Heaven Knows

Author's Note: This fic goes along with song "Heaven Knows and each chapter title is from the lyrics. Hotohori still hasn't gotten over Miaka and, just follow the story okay! I suck at summaries. Oh! And I don't own any part of Fushigi Yuugi and the song Heaven Knows.

Pairings: Miaka and Tamahome ; But final paring Hotohori and Miaka

Chapter 2: "Though she's so far away"

Though she's so far away,

It just keeps getting stronger, everyday…

As the winds blew gently carrying the scent of rain water signaling the arrival of a thunderstorm into the late hours of the night, a young woman tried desperately to translate into words every feeling, every single, tiny bit of emotion that coursed all through out her being. Anger, frustration, guilt, sorrow, admiration, and love. All these emotions somehow managed to find their way into heart. And she was finding it hard to express them and put them into writing.

'I guess I need a break,' Miaka thought as she stood up from the desk.

Miaka was really tired. Every part of her body ached as it had just endured a two-hour horse ride from the imperial palace of Konan to the outskirts of a small discrete village. Her back was sore and her legs were still pretty numb from the non-stop ride from Eiyou to the little inn she and Tamahome were staying in for the night. But all these physical aches were nothing in comparison to the emotional torture that she was feeling inside. Not long ago did she shout very insensitive, ungrateful, and hurtful words to a man who has promised her his timeless love and devotion, and has done nothing but cherish, support, protect and love her. Miaka had a hard time summoning up the courage to slap those words into his face, but Miaka new it had to be done. Hotohori is a man can never have anything but the best, and Miaka knew she was nowhere near the best. He had always said that she was his "dreamgirl", but Hotohori has just so much to give to be wasted on a dumb, always-hungry girl like her.

Miaka sat down on the decent-sized bed in the middle of the small room that Tamahome had rented. Tamahome went out for a while as he considered that Miaka might want to spend a little time by herself and went to his family, as their village is close by. Miaka, taking advantage of the time she was alone, went straight into writing a letter that she planned to send to Hotohori as soon as she can. She wanted to explain everything. Tell him that it's all for the best. Assure him that everything will be alright in time. Miaka also wanted to tell him what really triggered her sudden rash actions. Miaka was really confused. And as she rested her head on the pillow she closed her eyes and looked back to time where Hotohori had laid his soft, warm lips on hers. It was a very sweet yet passionate kiss. She tried to recall how his hands felt against her bare skin. Each gentle touch and each loving caress she tried hard to remember as her mind filled with the image of his face a few hours ago. The always handsome, calm, composed face was distorted with an expression of grief, betrayal, hurt and maybe even anger. And Miaka can't blame him if he did feel angry and betrayed. But Miaka thought it was for the best. Best for Hotohori and best for her sanity.

'I can't possibly back out on this. I chose Tamahome and I should stand by this decision no matter what. And I should tell him that I stand firm by my decision. Oh Hotohori. If you only knew how hard this is for me too. I don't know how I would react if I see another woman in your arms.' Miaka sat up and cuddled her pillow. 'NO!' she tried to fight back the thought. 'I won't allow myself to think these things!' But as soon as she thought about this, another voice shouted at her. 'You never really gave him a chance!' the voice said fiercely. 'You didn't even say you love him!'

"NO! STOP IT!" Miaka voiced out loud as she covered her ears as if she could block out the voice inside her head and the things the voice was saying.

'You KNOW and FEEL that you love him!' the voice kept on. 'Why don't you face it! You tell him a lie by saying that all the heartache you're causing him right now is for the best, but in reality you're just too scared to be loved by someone who you think is perfect! You're scared to be found undeserving of his love! Don't you think it's his decision to love who he wants to love.'

"But I also love Tamahome!" she murmured in reply to the voice in her head. "I love him too! I need him just as I need Hotohori, and I need to give one of them up. I chose to give up Hotohori."

Miaka tried to dismiss anymore of her thoughts by pulling the pillow to her ears but the voice was adamant. It said things that Miaka dare not say out loud.

'Miaka! You know no one is ever perfect that's why Hotohori needs you. And that's why you need him. You compliment each other in a way not even Tamahome can.'

"Please…" Miaka said as she started to shake and tears cascaded down from her greenish orbs. "please…this is enough! I've made my decision!" She said determinedly as she put down the pillow and headed back to the desk to end her unfinished letter. Miaka took her pen and started scribbling furiously as if her harsh strokes would end the pain she was feeling. Ink mixed with tears as the Suzaku no Miko finished her letter to her seishi, her emperor, her lover, a man she loves.

"Hotohori, know that it's not impossible to love you. In fact, it's impossible not to feel anything at all.

"…You deserve someone better. Someone who can actually take care of you. Someone who could really take away all the painful memories of the loneliness you had to endure and take you somewhere I cannot. Hotohori, please don't look for me. When the time is right, I will come back that I assure you. I hope you understand. I know you do, and you're probably tired of doing it, but please…for our friendship's sake…

Truly Yours,

Miaka

The piece of paper was laid down gently in a handsome writing desk as it was clearly fragile, because of it's condition. Whether because it was soaked in rain or in tears or because of the fact that he's read it so many times since the letter came to him the young man didn't know nor did he care. It was from his Miko. The love of his life. The light to his soul.

As he walked towards the porch, he looked up towards the sky and whispered to the wind hoping that it would bring his message to the woman he loves.

"Miaka, I also want you to know this," he said lovingly as if she were right beside him and able to hear his tender words. "It's impossible to forget you. In fact, it's impossible not to remember you every single day of my life." His gaze drifted as his mind floated to a time where he received the best moments of his life.

The perfect kiss he wanted so badly to last for an eternity.

"Wherever you are, I want you to know…I love you Miaka. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, as long as there's life on the face of the earth, I always will…" he finished silently as he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps. He drifted towards his mirror and checked his appearance one last time until the anticipated knock on his chamber doors reverberated in his ears.

"Enter." He announced regally.

He was greeted by his ministers, who were all dressed in very formal clothing. Every single one gave a low bow to their emperor as the prime minister ushered their leader out of his chambers.

"It is time sire."

"Indeed it is." Came the reply as Hotohori entered the banquet hall filled with people and being approached by a woman with purple colored locks and very angelic features. As he took her by the hand and lead her through the crowd, he looked her deep and straight into the eyes, and with a gentle smile he said,

"It truly is time."

A/N: HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry I know it sulks because I couldn't sleep so I did this chapter at 4:00 in the morning. Sorry for the very late update( Gomenasai( Well, to all those who reviewed…THANK YOU SO MUCH YUSAGI, STARNAT, SOMEBODY, HOSHIHIKARI, NOZOMI02, CHIBINURIKO310. THANK YOU SO MUCH