Author's note: I would just like to point out that I do not own any of the ZIM characters but I do own Jim Bar and an other
characters that were made by me so don't try to copy or you'll be punished severely. Anyway I would also like to say this story is not for everyone because it contains mature content so that's just a heads up. Anyway read on and enjoy the story. presents
Jim Bar: The Invader ZIM Chronicles
By James Barker
Entry #1: The Beginning of the Story
"I've come alive again. The night is mine again..." -Batman: Dark Knight Triumphant
If I had a dollar for all the bad days I've had I'd be rich. This day is perhaps he worst. How is it worse you may ask? And who the hell am I? Shit why would anyone care. My name's Jim Bar of fourteen years of age with a shithole of a life. You may be wondering why my life is so bad. Well maybe you aren't but I'll tell you anyway. My dad left me and my mother when I was around five and we've been struggling to make it through lots of financial hardships. Plus everyone at my school hates me. Why I'm not sure but they do.
To make matters worse, our country (the USA to be exact) is off to war and there has been threats of the enemy sending nukes to bomb us to hell. Over the years I've started drinking which kind of helps to a point but causes some serious problems later. I know I shouldn't be drinking at this age but fuck I was confused and I don't give a shit now. The bottle doesn't own me but I don't mind getting tanked every once in a while to cool off. But still it's feels pretty pathetic to be life's bitch for the rest of time.
So what happened today? Yeah I guess I should talk about that. Today the jocks beat the crap outta me as usual and then my girlfriend dumped me for a complete asshole. Said I wasn't "manly" enough. Fucking bitch. I also got mugged and the jocks chased me home threatening to tear me a new hole. That's how my day went.
Besides drinking, I watch my favorite show Invader ZIM to calm me down and try to put the past behind me. I've seen it since its first episode all the way to its untimely cancellation which was a day I so hated. But I'm glad they didn't completely take it off air and I watch reruns. When I got home things got bad and I ran off into the city with a six pack I stole from a 24 Hour store. I dived into an alley, sat down, opened a bottle and proceeded to gulp the liquid down. I thought about my mom, my life at school, my life and how everything is so fucked up in it and I just wanna die.
"Here's to the bullshit that makes my life possible," I said after my fourth beer. As I leaned against the alley wall to guzzle down my fifth drink the wall gave way. I didn't know what or how it happened but it's like the wall turned to liquid and I found myself falling through this mighty tunnel of light. I was in panic! I didn't know what to do except to continue falling hoping the fall would kill me instantly so I didn't have to feel it.
The fall seemed to go on forever though and I quickly got bored waiting to die and decided to kick back and wait for my little trip to end. But suddenly I felt myself fall on solid ground although it did hurt my ass a bit but hey. But that's when I looked at my surroundings is when I truly got into a state of confusion, awe, and near bowel movement. It looked like the neighborhood from Invader ZIM but how could that be? Maybe it's the beer? Of course it was the beer! What else could it be? I mean I really couldn't be in the world of ZIM cause it's only a TV show. I must be in a dream while I'm really passed out in the alley.
There was only one way to find out. I raised my beer bottle hand and slammed the bottle into my crotch not only to have it not shatter but send a surging pain from my groin to the rest of my body that sent me into a fetal position on the ground. "Oh...oh SHIT! Ohhhhkay so it's not a dream ohhh!" I said to myself as I painfully pulled myself off the ground. "Then...that means I really am in the Invader ZIM world...SWEET!" It seemed like all the pain I felt had lifted off me as I ran around the neighborhood taking in all the familiar sights. "Wow! That's ZIM's house and that's Dib and Gaz's house and and..." Big story short: I was fucking excited and overwhelmed with giddy joy.
It was amazing to be in this extremely great position! Suddenly the door to ZIM's house opened and there stood the wonderful little Irken in all his glory. "Oh sweet Jesus..." I whispered to myself quietly and nearly felt all things in my body let loose as I ran at him at full speed! "Holy shit I can't believe it's YOU!" ZIM looked in my direction to see me as I ran at him like a crazed maniac.
"AHHHHHH! Who is this human! Base protect your master!" His lawn gnome security drones then rushed at me but this surge of happiness gave me such amazing strength that I shoved them away like they were nothing and ran to ZIM. "Oh my...Ahhhh! GIR help!" Suddenly I grabbed ZIM and embraced him in a big hug (okay that sounds weird but hey I was a pretty happy guy at that moment) that nearly squished the life outta him if I didn't remember to let go. "Who ARE you, human?"
Suddenly GIR flew through the door and landed on the ground in his green dog suit. "Master! Master! Who's your new friend?" the little SIR-bot asked ZIM while pointing a nubby little paw in my direction. This was too great.
"Hey! You're GIR! Sweet!" I said barely able to contain the excitement that was brewing in me all at once.
"I am," GIR said happily and with a smile jumped to me and gave me a big hug. "I like him, Master! Can we keep him? I can make waffles!"
ZIM yanked his little robot off my body and tossed to the side then turned his attention to me. "WHO ARE YOU? And how do you know GIR? We've never met...WAIT! You must be a spy sent by Dib! Get off my lawn filthy human stink beast!" My god it felt like such an honor to actually talk to the one and only ZIM even if it was insults coming from him.
"Relax," I said still smiling, "I'm not a spy but I do that you are ZIM of the Irken Armada and that's your SIR unit GIR and that you came to Earth to conquer it and you have a big headed enemy called Dib with his sister Gaz and your leaders are the Almighty Tallests and you almost destroyed your home planet and you go to the Skool here and Miss Bitters is your teacher and you tried to take over Xmas and don't like water and and..."
ZIM's green face went pale as I started spouting everything I learned from watching the show and suddenly gathered enough strength to talk to me again. "Who are you! And how do you know all this! Howwwwwwww! Are you an Irken in disguise like that traitor Tak? Who are you?" ZIM was nearly at the end of his rope trying to figure out how I knew all the things I knew about all of them.
"My name's Jim Bar and I'm your biggest fan! I watched your show for as long as it was on and that's how I know all the things and..."
I was cut short as a familiar voice from behind us that made spin around in joy to see him. "ZIM! Who is this? Another one of your evil minions...? Wait...you're human. What are you doing talking to this alien!" It was Dib with a pair of goofy looking alien hand cuffs and was looking at me with a confused expression.
"You're Dib oh my god I can't believe it's you in the flesh! You're big head looks better than it does on the TV screen!" Dib looked at me with an expression as confused as ZIM's and even looked at ZIM for support who just shrugged.
"Uhhh...how do you know who I am? And what do you mean by TV...HEY! MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Dib screamed at me and started to ask me a bunch of questions. "How do you know who I am? Who are you? What do you mean by my head on a TV screen? What are you doing with ZIM?" After two minutes of nothing but questions Dib tired out and began to take a breather.
Suddenly Gaz appeared behind him playing her GS2 (Game Slave 2 for the uneducated viewer of the show) and startled him with her voice. "Who the hell is this weirdo?" Dib jumped to see his little sister as she eyed me with a curiosity much greater than the others'. "Well he doesn't look as weird as you two," she said lowly looking towards ZIM and Dib.
"Gaz! Stand back! This guy seems to know a lot of things about us! I think he's an Irken spy sent by ZIM to kill us all and rule humanity" Gaz shrugged and continued to play her GS2. Dib then turned his attention by to me. "Who are you?"
I decided to tell them who I was, why I knew, but I couldn't explain how I got here because I didn't even know how the hell I got here. "My name's Jim Bar and I'm not from around here but the reason I know so much about you guys is because I come from another place kinda like this but not really where there's a TV show about you guys and..." I stopped as I saw them all look at me with a hint of suspicion in their eyes.
"What do you mean by a show, human!" ZIM spoke loudly with anger. "What are you talking about!"
I decided to continue on to stop ZIM's ranting and everyone's dark gazes. "Well...in my world you guys are part of an animated show made by a great guy but was run by a bunch of pricks in a kids' show corporation. That's the reason I know so much. Unfortunately it was cancelled at the end of the Most Horrible Xmas Ever episode and you guys were left to star in a bunch of reruns and it's just so amazing to actually meet you guys and..." Everyone had looks of extreme worry and sorrow in their eyes as they heard these truths.
"No..." Dib slowly said just staring into blank space. "No...No! This is a lie right? It has to be! We're real! We're all real! Come on! Come on! Come on!" He shouted and Gaz slapped him upside the head to keep him quiet as she made her way towards me with dark look on her face.
"Listen here, Jim," she said sternly while continuing her walk towards me causing me to back up. "You had better be making this up or so help me I will plunge you into a nightmare world from which there is no waking." To say the least she scared the shit outta me but I couldn't lie to them at this point. I had to tell them why I knew and that was the only true answer.
"I'm sorry everyone but it's the truth. Look I'm sorry I told you that but..." Gaz stopped in her tracks looking defeated as well as everyone else. In an instant I felt really guilty. "I'm sorry, you guys..."
ZIM was angry at this point but looked somewhat crushed at this point of the conversation. "NOOO! You mean my whole mission was scripted by a bunch of stinking humans! ZIM doesn't exist! AHHHH!" I felt like I was gonna be sick.
Gaz, Dib, ZIM, Gir...they all looked crushed and they all left to their houses muttering stuff to themselves. I couldn't believe it. I get to meet my heroes the people I so idolized and I alienate them. "Fuck!" I shouted and I knew I had to fix the mess I had so stupidly made. "Hey, guys, wait up! Come back! Please! Come on!" I stopped shouting as they all looked back at me with hate in their eyes as they slowly made their way back to me. I didn't expect to be forgiven for fucking their lives up in one sitting but I sure as hell didn't want them to feel this way.
"What do you want, Jim?" Dib strained my name as he said it. "We all know we don't exist so is there anything else you wanna say to make us feel worse?" That hurt and I deserved that.
"Listen," I began, "I'm sorry I told you guys that and I wish I could take it back but I will tell you one thing: when the show was cancelled the script writers and all the other people left no one was there to control you guys. The strings were cut. In a way, you guys have free will right at this very moment! You can now do whatever the fuck you want and there's no one to stop you. No writers, no corporate weirdos, no one! I know you guys may not even consider forgiving me but please consider what I said." There was a look of curiosity in their eyes at the speech I had made.
I figured it was pointless to try and change their minds about me and I began to walk away feeling really depressed. "Hey, Jim." I stopped and looked back to see them all smiling at me. "Come back. We need to tell you something," Dib said and I slowly made my way back to the group of people wondering what this could be about, "We were thinking about what you said and well you were right." What? "We do have free will and thanks to you we finally realize that." I nearly crapped my pants at those words and felt joy rush through me again.
"Soooo...you guys aren't pissed at me for telling you the whole show thing?" They all nodded a small no and I felt relieved. "Cool! Well what are you guys gonna do now?" They all looked at each with confusion and looked back at me.
"Well," ZIM started, "since we don't need anyone to control our meat bodies anymore we're gonna probably do whatever the hell we want. Like me trying to conquer the earth! Hahahaha!" Dib looked angrily at ZIM and began to argue with the Irken.
"Hey, ZIM! Why don't you just give up? You're not gonna conquer this planet as long as I'm still around." The two began to fight and smack each other to the ground while GIR cheered happily and Gaz just watched the stupidity go on. That's when I thought of something different that hasn't been done in the show but it wouldn't hurt now.
"Hey, you guys! Quit fighting! I thought of something." The two stopped on the ground with ZIM's gloved fist around Dib's throat and Dib's hands clutched around the Invader's antenna. "Why don't we do something different. Something the show never did before but I think we should do now that we have the will for it. Why don't we all become friends?" ZIM and Dib looked at each other in disgust but listened on to my new idea. "ZIM you can still try to conquer the earth but knowing you you won't anyway and Dib you can do what you want on one condition: you don't kill each other!" The two let go of each other and looked at one another then at me. "Come on you two. Please! It won't hurt anyone and you can do whatever you want still. Come on."
ZIM and Dib looked at each other for a few seconds but then slowly extended their hands and shook. This is the coolest moment in my life! "Well I guess I better get go...wait! I don't have a place to stay!" I was so caught up in this whole thing I forgot I didn't have a place to go. "Shit!"
Dib looked at me with his hand on his chin then a big smile spread across his face. "Hey, Jim. Why don't you stay with me and Gaz. You can stay with us for as long as you need to." Gaz looked up curiously at this proposal and I smiled uncontrollably.
"Really! Oh thanks, Dib! Thanks!" I couldn't believe it. I was going to live in this world with my heroes! This was too amazing!
"Yay! Jimmy's gonna stay! Yayyy!" GIR said happily and eagerly and jumped to hug ZIM but was then pushed onto the ground but that didn't falter his happiness.
Gaz walked up to me with a serious expression on her face. "You can stay with us, Jim, but only it you don't ever touch my stuff or mess around in my room or I'll send you to the very pits of hell. Now do we understand each other?" I nodded happy to oblige the orders. I told the others I wanted to visit the city for awhile and Dib said he'd set up a room for me. The walk had led through the crowded streets and I suddenly ran into a bar with a rather strange name.
"The Dumpster Slut?" I read aloud to myself as I walked in and took a seat on a barstool. The place had a bunch of people all drinking and eating as well as a bunch of cute waitresses. "Sweet." The bartender walked up to me and place a glass on the counter and eyed me with a rather large eye.
"So what'll it be, my boy?" he said with a large grin. "My name's Lucky Bob and I run this place. Haven't seen you around here before. So what drink will you like?"
I was astounded. "My name is Jim Bar," it felt like the hundredth time I've said it today, "and I'm only fourteen. I thought I had to be eighteen to buy a drink." Lucky Bob laughed heartily and smiled again.
"Not in this bar, sonny. Anythings legal here. No one's gonna come in here and bust our asses because I serve you a drink. So what do ya like?" This was the second greatest thing to happen today. I ordered a scotch and began to drink it. I have decided to write my adventures in a journal to remember them and I couldn't wait for tomorrow. But for now I just sat back and sipped at my drink.
In my opinion I think this is the longest first chapter I've ever written for any of my stories. Please R&R and I'll bring the latest chapter in the Jim Bar trilogy.