Part 6

i "What are you afraid of, Veronica?" came the cool, collected voice of the woman sitting in the plush leather seat.

Veronica would not have come, but weeks of nightmares sent her scurrying to the professional she had always deemed a quack. This time she understood why so many people sought their help. Lying on a leather couch, talking in a lifeless monotone was like going to a stoner party. She wanted to escape, but monsters rested under her bed, eager to dig their claws into her the moment she drifted off the sleep.

"You know, the works," she offered, cursing Logan in her brain because heaven knows she may have handled this trauma better if he had not turned his back on her as some misguided hero complex dictated.

"The works?" prompted the psychiatrist.

Veronica glanced at the ticking clock. Just a few more minutes and this would be over. With every hour-long session her college fund trickled away. She hoped her father would not check her bank account, because then he would wonder and eventually find out. Keith Mars would never find out. "Monsters under the bed," she admitted.

"Tell me about the monsters, Veronica. What do they look like?"

They looked like handsome teenage boys who wrote letters in the dark and took pictures from afar. "Ever see that animated movie?" she asked, not answering the question.

With infinite patience, the doctor forged on, "What do the monsters do?"

"They climb out from under my bed and then onto it and they hold me down and I struggle, but they're too strong."

The hand scribbling notes on a pad stopped. The woman in the leather seat looked up at her patient and pushed up her glasses. "In these nightmares, Veronica, do you fight until you wake up?"

She wished she did. Veronica shook her head. "At the start I fought him and I screamed for someone to save me." Veronica released a heavy breath. "It's a stupid dream and I'll get over it. Can you give me pills that will give me a full night's sleep?"

The psychiatrist smiled a small smile that spoke volumes about Veronica's habitual request. "I told you, Veronica. I'm not here to hand out medication."

She should have really gotten another shrink.

"Who were you calling for?"

Veronica froze. She had been trying to avoid the subject of the man who probably sent her to this couch more than Duncan ever did. "Someone to save me."

"Did he come?"

"It was another monster, a bigger one, so much more frightening," Veronica said. He had warm brown eyes and crisp brown hair, and he was tall with arms that she adored. "It came too late."

"You already gave up struggling with the first monsters, and the one you wanted to save you turned into a greater monster. I understand why you can't sleep," empathized the psychiatrist. "What did this monster do? Did it hurt you too?"

"No," Veronica rasped. "It left."

The psychiatrist studied the young woman on the couch. She had seen her once, a few weeks ago, in the grocery store when Veronica was not yet a patient. Bruises littered her cheek and neck. She was hard to forget, especially because Veronica had been crying in the frozen foods section. "Did he leave you afraid finding out you were attacked?"

Veronica flinched, then sat up on the couch. She glared at the psychiatrist. "What did you say?"

"Your problem will be resolved once you accept it, Veronica. Don't create monsters in your head and face reality."

"Are we done here?" Veronica said with a steely voice.

"Veronica, we've not moved forward since we started. It's time you take another step," the psychiatrist advised. "Be honest and I swear to you I'll help you."

Veronica's heart slammed in her throat. "I just want your help with the nightmares. Make them stop. You don't have the permission to traipse around another part of my life." Her chest constricted yet at the same time she had a breath of relief that finally someone recognized the pain she had convinced herself to forget.

"Veronica, you admitted it yourself. You wanted him to save you and you trusted him enough that when he didn't come, you gave up."

She had not cried in front of anyone after Logan pushed her away that night. This time, tears rose in her eyes. "Maybe I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. I needed to know I wasn't being rejected." She swallowed the tears. No one would ever see Veronica Mars break down again. "I need someone to be with me while I'm trying to go back to who I was before this happened. I will not be the bitter, cynical person I can be when I thought this first happened to me."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"If I did, would I be here?" Veronica glanced at the clock and turned back to the psychiatrist. "Beep beep," she said coldly. "Time's up, doc."

"I'll see you in two days, Veronica."

Veronica stood up and grabbed her bag, then slung it over her shoulder. She opened the door and walked out of the office. She turned at the corridor and slammed straight into someone's chest. Winded, she was thrown back and was saved from falling on her ass by a firm arm around her waist. Instantly, she pushed away from the man.

"Veronica Mars?"

She blinked up at the person she collided with. Veronica found herself looking up at Casey Gant's smiling eyes. "Casey! I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

"That much was obvious. What are you doing here?"

Veronica glanced back and saw that her psychiatrist's office was the only one at this side of the floor. She smirked and told him, "I won't tell you and you don't have to tell me why you're here either."

He stuck out his hand and said, "It's a deal." Veronica took his hand and shook it. Casey looked down at his watch. "Italian?"

"You know the best pickup lines!" she responded.

"Listen to the next one," he said. "I brought my Jag along."

Veronica shrugged. "I liked your first line better."

The first time Veronica Mars laughed after the night Duncan died, and that was how she would rather remember it, Casey Gant had dumped the entire jar of parmesan cheese into the olive oil that needed just a sprinkle. She would learn afterwards that the little accident would encapsulate Casey's entire personality. He always gave more than he promised, more than she needed, sometimes more than she wanted. Casey loved her when the two people who had promised her the same had been taken away.

Duncan's love had turned into warped obsession. Logan's love had been twisted into the reason she could not touch him again.

Casey, on the other hand, would give and would give and would never be exhausted. /i

"Logan," Casey greeted as he turned around and offered his hand. "This is a surprise."

Logan looked down at Casey's hand and then met Veronica's eyes. Without shaking Casey's hand, he responded, "It should be. You didn't invite me to a launch of my own biography."

Casey shook his head. "I wanted to. Nobody knew how to contact you." He placed his arm over Veronica's shoulders. "But I'm glad at least you made it."

"Have you read it yet?" Veronica asked. "Let me go and get you a copy." She stepped forward and out of Casey's arm.

Logan watched the movement with hooded eyes. "If you'll excuse us, Casey? I'd like to see how dramatic my life is portrayed in this one." He fell into step beside Veronica, leaving Casey standing there as some of the marketing people converged around him, tittering and asking why they were not informed that Logan was coming, because they could have had better promotion if they knew about his presence ahead.

Veronica smiled and nodded as she passed by some of Casey's guests. She looked around for the table that had the pile of books. "There," she told Logan. "We can get you a copy from there."

Before she turned, he grabbed her elbow. She turned to frown at him. Logan shook his head. "I don't care what the fuck that book says about me."

"Then why did you come at all?" she hissed.

Logan's brows knitted. "All this time I thought you didn't want us to break up, now you're asking why I'm here. What—did you think you can get engaged and tie the knot with Casey Gant without the complication of me?"

"I cannot believe you!" she gasped. "Why are you on the attack?"

His hand around her elbow tightened. Logan pulled her towards the French doors that led to the balcony. Veronica glanced towards Casey and saw him still busy speaking with the promoters. Closing the doors behind them, Logan released Veronica. "Do you have any idea how it feels to step inside a room and then see you up there on the stage with Casey Gant while he announces your engagement?"

Her eyes narrowed. She stalked over to him and pushed him on the chest, hard. Logan did not stumble. "Where do you go off saying that?" she cried in disbelief. "Don't you remember how you left me, Logan? Have you conveniently forgotten how you turned me into a pathetic and desperate mess when you turned me away?"

"I remember that I did everything I could to make sure you will still have a life to live," Logan answered.

Veronica shook her head, then turned her back on him. She walked over to the edge of the balcony, looking out into the night horizon. She took a few calming breaths. "You made sure I wasn't ever going to be complete again," she said coldly.

"What are you talking about?"

She whirled around, and seeing the look in her eyes made him stumble back the way her push did not. "You told me what we had was a fling!"

"You didn't want to let me go," he whispered. "I said what I said for your benefit. You were already with Casey at that time. God, Veronica, do you know how painful it was to realize that after all I did for you, you moved on to him so fast?"

Veronica frowned. "I wasn't with Casey until a few months after you left."

Logan stiffened, then looked back at the party. He took a deep breath, then released it slowly. He turned back to Veronica. "Are you happy now, Veronica?"

"He loves me more than you did," was her simple answer.

Logan flinched, and turned away so she would not see the effect her words had on him. "That wouldn't be too difficult of a feat, would it?" He was about to leave when he felt a hard pack hit him on the back of his head. Logan whirled around and looked down at his feet where he saw her handbag on the floor. He picked it up and glared at her. "What the hell, Veronica?"

"You asshole!" she muttered. Veronica walked up to him and tried to snatch the purse out of his hands.

Logan gripped the purse tighter and pulled bag, causing her to tumble towards him. He wrapped his arm around her back and held her nape with his free hand. "God, I missed you," he rasped. Then, Logan leaned down to take her lips, plunging his tongue into her mouth, tasting the cream and the wine that she had already had before he arrived.

She closed her eyes and returned the kiss with the hurt, anger and longing she had bottled inside her since that night. Afterwards, they were left breathless and Logan rested his forehead against hers.

Veronica gasped as she tried to catch her breath. Then she stepped backwards. Logan smiled tenderly at her. She lifted her arm as if to reach for him. Then she slapped him.

Logan thundered, "You're insane!"

"So are you!" Veronica screamed back. "How dare you ignore me all this time, tell me the relationship I invested so much into was a fling, leave me, then traipse back into my life, become angry that I moved on with a great guy, then kiss me as if you're just taking back what you deserve." He watched how the flush climbed up from her neck to her cheeks. "It's not that easy, Logan. You left me."

The French doors slid open and the two of them turned to see Casey smiling at them with two flutes of champagne in his hands. "There you are," Casey said. He walked over to Veronica and kissed her cheek, then handed her one. He turned to Logan. "I would've gotten you one but I had only two hands," he said.

"That's fine, Casey. I stopped drinking."

Veronica gave a loud snort. Both Casey and Logan looked at her but she merely shrugged.

"You look flushed." Casey commented. "Is it that hot?"

"She's bothered," Logan offered. "Or maybe she's just radiating the glow of being newly engaged."

"Have you seen my ring?" Veronica challenged. She lifted her hand and presented it to Logan. "You wouldn't have thought of getting something this wonderful."

Logan took her hand in his as he inspected the ring. Veronica felt the temperature of his hand warming hers. "You're right," he said. "This is too big for your finger. I wouldn't have gotten this one."

Casey smiled and pulled Veronica back against his side. "I spare no expense for my bride."

"I would've bought a blue diamond a little smaller than that rock, then have smaller amethysts embedded on all four sides. I'd probably choose a platinum band to hold it," Logan told them. "And then the wedding rings would have been platinum bands with small amethysts lining it."

"That's an infinity ring," she breathed.

Logan nodded. "Of course I didn't spend too long just mulling over it."

Veronica swallowed, because the look in his eyes was the same one he had when he told her that he would marry her anywhere, anytime, back when they were innocent, when there was no violence or murder between them.

"Casey, I want to go home," she said softly.

Casey looked down at her and brushed his thumb against her chin. "You look like you need to rest," he agreed. "Is your dad home?"

Logan watched as Veronica shivered. "No," she answered. "I told him I'd stay over at your place. Think it's going to be okay with your mom?"

"It'll be fine," he told her. Casey turned to Logan. "Excuse us?"

Casey led Veronica back into the party and then out to his car. He drove them back to the Gant mansion. When Casey led Veronica into the house, Veronica saw Mrs Gant standing at the foot of the staircase. Her eyes fell to Mrs Gant's bandaged hand.

"Mom, Veronica's staying over," Casey said.

Mrs Gant nodded and walked towards Veronica. She wrapped Veronica in a warm embrace. "I've fixed the guest room for you," Mrs Gant said.

Veronica pulled away uncomfortably. "Thank you, Mrs Gant. You shouldn't have."

Casey kissed his mother's cheek as Veronica watched. Mrs Gant's emotional response as she teared up when her son thanked her puzzled Veronica. Mrs Gant made her way up the stairs to go to her bedroom.

"Casey," Veronica said as she went into his arms again, "I wanted to spend the night with you, not in some guest room."

He shook his head. "Veronica, don't you remember? iThat moment she was mine, mine, fair. Perfectly pure and good/i. We're not doing it until we're married."

She closed her eyes and tried not to show her reaction when he quoted from that horrendous poem again. Veronica sighed. "Then you should've taken me back to my house."

They climbed the stairs. Casey leaned down to place a kiss on her collarbone. "I wish you appreciated everything I did for you."

"Oh Casey!" Veronica exclaimed. "I do. I really do."

He nodded and walked her towards the room she was to sleep in. "Clothes are right there. Don't worry. I didn't take anything from your place. Those are my boxers and my old shirt."

"Thanks, Case."

He kissed her on the forehead and whispered his good night. After he left, Veronica changed into the clothes he provided and washed her face. She walked over to the window and saw a familiar SUV parked across the house.

Veronica threw herself on the bed and pulled the blankets over her body. She closed her eyes. After several minutes, Veronica groaned, threw the blankets off and trod over to the window again. It was still there.

Veronica walked over to the door and pulled it open, glancing left and right to check if Casey was there. She made her way down the stairs and pulled open the door. Veronica tiptoed outside to check if she could see Logan inside the car.

There was no figure inside, so she decided to just make her way back inside. She turned around and squealed when she saw Logan sitting on the grass beside the door. Veronica bent down and shook his shoulder.

Logan looked up and saw her. His eyes took her in from head to foot.

Veronica suddenly felt bare. She remembered the clothes she wore.

Logan stood up and walked away. Veronica watched sadly as he slowly wandered back to his SUV, climbed in and drove away.

A few minutes later she was still there. When she turned around, she gasped at the sight of Mrs Gant watching her. Veronica swallowed and passed by her as she climbed up the stairs.

"If you love someone else, then leave, Veronica."

"What did you see?" Veronica demanded.

Mrs Gant shook her head and climbed down, then made her way to the kitchen. Veronica looked up and saw Casey at the top step. She climbed up the stairs.

tbc