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Vulnerable
Poem: Alone by Edgar Allan Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
"Naruto," Sakura murmured in a dead tone, turning away from them, "This is our first official B-rank mission," she commented idly, hiding the waver in her voice, "If you die I can hardly say I'll be upset."
Naruto's face went white as she walked away, ignoring the deadly hiss of air that Sasuke exhaled.
Sakura walked until night fell, part of her mind keeping track of her position in reference to the campsite. She had cried as she walked until her eyes could no longer develop tears to release.
A wan smile teased the corners of her lips, creating a solemn picture of broken beauty. She remembered a time when she had never thought it possible to cry away all your tears.
She had called that truth an overdone, unrealistic, cliché.
The sound of her name being called in Kakashi's smooth voice echoed in the distance but she ignored it in favour of curling up in a ball against a tall sturdy tree, unsure of where her current revelations left her.
Naruto and Sasuke were having a relationship that in no way involved her.
Her throat tensed and she forced herself to swallow around the pain of a new build up of tears.
Was it possible to cry this much?
Releasing a shuddering sigh, Sakura lowered her head to her knees and clenched her eyes shut. Thinking was the last thing she wanted to do right now. The only thought in her head was the mind-numbing memory of Naruto and Sasuke.
Sasuke's cold eyes as he chose Naruto over her, daring her to object, to embarrass herself further by making even more of a scene.
It was all Naruto's fault. Naruto was the reason Sasuke didn't love her, he had to be. If Naruto weren't there, Sasuke would be hers.
Her Sasuke.
Not Naruto's.
"Sakura…" Kakashi's voice was closer, but still far enough away that he wouldn't reach Sakura within the next five minutes.
She didn't want to go back to camp; to sleep in a tent alone while Sasuke and Naruto slept together in a tent with Kakashi, probably cursing his presence because it kept them apart.
But…what if Kakashi knew? What if he'd known all this time and hadn't told her?
He had been keeping her busy and away from Naruto and Sasuke when they went off alone…
She bit her lip as tears began to flow again…
So Kakashi was in on the secret too…
Then– in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life–was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
"Sakura…" Kakashi leapt to Sakura's side and took in her pathetic state.
Actually, all things considered, she didn't look as bad as he had expected. Her cheeks were blotchy while her eyes were stained a miserable red, but other than that, she looked fine.
"You knew didn't you?" Sakura murmured in an accusing tone, not opening her eyes or lifting her head to acknowledge her sensei's presence.
"I had my assumptions yes." Kakashi replied truthfully and lowered his body until he was on his haunches, his head level with Sakura's.
"You didn't tell me." It was a statement, filled with bitter contempt and hurt resignation. Had her eyes been open, a betrayed expression would have filled them.
"No, I didn't." Kakashi agreed in an even tone, not trying to placate the girl.
"So, everyone knew but me…" Sakura concluded with a biting edge to her tone, her voice cracking as she spoke the words with ironic amusement.
Kakashi remained silent, not feeling the need to respond to such a comment.
"My two best friends are having a sexual relationship and everyone conveniantly forgets to tell me." She continued, opening her eyes to glare at Kakashi. He didn't look away and simply met her gaze evenly with a silence that reeked of regret.
"You're smart Kakashi-sensei," Sakura mocked in a biting tone, "so tell me, where does this leave me?" She snapped, tears forming in her eyes again as she realized that suddenly she was all alone…again.
Like before Ino had tied the ribbon in her hair in an act of acceptance…
"Where does this leave you?" Kakashi repeated lazily, "It leaves you wherever you choose to be left."
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold
Sakura sneered at Kakashi, clenching her jaw against the new onslaught of tears that were insisting on falling.
She would be end up wherever she chose to be left?
That made absolutely no sense and she was tempted to say as much, but Sakura was sure that if she opened her mouth to speak all that would escape would be a pitiful sob.
Deciding that this reaction was her cue to end the conversation, Sakura closed her eyes again and gently laid her head upon her knees once more, her head facing away from Kakashi.
There was a brief moment where Kakashi drew a breath in, as if about to speak, giving Sakura the impression that he was going to say something, but, after reconsidering, he withdrew, leaping from the clearing.
Leaving her alone.
She sighed tiredly and let her mind carry her away and into a light slumber…
A familiar presence entering the clearance woke Sakura hours later. Tired green eyes opened as she hid an exhausted yawn behind her hand in a dainty manner.
"Sakura…" A timid voice inquired, cautiously drawing nearer to the balled up girl.
Naruto.
"What do you want?" She snapped, warily watching Naruto from the corner of her eye. Hurt subsided to livid anger as the reason for her pain stopped a few feet away from her.
"Um…" His voice was shaking.
Good.
"I, um, well, Sasuke would kill me if I told you I'm so-"
Sakura hissed in anger and clenched her fists. Naruto heard the sound and stopped.
"Er…oops?" He attempted to amend in a pathetic tone.
"Why aren't you off fucking Sasuke?" Sakura bit out sharply. The figure in front of her tensed defensively.
"We wouldn't!" He exclaimed quietly, his tone offensive, "We were worried about you, you-"
"My feelings didn't matter to you when you started, why should they now?" She growled back, an uncharacteristic anger bubbling inside of her.
If he didn't leave soon, Sakura would take no responsibility for her actions.
"Sakura, you're our friend, of course we care!" Naruto cried out, his arms flailing as he tried to convey his desperation physically.
"Friends don't sleep around with each other's crushes." She hissed and stood up to gaze evenly across the moonlit clearing at Naruto.
"Sakura…I didn't mean to hurt you! I really didn't." He pleaded. Taking a step forward, Naruto extended his arms in a bleak gesture of melancholy hopelessness.
Sakura turned away from him, crossing her arms.
"Maybe your stupid pathetic pleas can seduce Sasuke but they have no affect on me." She informed him in a harsh matter-of-fact tone.
"But…wait a minute…" Naruto backtracked his eyes dimming, "Seduce?"
"Obviously," she mumbled bitterly, "Tell me Naruto, what jutsu did you use on him?" Sakura growled, her mind catching up with her words.
Of course! The reason Sasuke was with Naruto was because Naruto had put some strange jutsu on him…
Her eyes blazed as she realized what was going on…
She would kill Naruto with her own hands for taking advantage of her Sasuke…
"What are you talking about?" Naruto yelled, his face contorted in furious confusion, "I know you're upset, but accusing me of seducing and using some screwed up love jutsu on Sasuke? That's too far!"
Sakura's eyes widened.
Naruto was acting wronged again. Like her reaction to what she'd seen was irrational…
The little control Sakura had been maintaining over her frazzled nerves snapped.
"I went too far?" She hissed, "You tricked Sasuke-kun into sleeping with you because you were lonely! But I guess I should have seen this coming huh?" She growled, her eyes glinting with a malicious streak even Sakura herself didn't know existed.
"I mean, what would an orphan know about friendships and compassion right? No one's ever loved you and I promise Naruto, no one ever will." Her voice cracked and her eyes watered up again, "I mean, why would Sasuke-kun choose you over me? You're a useless, dropout orphan that nobody has ever wanted or loved or cared about. People don't hate other people with no reason." Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.
"They hate people because of things they've done. I always thought people hated you because you played pranks and I ignored them when they told me to stay away from you. I stood up for you Naruto, and how do you thank me? How do you accept my friendship? By seducing the man that I love. That's low, even for someone like you." Sakura spit, ending her speech and glancing over her shoulder at Naruto.
As expected, his head was lowered and his bangs were shadowing his face. At his sides, Naruto's hands were shaking with an emotion Sakura didn't care to place.
She watched him with a sneer on her face, even Ino wouldn't have done this to her.
The funny thing was, she hadn't considered Ino her best friend, it had been Naruto that had filled that position.
She wiped the tears from her eyes, still glaring at Naruto.
"I'm sorry that I don't have any parents. And I'm sorry that you had to find out in such a way. And I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust in me. But Sakura-chan," Naruto raised his head to stare Sakura in the eye, "I'm not sorry that I fell in love with Sasuke and I'm not sorry that he feels the same way."
So that's how it was…
Somehow, Sakura had assumed that she could take out everything on Naruto and he would forgive her and not fight back. That he would take it and still want to be her friend.
The revelation that this wasn't true, possibly hurt even more than his betrayal. It hurt even more than seeing Naruto and Sasuke together in the clearing…
"You may not be sorry Naruto," Sakura whispered, her anger fading as tears rolled down her cheeks in unrelenting torrents, "But I am. I'm sorry that I ever considered you to be my friend." Her voice cracked and it took all her willpower to keep from collapsing to her knees from dehydration and exhaustion.
"So be it." And for the first time in their friendship, it was Naruto that walked away. Naruto that left Sakura for Sasuke.
It was Naruto that abandoned Sakura, leaving her alone.
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.