Part 4

Snape nearly groaned as he saw Madam Pomfrey giving Neville Longbottom some potion that was obviously meant to get rid of the patches of purple skin he'd somehow managed to spell himself with.

"For Merlin's sake, what's he gotten himself into this time?" Madam Pomfrey asked, flustered and worried at the same time. Snape gingerly laid Harry on a hospital bed.

"Longbottom, fetch Granger and Weasley and don't tell anyone else of what you saw here, understand?" Snape asked with a threatening glare that had Neville nodding in fright and running out the door.

As soon as the boy left, Snape explained his suspicions to the medi-witch, who began asking him questions he didn't know the answer to, but hoped the two Gryffindor students he'd summoned would.

Soon, the two burst through the door, slightly out of breath and looking extremely worried.

"Harry?" Hermione asked emotionally in seeing her friend pale and unconscious. "What happened to him?"

"Can either of you tell me about Mr. Potter's recent eating and sleeping patterns?" Madam Pomfrey asked urgently as she checked over the raven-haired boy.

"Well, I've been trying to make sure he's sleeping, but I've been suspecting for awhile he's figured some way around it. I know he'd rather study than sleep," Ron informed her, obviously distressed. "And he doesn't come to meals either. I know he sometimes picks up food from the kitchens or one of us will bring him back something, but it's hard to tell how much of it he's been eating since he's sort of pushed us away. What's happened to him?"

"He's run himself into the ground, it appears. His health is in an appalling state. He has signs of anemia and his blood sugar's frighteningly low. He's lost a lot of weight since the last time he's been in here and he was underweight to begin with. His body's showing obvious signs of fatigue and from the looks of it, he's been consuming pretty much nothing but caffeine, probably in the form of coffee. He's been running off artificial energy and it's taken its toll. Why didn't anyone report this to me? He's dangerously underweight and one can just tell by looking at him that he's not doing well!" she said accusingly.

Hermione began to silently cry as Ron felt a wave of guilt. "He didn't look like this, I swear!" he protested.

"He was using glamour charms to conceal his appearance," Snape informed the nurse. "They ended when he lost consciousness."

"Every time we tried to talk to him about it, he'd get angry and push us away even more. We got into some rows and we just haven't been seeing too much of him outside of class," Ron said blankly, not even sure who he was talking to. "I didn't think it was this bad! I thought he was eating and napping when he was out. We tried but he wouldn't listen to anything we had to say!"

"Will he be alright?" Hermione asked in a near-whisper.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Well he's showing signs of a decreased lymphocyte responsivity to mitogens and decreased lymphocyte cytotoxicity." At the blank looks she was receiving, she remembered whom she was speaking to. "It means his immune system functioning has been compromised. He also seems to have developed a slight respiratory tract infection, which is a common effect of sleep deprivation…"

"Because of the decrease in natural killer cell activity?" Hermione asked. Everyone gave her a surprised look. "I've been reading up on sleep deprivation and stress," she explained. "I read that stress can play a factor in eating disorders. Harry's so thin and he never seems hungry, do you think…" she trailed off nervously.

Thankfully, Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I don't think that's the case. Some people respond to stress by eating more, some by eating less. Stress can suppress the psychological cues of hunger, so he probably really has just been too stressed and honestly doesn't feel hungry. His suppression of hunger seems even more acute than normal; I'd guess it's probably linked to how he was raised, perhaps?"

"His family used to practically starve him for punishments," Ron put in reluctantly. He didn't want to betray Harry's trust, but he wanted Madam Pomfrey to know any information that might help her help Harry. "In his second year, my brothers and I had to go rescue him because they'd locked him in his room and were giving him about one can of cold soup a day to split between him and his owl."

Snape stared at Ron in disbelief. It seemed Harry was better at Occlumency than he'd thought as he'd never seen a memory that suggested that sort of thing. He suddenly realized it was very possible that Harry's difficulties in keeping Snape from accessing certain memories was because he was already trying to block others and hadn't yet learned how to spread his focus.

Madam Pomfrey nodded darkly. "I wondered if that was the case."

The mediwitch retreated into her office as they heard her name being called through the floo. Harry's two best friends sat on either side of his bed, Hermione taking his hand in hers as she gazed down at the unconscious teenager.

"It's just not fair," she said emotionally, stroking the back of Harry's hand with her thumb. "Everyone seems to think that just because Harry's supposed to be some savior he doesn't need someone just as much as the rest of us. Hell, he probably needs a parental figure more than a lot of us with all the stuff he has to go through." She wiped away a rebellious tear and blinked away any more. "Yet, no matter what he does, he just can't get one. He'd do anything for it and it's never good enough."

Snape knew how that felt. His father had never been impressed no matter what Snape tried to do to please him. That was one of the many reasons he'd hated James Potter, who simply had his parents' love no matter what he did. It was just unfair. The irony that he related so well to James Potter's son was not lost on him.

"He has my family," Ron put in. "Mum adores him and Fred and George think of him as a little brother…"

"It's not enough," Hermione interrupted with a sigh. "He's been taught to feel as if he was intruding on the Dursleys, and it would be nearly impossible to ever feel like he belongs in your family, Ron, as much as he loves you guys. I just don't know what to do. We can't get that for him. What if he continues on like this? We'll lose him."

Madam Pomfrey hurried from her office, looking rather flustered.

"Lupin's in the castle," she announced gravely.

"What? You can't let him near Harry," Ron said angrily.

"Thank you, Mr. Weasley," the mediwitch snapped sarcastically, "I'm well aware of that. I'm restricting access for visitors for Harry. So time's up, you two. You'll be able to see your friend later."

Hermione's and Ron's protests stood no match against Madam Pomfrey's orders.

Once the couple was shoved out, Snape turned to the elder woman, who was pulling curtains around Harry's bed.

"Poppy, you know it will be quite difficult to keep Lupin from Potter if he's truly intent on seeing the boy. It isn't as if you can shut off the hospital wing from anyone who claims injury."

"Yes, Severus, but what do you expect me to do?" Madam Pomfrey asked irritably.

"Let me take him," Snape said quickly before he could change his mind.

"You want my permission to fight Remus Lupin?" Madam Pomfrey asked in confusion.

"No, you blasted woman," Snape said incredulously.

"Sorry, Severus, you must remember I deal with many teenage fight victims who just want to get in one last punch, insisting they could 'take 'em'," she said in disapproval. Before she could go on a rant about kids these days, Snape clarified what he had meant in the first place.

"I meant Potter. He can stay in my guestroom until he recovers," he said with as much dignity as possible while facing the floored look on the nurse's face.

"You want to take care of Harry?" she asked, giving him a searching look as if trying to determine if he'd been drugged or enchanted.

"He'd be safe from Lupin in my rooms and his current situation would be better hid from others. It would do no good if it got out that the Boy Who Lived had a breakdown," he reasoned, somewhat dodging the question.

Madam Pomfrey looked at him warily. "He'd need to be cared for. He's ill and that would require attention."

Snape glared at her. "Poppy, are you under the impression that I would neglect an ill child? Do you believe I plan to shove him in a storage cupboard and leave him there for a week unattended or something? As a skilled Potions master I am well-versed in healing and am perfectly able to follow any instructions you may give, and I would never neglect a child in my care. I'll thank you to remember that next time you imply I'd be an unfit caretaker," he said harshly.

Madam Pomfrey looked as if she were having an internal debate on the subject when the door opened to reveal Remus Lupin.

"I need to speak with Harry," he said coldly.

"I'm not permitting visitors at this time," Madam Pomfrey said.

"I'm the closest thing he has to a guardian and I need to speak with him," Lupin insisted, casting glares at the closed curtains around Harry's hospital bed. He looked to Snape, assumingly for sympathy as he obviously remembered the professor's notorious hatred for the boy, but Snape fixed Remus with his most deadly glare.

"And I say no. He is resting and he's been through a very rough time lately…"

"Harry is being selfish and dramatic," Remus cut in angrily. "We are in a war and he is in a position to save or destroy lives. He thinks he's having a rough time lately? Why doesn't he ask Sirius about what a rough time is? Or Cedric Diggory? Or his parents who died for him? Only more people are going to die if he doesn't do something to stop it and he doesn't even care!"

"He's a boy, Remus," Madam Pomfrey said sternly.

"A boy who's getting people killed with his indifference," Remus growled. "He's the Boy Who Lived and like it or not the people around him are going to die if he doesn't get his act together. Severus, you agree with me, don't you?"

"You disgust me, Lupin. Doing this to a child? You're despicable," Snape responded darkly.

Lupin glared at him ferociously. "You're just glad he got Sirius killed, aren't you? You've always hated Sirius so you've finally sided with Harry."

"Harry is just a boy and cannot be held responsible for the events of last year, you deluded moron. You want to blame someone? Blame Bellatrix Lestrange. Blame Voldemort. Don't blame a boy who's as devastated over the loss of the man as you are!" Snape growled at him.

"Harry is a selfish brat who can't think of anyone but himself. If he had put a stitch of effort and thought into his actions last year, Sirius would still be alive!" Remus yelled wildly.

"OUT!" Madam Pomfrey bellowed furiously.

"I'm not leaving without giving Harry a piece of my mind!"

"We'll discuss this in the hallway," Madam Pomfrey said dangerously, shoving Remus out the door. Before she closed the door behind her to deal with Remus, she turned to Snape and nodded meaningfully.

"Severus, go ahead with what we were discussing. You may use the Floo in my office and I'll send you further instructions at a later time"

As soon as the door shut, Snape gathered up the potions bottles next to Harry's bed, slipping them in his pockets. Slipping one arm under Harry's knees and the other behind his back, he lifted the small teenager into his arms and cradled the limp boy against his chest. As the yelling in the hall grew more heated, he hurried to the fireplace, silently cursing Remus Lupin to hell.

I……………….I

When Harry became aware, the first thing he noticed was how comfortable he was. His stomach ached with a hollow sort of pain and his every breath sent sharp pangs through his chest, but the bed he was in was soft and warm. The pillow was the perfect thickness and the sheets felt heavenly against his skin. He felt the reassuring weight of a comforter on top of him and instead of worrying where he was, he merely hoped he didn't have to leave.

He tried to remember the date, praying it was a weekend while knowing it was not.

Wednesday, the day floated through his mind. Double Transfiguration: nothing due, no test. Care of Magical Creatures: nothing due, no test. Potions: nothing due…"

Harry's eyes flew open and he bolted upright in bed. He couldn't remember studying for his Potions test!

He was just noticing how swimmy his mind felt when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and jolted in surprise when he realized who the hand belonged to.

"'Fessor Sape?" he slurred groggily. "D'I miss Potions?"

Snape shook his head with a frown. "No, Potter. You're not going to be going to Potions for a while. Go back to sleep. You shouldn't be up with sleeping potions in your syst…"

"I hafta," Harry protested, eyes falling shut and wrenching back open again. "There's a test on chapper…uh…five hundred, six thousand, two thousand and three," he said with conviction, noticing how odd it was that everything felt so…fuzzy.

Snape actually looked quite amused at that, much to Harry's confusion.

"We haven't covered that chapter quite yet," he assured Potter. "And don't worry about the test. It's all done for now."

Suddenly, there was a glass at Harry's lips and a gentle hand on the back of his head.

"Drink a bit of this…that's it Potter, good job."

Harry smiled at that as the glass disappeared.

"Good job?" he asked, nearly tearful with happiness. "Thank you, I've been trying so hard all year."

"Yes, and you've done more than enough."

Harry's eyes drooped heavily and he allowed himself to be pushed back onto his pillows. "Since I did good can you take me 'way from Dursleys now? We can live 'gether, Remy, and I'll be so so so so so good," he muttered sleepily.

"We'll talk about it when you wake," Snape said vaguely.

Harry nodded in exhaustion. "Can you tell the owners of this hotel I can't be kidnapped on Friday? I have an essay due for five billion feet," he mumbled.

Snape pulled the covers up to Harry's chin.

"I'll let them know."

I……………….I

The next time Harry woke, he was very aware of his surroundings, wondering where the hell he was. It was a decently sized room, and the bed he was on was incredibly comfortable. The décor rather reminded him of Snape's chambers, but he couldn't possibly be…

The door opened to reveal Snape entering with a tray of food.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. Harry watched incredulously as Snape walked over to him. "Potter, sit up and answer," he instructed, but oddly enough, he didn't sound intimidating at all.

Harry wriggled up into a seated position and Snape one-handedly fixed his pillows behind him. "I'm…er…what happened? Am I in your bedroom?" he asked in bewilderment.

"My guest bedroom," Snape said, placing the tray on Harry's lap. "As for what happened, you collapsed in my office from exhaustion, food deprivation, and a respiratory infection."

"Why aren't I in the hospital wing?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Due to several reasons Madam Pomfrey and I discussed, it has been decided that it would be better for you to remain down here for the time-being," Snape said vaguely and Harry knew not to push it.

"What day is it?" Harry asked anxiously, unsuccessfully searching around for a clock.

"Thursday. You spent Wednesday drifting in and out of sleep, though I doubt you remember being awake. You were quite out of it due to the potions you were on."

It appeared only one word had registered to Harry. "Thursday! I, I had a Potions test yesterday and I have a Charms essay due today. I don't think I finished!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter. For someone who has spent as much time as you have in the Hospital Wing, you seem to have forgotten that illness and injury are legitimate excuses for late work and making up exams."

"I'll get behind," Harry groaned. "It'll all pile up and I won't be able to catch up! What time is it?" he asked frantically. "I could still make it to some of my classes, right?"

"No, Potter, you cannot," Snape said sharply. "You will not be attending classes for a week at least, maybe more."

Harry's eyes bugged out in horror. "What? Why? I feel fine!"

"You are not fine. You have a respiratory infection, a compromised immune system, you're unhealthily underweight, and you are fatigued. I will not allow you to fall back into such a self-deprecating pattern and thus, you will not be attending classes until you are rid of this preposterous notion that your worth is measured by your grades." He calmed himself a bit and continued. "I've spoken with your professors and they all agree you could do with some time off."

"You can't do that!" Harry protested. He gasped. "Does Remus know I've skipped class?"

"You have not skipped class; you've been ill!" Snape exclaimed incredulously. "As for Remus Lupin, you will not have to worry about him for awhile."

Harry looked at him in horrified awe. "Did you kill him?" he asked in a near-whisper.

"What! No, I did not! What sort of person do you think I am?" He paused to pour out the proper dose of some medicinal potion. "He's merely chained in the dungeons until he learns his lesson."

Harry's jaw dropped.

Snape smirked and handed him the potion. "Calm yourself, Potter, it was a joke."

Harry blinked in surprise. "You can joke?" he asked in confusion.

Snape looked at him indignantly, but couldn't help but be slightly amused. "Drink your potion and eat your breakfast. You have nothing to do for the rest of the day, so do not attempt to rush through your meals. You will not have access to any learning materials: school books, homework, and your friends have been forbidden to tell you what they learned in class or about any due dates or exams when they come to visit."

"Visit?" Harry asked blankly.

"Yes, you will remain here until I deem you ready to begin attending classes again," Snape informed him.

"Isn't that going to be a huge inconvenience for you? What about the potion you've been working on!" Harry asked before adopting a look of understanding. "Oh, did Dumbledore make you take me?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Nobody can make me do anything, Potter. Now, eat your breakfast."

I……………….I

A few hours later found Harry anxiously pacing the living room. Snape was off teaching a Potions class and Harry was left with nothing to do but entertain the frantic notions drifting through his head. His thoughts jumped from Remus's reaction to the current situation, to whether Ron and Hermione would actually visit and if they did, what would be said, to an image of Harry spending another Family Night completely left out and shunted aside. He tried to imagine spending a week like this, but the idea was too daunting and he moved on to wondering if there was any way he could secretly take tests and turn in his homework, but even he had to eventually admit the idea wouldn't work since his professors were apparently all in on this insane idea together.

He had already written a long letter to Remus explaining the situation and begging for forgiveness, but as he appeared to be locked in Snape's chambers, he had no way to send it.

When Snape finally stepped out of the fireplace, he was surprised to find Harry polishing the mirrors.

"Potter, you do realize house elves clean my chambers every few days," he said calmly as he set his papers on the table.

"Well, I was going crazy! What else am I supposed to do when I'm not allowed to do any school work?" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"You're a teenage boy and at the first sign of boredom you decided to polish the mirrors?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow. He gestured at the coffee table where a bunch of Quidditch books lay. "Why didn't you peruse the books your friend brought down yesterday?"

"Who cares about Quidditch?" Harry asked angrily, turning back to finish polishing the mirror.

"Who cares about polishing my mirror?" Snape challenged. Harry shot a scowl at him. "Is this what you do for fun?"

"No, this is just what I do at home," Harry growled.

"I see. For your relatives, you clean to gain their approval, for Lupin, it's grades," Snape remarked.

"No, the Dursleys would never approve of me no matter what," Harry grumbled.

"Then why put in the effort?"

"Oh I don't know, how about so I can eat and not be locked away?" Harry shot sarcastically.

Snape was taken aback and scowled. "That's a disgusting way to treat a child."

"I'm not a child," Harry said indignantly. "But don't you see? If Remus would let me live with him, I wouldn't have to deal with all that!"

"Yes, you'd merely have to have to suffer mental abuse and be manipulated into making yourself sick trying to please him," Snape said darkly. Harry glared at him.

"He did not manipulate me or mentally abuse me!"

"He exploited your loneliness…" Snape insisted angrily.

"I'm not lonely!"

"…and your need for a parental figure…"

"I don't need anyone!"

"…and your desperation to do whatever it takes to atone for nonexistent sins…"

"…they aren't nonexistent…"

"…just to give him someone to blame and take his anger out on!"

"HE SHOULD BLAME ME!" Harry screamed. He rapidly wiped away a few treacherous tears with the rag, accidentally smearing a streak of polish across his cheeks. "It was my fault," he said miserably.

"It was not," Snape said.

"It was," Harry said, sinking down to sit on the stool he'd been standing on to reach the mirror. "You should know. I didn't practice Occlumency. I didn't try. I was too stupid to figure out how to clear my stupid mind and led him to his death. And I could have gotten anyone else there killed too! I thought Hermione was dead for a moment and Neville had to be under the Cruciatus and so many people got hurt, all because of me! Because I didn't even try at stupid Occlumency I lost the only adult who ever even cared about me even a little, the only one who ever offered to take me away from the Dursleys. Everyone else just left me there to rot, but Sirius wanted me! He wanted me to live with him! And how did I repay him? I got him killed. Remus deserves to hate me. He wouldn't hate me without good reason."

To Snape's horror, tears welled up in Harry's eyes. The boy jumped to his feet and started toward his room, but, on impulse, Snape reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.

Harry tried turning his head away from him to hide his tears, trying to pull his arm away. "Stop. I just want to be alone," he cried.

"He has no reason to hate you and you can't blame yourself for your godfather's death. You were trying to save him, not put his life in danger. You know this Potter!" Snape insisted angrily, but Harry only buried his face in the crook of one of his arms, trying desperately to not let Snape see him cry. "Oh for the love of Merlin," Snape muttered, roughly pulling the teenager into an embrace. His own eyes widened in shock at what he'd done when Harry stiffened.

For a moment, they both stood there frozen in uncomfortable surprise. Snape wasn't sure if he should let go or if that would make things worse, and for once he could not figure out a quick way to resolve the situation. This was unfamiliar territory and he had no idea how to handle it.

Harry let out a half-laugh, half-sob and hesitantly put his arms around Snape. He tried to control himself but found himself crying into the Potions master's chest.

"It's not your fault, Potter," Snape insisted awkwardly, allowing the boy to hug him. "It was out of your control."

"I didn't want him to die," Harry sobbed softly, gripping onto the back of Snape's robes as if afraid the man would leave him there alone if he didn't hold on. "Remus says it's my fault."

"Don't be an idiot, of course you didn't want him to die. Black would never have thought that. Lupin's an imbecile who's misplacing his anger to you."

"But he's all I've got," Harry whimpered.

"No, he's not," Snape said quietly, protectively tightening his grip on the boy.

I……………….I

Though Harry's outpour of bottled up emotions had been good for his soul, it had not been good for his respiratory infection. Once his sobs had turned into sniffles, which turned into hoarse coughs, Snape forced him to sit on the couch, wrapped him in blankets, and stuck a thermometer under his tongue.

Harry watched as Snape checked the thermometer with a frown. "You have a fever. You will rest and refrain from unnecessary activity. No more of this cleaning nonsense. You don't want this turning into rheumatic fever."

"What's rheumatic fever?" Harry asked tiredly.

"Something you do not want to get. It can damage your organs, particularly your heart."

Harry's eyes widened. "And this is all from stress?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, stress and probably an exposure to someone with a cold or similar. The stress left you vulnerable to it and is what's making it more difficult for you to fight it off," Snape informed him.

"Just from stress?" Harry asked skeptically.

"Yes. I could go into the mechanics of the body in response to stress, but I think the excitement might become too much."

Harry couldn't help but chuckle, not used to the fact that Snape seemed to have a sense of humor in there somewhere.

"Let's settle for the fact that yes, it can suppress immune functioning. It can also stunt your growth and I'm supposing you don't want that, especially when you're probably due for a growth spurt soon."

Harry's eyes widened at that. "Are you serious? But I'm already one of the shortest guys in my year!"

"Exactly," Snape said warningly. "With a proper diet and enough food intake, I'm confident there would be another growth spurt in your near future, but if you continue with this level of stress, you will most likely remain this height."

Harry frowned and laid back against the pillows Snape had set up for him. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. When I go back to the Dursleys for the summer, the proper diet and food intake thing isn't going to work, so I won't grow anyway."

Snape made a noncommittal noise and excused himself to the kitchen to order up some chicken soup for the boy.