1(Chapter Three)

The Lost Baby

Ross and Rachel just dropped off Emma at her grandma's house and are now in their car.

"Ross, I don't know if I like this car. It just doesn't feel safe," said Rachel.

"What are you talking about Rach? It's a Volvo, it's one of the safest cars in the world," said Ross trying to comfort Rachel.

"I don't know, it just feels different," said Rachel.

"You mean like not a motorcycle different?" said Ross. "Because those aren't safe!"

"No, of course not," said Rachel thinking about Chip's motorcycle.

"Yeah, it's about Chips motorcycle," snapped Ross.

"What are you, like a damn mind reader?" asked Rachel.

"Yeah, I knew it!" shouted Ross.

"Ross, Chip doesn't mean anything to me anymore, it's just, I miss that motorcycle," said Rachel. "We had so many great times on it, and we not only drove to places on it, we..."

"Ewww! Gross! I don't want to hear about that," said Ross while driving the car.

"Ross, slow down! We are going way too fast!" said Rachel. "We don't have time for this, we need to get to your party for work."

"Oh no! We are not going to that party anymore!" shouted Ross.

"Fine! Then where are we going?" asked Rachel furiously.

"You'll see," said Ross.

Phoebe is in the coffee shop with the twins.

"Yes, Gunther, can you get me one coffee please?" asked Phoebe.

"Yeah, but you know that you have crap on your leg?" asked Gunther.

"Just the coffee would be great, PLEASE!" screamed Phoebe.

"Umm, I don't know if I like that tone. If you yell at me again, I will I have to kick you out," said Gunther.

"Oh, really, you would do that, tough guy?" said Phoebe sharply. "I lived on the streets when I was a teenager! I eat crap like you for breakfast!"

"That's it! Get out!" yelled Gunther.

"Oh, you are just plain... plain... MEAN!" yelled Phoebe.

A police man enters the shop.

"Sir, are you all right?" asked the police man to Gunther.

"No, this lady-," said Gunther before he was interrupted by Phoebe's screaming.

"Miss, will you please just shut up?" asked the police man annoyed.

"No, I will not shut up!" yelled Phoebe. "This man tried to molest my babies!"

"Oh my gosh, really?" asked the police officer.

"No! That's not tru-," said Gunther before Phoebe interrupted him again.

"He not only tried to molest them, he tried to steal them!" screamed Phoebe. "You tried to steal my babies! You, YOU SICK FREAK!"

"Mam, you are aware that your babies have crap all over them?" asked the police man. "You do know that you have their crap on you too."

"Okay! We are just gonna blow past this," said Phoebe irritably. "Gunther! Just go behind that counter and get me a damn coffee so I can get out of here and change!"

"But-!" said Gunter.

"You heard the crazy woman! Go and get her some coffee before she turns into Satan's wife!" screamed the police man. "Oh, and get me some tea. Oh, and with lemon."

"What are you, some kind of little girl?" asked Phoebe furiously to the police man when Gunther went behind the counter to get them their drinks."

"Mam, do you want to go to jail?" asked the police man sharply..

"Gunther! Hurry up with that coffee!" screamed Phoebe as she ran to the counter to get it. "Thanks Gunther."

"Phoebe, you have to pay for that!" yelled Gunther as Phoebe ran out of the coffee shop with the babies.

"Man, she got crap all over me," said the police man.

"Yeah, she's kinda weird, but in a sexy way," said Gunther.

"You're weird," said the police man.

"Oh, here is your tea, you little girl" said Gunther sharply after he spit in it.

"Ross, what are you doing?" asked Rachel curiously.

"We are going to have our own great times in our new Volvo!" screamed Ross.

"Ross! I love you, I don't love Chip at all! I just like to remember highschool!" said Rachel trying to calm him down.

"Well, I don't care, we are still going to have a good time in this Volvo tonight!" screamed Ross as he parked in an empty parking lot.

"Ross, we are not doing this." said Rachel annoyed.

"Turn on the radio!" screamed Ross.

"Oh, okay," said Rachel terrified and also giving into Ross's command.

"Rach, I love you so much. I just want you to remember our good times," said Ross.

"Oh, honey, I do, I remember Valentine's Day and our first time," said Rachel. "I love you so much."

"I love you more than anything," said Ross as he leaned in to kiss Rachel.

"I love you, too," said Rachel leaning in to kiss Ross.

Phoebe enters her apartment.

"Oh, yes finally, now I can get some good smelling clothes on!" she said thankfully. "But before I do, where should I put you little guys so you can't run away?"

"Oh! I will just put you guys in the bathtub," said Phoebe as she was trying to close her apartment door.

"Gosh dammit!" yelled Phoebe. "This stupid door won't close! You know what door, Fine! I will just leave you open!"

"Hey! Babies! Remind me to fix the door! Oh yeah! That's right, you can't talk!" said Phoebe in a bad mood as she was walking inside the bathroom to put the babies in the tub.

"Now, you stay here in the tub and when I get back, I can give you a bath and get you changed into, well, clothes that don't have crap on them," said Phoebe to the babies in the tub.

"Ross, that was so amazing," said Rachel. "You are so much more than Chip."

"Aw, Rach, I am only amazing because you make me amazing," said Ross. "I love you."

"I love you so much more," said Rachel. "Now, come on, let's go home. I told my mom to keep Emma for the night."

"Oh all right," said Ross as he got up and started to turn on the car. "But did you really do it on his bike?"

"No, we never did it on his bike," said Rachel. " I just wanted to make this memory permanent in my mind."

"Oh, I know it will be in my mind," said Ross.

"Oh! God yes!" said Rachel. "Now let's go home."

"Oh, little babies, who is ready for a bath?" asked Phoebe as she walked inside the bathroom with her knew clothes on.

"What! Where is the other baby, Jack? No wait! Erica! Crap, I forget which one is which! Where did the other baby go?" yelled Phoebe as the baby started to cry.

"Oh just GREAT!" yelled Phoebe. "I am starting to make you cry! Well, you know what? Cry your little baby ass off!"

As Phoebe looked throughout her apartment, she said, "Oh, little baby Jack or Erica, come out, come out where ever you are."

"Please come out and show you little baby face," pleaded Phoebe starting to freak out.

"Come out to your nice Aunt Phoebs!" said Phoebe as she walked into the kitchen with the other baby in her hands.

"Oh dear God! Please stop crying!" she screamed to the baby she was holding.

"You know what! I should call Joey and ask him to help me!" said Phoebe thinking of a solution.

"Hi! Joey! I need your help!" said Phoebe on the phone. "I lost one of the babies and need you to help me find it."

"You lost one of the babies?" yelled Joey on the phone. "Which one?"

"Oh, crap! I don't know!" cried Phoebe. "I can't tell them apart. It doesn't matter!"

"Well, look to see which one it is," said Joey.

"Fine! Okay! I will!" said Phoebe as she looked at the baby after she took off its diaper. "It's Jack! I have the boy baby!"

"Okay! That's good! I will come over and help you find, umm, what was her name again?" asked Joey.

"ERICA!" screamed Phoebe. "Now get your ass over here and help me find Erica, Tirbbiani!"

"Okay, I'm on it!" said Joey petrified as he hung up the phone on her.

"What kind of asshole hangs up on a lady who can't find one of her babies?" screamed Phoebe madly.