Part 4

It's a New Day

Guilt was not an emotion that Max dealt with easily but as he stared at his reflection he couldn't ignore the overwhelming guilt and shame that he felt over his behavior. In the last two days, he had been acting like a bastard, not worrying about how it was affecting those around him and now he had to pick up the pieces. He only hoped that Serena would be willing to forgive him.

She, of course, had every right to not forgive him. She hadn't deserved to be treated like that. Especially when she had been right. It was about time that he did leave his ghosts in the past and finally get rid of all the bitterness he had had in his heart since leaving Roswell. It was about time that he acted like the adult he was and not a petulant child.

And Serena wasn't the only one he owed an apology to. The way he had acted towards Liz the night before had been unacceptable. Not only was he going to apologize to Liz, he was going to attempt to make his peace with her and hopefully move on with his life. Liz had offered the olive branch once before and now it was his turn.

"Hey," He said as he leaned against the doorframe of the bedroom. Serena sat on the bed, wrapped in a blanket. She didn't say a word nor did she show any other signs that acknowledged his presence in the room instead she kept her gaze fixated on the television. "How are you feeling?"

Serena glared at him for talking to her while she was busy watching Winnie the Pooh and being mad at him before proceeding to ignore his very existence. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and ignored the way the bed dipped as Max sat down beside her. Obviously she wasn't the only stubborn one.

"I'm sorry,"

As far as apologies went, that had to be one of the worst Serena had ever heard. It was too easy to say sorry and without meaning it after all, sorry was just a word. She fidgeted on the bed and started to play with the hem of the blanket. It was hard to pay attention to the television when he was sitting right there. In the famous words of Winnie the Pooh, Oh bother!

"Did you enjoy your visit to Jerks Ville?" she asked, not looking at him. "Or have you decided to move there permanently?"

"I've been acting like a first class jerk…"

"Well isn't that just the understatement of the year!" Serena snorted before he could finish. "Look, Max, I'm gonna be honest with you here. I'm still feeling slightly pissed over your little performance last night and having spent most of the night 'worshipping' the porcelain goddess before passing out in a fit of exhaustion, I'm not a happy little camper."

"Serena, please. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. There is no excuse for the way I acted last night."

"Max, I'm not in the mood for your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde impression and it's going to end up giving me a migraine if I have to try and figure out who you are today!"

"I know I hurt you yesterday and I wish that I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and change that but I can't. Just give me a chance to explain, Serena."

He waited for Serena to turn and look at him or at least acknowledge what he was saying. When she didn't he continued to talk, desperate to fill the unfamiliar and uncomfortable silence that would surely descend on them if he stopped. "I didn't think it would affect me this badly being back in Roswell and seeing Liz again. I had hoped that it wouldn't affect me at all," He hesitated for a moment, "but it did and I was so angry at myself for still having these feelings when I thought I had moved on. It was just so frustrating."

He paused. Serena had moved and was now staring at him intensely, her hazel eyes softening slightly as she listened to him silently. Max swallowed before he began to continue again. "I always thought that Liz and me were going to be together forever, even when we weren't together, I knew it was only a matter of time before I won her back. She meant everything to me and I would have done anything to make her happy, even serenade her with a mariachi band."

He smiled ruefully as he remembered the lengths he had been willing to go for her. "That night I found them together, it changed everything. It nearly destroyed me. I didn't want to believe it at first because it meant that everything I felt in my heart for a whole year was a lie,"

He covered his face with his hands, overcome with emotion. It was the first time he had ever talked about it this deeply to anyone. "God and then she told me. She told me that she and Kyle had made love and that was the end of it!" He spat the word love out in disgust. "Jesus, I was such a fool! I thought that she loved me but what if she was only with me out of gratitude because I saved her life. What if everything was just a lie? What if she never loved me at all?"

And there is was. His deepest and darkest fear, still after all this time. The question had haunted him endlessly over the last three years. He looked up at Serena, the raw pain in his eyes making her heart ache.

"She would have to be the biggest fool alive not to have loved you, Max!" She stated, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He clung to her then, desperately wanting to believe her soothing words. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise you!"

"I'm gonna go to the store and get some stuff. Do you want anything?" Max asked as he grabbed the car keys from the bedside table. It had been two hours since Max's emotional overload and he felt strangely better for it, almost relieved. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Colin Farrell! Don't worry about gift wrapping him. I don't want to waste any time unwrapping him when I could be getting to the good stuff." Serena joked, her eyes shining with mirth.

Max rolled his eyes playfully, "Anything else?"

"Ugh! Just some Pepto Bismol, please?"

"Are you still feeling sick?" Max said with a concerned frown. He placed his hand on her forehead, checking for a temperature. She did feel a little feverish. "I can heal you"

She shook her head, "Just a little nausea. No biggie!"

Max's frown deepened, "Are you sure?"

"Yep. Just go already and don't forget the Pepto Bismol!" Serena said, gently shoving him away from the bed.

Max hesitated as he moved towards the door. He was positive that his best friend was hiding something from him. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Uh huh, see you in a minute." Serena said absentmindedly, her attention now focused back on the chick flick.

'Ice cream, check. Chocolate, check. A life, uncheck' Liz threw a extra couple of candy bars into her shopping cart. Grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon was not her idea of a good time but it did beat staying at home and doing nothing. She looked back down at her list and tried not to roll her eyes when she noticed that Sean had added a few things to the list. Yeah, like she was going to buy him a copy of Playboy in this lifetime or any other.

She was unaware as she turn the corner to get Sean a box of Lucky Charms that there was a certain tall, dark and handsome alien in the next aisle.

A hundred thoughts scattered through Liz's mind when she saw Max. He looked at her and she found herself paralyzed, unable to follow her instincts, which were screaming at her to turn around and head in the opposite direction. She was not in the mood to deal with his jerkiness. Of course, it would appear that he had other ideas as he started to walk towards her. Liz braced herself for what he was about to say and decided that if he said anything mean she was going to kick him in the shin and be done with it.

"Liz, hey."

There was a note of hesitation in his voice, which caught Liz's attention. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "Um, hey."

Not wasting any time, Max cut straight to the chase, "I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. I was out of line and you didn't deserve to be treated like. I'm sorry."

Liz was taken back for a moment and looked at him with eyes filled uncertainty. She hadn't expected him to apologize. In fact, that had been the last thing she had thought he would do. "Apology accepted and I'm sorry that I called you a jerk,"

"It was the truth,"

"Yeah, I know but I shouldn't have said it." Liz said.

He smiled then. It was a small, unsure smile but it was still enough to make Liz's breath catch in her throat. God, she still loved him. The revelation hit her suddenly. It had been easy to pretend that she didn't have feelings for him when he had been acting like a jerk. He was married, for Christ's sake. She shouldn't be having any feelings for him at all.

"I should go now." She said suddenly. "I'll see you around,"

"Okay, um bye." Max said in confusion as he watched her walk away.

Liz struggled under the weight of her grocery shopping and cursed herself for buying so much when she knew that she didn't have the car with her. She swore as one of the bags started to slip from her grasp. Why couldn't she ever make anything easy for herself? Why did she have to make everything so hard? She hopped on one foot as she tried to balance the bag on her knee and stop it falling to the ground.

This was embarrassing. Liz could feel her cheeks start to burn as some kids watched in amusement, they were much too busy laughing their asses off to offer her any sort of help. God, could this get any worse?

"Let me help you with that,"

'Of course it could get worse!' Liz thought as she smiled weakly at Max as he took the bag out of her arms. 'Because really, just when you think it can't get any worse, wham! It goes and get a hell of a lot worse!'

"Um, thanks." Liz managed to say. She clutched the bag she had been left with to her chest. Ugh, this was so awkward more then awkward in fact, it was damn right painfully.

"Where's your car?" Max asked.

"My car?" Liz repeated stupidly as she scanned the parking lot. "Oh, I didn't bring my car with me," She remembered and flushed a interesting shade of scarlet. How could she forget something like that? "I didn't think I would be getting this much,"

Max seemed to hesitate for a moment, "I could give a ride."

'Not the kind of ride I want,' Liz blushed as soon as the thought entered her head. She was going to go to hell. She was so going to hell for lusting over a married man. Keyword in that sentence being married! "I don't want to be any bother" Liz mumbled.

"No, its okay. No bother at all," Max said and then without waiting for her to agree, he started to walk away.

Liz followed him begrudgingly for two reasons; one, she still had her shopping and two, she really didn't want to have to get the bus home. She couldn't help but frown as she followed him. This Max was completely different from the Max that had been at dinner last night. Maybe he was on something. That would explain a lot.

"Is this your penance for being a jerk?" Liz asked since guilt seemed to be a more likely explanation for Max's actions then drugs.

"I'm just trying to help," He said with a shrug as he unlocked the door of the pale blue Chevelle. "You can walk if you prefer,"

"No, its okay. Who am I to stand in the way of your penance?" Liz said as she got into the passenger side of the car. The thought of walking instantly making her mind up that being in a car with Max for ten minutes wasn't going to kill her. The, however, walking might. She tapped her fingers against her knee nervously as Max started the car. Why was she nervous?

The radio came on the instant the car burst to life and Liz felt her mouth go dry. No, this couldn't possibly be happening. The Fates weren't that cruel were they?

"That not everything is gonna be the way. You think it ought to be. It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe"

Her heart was pounding in her chest so hard that she was positive that it was going to escape from rib cage. A voice whispered in her ear silently, 'We spent the whole night singing and dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, "I Shall Believe" came on the radio. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us. Oh, we danced...just the two of us. And ever since then, it's been our song.'

"Do you mind if I change stations?" Liz asked, already fumbling with the radio. If she had to listen to one more word of that song she was going to end up crying and she had already had her share of embarrassment for the day. "I hate this song,"

There was a frown on Max's face, "I thought you loved this song,"

"No. No. Not this song," Liz stumbled over the words, unnerved by the fact that Max had remember something as trivial as a song she liked. "I don't like this song at all," She repeated more firmly. It was the truth. Kind of anyway. She did hate the song. It was a painfully reminding her of what she could have had. She hated the song almost as much as she loved it.

Max watched Liz stare out of the window from the corner of his eye. It was difficult to pay attention to the road when she was sat right there.

She had changed so much. She wasn't the same Liz that he had fallen in love with. It didn't surprise him. Three years was bound to change someone. What did surprise him though was the overwhelming urge he had to get to know this new Liz and it was confusing the hell out of him.

"This is me then," She said. "Thanks for the ride. I guess I'll see you around."

Max nodded. "Yeah. Bye."

Liz paused. "Unless you want to come up for a coffee. It's the least I can do after you saved me from walking home."

It was a bad idea, he knew it was but for some reason, he couldn't resist. "Coffee sounds great."

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do