plane.
Maybe it was time for another guy. She thought to her self. Her last break up had been quick and their feelings had been mutual. She still had feelings for Oz but they were more of concern and devoted friendship.
Oz had shown up at the ranger's station on a rainy night almost half a year ago. He had come. After a long period of time on the road. He had been tired and ready to stay for a week or so just to sleep somewhere not on wheels. Needless to say he had stayed a little while longer than planned.
Karen had been surprised when Oz had come to her one night. They had talked a while and had immediately clicked. Karen wasn't the best looking fish in the sea but that didn't seem to matter to Oz. He seemed to find her short brown hair, tall frame and Texan accent rather charming.
He had told her things that she couldn't believe at first, that the wood around them were packed with monsters she had never heard about. She hadn't believed him at first, mostly because he had also told he all monkeys were French. But one night he took her out with him and she witnessed first hand some pretty un-nerving things.
Then, when they had broken it off a few weeks ago Karen had found something out about Oz that she hadn't known before, and it wasn't the fact that he was a werewolf either.
Karen shook her head sadly. No. This wasn't going to ruin her good day. She thought to herself as she circled the landing strip and slowly made her descent to the ground. She made a smooth, perfect landing and smiled to herself again.
She locked the landing gear and turned around to grab the groceries. She then opened the door and glanced through the windshield and saw Mary running toward her. Karen sighed. The little waitress was always happy and up beat now she looked pale.
"Oz threw up." Mary said when she got there looking worried. "That's regular when the body is denied something it thinks it needs." Karen said looking grim. Mary looked down, not really knowing what to say. It was quiet for a few seconds.
Karen looked up and saw Oz slowly walking toward them as well. Mary noticing the tension between them took the bags from Karen, and started walking back to the small restaurant.
"I told you it wasn't healthy." Karen said looking Oz in the face as he approached. The redness on Oz's face said it all. No need for words. "I'm not addicted, I don't need it, and I use it because I can." It said silently.
"And it makes you feel good…" Karen said raising an eyebrow. Oz's face only got redder. His first excuse was that he could handle it his body was different from other peoples, and he wasn't addicted.
That's when Karen had dared him to go 3 weeks with out cocaine. This is where they stood now. "I'm not addicted." Oz said raising his chin. "Denial." Karen said naming the first component of realization. "I'm not!" Oz said a little louder. "Anger." Karen said checking them off now on her fingers. Oz turned around in frustration and started walking away.
Karen tossed the keys at him and he caught them without turning around. "Go for a fly, clear your mind." Karen said quietly. Oz turned around. His facial expression had changed and he was now pale and sweaty. Karen looked at him gravely before getting out of the way and walking back to the diner.
When she got inside she heard the engine go off. "What's happening?" Mary asked curiously. "Oz is going out for a while." Karen answered. "You think he should be flying in his condition?" Mary asked frowning. "I trust him," Karen answered quietly
She rummaged in the nearest bag and pulled the tab on a beer. "He's a natural," she repeated trying to comfort her. Her good mood dissipated with each sip as she listened to the small plane take off.
Oz sighed in frustration. The self-conscious 'old' Oz always knew his drug use was always a factor, though his body wasn't affected in the same way because of his lycanthropy. He had started it, harmlessly enough to deal with the sadness and the un-settled feeling that came from his break up with Willow, and to cure a bit of depression which had come naturally with his transformation in the middle of the day.
When he had found he didn't really need it anymore and time had cured some of his huge emotional scars and he could control the wolf better than he ever could before, he just kept going with the drug use instead of easing off it like he had initially planned.
Now he decided as he flew above the huge mass of forest below him he had gone too far. Much to his surprise… he didn't care.
He didn't care about much anymore, his life felt hollow with out her. But nothing was going to happen. Oz reached up and wiped some of his own cold sweat from his pale forehead. He took the plane through a sharp turn and was soon consumed by the music in his c.d. player and flying the plane. His mind went suddenly blank
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever every haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I can say
I'm drawn to and blackened skies are turned blue
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be not angels gracing the line,
Just these dark words I find
Oz frowned as he woke up from his trance like state, a whole new round of emotions stirred up in his chest. This had been Willow's favorite song. He then suddenly got a whole new wave of cravings. Oz fought the instinct to twitch and tried to keep his hand steady on the stick as he searched the cockpit for any trace of scent from his secret stash. He found nothing and cried out in frustration.
I'd try to smile, but I'm too weak
Oz looked around the cockpit desperately for something to keep his mind off the craving angry with himself that he hadn't hidden the stuff better.
I'd share with you, could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me
He found some gum in the passengers seat and stuffed a bunch of pieces in his mouth and chewed frantically. He sighed as the craving let off a little bit and closed his eyes. Suddenly he saw a flash of light and opened his eyes and looked out at the darkening sky. Another streak of lightning flashed across the sky. This wasn't right he thought to himself it had been sunny only seconds before.
Suddenly he felt something deep in his core an anger he had never felt before. It felt like Willow… for a moment he wondered if this was really Willow, or if he had simply convinced myself that it was she.
This felt so dark. His Willow wasn't dark. Then again he hadn't known Willow for sometime now, still he felt a voice whispering in the back of my head Go. Go to her. Oz bit his lip; he had enough troubles as it was. Besides, she wouldn't need his help anyways….
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I love, I make-believe,
Imagine hard, I disappear seems,
No one will love me in my dreams
Oz turned the plane around and headed for the nearest town. He bit his lip and listened to the rain pelting the little cockpit and finally just flew above the clouds and turned on the satellite tracking system. He was about 28 miles from the closest town; he still wasn't really sure what he was doing. Going back for Willow or to go pick up his latest order to the white stuff.
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be not angels gracing the line,
Just these dark words I find
I'd try to smile, but I'm too weak
Oz looked up into the clear of the open sky, a full moon was rising and everything felt tranquil compared to the storm below. Lightning lit up the whole scene and for a split second he saw a familiar girl standing on a loose cloud. Could it be Tara? He asked himself. He blinked and she was gone. The storm had dissipated and most of his cravings were gone.
That was weird, he thought to himself wondering if what he had seen had really happened or if he had just imagined it. Maybe he really had gone overboard with the drug use and this was all a dream. He smiled to himself and watched the moon rise higher.
I'd share with you, could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me…
Nah, he was fine, if anything the wolf inside him begging to come out was a reminder of his consciousness. He had managed to keep it back for so long now it had come as second nature. That was one of the only things he was actually genuinely proud of that had happened in his life. Oz smiled again. Not a wolf in sight he thought. He brought his hand up and scratched is face. That's when he realized that a single tear had fallen down his cheek. What was going on! He thought to himself…
Just how much you…
A large piece of him knew the worst was yet to come and yet he found he really truly believed he could get through it.
Hurt me…(AFI)
As he landed he went and told the guy at the gas station to fill it up and started the engine to his good old V.W. It was now green. He drove to the nearest 7-11.
It was across the street from an elementary school. Oz watched as a bunch of kids. Played tag across playground. He entered the 7-ll and grabbed some beef jerky and a coke. Not the white stuff the cola stuff. He sat at a picnic table and watched as the kids ran back and fourth laughing and giggling.
There was a cool wind in the air but the rain had let up. Suddenly he smelt something… raw power an energy he had never felt before. He stood up and looked around. He turned around and she was there. Black haired and vainey. The children had stopped playing and were staring at her, Oz ran to cover them but he was too slow,
With a devilish smile she waved her hand and suddenly all 6 of the little children were dead. Oz stared at the one he loved she stared back. "You were the one that first brought me to Tara, and you must die." Dark Willow stated.
Oz felt tears stinging his eyes. "I'M SORRY! I THOUGHT I COULD DO BETTER FOR YOU!" Oz cried. "Insolate fool, you shall pay for what you have done to me!" the thing resembling Willow cried. Suddenly felt something grab a hold of him and then he felt a piercing pain in his leg. It jolted throughout his body. He cried out in pain as he was flung one way, then another
"Now do you know my suffering?" Willow cried. Oz didn't answer and he was flung against the concrete wall breaking the wall and going through the gas station.
Sorry-O.L.P.
Today's the reason for living
Today's the blood from the stone
Today's the light from the candle
Helping us find our way home
Today we carry each other
Today the past is a freak
Today is the time for forgiveness
You were never really that good to me
I'm sorry I can't lie
I wasted too much time
Drowning, I've been blind
But I've opened up my eyes
Sorry I can't lie
So today I'll say goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye.
Today is tasting honey
Today's the strike of the match
Today's the lines in the pavement
Helping us find our way back
Today's crosses we carry
Today's strength we need
Today's the hand of an angel
You were not the kind to believe
Today we carry each other
Today we do what we should
Today is the time for forgiving
Today I wish I could
Oz got up and looked into Willow eyes. He knew he was dead. Her eyes were so cold. He was backed into a corner. Her cold coal black eyes pierced his like steel. He looked into them with a look of disbelief on his face. How could this be the same person? And for a split second he noted something not purely evil in her. Her eyes were a dark blue and her hair had lost all wildness. A small child huddling in a corner; sorrow filling her eyes like a sea of lost faith. Her eyes haunted by the sight of death and illness. Then there was only dark, like the black heart of the middle of ebony stone.
He stopped dead and they stared at each other for a second. Before she blinked all this away and shoved the cold steel blade in his stomach. "NNNOOOOO WILLOW! It's me…" he almost whispered so desperately she stopped abruptly her vainyness disappearing as she looked into the eyes of her almost dead lover… "Oz?" she whispered suddenly supporting his body as she helped him to the cold ground… he smiled with his last breath… "hey…" he whispered, "I missed you…" before slipping into darkness. Then she slipped back into the depths of her rage again and her reign of terror began once again. Black energy seeped through her skin, electricity crackled and sparked in the air as she zapped herself back to Sunnydale.
Oz was found 6 hours later by the gas station man. "The last thing he said was Willow. I don't know if that means anything to you maim. But he's hurt pretty bad. Don't you think you should take him to the hospital?" the old guy said. Karen looked at the destruction; at the six little body bags lying on the play ground and grimaced. "I'll just take him home thanks." Karen said glancing at Oz who was now in the back of the plane. Still unconscious.
She took him back to the cabin and put him in his cot. She called an on call doctor and he came in a day. Oz still hadn't woken up. When the doctor came he was left in the room alone with oz for almost half an hour. And half an hour which felt like days. She tried to cry but there was no tears left. When he came out he looked grim.
He told her that it was very unlikely that Oz would wake up since it had been that long, but he also said that there was a syringe that he could give him that may boost his metabolism and wake him up. "But he can't take it if there is any trace of drugs in his body because it will kill him." The doctor said seriously.
Karen thought for a while. He had promised there were no drugs in his system, but he could hide it well. Finally she said. "Give it to him." When the doctor went to go and get it. "I trust him." She whispered under her breath.
Oz was dreaming. He knew this but everything seemed so real. Visions came to him like flash backs from the present. He was speaking but he was listening to his own voice.
" I heard her cries of torment her fear and pain, like screaming in my ear. I fled out of that hut and ran to the seaside, I waded into the water and screamed with all the voice I could muster. The anger I felt inside of me came off in waves of pure emotion, soon I was weeping and screaming at the same time. I knew something was wrong, horribly wrong. I felt that the one caring loving person I kept with me everywhere I went. dead. Melted away, only to be born again as a person who's pain and horror went beyond what I had ever felt, the energy grief and power, which I had never known her to have so much of, I now felt pulsing through my veins but, it wasn't mine.
It mingled with the wolf and soon I was struggling to keep myself in human form. Willow was in trouble, breaking down, soon none of her... Willow-ness would be left, only darkness. I needed to go to her. Help her. I felt her on that cliff bringing up the old church trying to wash away all feelings in the world and I pleaded with her in my head, sent all the calm I could summon from myself over to her, it wasn't magic though, it was love I sent to her that day.
I heard Xander's voice weakly coming through the haze that my beloved was in. something about a yellow crayon. I felt her lash out with her last bit of anger, but it wasn't the world that took the blunt of it. It was she and I guess... partially Xander. I knew she would be safe now that she could hold herself together for at least a little while."
Karen had finally found the number in Oz's phone book, which was so full it was over flowing. He had told her about a smart guy named Rupert Giles he worked with this slayer chick and Willow. Karen after a lot of thinking had decided that maybe Willow's presence would help in the 'wake-up plan.' She had picked up the phone and was dialing when something fell out of the phone book. It was a small card it was marked in bright red letters that said "EMERGANCY NUMBERS" Karen smiled. "I knew he wouldn't leave me in the dark" she said looking down the list.
-Devon
-Catherine
-A few other names she had never heard of….
-The orange togas (which she assumed were the monks he had lived with)
And yes, her heart skipped a beat…
-Giles's emergency number.
She picked up he phone and dialed
End of chapter one… I hope you liked it… please R&R, tell me what you think…W-B-D