Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Dick Wolf does.
"Can you handle the questioning on your own? I'm not sure I can do this one. I don't trust myself from losing control."
"Sure, Liv. Are you alright?"
Just as she slid into the car, Olivia burst into tears.
Elliot instinctively put his arm around her and she slid across the seat and cried into his shoulder. He called the captain and told him that they'd be late and waited for Olivia to regain her composure. He refused to drive anywhere until she told him exactly what was going on.
"El, I'm not the person you think I am."
"What do you mean?"
"That girl in there…well, she's, she's…"
"She's what, Liv?"
"15 years ago, I had a daughter…"
"You what!"
"El, please this is hard enough. Let me finish," Olivia took a deep breath before going on.
" Fifteen years ago, I was about to go into the police academy. I had graduated college, gone through all the tests and passed. The last thing I needed was a physical and I would get to start my police training. El, I wanted this more than anything. I have always wanted to be an SVU detective."
"I know, Liv, you have more passion for it than I have ever seen."
"But I almost didn't make it. I found out at the doctor's office that I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I knew who the father was. We broke up when he finally realized I was serious about being a cop. Anyway, El, I as devastated. I didn't know what to do. My ex didn't want to be a father, and honestly, I didn't trust myself to be a mother. The doctor told me that if I could pass the physical after the baby was born, everything was a go and I'd still be let in the police academy. I struggled all nine months, but my passion for the law beat out the passion for motherhood. If I became a cop, I'd never be around and I felt that if the baby had two parents, she'd have more than I could ever give her," Olivia took a ragged breath and tried to hold back sobs, but she failed.
"But…I...failed. She's been abused… El, all… because I was selfish… and, and didn't want to keep her."
"Liv, do not blame yourself. You did what you felt was right and you had no way of knowing that this was how it would turn out. But Liv, how do you know that the girl in that hospital bed is yours?"
"Because she knows, El. I never met the parents, but they knew my name and had seen my picture. I had seen pictures of them and they looked like a nice couple…o gosh, I was so nieve back then. I didn't know how to read people. But her parents told and she has seen me on the news. She knew me the minute I walked in the door."
Elliot stared at Olivia sobbing in the seat next to him. He could see the guilt from her past was tearing her apart.
"Liv, I'm gonna have Cap take you off this. You're too close to this and I'm afraid that this will tear you up and you'll never be the same."
"El, no. I can handle this. I need to make sure the man who did this is put away for a long time."
"He will, Liv, but when we get back, you are going to talk to Cap. I'll go with you if you want. Now, we need to get back to the house. This guy has sweated it out long enough."
Elliot started the car and they headed back to the precinct. He still was in shock at Olivia's story. He felt that she would have made a great mother, but he understood that the way she grew up was what made her question her own instincts.
"El? How is this even right? My own mother was raped, that's why I even exist. Now, my own daughter is raped. El, please don't let Cap take me off this. If I can't arrest my own father, and least let me take down the lowlife who did this."
Elliot reached over and squeezed her arm. Olivia sighed in relief because she knew that she still had her partner's respect.