NOTE: Oh My Goodness! I am so sorry I never finished this story! Jeeze, I hat it when people leave stories unfinished and now I've become one of them! AHHHH. It was quite a surprise to remember that I had a story in the works and I apologise profusely for forgetting it (and the plot I had originally planned for it). SO here is another bit and I will try and write more whenever I get the chance! Forgive me.
Chapter 8"…though my eyes could see I still was a blind man,
though my mind could think I still was a mad man.
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming…" -wayward son
"Tom no!" Harry yelled in panic as he and Chakotay both lunged forward to try and stop his best friend from pulling the glinting knife across his exposed neck. They had no chance of making it on time but as they reached him his eyes rolled back into his head and closed, the knife fell into his lap with loose fingers still lightly curled around the hilt.
"What happened?" Harry demanded, reaching again to check the mans pulse. It was there, and it was strong. He sighed in relief, his shoulders slumping. He pulled the deadly weapon from the pale grasp and handed it to Neelix, who was hovering at his shoulder.
"He passed out. It could be from his injury, it could have been from stress. We won't know until the Doctor has a chance to look him over." Chakotay replied, feeling Tom's forehead for signs of fever. The brightly dressed Talaxian bounced on the balls of his feet, staring anxiously at the pilot.
"Will he be all right?" He asked, as much for his own sake as for the knowledge of everyone else who was watching them anxiously. No doubt waiting for Tom to awaken and attack them again. He didn't understand them, they were wonderful people; loyal, hard working, friendly, but when it came to Tom they turned into cold, closed-minded individuals. It constantly tore at Neelix, to see all these wonderful people treat Tom so badly, and Tom never said anything. Didn't complain at all. Neelix was beginning to understand why Kes was so found of him, always singing his praises.
This had been close, too close. Neelix reached down and gripped Tom's hand briefly, reassuring himself that the man was still warm to the touch, still alive. Then he pulled back and collected all the knives on the counter to their side. It wouldn't do to let Tom become armed with the weapons again.
"Funny," he mumbled to himself as he stood back, "Tom never told me he was trained in the art of knife wielding."
"I don't think he told anyone." Ayala spoke up next to him, his eyes focused on the man that Chakotay and Harry were moving to lay down again. Neelix noted that the human was tense beside him, his hand tightly held a knife, the one he'd pulled from the chair next to his leg. He held it out and Neelix took it carefully, making sure not to accidentally cut the security officer. He hurried back behind his counter and deposited the utensils into his sink and then headed back to the main group. He noticed, in dismay, that all the officers in the room were crowded around, carefully watching the group around Tom, or more specifically Tom himself. What if Tom woke up again! They might scare him, or make him nervous. This just wouldn't do.
"Okay everybody, if you could all disperse please, I don't think Lieutenant Paris would appreciate an audience." They looked at him a moment, deciding if they should listen to him or not. He frowned and was about to tell them more firmly when they all suddenly scattered and went to watch the unfolding scene from a distance instead. The Talaxian nodded to himself, satisfied, and turned to see Ayala standing close to his back, a rather scary look on his face.
"You can stop glaring now Mr. Ayala, I think they've digested the order." He tried to ease the man's tension but could tell it didn't work. The glare was no longer for the crowd but for something else. Neelix looked back over his shoulder and noticed that the stuffed toy was still swinging back and forth.
"I'll be right back" Ayala growled and stalked toward the dangling animal. He quickly climbed onto the table it hung over and pulled at the rope around its neck. It came down from the ceiling easily, the tape not providing any resistance. He carefully removed the thin but strong rope from its neck and threw it at Bathet who stood close by. The ensign looked at his feet in either shame or fear of Ayala, Neelix wasn't sure which. He watched as Ayala walked back towards them, asserting himself as one of the few directly involved in this who situation. Well, Neelix wasn't about to be left out, so he joined the three men and Samantha Wildman at Tom's side. It was good that she was here, she had some medical training.
"Without the proper instruments I can't tell you why he passed out. He appears fine now, he's breathing easily, pulse is strong, no signs that he is going into shock or anything." Chakotay and Harry nodded in unison, and Neelix briefly wondered who was more in charge of the situation. Harry was pretty protective over his friend, he doubted any descision on their course of action would be approved unless he said so. People may think he was the shy, green ensign. But Neelix had been watching him for a while now, and knew without a doubt that, after hanging around Tom so much, he had developed a lack of patience for…what was their term? B.S? He was a strong young man.
"Here." Ayala handed the animal, which seemed to have been the cause of all the confrontations and problems within the last half hour, to Harry. "Do you know what it is?" He asked, crouching down to their level. Neelix copied the action, it seemed that they didn't want to tower over their fallen comrade, choosing to remain close to his level should he wake up.
"It's a Magtuar, I think. A stuffed klingon animal toy for children." Chakotay answered.
"So, why does he have one?" Well, the security officer certainly was inquisitive wasn't he?
"I don't know, but it's obviously important." Harry hadn't put the animal down yet, he was looking at it carefully, noting all the little nic-nacs attached to it. He frowned slightly. "This looks like real hair." He held up a braided strand.
"It is." Ayala stated. "It's also got a Bajoran ear ring, and the Alarian shield of adulthood. These aren't things that people part from easily."
"Commander, I think he's waking up." They watched him with a mixture of anxiousness and weariness. Chakotay and Ayala feared that Tom, not having knives anymore, would just try to break their bones in defence. The pilot's breathing, while quite, was turning slightly haggard. Then his eyes split open, and his gaze flashed in fear and pain as he glared at them. And then recognition hit, and Neelix didn't even notice the second the emotion in his eyes was locked away behind the cool, self-deprecation that was so familiar. Neelix had seen many things, but the ability to lock away so much emotion within less than a heartbeat…it shocked him, and it appalled him. To think a man, his friend, hid that much emotion so easily, without even thinking! It was sad. The chef noticed everyone pause a moment as they tried to understand the drastic change in the pilots attitude, except Harry that is. Apparently, Harry knew much more about this man than anybody else.
"I swear I didn't spike the punch." Tom said and then grimaced, reaching a hand to touch his forehead, as if it would ease his splitting headache. He then pretended to finally notice the odd looks he was receiving from everyone and frowned. "What? Am I dying?" he joked half heartedly, hoping to break the intense silence.
"Depends, do you see a light at the end of a tunnel?" Harry asked.
"Nope, just a bunch of stars. What happened?"
"What do you last remember?" Tom looked at the Commander, who was watching him intently, and then he glanced, uncaringly, at the eagerly listening crowd in the mess hall. His eyes were looking for something.
"Here. Ayala took it down." Harry offered the Magtar to Tom, who took it carefully as he sat up and leaned against the metal table wall behind him.
"Thanks." He replied, and gave a very brief nod at Ayala and then turned back to ignoring him, instead focusing on Harry and the Commander. He still didn't have the best relationship with the security man. He placed the animal on his lap, handling it with an almost ridiculous care. "I had a dispute with some crew members and then we were called to the bridge. It's blank after that until now."
"So you don't remember anything else?" Harry drilled him gently.
"No, should I?"
"Let's not worry about that now. We don't know what is really happening on the ship but something attacked us, you fell and hit your head. We're stuck in here until engineering gets us out."
"Well, at least we won't starve." He replied, but the energy that Neelix was used to witnessing was missing from his voice. He noticed Harry look really carefully at Tom. "Am I the only casualty?" He asked, looking again behind the little group that thronged him.
"With the exception of a damaged finger, yes." The Commander replied, he was about to say something else when Tom held up his hand to stall him, his brow furrowing in puzzlement. And then a startled smile spread on his lips, and it was so innocent that Neelix instantly realized he'd never seen it on him before. It was amazing how different one looked with a simple, non-sarcastic smile.
"Yes, how…" his voice cut in and out a moment, and he grinned again.
"Lieutenant? What…" Tom once again held up his hand, demanding silence, then he seemed to be nodding to himself. Neelix began to worry that he wasn't back to his right frame of mind. That episode earlier had scared him and he never wanted to witness a repeat, even though he didn't understand what was going on. Then, Tom's gaze returned to Chakotay.
"Sorry Commander. It appears that the communications are down too?" The commander nodded, not quite understanding. "Tirzri'wa decided it was time to put his telepathy to use. He's been speaking with the Captain. Apparently we ran into an animal that was more dangerous than photon torpedo's. It's melted a bunch of circuitry but with repairs we should be released from here in about four hours."
"Will you be okay that long?" Tom rolled his eyes at the concern.
"I've been through worse." He off handedly commented.
"I know." Chakotay answered and Tom looked at him sharply, a comment barely restrained on his lips. There was much more going on here than Neelix understood, but he was suddenly sensing a new tension. Whatever was going on, he was beginning to think that these people were on very thin ground with Tom, if the warning in his eyes was anything to attest by. Chakotay immediately caught the warning and nodded to Tom. Then he stood and turned to the crowd of officers, who were still watching them intently.
"Looks like we're all going to be on a forced four hour break. I suggest you enjoy it, because it looks like we'll be doing a lot of repair work once we're out of here." There were some good natured groans from the crowd but everyone finally seemed satisfied that the drama that was Paris was over for the time being. Chakotay and Ayala headed off to a far corner to talk about…something. Neelix took the hint and stood as well, heading to do some kitchen duties, and Samantha followed him to help. She was such a generous and helping soul. He kept an eye on Harry Kim and Tom as he worked, making sure that if Tom needed something, a drink maybe, he would be able to get it immediately. Both men were leaning against the counter wall, Tom had placed the magtaur between them on the floor, slightly obscuring its view. They spoke in hushed tones, a private conversation between only them. Neelix kept most of his attention on his duties.
-()-
Harry watched Tom carefully as he distractedly pet his stuffed animal and tried to pretend nothing was wrong with him. His attempts of appearing at ease were not lost on Harry, nor was the fact that they were still sitting on the floor instead of investigating the circuitry as Tom would normally insist on doing, regardless of what everyone else said. Harry's pulse was still racing and he could feel the oncoming of one hell of a headache from the stress of the last half hour. He could sense Tom's eyes occasionally glimpsing covertly at him, no doubt picking up on his unease but unwilling to say anything. The stiffness of Tom's body was testament enough about the stress he was under but Harry wasn't sure if it was from his possible concussion or the magtaur he was continuously touching.
"Tom? Do you want anything, some water?"
"No, thanks though. I'm still feeling a bit, uhh, fuzzy in the head."
"No doubt, not even your skulls thick enough to take a direct hit."
"Ha ha." Harry looked at his friend, trying to catch his eye but failing. Tom was avoiding him, and that set off instant alarms in Harry's mind. Lately he felt as though he was walking on gel packs in an effort to not upset Tom; his friend had enough to think about already and didn't want an upset Harry Kim to add to his problems. The last thing he wanted was to make anything more stressfull for his friend. Tom deserved a break, but it was obvious it wasn't going to happen soon. While Harry prided himself on understanding Tom he knew he didn't, and probably never would, know everything about him. Right now was one of those moments and he hated it.
"Tom? Are you feeling okay? Really?"
"I'm fine Har…"
"Don't bullshit me Tom. I know you better than that." It still hurt that Tom would avoid answering truthfully without a little goading and insistence after everything that they had been through and shared together. It was a defense mechanism, to continuously test where he stood and assess how he should proceed. Tom had been weary of people for so long that even when he knew he had a solid friend in Harry he couldn't always drop the pretenses. Harry knew it wasn't on purpose, he even knew it was something Tom hated doing. Still, emotions were tricky things and Harry couldn't help feeling hurt despite the knowledge that this act meant nothing to their friendship. For the moment though, he had to push his feelings aside and he waited for Tom to reply. He was rewarded almost immediately.
"Sorry Harry. It's just..." he cut off, trying to decide on his words. "I've been on this ship with everyone for a year now and I've been, for the most part, control of my actions the entire time. Despite everything we've all been through and what I've been through I've never lost my temper on a crew member." He paused a moment and grinned humorously to himself. "For the most part anyway. This time though...when I walked in here and saw Cornick and Bathet underneath this" he gestured at his magtuar stuffed animal, an almost lost look on his face. "I saw red Harry, and I haven't been that angry at another person for something they personally did to me in a long time. These people Harry, they make me loose control, and I can't lose that." He finished and avoided looking at Harry, as though he'd made some sort of shameful admission for feeling as lost, unaccepted and even threatened as he was on board this ship. There were never any physical threats, but a harsh word could be as severe a blow as a fist.
Harry felt his anger in the pit of his stomach as he thought of all the comments he'd over heard directed at Tom over the year; all the jests, the accidental elbows, the occasional trashed room (that he wasn't supposed to know about because Tom had never breathed a word about it), the pranks, everything that had been done to make sure Tom knew how disliked he was by the crew had escalated and now he didn't know what Tom was going to do. The defeat in his voice struck a chord in his heart that made him become fearful for losing his friend once again. He was going to lose him because people were too stuck in poisoned past aggressions that they probably adopted from someone else in the first place. Not knowing what to do, now caught up in an entire new state of uncertainty with Tom, Harry put his hand on his best friends shoulder and squeezed in comfort.
"I'm sorry Tom." He waited a moment not knowing what else he could say and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault Har, your practically the only good thing this ship has to offer." Tom grinned up at him, warming his heart with the sincerity in his blue eyes and Harry tried to look affronted.
"Practically the only good thing? What exactly is my competition?"
"Oh you know there's the holodecks, the food, the fabulous medical service not to mention that they actually let me fly her once in a while."
"Well, it looks like I need to fix some things on this ship to put me back at number one." Tom chuckled and then tried to hide a wince as his head was no doubt affected by the movement.
"Here you are Tom" Samantha appeared beside Harry and handed over a tea towel with some ice, she held a glass f water in her other hand. Harry watched as Tom accepted the towel, smiling his thanks and placing it on his rapidly bruising forehead. HE also noted how Tom pushed his magtaur almost behind his back, obstructing peoples view from it, almost as though he were protecting it. If Samantha noticed she didn't comment as she forced him to take a few sips of water. After the first one Tom sputtered a bit and pushed it away with a surprised and disgusted look on his face.
"I thought you said that was water! What the hell is in that:"
"Neelix threw in a bit of…some kind of remedy of his. He said it should help with the pain. Now drink."
"Sam, it tastes horrible. I'm not drinking that."
"Tom, you'll hurt his feelings." Samantha nodded towards the kitchen where Harry saw Neelix trying to not look too obvious as he watched to see if Tom would accept his remedy. Tom barely glanced at Neelix and then sighed, taking the glass from Sam and glaring at it a moment.
"The things I do for this crew" he muttered and then took a large gulp out of the glass before returning it to Sam. He even managed to look slightly satisfied by the beverage and leaned back against the counter. "Never drink that if you don't have to." He warned, though when Neelix smiled happily and bounced back into the kitchen a tiny smile graced Tom's own lips. Then he looked a bit surprised.
"What's wrong?""Nothing, I'm just surprised that that stuff is actually helping with the pain a bit." She smiled and pat his thigh in comfort before standing and going to see if Naomi was okay. The child had been with ensign Delaney (Jenny) and looked like she was starting to get upset about the entire situation. Harry looked at Tom one more time, seeing the dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Despite Tom not hinting at having any nightmares, Harry knew they were affecting him to.
"Why don't you try to get some rest. I'll wake you every half hour to make sure you don't slip into a coma."
"Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine."
"Tom, you need the rest."
"I do, but I am never going to sleep with all these people around." Harry nodded acceptance though he d known that getting Tom to drop his guard was a large improbability.
"So, you have any cards?" Harry asked, finally feeling his hands stop their shaking. Tom was okay, he wasn't going to harm himself or anyone else in the next little while and he was getting some of his colour back. Harry sighed in quiet relief and leaned back to sit beside Tom in companionable silence as the room buzzed around them.
-()-
"We're going to be here for two days to fix the last of the damage caused by that creature. I'm going to reduce shift hours to increase shore leave for everyone, and then we can be on our way." Janeway announced, looking around at her senior officers. Her crew was recovering from some pretty severe sleepless nights, which had increased in their intensity the last two evenings. Everyone was affected by the nightmares and the Widariats were claiming ignorance to the entire situation, though they said they'd look into if necessary. She wasn't happy with the situation, especially because she sensed that there was something going on between her senior staff that focused around Tom Paris and she didn't know what it was. She hated not knowing and Chakotay was being unusually tight lipped about it. She could order him to tell her but so far it didn't seem to be affecting wither officers work.
She noticed Harry shift uncomfortably in his seat and frowned. She'd also noticed that he'd been antsy in the last week, focused on his duties but even more so on Tom. Their chief pilot seemed to the focus of a lot of attention these days but she had yet to determine if that was a good or bad development. Whatever the situation was, she'd have to deal with it later, so long as it didn't affect overall performance. She was just to busy at the moment with all the necessary functions and responsibilities. Seeing that there was no reason to withhold her officers any longer she dismissed them.
Lingering in the room with his sharp brown eyes carefully looking around, taking in the details he may have missed in the last two years, was Harry Kim. He looked a bit…uncertain as he stood there deciding exactly why he stayed behind, but he was always one to organize his thoughts quickly.
"Captain. Don't you think we should just speed up the repairs and get on our way? We've been with the Widariats for a while now and I'm sure they'd like to be rid of us." He stated, the uncertainty in his voice even as he plowed on with his question. She couldn't help but quirk an eye at his odd statement, despite trying to remain formal, and looked at him with a bit of surprise showing.
"Is there something I should know about ensign? Because the last I checked, which was recently, we were still very welcome among these beings."
"Of course Captain, I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay." He nodded and left quickly to his bridge post and she shook her head in amusement. Harry Kim never ceased to amaze her, be it through genious approaches when working with any kind of technology, or through his innocent displays of emotion. He must be in an odd mood to wish to continue the journey so soon, but perhaps it was just home sickness creeping up on him again. With a sigh she turned to her desk to go over the systems reports, making sure she had a cup of coffee on the way.
On the bridge Harry couldn't stop himself from continuously looking at the back of his best friends head. Two more days, all he needed to do was keep Tom on the ship for two more days and then they'd be gone from this territory with Tom at the helm. God but every minute was eating a hole in his gut as Harry was the only person on the entire ship who was aware that they might be leaving this system without his best friend. And that, quite frankly, was unacceptable.