Part 8

When Logan Echolls' car slowed in front of the Gant residence, he immediately spied Veronica sitting on the step right outside the door, looking very similar to the way he looked before the sight of her obviously taken by another man sent him scurrying away from the sharp pain.

Her head rested on the folded arms that she placed on her knees. She must have noticed his headlights. Veronica looked up and waited until the vehicle stopped in front of her. Behind her the door opened and Logan held his breath, afraid that it was Casey Gant come to apologize for the fight they likely had and ask her to stay. He had no desire to witness Veronica and Casey make up in front of his eyes. It turned out to be Mrs Gant. She handed the purse he recognized as the one that Veronica had thrown at him the night before. Veronica stood, accepted the purse and awkwardly bent to hug the older woman. Then she came running towards Logan.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Logan nodded curtly. "Don't mention it." He waited for her to climb inside before rolling his windows up. He checked the rearview and side mirrors, then started the car again. "Your place?" he prompted. Logan leaned over to snap the seatbelt on her.

Veronica looked down at the belt that secured her to her seat. She shook her head. "I don't want my dad to see me like this," came the soft whisper.

Logan turned his head and assessed her. She was as always a picture come alive. He saw her shiver. She brushed her hair back to tuck it under her ear and Logan noticed the tremor of her fingers. Slowly, as he took in the fidgeting motion of her knee, he recognized what it was that she did not want Keith Mars to see.

"I'll take you to my place," he decided.

Veronica shuddered. Her gaze slammed with his. There were many things they did not talk about, but they remained real nevertheless. "Logan—"

"I'm in a hotel right now," he assured her. "The house has been empty for too long. It wasn't ready."

She gave him the briefest smile, then nodded. "Okay." Veronica took a calming breath and closed her eyes. She laid her head back on the seat. Her hand gripped the seatbelt, then twisted it around her fingers, pulling to loosen it. "I'm sorry I hit you with my purse," she mumbled. "You make me so mad sometimes."

"I piss myself off most of the time too," he confessed. "I can relate."

He wanted to ask her why she called him, after what transpired between them. He needed to know why she left the house she would most likely live in. Instead, Logan just stared at the play of lights on her face when they were at a traffic stoplight.

She did not open her eyes. "I can almost hear your brain working on overdrive," Veronica said. "You have to know… And even if you didn't, by now you should have gotten the clue, Logan. No matter what happened and how many times I would have done voodoo on you if I could, you're still one of the three people I trust in the world."

Logan could not believe his ears. He was enraptured by how much he could take from her while her eyes were closed, only by listening to her voice. To others, the statement was said so matter-of-factly that no emotion could be squeezed out of it. To him, Veronica told so much in the way she said the words.

"My dad, Wallace and you."

He had expected his name, but when the reality dropped from he r lips, Logan's heart clenched. Even her mother and Casey did not make the list.

Her eyes slowly opened. Logan recognized the sadness. Piercing as it was, he turned his attention back to the road as he drove towards the hotel. "It's over, Logan," she said. "I can't go back to Casey." As she said the words, Veronica felt a gaping hole at the loss.

"I thought you were happy."

"I'm done pretending," she rasped. Logan glanced down and saw the belt now wrapped around her wrist. "I can't stay with him anymore."

"I won't deny it, Ronnie," Logan said. "I want you back. That's why I'm here. But I didn't want to destroy what you have with Casey."

"You think this is about you?" she asked. "Casey has surveillance photos of me. And I found some of Duncan's old letters under his bed. He's been lying to me all along! God, I'm so stupid!" Frustrated, Veronica pulled at the seatbelt again. "God, Logan, did you have to make this so tight!" Frantically, Veronica fumbled with the latch and pressed over and over. "This is broken."

Logan leaned over her with concern. He reached out towards it.

"Don't!" Veronica snapped. "You'll just make it tighter and then it's going to be harder to take off."

"Veronica, it's okay," he said soothingly.

An angry red rush climbed up her neck. "Logan, it's broken," she gasped.

He watched as her trembling hands unsuccessfully pulled and struggled with the latch of the seatbelt. "Veronica, it's okay. I'll take it off." Logan stopped the vehicle. She swallowed. He could see her pulse beating strong in her throat. He caught her hands. "Veronica, it's okay." He gingerly reached for the seatbelt and unlocked it, freeing her.

Veronica reared up from the seat. "Oh God," she mumbled.

"Veronica?" Logan prompted in confusion.

She glanced towards him. "I'm sorry. It's just… for a moment there, I thought—"

His eyes were sad as memories of the night of the murder returned, and he remembered that conclusion that he had tried to deny, because it reminded him he had fucked up so badly then. "You never have to be afraid when you're with me. I'd never hurt you, Veronica."

"Except you did," she said.

Veronica knew it was time to see the shrink again. The last time she had felt tied, out of control and helpless like that, it was after Duncan had raped her and Logan had taken the decision about their lives out of her hands and walked away from her. Casey had helped her find herself again, and she had been to grateful she gave him so much power over her. Now she found out that he had been holding something over her head the entire time. And stupidly enough of her, she had allowed him to rule her life and gave him permission to do what Duncan and Logan had done. Veronica had thoughtlessly surrendered what she had wanted to take back.

Logan's jaw tightened. He turned to the windshield and then looked down at the gear. He then started the car again and began to drive.

Neither said anything during the trip. They arrived at the hotel and Logan parked the vehicle in the designated space, then walked with her to the parking elevator. They stopped at his floor and he unlocked the room, then let her in.

"Take a seat. The minibar's still full. Knock yourself out," he said coldly. "I'll be in the bathroom. When I get out, I'll call the front desk and request for another room for you."

Veronica watched his retreating back with a sinking heart.

The door of the bathroom closed behind him. Veronica walked over to the couch and settled down. Restless, she stood up and looked at the desk, then ran her fingers through the complimentary stationery and Bible. She looked around the room and was quickly bored. It was plain and common. Hotel rooms tended to be like that. She wandered over to the bedroom and stopped on the doorway.

On the table beside the bed a picture frame stood, and she recognized the photograph because a copy of it still laid hidden at the bottom of her underwear drawer. It was a picture they had had taken during one of their forays into neighboring cities, the dates she loved because they were exciting and sweet, the days she dreaded because she was always scared someone who knew them would spot them. She had been sitting on Logan's lap as he pushed himself on the swing. They were both laughing, and the shot had caught them midswing.

She walked over to the frame and picked it up. Veronica placed her purse on the table, then returned her attention to the picture. He kept it as well. Despite everything he had pretended to be, he had kept beside his bed something that would remind him of her. A small smile teased her lips.

Could something so complicated be so simple?

Her hands flew over the table as if drawn by magnet. She slipped one hand down and gripped the handle of the drawer. Veronica pulled the drawer open. It was empty save for three rings at the bottom.

i "I would've bought a blue diamond ,\a little smaller than that rock, then have smaller amethysts embedded on all four sides. I'd probably choose a platinum band to hold it," Logan told them. "And then the wedding rings would have been platinum bands with small amethysts lining it."/i

Right beside each other were two rings that had the same infinity design, one smaller than the other. The platinum shone while the amethysts gave it dull elegance. She picked up the one ring unique from the other two. He had been right. The size of the diamond could not compare to the one she wore on her finger then. The blue shade winked at her and Veronica adored the small amethysts that cradled the diamond.

The realization of all that she had lost that night weighed heavily on her heart.

"I've been asking myself how on earth Casey Gant could have been so stupid that he didn't hide all that properly if he kept it all these years," Logan drawled. Veronica jumped up and whirled around, still clutching the engagement ring. She flushed at being caught red-handed. A shirtless Logan watched her with half-hooded eyes, a white hotel towel slung on his shoulder. "But no secret's sake with you, Veronica."

Blinking away the tears that gathered in her eyes, she asked, "Did you take this out today?"

He nodded slowly. "I had to see if they looked the same as I remembered."

"They do," Veronica whispered.

Logan just held her gaze, showing no reaction. With the engagement ring hooked on her pointer finger, Veronica flew towards him and looped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to pepper his face with kisses. His hand reached up with a will of his own, cupping her nape as he held her steady so his lips could capture hers. Her eyes fluttered closed as she drank in the kiss she had been dying to taste again since the brief passionate one they had shared at the book launch.

For the first time in a long time, closing her eyes did not bring visions of a horrid past filled with force and pain and blood and fear, closing her eyes did not remind her of regrettable lost dreams of a wedding and babies with warm puppy brown eyes and soft brown hair. For the first time in a long time, closing her eyes meant only to Veronica getting lost in sensations and the moment.

There was no Duncan, who had been long cold in his grave after a night she would rather have forgotten—the same Duncan she had trusted for far too long before he stole her faith away.

There was no Casey, whom she loved for all he had given her while she was adrift in her own grief—the same Casey she had agreed to marry because it seemed irrational not to do so, after he had been her ballast to the earth.

There was only Logan. God, there was only Logan Echolls in that kiss. Only Logan's scent that permeated her senses, only Logan's breath that warmed her skin, only Logan's body that burned her fingertips. Belatedly she realized how her fingers now laid on his cold bare chest.

Veronica sucked in a deep balancing breath.

God, there was only Logan Echolls in her world.

Veronica pulled away briefly and stared at his lips in wonder. She was mesmerized by the glistening moisture on the red skin. She stood on tiptoes and teased his lower lip with her tongue. Veronica felt him tremble under her hands. Empowered, she bit on the skin she had licked.

Then Logan's hands grasped her waist. He pulled her to him firmly and then his tongue was in her mouth, exploring, thrusting. Her head fell back and she opened her mouth to him, dueling with her own tongue as he mimicked the movement of their bodies that he had yearned for too long. The hands around her waist tightened. As he pressed her against him, her hands on his chest were crushed. Her hands curled into fists as she felt the stirring within her belly, pooling between her thighs. Veronica murmured in her throat.

And then it was beyond her control—the craving, the movement, the reaction.

i He grabbed her wrists and pulled her flush against his body. Veronica gasped as she tried to pull away but he held firm./i

"Logan," she gasped when she pulled away from the kiss.

He took the chance to bury his lips in her neck. She made a mewling sounds, then tried to pull her arms from I between them. When she succeeded, she grasped at his hair. Logan moaned at the sensation of her hands on his scalp.

He stepped forward, taking her with him. She felt the bed behind her knees. He cupped her ass, grinding his groin against her stomach. Veronica held her breath.

iDuncan's hand left her hair and gasped her buttocks, pressing her hips to his.

"Stop it," she gasped out. Veronica panicked as firm hands pulled her down to the floor with him. "Duncan, stop!"/i

Veronica tumbled back on his bed with his body falling on top of hers. Her legs cradled his body. Finally she freed her arms and they fell back on the bed. Logan closed his hands on top of hers and twined his fingers with hers.

i He pulled apart her legs even wider, causing her to wince. He placed his lips right against her ear, licking, then murmured. "How long have you been screaming? He's not coming."/i

Logan kissed her from her lips, to her cheeks, to her temple, then moved down to her ear. His lips teased her earlobe, then he bit gently. "I love you," he whispered. "Do you think that can be set aside so easily?"

Veronica did not respond. Logan raised himself on his elbows and looked down at her. She lay on her back, barely breathing, her eyes closed and the tears rolling down her eyes to her temples, vanishing into her hair.

"Veronica," Logan repeated.

He looked down at their position and saw the complete yielding abandon of their places. She was crying, and to the outsider it looked as if he had spread her legs forcefully in the way they were splayed on either side of his hips, as if he was holding her hands down against the mattress. She was so slack that the ring had fallen off her pointer finger and now sat desolated above where their fingers were intertwined. He had no doubt, to a very small piece of Veronica hidden fearfully inside her, it looked the same.

Logan heaved himself off her, unmindful of the painful state of his own body, then collapsed on his back beside her, breathing harshly.

She turned her head to the side and studied his face. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his eyes were closed. His expression did not change. It looked like he was sculpted with the stony demeanor that he exuded. Veronica wanted to touch him, and to have him yield to her touch. She wanted to go back in time and respond to his touches, but it was impossible to change what had already happened. She knew that all too well.

Instead, Veronica lay on her side and then placed her palm against his heart. He flinched, but did not move.

"I can't lose my control over my own body, Logan," she said simply, matter-of-factly, without the need for apology from either one of them. "Not after Duncan."

His eyes slowly opened and he met her gaze with his sad one. He picked up her hand and raised it to her lips. Slowly he kissed her fingertips one by one, a silent apology that equaled his decision to methodically dispose of Duncan Kane's body with no questions asked.

"Not after Casey."

His hold on her fingers tightened. "Did he—"

Veronica read the horror in his eyes. She shook her head slightly. "Casey didn't take anything away that I didn't allow him to. But it was the same, Logan. I was someone else with him." Veronica swallowed the shame. "I was so afraid of losing him. I was afraid of not being loved, of being easily disposed of." Unvoiced between them was the accusation that she did not want to be left the way she was by Logan. "I handed him the reins and I just… let him take us where he wanted. And that means it wasn't his fault but I feel so violated by that now."

"I don't understand."

"Duncan took away my control, Logan," Veronica said. "I gave it all to Casey in exchange for not leaving me. I needed him to keep me, Logan. At that point in my life, I didn't think anyone wanted me. It won't be easy to let go of that."

Logan rolled to one side of the bed and then sat up. The purse vibrated on the table. Logan picked it up and handed it to Veronica. She sat up and took the phone out of the purse. After checking the caller ID, she glanced up at Logan. "It's Casey." Logan offered no reaction. He was not about to tell her whether or not she should speak with her own fiancé. It was her decision and he swore to everything he held dear that he would not be caught taking away her choice in anything they did.

Veronica answered the call. "Casey." She released her breath. "I'm not coming back." Her eyes flew to Logan, fearful about her answers and being so open to Logan about them. "I can't, Casey," she continued softly. A long pause from her when it seemed that Casey was speaking. Firmly, she countered, "I won't do it, Casey."

Veronica started when Logan picked up her hand. She watched in awe as he slowly slid off the ostentatious diamond ring from her finger. Then, his gaze not leaving hers so that he could read any hesitation or disapproval from her expression, Logan slipped on the blue diamond and sapphire ring that had dropped on the bed.

Veronica's heart thundered in her ears. She dropped the phone even while Casey spoke on the other line. "Do you think all our problems are going to go away because of this?" she asked, her voice devoid of accusation. "You have too much confidence in yourself. There are things we can't change."

"Maybe I have too much confidence in the two of us," he answered.

Maybe it was the way he held her hand then, or the sincerity in his eyes, or maybe the fact that she never did stop loving him, that she realized that she was right. There were too many things they could not change and the way she felt about him was one of those constants.

Veronica pulled her hand away and then took off Logan's ring. She placed it in his palm and closed his hand around it. Tears gathered in his eyes. Veronica turned his head so he would look directly at her. "You bought this ring for the girl you loved. I'm not that girl anymore," she told him. Before he could protest, Veronica shushed him. "But I'm willing to see if you'll fall in love with the person I've become."

"That won't be hard," he rasped.

She smiled slightly. "We'll see." Veronica leaned over towards him and initiated the kiss once again.

Tentatively, Logan placed his hands on her waist and lay back down. He helped her climb on top of him and straddle his thighs. Veronica hesitated, then lay down on top of him and kissed the hollow of his throat. Logan made a low rumbling sound. He fought the urge to bury his fingers in her hair. He reached up and gripped the headboard. "Tell me what you want me to do," he breathed.

Veronica squirmed on top of him, causing Logan to groan. She blinked away the tears when he saw the self-control he exerted. "Thank you," she whispered against his lips. She kissed her way down to his nipple, laving and sucking.

"Ronnie," he groaned, his knuckles whitened as he tightened his grip.

"Take off my shirt," she told him.

He was only too happy to get rid of Casey's shirt. She was never going to wear another man's clothes. Logan sat up, careful to move slowly so that she would expect his movement. He lifted the shirt off her body.

Logan sat mesmerized by her bare breasts. It had been too long since he had seen them. "May I?"

Veronica took his hands in hers and brought them to her breasts. She released a pleased sigh. "I want you to come inside me, Logan. I want to remember what it's like to be with you. I want you to make love to me."

He shook his head. Logan gently dislodged her from the straddling position, then shimmied out of his pants and underwear. He caught her staring at him. He smiled. Gingerly, Logan reached towards her to help her get Casey's boxers off of her. Then he lifted her back up and settled her to sit on his bare thighs. "This first time, you be on top. You control the speed. You control the angle." He gave her a smile of encouragement. "You control us."

A spark of interest flickered in her eyes. Veronica studied Logan spread out under her. She grasped him in her hands and then lifted herself up on her knees, then settled over him. "Help me," she gasped. Logan lifted her up over him and guided himself to her opening. She closed her eyes. Her lips parted as she slowly settled down. Logan's body entered her ever so slowly. "Logan," she gasped. Veronica made some awkward efforts to move. "Logan," she sobbed. Then, of their own volition, her hips rose and fell. She felt him sliding in and out of her. She peered at his face and saw the look of almost pain. She quickened her movement and released harsh guttural breaths.

Faster, harder, she moved. Soon, she felt the unexpected clenching of her muscles and the spasm of her body. Veronica's earth exploded beneath her eyelids.

Logan grunted and came in a hot rush inside her body, coating her. She fell on his chest, her eyes closed as she caught her breath. Logan's arms came up around her and cradled her against his body.

He smiled as she felt the cold spot where her breath had dried his sweat on his body. Logan felt something hard digging into his shoulder. He looked down and saw that the phone had rolled to the dip caused by their joined bodies on the bed. Logan took it to toss it away. He saw the light still on, indicating that the person on the other line was still there. He put it on his ear. "Hello," his voice rumbled.

"Tell her to at least not to call out your name next time she decides to be unfaithful." Then the line was cut.

Logan looked down and saw that Veronica had fallen asleep on his chest, with him still inside her. He placed on kiss on her moist forehead.

tbc