When I get there, I'll make you smile
I will soothe the ice from your cheeks
I move toward you, it'll be just a while
If I can just find it, the path that I seek

9
Belong to Me

"Sano…"

"I'm trying!"

"I…I'm not going to make it."

"Oh, yes you are. Don't you dare, Shino--"

"Nnghh--!"

"Just hold on! Hang in there."

She clutched at the sides of her hakama, the tips of her fingers blistered and nails broken from trying to undo her own hopeless knotting of her obi for almost three hours before coming to me for help, any issue of modesty forgotten in her desperation. I could easily sympathize; having to hold a full bladder for such an extended period was really painful. Not only that, but I could see she had tied the belt so tightly around herself that it was cutting into the flesh of her stomach and hips.

She squirmed in agony and no small amount of embarrassment as I knelt in front of her, trying my best to pull the crazy knots free.

"How did you even do this?" I groaned, becoming a little desperate myself. The poor girl was really suffering here. Wetting yourself because you're trapped in your own clothes is not good for your mental health.

She pressed her knuckles into her eyelids, trembling.

"Do…do you want me to tear it free?"

She hesitated for a second, then nodded. It didn't look like we had much of a choice left. I grasped the obi where it was closest to the knot and with a quick jerk snapped it apart. Shino's small hands gripped her pants before they could come loose and she dashed past me, tearing into the woods. I thought she might have just achieved godspeed that time.

I waited on the path for her, fidgeting impatiently. I'd grown so possessive and protective, almost unreasonably so, over this girl in the last twenty-four hours that her not being where I could see that she was safe made me very, very anxious. She'd holler if she needed me, wouldn't she? If any of those guys from the mansion followed us and found her out there alone, she'd call for my help and not stay quiet for fear I'd get hurt, right? Right?

There was a soft rustle, and her tousled red head appeared. I sighed my relief, smiling at her.

She didn't smile back. The poor girl stood sheltered with boughs at the edge of the woods, a furious blush across her cheeks and nose.

"You okay?"

She nodded but didn't come out.

I ran a hand through my hair. "We made a mess of your clothes, didn't we?" I guessed.

Another nod.

I picked up my jacket, which had been thrown aside in our hurry to undo the terrible knots, and I held the ruined obi in the other. "Well, come out here. We'll see if we can fix it a little."

The blush deepened as she move reluctantly out of the shrubbery and back onto the path, clutching at her hakama for dear life. Wearing a hakama with no gi didn't do much for anyone's dignity, low as the openings were at the sides, but I tried not to seem like I was looking as she carefully walked toward me.

But really…I couldn't help it.

It nearly took my breath away how beautiful she really was. She was slender, but gently curved and toned by a lot of moving about. I liked the lines and shadows about her bare little tummy, and how her legs were nicely rounded by a lot of walking. Her chest was small, wrapped thoroughly in her bandaging, but it suited her fine. She was petite, compact.

A grin crept up on my face, try as I might to fight it.

"What are you smiling about, Sano?" she wanted to know, a slight narrowing of her eyes above her blush that clearly stated "you'd better not be laughing at me for this".

I stepped forward and quickly wrapped her up in my jacket. "I was just remembering something that this reminds me of."

"What?" she wondered as we tied her clothing closed with the broken obi.

"Well…there was this one time my friends and I from back home took this trip to Kyoto to visit some other friends and just get out of the routine of ordinary life, I guess. Yahiko, who was maybe almost eleven at the time, and I were going along with Kenshin to visit his old teacher on the mountain while the girls stayed behind at the inn where our friends lived. There was a river we were following. It must have rained for a while before we came because it was really high and loud and pretty dangerous.

"Yahiko was so full of energy that day, swinging around his training sword, talking. It was sunny, but not too hot. Lots of insect and bird noises. No impending battles or looming bad guys. I guess we were all feeling so good it was bound to happen."

"What?"

"The kid. He was clambering over rocks around the river instead of walking around them like a normal person. So of course he managed to miss a step and went tumbling head over heels right into the river.

"And Kenshin, being Kenshin, tossed his sword and the jug of sake he was bringing along for his master to me and jumped right in after him."

"Oh, no…" she murmured.

"I was cursing them both for a couple of idiots as I ran alongside the riverbank, looking for them. Yahiko had fallen in and sank like a stone, but Kenshin broke the surface several times, and was getting swept away faster than I could follow. In no time, I'd lost sight of both of them."

Shino and I had sat down in the shade, just out of sight of the path. I stared past her, seeing the river sweeping away my friends all over again, Kenshin's crimson head getting smaller and smaller the further it took him.

"What could I do? I just kept running, carrying that damn sake and Kenshin's sword. I was terrified at the time, and I kept thinking to myself, 'Jou-chan is going to kill me! Jou-chan is going to kill me!'"

"So what happened?" Shino asked when I paused.

I grinned. "Well, I found them."

"You did?"

"Yeah. They were quite some ways down the river. Kenshin had found and gotten a hold of Yahiko, and the two of them managed to work their way to the shallows and claw their way out like a pair of half-drowned rats. But, you see, the thing was--" I broke off, snickering.

"What?"

"Well, the river was really raging…"

"Uh?"

"Really raging."

Shino blinked.

"Well, the water sort of twisted and jerked them around so much that it, uh, well…"

"…Sano?"

"The water wrenched all the clothing from their bodies."

"Oh!"

"Yep. But I was so happy to see them I didn't care at first. It was a miracle they survived at all, so who the hell cared about clothes? But…after they recovered some…"

"Started to get embarrassing?"

"Oh, yeah. I didn't have much to offer except my jacket." I reached out and tugged her sleeve. "This very one you're wearing. Kenshin, again being Kenshin, had it go to Yahiko, so that he had to go on wearing exactly what he wore the day he was born until I found his hakama caught on some branches back upstream. When I brought him to him he had this 'oh thank God!' look on his face." I chuckled, remembering the expression of embarrassed gratitude the rurouni had on his face as covered himself in his remaining garment. I couldn't help my smile back then either, and the way that back then, at that time, another red-headed Himura had gripped his pants and glared at me: You'd better not be laughing at me for this!

I laughed out loud at the memory, Shino softly joining in with a short chuckle. Then…my mirth ended very suddenly with a familiar pain spreading out from my chest…

Kenshin…Yahiko…

Warm fingers suddenly entwined with mine, and I found myself looking into soft purple eyes. "You miss them so much…don't you?"

I nodded slowly. "I…I miss…the way they used to look at me. No matter how much I teased or mooched or lazed or made a nuisance of myself…they would always…forgive me for it. For no reason at all. They would always…smile at me. They aways let me in. Like they really…they really…"

She knelt up smoothly, sliding her arms around me. She lulled me in with a gentle, rocking motion. With anyone else, I might have been embarrassed, but with her…all there seemed to be to do was relax into her.

"Oh, Sano. You look so hurt," she said softly.

I inhaled sharply. I looked hurt? I did?

"The look in your eyes, like everyone who ever loved you is gone. Like you're all alone," she said. "I wish I could take that look from you."

My mouth slackened in shock. Her cheek was pressed into my hair, so she couldn't see my face.

"Sometimes I think I do," she continued, still gently rocking. "Sometimes I make you smile. Sometimes I even make you laugh. I love that, when the pain is gone from you, from your eyes, your face, from your shoulders, and there's only laughter. I like the way you laugh. Your head's back, mouth wide, wild and loose and free. I wish I could make you feel that way all the time."

I reached up and gripped her arm, the one she had put around my chest. "Sh…Shino…" I whispered.

"That's why when you said you wanted to keep me, I also thought I'd like to stay with you. Maybe I can make you less lonely, because I remind you of the friend you lost."

"No," I said softly. Then, a little louder, "No, no…"

I sat up, breaking her hold, and quickly pulling her into my arms, my eyes blazing into hers. "No, Shino! It's not because-- Well, at first, I wanted to help you because you reminded me of him… But now, now I…I want to be with you because you're you. Because I love to make you laugh, and you smile. Because all I've cared about these last weeks of my life is you. Because--"

I stopped, feeling miserably inadequate to describe my feelings. Wasn't there some other way I could…?

I looked at her sweet face, turned up to meet mine… I looked from her eyes to her lips and then back to her eyes, asking permission. Her lips parted slightly, giving it.

The first time we had kissed had been gentle and chaste, a spontaneous moment that neither of us had seemed able to help. This time, it was choice. Want. Need.

I had dreamed of moments like this, each time reminding myself the beautiful creature I held so closely against my heart needed a gentle touch, gentle love, sheltering her against the harshness she had known. But now as I truly held her, I found I wanted to move, touch, and feel everything slowly, savoring the sweet taste of her, the softness of her skin, her gaze, her breath.

I licked at her bottom lip, and her mouth parted with a little gasp, allowing me to slip inside. A heat began to build inside me as we broke away for air. She was trembling as she looked up at me.

I realized with terrifying certainty that she had never willingly loved anyone before. Swallowing, I put my hand behind her head and very carefully lay her down in the grass, never breaking eye contact.

"Shiden-me," I breathed, leaning over her, taking her mouth with mine again. "Listen to me. I meant it when I said I wanted to keep you. May I do that? Will you let me have you? Will you be mine?"

"For how long?" she whispered against my lips, eyes fully intent on mine.

"For as long as you want me," I told her, my voice sounding low and thick in my ears. "I…my friends…they each had a piece of my heart with them, part of me stays with them no matter where I go. I miss them so much on some days its hurts even to breathe… But if I had to leave you now, my heart would shatter. There'd be nothing left. I need you, Shino. I need to have you with me always.

"I…I can't promise we'll ever have very much, but I can promise I'll always see you fed. And that I'll protect you always with my very life. And that I'll cherish you until the very day I die…"

Her little hands came up and came to rest on either side of my face. "Then, Sanosuke, can you say the same? Can you give yourself to me as well? Belong to me, belong in my arms only? Mine, mine to have, mine to protect, mine to love?"

Mine to love…

I breathed in shakily, my heart swelling out in understanding of what she was saying…of a great sense of completion that I had had no idea could ever exist.

"Yes. I can. I can say that with all of my heart."

She looked away suddenly. "Sano…I've been…H-Horibuchi-sama, he--"

I turned her face back to mine and silenced her with another kiss. I could have said that I didn't care about that or told her to forget it, but somehow that didn't seem like enough.

Still holding the kiss I very quickly pulled free the knot in her obi and eased my jacket down her shoulders. "Shino, listen to me carefully. I'm going to do something. I'm going to take away his touch from you and replace it with mine."

She shook her head slightly, not understand.

I slid my jacket from her small body easily, laying it aside. "Just be still and tell me a place you can remember bad touches, or being hurt. Don't be afraid. It's only me."

She hesitated, then her hand took my hand in hers and guided it to the soft part of her arm, there bruises in the shape of handmarks were. We were going to start with Seiji's touch first, I saw.

Understanding, I ran my hand over the bruises, wishing I'd roughed up Horibuchi Seiji a little more when I had the chance. Then I lowered my head and covered the area with butterfly kisses. She shivered, breathing in sharply.

She showed me again, to the other arm, to other fresh bruises. I took care of some myself that she missed, touched the places on her tummy and sides were the too-tight obi and broken her skin. And, remembering what Kaoru had told me back at the dojo, I leaned up for only a moment, turning her right arm to expose the inner flesh. Seeing nothing, I looked at the left arm.

There. It was a small, only about the size of my thumb. It was only her name, Himura, burned in such a stylized way that you had to look close to see that it was really a word and not just a flowery design.

Leaning low over it, I let my breath trickle over the brand, wondering when she had been marked with this and the pain it must have caused her.

I jerked back in surprised when she sobbed. I looked at her face, frightened I had done something wrong. Her eyes were squeezed shut, leaking tears.

"Sh-shino?"

She opened her eyes again. "D-don't stop, Sano. Please. It's good." She smiled, tears running freely down her cheeks. "It's becoming better. Please don't stop."

I nodded slowly, bending down to kiss away her tears before I returned to the mark on her arm. I breathed gently on it again, then kissed the mark the same as I had the bruises.

The light was soft, the sky mixing purple with orange, shadows just beginning to cover us. But I had only begun. Turning away from the brand, I looked to her again.

"Okay?"

"Yes."

"Where else? Guide me."

Her hand was over mine again, brushing our fingers over her chest before bringing my fingerstips to rest on the scar on her right cheek. My eyes widened, and her eyes closed and her hand slid from mine.

"Shino," I breathed. "Did…did Horibuchi…?"

She shook her head, rubbing the scar against my fingertips with the movement.

Someone else, then. I turned away the anger that crept into my heart. Someday I would ask her who gave her that scar. If they were still alive and I could find them, they were going to be treated to a living hell.

For now, though, I had to try to heal it for her.

I ran my thumb over the perfect lines, wondering if I even could. I knew the scars Kenshin bore were wounds for him that never really healed. Would it be the same for his twin?

Could it be there was some long-gone love and a bloodshot past connected with these scars, as there was for Kenshin?

Rei-baba said that things followed suit…

I faltered for the first time, not sure if my strength was enough to overcome the horrors she had known, marked here forever on her face.

Then I saw her looking back at me. Her eyes were smiling. Trusting. Believing.

Unable to resist, I nuzzled her nose with mine, earning myself a giggle before I turned my attention back to the scar.

I placed my face close to her, breathing softly on it as I had the brand. Again she shivered. I smiled, pressed my cheek over hers. "Become mine," I whispered, remembering her words from before. "Mine to have, mine to protect, mine to love."

There was another soft sob from her, and I drew back to check on her.

She was smiling at me, her eyes somehow both dark and brilliant in the fading light. No one had ever looked at me that way before, with such warm love and…gratitude.

She reached up and guided my head down to hers. As we shared another long, slow kiss I knew that I hadn't taken away all the pain, but I had made it better. For us, for now, it was enough. Enough for beginning a lifetime of love to slowly overtake the pain.

"Where else?" I asked her when we broke apart again.

"Not yet," she said. "I believe it's your turn now."

"My turn?"

She urged me to sit up, and then, kneeling beside me, had me lie down on the grass as I had her.

"Now tell me where it hurts, Sano. Let me cover your pain with my touch."

Marveling at this girl I'd chosen to love, I led her hands to old scars. I didn't have many that really pained me the way she did, but the feel of her lips and fingertips ghosting over the old wounds were soothing to the place where it had really hurt: inside.

This was Shino. She couldn't belong to me without me belonging to her. I couldn't comfort her without being comforted by her. And I couldn't protect her without being protected by her.

It was a night of healing touch. There were people waiting for us, but for now all that mattered was how we needed each other.

My first night with her in my arms. I'd covered us both with my jacket, listening to her breath. She slept so heavily, like children do. She even mumbled a little in her sleep, little fingers moving against my chest where her arm rested. So endearing.

Few nights ever passed when I didn't think of home, and tonight was no exception. But it was different. For the first time, there was no pain.

I was me. But now I had another half. I was whole. I felt…belonged. This was where I belonged. This was where I needed to be.

I turned my face to the top of my woman's head, and let the scent of sandalwood and spring wind carry me to join her in sleep.

Author's note:

Eep. So tired. Um. I don't think I'm going to make it to my cousin's birthday. Running out of time. One thing I can't seem to manage to impress on her, especially since she's not a writer herself, is that writing a story, even as enjoyable and fulfilling as I find it, takes a lot of work and effort. It's not always this easy, flowing thing she seems to think it is.

I will still try, though.

Other than that all I really have to comment on is a change to the summary. My cousin worded the last one, and the new one. She wanted the other one to sound mysterious. But after reading some of my reviews and picking out just a couple of complaints about it, she decided she wanted it changed to something a little more blunt. I don't have much patience with summaries, but I do understand their importance. Still, I don't know if the one one's any better than the old one, but... :Shrug: It's her birthday present.

Okay then. Very tired, up at five in the morning writing fanfiction like a ninny. Sheesh. Ah, well... 'Night. :)