Jingle, Jingle, Jingle
"Well there's another place I can never go back to!" Kitty fumed as she and her family returned with Low Light to the Xavier Institute. "I can't take you people anywhere can I? We're just lucky the restaurant decided not to press charges!"
"Honey it's not our fault your mother has the personality of a rabid wombat," Donald told her.
"You want another hit on the head?" Mrs. Pryde made a fist.
"For crying out loud Mom for once can't you…?" Kitty wailed.
"Kitty it's not her fault that Donald is a moron with a big mouth," Jesse D told her.
"Oh look who's talking!" Mr. Pryde snapped. "Mr. Phi Beta Kappa from the College of Clowning!"
"You have no right to be jealous of us!" Jesse D snapped. "You are the one who left her, for that!" He pointed at Donald.
"You want me to slap you?" Donald bristled. "I'll do it this time! I swear it!"
"Now I understand why you have such trouble with your boyfriends," Low Light said to Kitty.
"Now you understand why I want to spend my next Hanukah alone!" Kitty groaned. "Eight nights of this?"
FOOM! FOOM!
SPLAT!
"Then again, compared to eight nights of that..." Kitty blinked.
"What was that?" Low Light asked. "As if I want to know."
"Are they flinging fruitcakes from catapults again?" Mrs. Pryde asked. "Because if they are…" She glared at Donald.
"Don't start with me or I'll scratch your eyes out!" Donald fumed.
"COOL IT, BOTH OF YOU!" Kitty roared.
"Oh man that's the best one yet," Ray was laughing. Fred, Tim and Dead Girl were with them.
"Yeah I think that fruitcake flew straight over…Oh hi guys," Fred waved to the others. "How was jail?"
"Apparently a lot more peaceful than here," Mr. Pryde groaned.
"Where is everyone?" Low Light asked.
"MEOWWWWWW!" Prometheus ran like a shot past Low Light and into the Christmas tree.
"And why is that stupid cat back here again?" Low Light yelled.
"Well," Ray sighed. "Jean's grandmother left her the cat and a bunch of handkerchiefs. The lawyer who brought it had a heart attack as soon as he saw Tabitha beat up Bobby. He's kind of locked himself in our bathroom now. Toad found some device in Xavier's shoe closet that sent a bunch of the guys who were in the infirmary to somewhere in outer space. While some people went to rescue them, the rest of the gang went to Atlantic City to bring back Shipwreck and the others who ran off there. And Colossus, his sister, her demon and Kurt's demon brothers are off caroling somewhere. Remy's brothers followed them to do some stealing. The rest of us got bored so we decided on a fruitcake catapult contest. And that's pretty much it."
"I'm sorry I asked," Low Light groaned.
"And you say you can't turn your backs on us without something going wrong?" Donald looked at Kitty.
The phone rang. "I'll get it!" Fred went to answer it. "Yellow! Xavier Institute for the Sanity Challenged. How may I…Oh! Oh! Uh, yeah. Uh maybe…" He looked at the others. "Uh, I gotta take this. Private…" He went to go into the other room.
Unfortunately for him the phone wasn't cordless. "Oops," Fred gulped as he looked at the hole in the wall he accidentally created when he pulled on the phone. "My bad."
"I wonder how Atlantic City is this time of year?" Low Light groaned.
"I wonder how Outer Space is this time of year?" Kitty commiserated.
"Rar! Rar!" Penny bounded up to them.
"Oh what a cute little pink…OW!" Donald yelled as he accidentally touched her hair. "OH MY GOD I'M BLEEDING!"
"It's just a scratch you twit," Mrs. Pryde glared at him.
"Yeah Penny's hair is kind of sharp," Dead Girl said.
"Information that would have been useful about two seconds ago!" Donald yelled. "Oh god why is she yanking on my pants!"
"Maybe she wants to add them to her collection?" Dead Girl shrugged.
"She's been hanging around Trinity hasn't she?" Jesse D asked Kitty.
"Odds are yes," Kitty answered.
"What is it girl?" Low Light asked. "You got something to show us? Great now I'm stuck in a Lassie rerun!"
"Let's follow her!" Tim suggested. They left Fred with the phone and followed her to Jubilee's room. Cautiously they went in. Penny scratched at the door. Low Light opened it.
"Jubilee I said I'd finish the potholders when…" Aunt Hope looked up. "Oh…Hello. I can explain…"
"I'll bet," Kitty blinked.
"Thanks a lot you little snitch," Hope grumbled at Penny.
"Well this is a new development," Low Light remarked.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Meanwhile in Atlantic City…
"When Remy gets his hands on those little…" Remy grumbled as Rogue, Betsy and Belladonna followed him around the casino. "Remy don't know who to kill. His father, his brothers or his sisters!"
"Calm down Gambit," Rogue reassured him. "We'll find them."
"But they could be anywhere," Belladonna said.
"All we have to do is look for chaos and insanity and someone will be there," Rogue said. "I guarantee it."
"Hey look at this picture," Betsy pointed to a photo on a wall near one of the ballrooms.
"It's a photo of a bride and groom," Remy said. "They must be having the reception here. So what?"
"Take a good look at who the groom is," Betsy pointed.
"No freaking way…." Rogue's jaw dropped. "Duncan Matthews!"
"Our Duncan Donuts Matthews?" Remy asked. "Jean's ex-boyfriend Duncan Matthews?"
"The very same," Betsy said. "Good thing she didn't come on this trip!"
"Yeah how old is he anyway?" Remy thought aloud.
"I heard he stayed back a year and he was a year older than Jean in High School," Rogue said. "Must be twenty by now. Wait until she hears about this. She is gonna freak."
"Or throw a huge party in order to celebrate not being tied town to that baboon," Betsy said.
"I remember reading about this in the newspaper," Belladonna said. "Your friend Duncan Matthews is getting married today right here. It was in the society columns."
"Why you read the society columns?" Rogue asked. "Oh wait in order to…"
"Know when to steal rich people's stuff when they're not home," Belladonna and Remy said at the same time.
"Remy'd forgotten about that," Remy groaned.
"Wait, Duncan Matthews getting married in Atlantic City?" Rogue asked. "I thought he was smart enough to know that it's Vegas you get the quickie marriages?"
"Now you know that he didn't know," Remy shrugged. "And knowing is…Oh lord Remy's been hanging around GI Joe too long!"
"So who's the pathetic sod that agreed to marry the other pathetic sod?" Betsy asked.
"Some senator's bimbo daughter he met at an FOH meeting," Belladonna waved.
"Five will get you ten he knocked her up," Remy sniggered.
"I've heard of being groomed for a position but this is ridiculous," Betsy sniggered.
"Okay, I gotta get in on this!" Rogue held up her hands. "This is just too good to be true!"
CRASH!
"AAAAHAHHHHHAAAA!"
TINK! TINK! PLUNK!
CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!
SPLAT!
RIP!
"MY DRESS! AAAAAHHHHH!"
CRASH!
"I think we're too late," Betsy pointed at the throngs of people fleeing the ballroom. "It seems someone else has crashed the party."
"Told you about the chaos and insanity. Please let it not be who I think it is," Rogue sighed. They went inside. "Yup it is."
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" Stephan danced around in a bride's gown. S'ym and the others were dunking Duncan into a huge wedding cake. The guests were fleeing for their lives including the bride in her underwear.
"Hello friends!" Illyana held up a glass of champagne as she sat on a table. "Enjoy the show!"
"Aren't you too young to drink?" Remy asked.
"Remy, she's the sorceress ruler of Limbo," Belladonna gave him a look. "She can do whatever she wants."
"Believe me, I've tried," Peter was slumped in a chair sporting a black eye.
"Well I'm sorry I slugged you brother, but it's the principle of the thing," Illyana scoffed.
"I KNEW IT! JEAN SENT YOU HERE DIDN'T SHE?" Duncan screamed as he tried to climb out of the cake.
"AHHH! SHADDAP!" Maxx shoved him down again.
"Shame to waste a good cake," Benos shook his head.
"I like these guys," S'ym grinned.
"We're not going to do anything are we?" Rogue asked.
"Nah, let 'em have their fun," Remy waved. "Wait, where are my brothers?"
"They said something about casino vaults," Illyana shrugged.
"Let's go," Rogue and the others turned to leave.
"Take me with you!" Peter begged.
"Go ahead brother, we'll catch up later!" Illyana waved. "Now demons! Let's do the Smashing Head Dance!"
"I hope that poor bride got a pre nup," Betsy remarked as they left to the sounds of Duncan's screaming. "If she did she'd get a pretty penny."
"Okay that solves the mystery of the Missing Demons," Remy said. "Now where did the others go?"
"OH YEAH! BIG WINNER!" A loud familiar German voice could be heard inside one of the casinos.
"MAMMA GETS NEW PAIR OF SHOES TONIGHT!" Another familiar German voice was heard.
"Well there are the Wagners," Rogue said.
"How could they just go play the slots while their son is lost in outer space?" Belladonna asked.
"Come on, they don't know," Rogue told them. "And Kurt kind of shooed them away from the Infirmary. I guess we should tell them."
"Uh, let's hold off on that a little…" Betsy pointed. "We have bigger problems."
Remy's brothers, sisters, and adopted father were running by carrying large sacks of money. Trinity, Roadblock and Amara were chasing them. "BRING BACK THAT MONEY!" Amara yelled.
"Yeah! You're supposed to win it by cheating like everyone else!" Daria shouted.
"Should we follow them?" Remy asked.
"No…" Logan staggered up to them. He looked very haggard. "Trust me they'll catch 'em."
"What about the security guards?" Rogue asked.
"They're a little occupied," Logan sighed. "You know there's a Thunder Down Under Show not far from here?"
"Yeah…" Betsy said.
"Cover Girl found it," Logan sighed. "Spirit's trying to calm her down. And the Blind Master met up with a few more chorus girls and are having a party with even more security guards."
"How can two GI Joes keep about a hundred security guards occupied?" Rogue asked. "Wait I forgot who I was talking about."
"This is starting to become a holiday tradition," Remy quipped. "Causing chaos in Atlantic City."
"Why should this year be any exception?" Althea ran up to them with the rest of her team.
"I thought you guys were supposed to track down Lifeline and the boys?" Logan asked.
"We were, but then their signal changed," Forge explained.
"Yeah according to our instruments they're somewhere around…" Alex began when a scream interrupted him. "Here…"
"More running people," Rogue sighed as they all went off to find the scream. "Great sign."
They rounded the corner. "OH MY GOD!" Rogue screamed. "It's the guys!"
"THEY'RE NAKED!" Angelica screamed.
"Way to state the obvious Firestar!" Lance snapped as he covered himself with his hands. Most of the boys and Lifeline were naked in the hallway.
"This is so humiliating…" Lifeline groaned as he hid behind a statue.
"YOU'RE EMBARRASED?" Doug cried as he hid behind another statue. Lifeline was definitely the more muscular and rugged of the two. "At least you don't look like a stick!"
"What happened to your clothes?" Jean's jaw dropped.
"BLAME TOAD!" Scott was trying to use a potted plant to cover himself. "HE WAS AT THE CONTROLS!"
"Well that explains a lot," Rogue shrugged.
"For some reason anything that wasn't metal disintegrated as soon as we materialized here," Bobby grumbled. He had encased himself in his ice form and had made it look like he was wearing briefs. The others were not so fortunate.
"Looks like I got what I wanted this Christmas!" Althea crowed as she chased Todd around. "Naked Toddles! Naked Toddles!"
"Al! Al! Come on! Give me a break!" Todd hopped around using a briefcase to cover himself.
"Where did he get the briefcase?" Wanda blinked.
"We landed right in the middle of a boardroom meeting," Doug explained. He had a spreadsheet covering himself. "A very big important boardroom meeting."
"You don't mean…?" Alex blinked.
"Let's just say that Randall guy was not pleased by the interruption," Shane grumbled as he tried to cover himself with a newspaper.
"You mean…" Rogue's eyes widened.
"We mooned Donald Trump, yes!" Kurt snapped.
"Reason I Don't Want To Be An X-Man Number 36," Alex covered his eyes.
"Reason I Wish I Wasn't An X-Man Number 362!" Scott agreed.
"COME ON AL! I MEAN IT!" Todd screamed as he tried to escape Althea's insane lust.
"YEEEEHAAAAA!" Althea whooped with glee.
"Now I see the family resemblance to Shipwreck and Trinity," Jubilee remarked.
"So much for the theory of Wavedancer being the only sane one in that group," Rogue grunted. "She's just as hormone crazed as the rest of 'em!"
"You know as nauseated as I am by seeing Toad naked," Wanda remarked. "For some reason I feel like there's a bit of justice in the world."
"You mean after all those times of him bothering you, seeing someone who's as crazy for the human wart tormenting him?" Rogue asked.
"Exactly," Wanda nodded. "Speaking of which where's my brother?"
"WHEEEEEEEEE!" A blur ran by.
"He's actually enjoying this the little freaky exhibitionist," Kurt moaned as he tried to hide in a chandelier on the ceiling.
"Okay we gotta…" Jean began.
"HEEHEHEEHEEHEEEEEEE!" Althea squealed.
"Calm Wavedancer down…" Jean sighed as she levitated Althea away from Todd. "Then…"
"Somebody! There's a naked angel flying around the Trump Taj Mahal!" A man ran by. He saw the sight of several naked mutants before him. Including Kurt on the ceiling. "AAAAHHHHH!" He ran away in the other direction.
"Donald Trump got mooned again," Remy sighed.
"And George," Spirit remarked as he walked up to them with Hank. "Although it seems Carolyn isn't really bothered by this."
"She's taking pictures," Hank said.
"Where's Cover Girl?" Rina asked. "And why is Angel naked?"
"Let's just say I sent her back before we received any more lawsuits," Spirit sighed.
"And Angel is more than slightly inebriated thanks to Shipwreck," Hank explained.
"WHOOOO! OWWWWW! STORM!" Shipwreck's scream could be heard. "THAT HURTS!" Lightning flashed as well as a huge snow squall could be seen out the window.
"Well here's another record snowstorm around the Holidays," Hank groaned.
"And we're gonna get a record number of lawsuits if we don't get out of here," Rogue moaned.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPE YOUR PARTY IS AS WILD AS THIS ONE IS! OR ISN'T DEPENDING ON YOUR PREFERENCE...