I can keep climbing, but I see my hands are turning black,
And, ah, my love it's so very cold on this path
The winds sing the mocking song of the knowledge I do lack,
Seeks to make me cry, and seems annoyed when instead I laugh

3
Why?

I had discovered on my travels one very handy way to dodge an otherwise unavoidable hangover on the morning after.

Just don't go to sleep.

I watched light come up over the sooty roofs of the alley, with a tired but relatively clear mind. It was almost time to wake Shino and tell her the decision I had made.

I cringed at the thought of what it was I needed to do, of what might going back there might do to me, but if it would help Shino and free me up to find a way to get home it might just be worth it. And I was sure there was a way back. If there's a way in, there's a way out, right? But I wouldn't just leave her behind like this.

It seemed like the perfect solution. In fact, it seemed like the only solution. I could trust her. Or him. Or whatever she was here. Better than any other idea I had.

I sighed again, something I seemed to be doing a lot lately. Life had become entirely too surreal, and I really, really wasn't liking it.

Leaning over the space between us, I reached out and shook her awake. "Hey, Shino…how would you like to learn swords?"

I knew she was going to be difficult, but damn! Well, I had not only watched the master, namely Jou-chan, deal with the stubbornness of an incompliant red-head, but I had a bit of experience of my own. Two could play at that game.

I walked behind her as she navigated a pretty dingy area, evidently with some destination in mind, though I was too busy trying to wear her down to ask what. We finally paused in our circling argument as she came to a stop at a small stall in the shadows.

It wasn't exactly the best place to set up a business, I thought. But then, if some slightly more shady things than the norm were the wares of the woman minding the stall, it might have been the perfect place after all.

The woman was very short, easily a head shorter than Shino, approaching elderly years, and had her lightening hair tied in a bun on her head. She frowned at us, flicking her eyes first to me, then back at Shino.

"Finally decided to take up the trade, Himura-san? It wasn't so very bad as you thought it would be, was it? Not every girl has such a good-looking one as her first customer."

My eyes widened at what this old hag had just insinuated, but Shino only smiled, looking at the ground and letting the insult flow away. "No, I haven't 'taken up the trade'. Sanosuke is a friend. Do you have anything you'd like thrown out today?"

The old woman clicked her tongue as she knelt behind the counter to rummage. "Still too proud, eh? You'd live an easier life, you know. A woman as pretty as you could easily demand a high price."

I growled, edging forward, but Shino stopped me with a hand on my elbow and a shake of her head.

The old woman straightened up and brought forth a small crate of apples. She frowned distastefully at them before thrusting the entire crate at Shino. "Won't last another day, these things. But then, I guess they won't have to. Still feeding the urchins, I guess?"

Shino accepted the apples, bowing. "My thanks," she said, turning sharply to the left and hurrying away, as if afraid the old hag might change her mind. I followed, curious.

A few twists and turns later, half a dozen children jumped out at us from slats of wood and cloth propped against the walls, brandishing sticks.

"Shin!" the one leading the charge said. He couldn't have been more than nine, but when he flung out his arm, the others kids stopped immediately, lining up behind him like well-trained soldiers.

Or almost well-trained. The youngest, a boy of maybe six looked up at Shino with eyes beaming through the smudges on his face. "Where you been, Himura-san? We been hungry!"

The other boy whirled on him. "You shut up, Akira! Ain't nobody here been hungry!" he growled.

Akira lifted his chin. "Well, just me then, Dai-sama."

"Dai-sama" snorted and turned back to Shino. "So what you got there, Shin?"

She lowered the crate so they could see. The apples were soft, and covered with spots, within a day or so of spoiling, but still edible now. The boys behind Dai looked on wide-eyed, and I waited, expecting Shino to just give them the apples and we'd be on our way.

But she didn't, and Dai didn't reach for them. He seemed to be inspecting them, rubbing at his chin as if trying to make a decision. "They look okay I guess. I got two nice plums I can play you for 'em, Shin, okay?" he said finally. "Akira, bring the plums here."

The littlest boy eagerly came forward, unwrapping a cloth in his hands to reveal two shiny pieces of fruit of much better quality than the blemished apples. "See here, Himura-san? I kept 'em nice and shiny, didn't I?"

"That you did," she said, smiling down at him.

"So is it a deal?" Dai butted in, impatient. "These nice plums against your apples?"

"Done," Shino said, and she knelt down with the kids in a circle.

I still wasn't sure what was going on until another kid handed over a pair of dice.

"Shino…?" I questioned, but she gave me a strange look and I shut up and stood back to watch.

The little gambling match ultimately resulted in Shino losing all the apples and both plums, though every piece of fruit managed to exchange hands at least once.

"Okay, young ones, now I've lost it all," Shino said, standing up and dusting off her knees. The last bet had been for the crate itself, whatever the children planned to do with it.

The kids cheered, bits of apple on their faces and fingers. I could tell she was fighting a smile as the kids congratulated themselves. She turned to leave, but Dai stopped her, tugging at her sleeve. The kid held out one of the plums to her. "For a good game," he said gruffly.

"Why didn't you just give the food to the kids?" I wanted to know as soon as we were out of earshot of the little urchins. "Why bother to go through all that? And I know you were losing on purpose."

"It didn't matter if I was trying to lose or not. Dai's the best I've ever seen with sleight-of-hand. Sometimes even I couldn't tell when he switched the regular dice for the loaded ones."

I started, not having thought the kids could be cheating. I hadn't noticed any switching of the dice at all, and, and here I was a veteran gambler!

"But I still don't understand why--"

"Because Dai would never allow it," Shino explained. "He's a strong one, and the others follow him because he keeps them safe, makes sure they all get food to eat, even the weakest ones. But it's all done with pride. Though he may cheat a little, there is no stealing, no begging, and no charity allowed. So when I want to help, I have to do it his way. It's really best if they believe they're living off their own wits."

I walked alongside her quietly for a moment, smiling to myself. Smart as Kenshin, this one. How could she not be? And speaking of being like Kenshin…

"Why won't you?" I asked again. How many times I had asked, I lost count.

Her answer was deflated of patience, but a least a lot more honest than the polite refusals of before. "Please, Sano. I could never pay for lessons."

"I'll pay for it," I said immediately. No idea how, but I would find a way.

"Then how would I pay you back?" she asked reasonably.

I didn't have any interest in being paid back, especially when I didn't plan to stick around long enough to be paid back.

"I don't suppose you'd consider it thanks for helping me?"

"You paid that back thrice over helping me last night," she pointed out. "And you would have been fine without any help from me all at."

It was like arguing with a brick wall. Or with Kenshin. But I wasn't done yet.

I sped up to walk abreast of her, smiling grimly. "Well, I guess that settles it, Shino."

She frowned at me, wary. "What settles what?"

"Since you won't let me help you learn to defend yourself, I'm just going to have to follow you around protecting you either until you agree, or until one of us dies." I put my hands behind my head as I walked, as if I really had nothing better to do than just that.

She stopped walking and stared at me. "Sano, why do you want to do this? I don't understand."

"It doesn't have to be kendo," I said, striding past her as if she hadn't stopped. "It can be anything you want. I just happen to think you'd be good with the sword." Really, really good.

"That's not what I meant," Shino said, voice breathy with exasperation. "I want to know why you should care about what happens to me. I'm not worth--"

I snapped, whirling on her so fast she actually took a step back. "Not worth what? Not worth what, Shino? Not worth somebody caring about what happens to you? Not worth having a friend? Not worth learning to keep yourself safe from attacks like last night?"

She looked surprised for a second, then her eyes narrowed. "I'm thirty-three years old, Sanosuke, and I've been all on my own since I was fourteen. I think I've been taking care of myself just fine."

"No you haven't!" And it hadn't occurred to me before, not until that moment, but suddenly I was more sure of it than it than anything in my life: "You hide it well, but it shows through sometimes: you've been hurt, Shino, hurt so bad that you'll hardly even look other human beings in the eye. And you have no idea to what lengths I'm willing to go, to keep it from ever happening to you again."

I'm not sure how long we stood in the street, frozen in place. I was just as shocked as she was over that little speech, and I had just as little idea how to react. Why had I said that?

I said it because I meant it.

I meant it, but the stricken look on her face was not something I'd wanted to cause, coupled with the pain that I got when she still didn't look me directly in the eye. Her injured gaze was somewhere at my chin. There was a slight tremble in her hands, fists at her side.

I opened my mouth, but there was nothing to come out. I couldn't think of another thing to say. An apology didn't seem appropriate, nor was there much else I could offer in explanation. I wasn't even sure what that look in her violet eyes meant exactly, the pain of memories or because of what I said.

I was saved from trying to force out words when her eyes shifted from my face to some above and behind me. They widened and her lips parted. "Akira!"

Akira? The little kid?

I spun around, looking for the danger, and almost missed the child, who was on a roof to the right of me…which I would realize only later was exactly on the other side of the alleyway where the children had played dice with Shino. Akira, with apple bits still on his face had been on his hands and knees on the slope of the roof, watching us. The shingle he'd been holding onto slipped loose right before my eyes.

Before I could react, a red and white streak passed me. Shino. Running for the kid as he fell from the roof.

Not as fast as Kenshin, but so very close, she sprang forward, arms up, and Akira fell into her. But the collision was too much for her, and she slammed violently into the ground, taking all the impact of the little boy's fall.

"Shino!" I was by her side instantly, pulling Akira, who was by then crying hysterically, off her. After a quick glance to make sure he wasn't hurt, I quickly turned my attention back to the girl.

Her eyes were stunned swirls as he lifted a hand to rub at the bump on her head, letting out a dazed little moan… She looked and sounded so much like him that I couldn't help myself:

I fell down beside her and roared laughter at the sky.

"I'm beginning to think," she murmured into the collar of my jacket sometime later, "that perhaps I should have left you lying on the road where I found you."

"That's not nice," I said cheerfully as I walked the familiar East Sea Road, leading back to Tokyo. Her weight was nothing to me as I carried her along piggyback, my arms supporting her legs, her arms around my neck. "It's not my fault you hurt yourself. It's yours for being a heroic ninny. Or that kid's for being on the roof in the first place. Why the hell was he up there anyway?"

I felt the breath of Shino's sigh on my neck before she answered. "I don't know," she said, but I couldn't help but have the feeling that she really did.

I let it go, deciding that she had enough to be in a temper about. "Come on," I urged. "It won't be so bad. It's a really nice place. It's…I mean, it'll kind of be like my home. Well, the place where my friends live," I amended wistfully, familiar faces floating up in my memory.

"Is it where Kenshin lives?" Shino asked, surprising me.

"The place I'm taking you? No… But it'll be…kind of like where he lived. He lived at a kendo school…" Again a longing hit me. Missing those crashing sounds I would usually hear if I visited early enough in the morning to see Kaoru chasing Yahiko around the yard, Kenshin struggling to keep a hold of his armful of freshly chopped logs as they skirted him. I missed Megumi's throaty laugh. I even missed cheerful Tae and shy little Tsubame…there was that tab still waiting for me at Akabeko…

I sighed gustily, Shino feeling just a little heavier on my back.

"Look, I won't force you to take those lessons, okay? But I meant what I said. I'll protect you if you can't protect yourself."

She was quiet for a moment, either thinking or brooding, and I glanced down at her right foot. It was still swelling from where she had twisted when she had fallen. I winced in sympathy. It looked very painful, but at least nothing was broken. She'd be fine in a few days. Maybe by the time we got there.

I noticed she was also picking up the bad habit of chronic sighing as another of her warm breaths brushed across the back of my neck. "Why?"

That again.

I gritted my teeth. "Damn it, Shino. I don't know how to make you understand."

There was another pause. "Try," she said.

She needed a reason. Deserved a reason.

And I didn't even know if I had a reason.

"I have to help you," I said lamely. A man in a wagon hauling hay passed us going in the opposite direction, eyes curious on us until my glare made him avert his eyes.

"Why?" she grunted, voice tinged with frustrated. "Why do you have to help me? What do you want in return?"

Snapping again, I turned the air so blue with curses that I felt her shoulders move up in a wince. My stride broken, I turned my head to look over my shoulder at her…

…and my anger dissolved immediately into something akin to horror as she looked back at with a wide-eyed expression of fear that I did. Not. Like.

I swore again, but more softly this time. Carefully I lowered her from my back and turned to face her. On an impulsive I was as surprised at as she, I pulled her into my arms. "Don't look at me like that. I have to help you because you remind me of one of the most important people who have ever touched my life," I said, letting the words tumble from me in a rush. "You remind me of him so much. The way you help people without any regard for yourself and without expecting or even wanting anything in return. The way you look weak on the outside, but are really so strong, especially on the inside.

"He saved me. Saved me from eating myself alive from the inside out, drowning in my own bitterness and hatred. Gave me something else to live for besides that. Gave me back something I thought I'd lost forever. And I saw him do the same again and again for others, even allowing himself to get hurt sometimes to help someone he thought worth saving. Seeing those guys almost hurt you last night, and knowing it could happen again, and just leaving it at that… it would be like I was abandoning him, leaving him to possible harm when I could do something to prevent it, leaving him with a sad face when there could be something I could do to make him smile, knowing he'd go hungry a lot when I could make sure he ate well every day, knowing that he tried to find places to hide when he had to sleep when I could make it so that he'd sleep safe every night...

"That's why I have to help you. You have a heart like his, and I have to protect it. So let me, Himura Shino. Let me."

I felt one of her hands come up to touch me lightly on the back, a gesture of comfort I hadn't expected. "How did he die?" she whispered, startling me.

I'd never said that Kenshin…

No, I'd never said Kenshin died, but I had been talking about him in the past tense this whole time. It was no wonder she thought so. I guess I sounded sad. I hadn't seen my friend in a long, long time, and didn't have much of a chance seeing him anytime in the future. At the moment, he was just as unreachable to me as Captain Sagara.

With no truthful answer to give, I only let her feel me shake my head, as if I didn't want to talk about it.

There was a long pause in which neither of us moved, lost in thought and wandering in our own private worlds of pain before we found our way back to each other.

"All right, Sano. I will. I'll learn for you," she said at last, her tone resigned.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. I pulled away from her, slightly embarrassed about holding onto her for so long. I didn't look at her face, afraid that she would be looking at me with those eyes still, as I turned, signaling for her to climb back on. She wouldn't be much good for walking on that swollen foot for a while.

We traveled in silence for a while after that, solemn but not uncomfortable.

It was Shino who broke it. "Sanosuke?"

"Hm?"

"I will find a way to pay you back."

I let the words roll around in my head for a moment, a chuckle fighting with another sigh to escape. The sound I made came out as a little of both. "You Himuras are all alike," I said.

Author's note:

(Sob!) The pace of these undates is killing me. Damn you, Filly! For your next three birthdays you're getting cards, do you hear me? Nice, fast, simple birthday cards. I swear it!

My dear cousin, and by "dear" I mean sadistic and evil, also wanted the poem at the beginning of every chapter changed, switching it to one of her favorites. It's written by me, Khrysalis. Just in case anyone wants to go back and see the first two parts, different from the poem that was there before. Not sure if it would fit as well as the other one, but it's what she wants. Angstpuppy.

Okay…three chapters plus prologue down, eight more to go… (Siiigghhhh…)