Chapter 7

I kept my eyes closed the whole ride home. I had the train stops memorized by now, so there was no need to pay attention. Not for another fifteen minutes, anyway.

I had left Collins soon after that, unable to stay any longer. Before I left, however, he had asked me about my work.

"Did you ever show 'Proof Positive' to anyone other than us?"

I found it easier to talk about films, about work

Mark has got his work, they say Mark lives for his work—

than anything else we had discussed thus far. Possibly, it was because we were talking about something that would continue to exist. Even if I died going home on the train

—And Mark's in love with his work—

my work would still exist. And in a way, so would I.

There in the hospital room, I shook my head no.

"It's...just not ready. I haven't found a good ending, and..." my voice trailed off.

—Mark hides in his work.

Collins observed me for a moment. "Maybe the film is ready. But maybe you aren't."

The train lurched to a stop, and I opened my eyes. Maybe he was right. I had been blaming my reluctance to show the film on the ending, which I felt I had never perfected. Maybe it was just me.

But why did I need to show it to the world anyway? Roger had commented on that earlier—how I'd "sold my whole life away for success." Had I really done that?

Actually, no, I hadn't. I had done the opposite. The films I was currently showing on my late-night slot were nothing like what I used to do. They were good enough, but nothing I'd even watch two years ago, let alone film.

"So what do I do now?" I asked myself softly. The train was crowded, and I know a third of it heard me, but fortunately New Yorkers have other things on their mind than pathetic angst-y artists. Too bad...someone might have been able to give me an answer.

Or had they done so already?

You can't show up for the beginning and end only—it's all or none. If you really care, you have to stick through the middle, too.

Suddenly I jumped up—this the other commuters noticed. I scanned my eyes across the posted subway map, checking how far I was from mid-town. I knew what I had to do. Finally, it all made sense.