"Oh shit! We're all gonna fucking die!" Screamed Harry as he was suddenly awoken drenched in sweat.
"Yo dude, for real, keep it down. Percy is in the room next to us and he's trying to watch "Backyard Blitz". If he gets disturbed, he's gonna beat me in the neck." Mumbled Ron from across the room.
Harry didn't really care about Percy or his stupid makeover shows right now, for he had dreamt of that giant killer robot-goat again.
His scar was searing with pain, he tried to remember the finer details of the dream … The robot-goat had been chasing him through the forbidden forest … when Jesus had come and taken a bite out of Harry's arm … that's when his scar had burnt red hot and woken him up.
A loud sudden hoot brought Harry back to his senses; Hedwig seemed to be hungry and was now trying to peck at Harry's dick. "Oh shit, he heard the bird … he's coming!" Ron said loudly, just as the door to the room burst open.
There stood Percy, looking down menacingly at Ron, "I thought I told you not to disturb me you little shit, Avada Ke-" But before he could finish the spell, Ron had flown through the air and fly kicked Percy in the head.
"Arghhhhhh!" Screamed Percy as he fell back, landing on the cold hard floor, blood trickling down from beneath his hair, he had apparently been knocked out cold.
There was a moment of silence before Harry finally said: "So where do you wanna put him?"
"Hold on, leave him here, I wanna fuck his body before we go to Diagon Alley to get our new books." Ron said casually.
"Alright, but don't take too long, your little sister gives me the shits. Can't I just shoot her now?" Harry whined.
"I told you, we have to make it look like we like her, so no one will suspect us when I slip the poison into her pumpkin juice at the feast tomorrow night." Ron explained as he undid his zipper.
So Harry left Ron with Percy and headed down the stairs, but he met someone halfway.
"You!" Shouted Harry angrily.
"Yes it is me, Potter," Voldemort said quietly, "Dark and evil Lord Voldemort, the most powerful dark wizard for hundreds of years, though I still fear an old retard who doesn't know how to shave."
"Hey, I can't duel now, I gotta go pick up my books, and we'll duel later ok?"
"Alright, you got any gum?" Asked Voldemort.
"Nah I'm out, sorry man." Replied Harry.
"Nah it's cool bro, I'll catch you later." And with a loud crack, he disappeared.
So Harry went down the stairs and took up his chair at the table. Ginny, Hermione, Fred and George were already there, Mrs. Weasley was frying some bacon, but he couldn't see Bill, Charlie or Mr. Weasley anywhere.
"Where are Bill, Charlie and Mr. Weasley?" Harry asked.
"Well, dad and Bill are still asleep, but Charlie has gone out to molest little boys again." Fred answered.
"I hate Charlie and everything he stands for, he'll soon be dead and we'll all be happier." Said George.
"Hey, I'm right here." Charlie said angrily, he had apparently been hiding in the corner.
"Oh … there you are …" George said loudly then mumbled, "You sick pedophile …"
"People can change!" Charlie screamed, looking hurt. Then ran up the stairs, crying all the way.