1(Chapter Four)
Midnight, Central Park
Chandler and Monica are in their bed.
"Man that was amazing!" said Monica.
"Yeah, I guess so," said Chandler.
"What do you mean 'I guess so?'" mimicked Monica.
"Well, I am just saying... It was just okay," Chandler said.
"What are you talking about? I am doing the best I can!" yelled Monica frustrated. "Am I just not plain good enough for you?"
"No, that's not it at all. I am just saying, we might need to spice it up a little," said Chandler. "Go to the entrance at Central Park, midnight tonight."
"Chandler, do you even know what day is tomorrow?" asked Monica sounding concerned.
"Sunday?" said Chandler who wasn't sure at all.
"No you idiot! If you can't even figure out what day it is tomorrow, then I don't think I can be around you!" screamed Monica.
"Oh no! Wait! It's not Sunday tomorrow! It's Monday!" screamed Chandler thinking he got the answer right.
"You are unpredictable, Chandler Bing!" yelled Monica.
"Okay, whatever Monica Bing!" argued Chandler back.
"You know what, I am leaving this apartment right now! I am still debating on if I should meet you or not!" screamed Monica as she got out of bed and slammed the bedroom door after she walking into the family room.
"Yea well... What do you care, maybe you could learn something if you just went to Central Park tonight!" screamed Chandler.
"Fine!" screamed Monica. "I am out! I don't need to learn anything! If my husband loved me, he would appreciate the way that I do things in and out of bed!"
"Okay, but please just come at midnight!" pleaded Chandler.
"I'll think on it, Bing!" said Monica sarcastically.
Joey enters the Bing's apartment.
"Hey Monica, do you have some carpet cleaner I can use and maybe some Tide?" asked Joey.
"What do you need that stuff for?" asked Monica.
"Well, I sort of had an accident," said Joey.
"Oh my gosh, Joey! Did you let the duck eat your left over turkey sandwich again?" asked Monica.
"Oh yeah! That's what I did! He, well, let's just say my apartment looks like a mudslide has just crushed a whole village, there is crap everywhere," said Joey thinking that he had told her a pretty good lie.
"Oh yeah! Here! Go ahead and have it," said Monica as she was getting him the supplies.
Joey's cell phone starts to ring.
"Oh crap," said Joey.
"What is it?" asked Monica.
"It's Phoebe," said Joey.
"Hey Phoebs," said Joey as he answered his phone.
"JOEY TRIBBIANI! YOU GET YOUR CATHOLIC ITALIAN ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! I CANNOT FIND THAT STUPID BABY!" screamed Phoebe on the phone.
"WHAT!" screamed Monica.
"Joey, dear, there is no chance Monica heard that is there?" asked Phoebe sounding pleasant.
"No, she heard it, Phoebs, my volume is all the way up and my phone is on speaker phone!" said Joey.
"What do you mean you can't find my baby?" yelled Monica.
"Phoebs gotta go! Be over there in a minute!" said Joey as he took the supplies and ran out of the apartment.
"Joey! You get your ass back here! Don't you dare run away from me!" said Monica as she was chasing after him. "Man alive! This is just a horrible day! My husband hates me, I find out my baby is lost, and an Italian is running away from me!"
"Man you must want to kill yourself then," said Monica's neighbor as she walked out into the hall.
"Don't you dare butt in on other people's business!" said Monica.
"I can't help it, especially if I can hear you guys through the walls. Your husband doesn't even make a noise when you guys are, well, doing it," said the neighbor.
"Lady, you better shut up right now! I will come over there and-," said Monica before she got interrupted by Chandler as he walked out in the hall.
"Mon, please just meet me at midnight," said Chandler.
"I don't know, I just can't stand you right now," said Monica as she looked at the neighbor. "Well go on! Get out of here!"
The neighbor closed her apartment door and Monica gave it an evil glare.
"Please," asked Chandler.
"Okay fine," said Monica as Chandler was leaving. "Where are you going?"
"Just to well, get a beer," he said lying through his teeth.
"Yeah, well I am going to Phoebe's!" she said as she left the hall.
Joey finally arrives at Phoebe's apartment.
"It's about time Tribbiani!" yelled Phoebe. "What the hell is that stuff for?"
"I thought that maybe you could use the Tide to clean your clothes and use the carpet cleaner to clean the carpet," said Joey trying to sound smart.
"Well you thought wrong! I need A FREAKING BABY DETECTOR BECAUSE THIS BABY IS LIKE JASON BOURNE FROM BOURNE IDENTITY! SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO BE FOUND! I looked in the cabinets, all of the rooms, I even looked in the toilet, I thought she might of like drown herself!" said Phoebe worriedly.
"Calm down Phoebs!" said Joey. "Let's just get this crap cleaned up and then we can look for the baby."
"What crap?" said Phoebe as she looked down at her floor. "Oh my gosh! Those are the baby's crappy hand prints! You are a genius!"
"Yeah? Really? I did pass the ninth grade," said Joey.
"Okay, you start cleaning up and I will find the baby," said Phoebe as she looked at the floor following the baby hand prints.
"Oh wow, this baby shit a lot. What does Monica feed them?" asked Phoebe.
"A lot. When she was little, her parents didn't give her a lot of food, and she was never full so she gave them a lot of food, plus, she gave them this stuff called ex lax, it tastes kinda weird," said Joey.
"Well I guess that would explain the massive amounts of crap," said Phoebe following the baby's crappy hand prints.
"Yeah I guess," said Joey who had no clue what an ex laxative does.
"Come here baby, come to your aunt Phoebs. She will give you some candy. Come out, Come out where ever you are," said Phoebe. "Joey! It's not working! The baby doesn't want to be found. Joey? Joey! Are you evening listening to me?"
"Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you-?" Joey sung.
"Joey!" screamed Phoebe.
"Oh dear God," said Joey frightened. "Come on, just sing it. Smelly cat, smelly cat..."
"Joey, wait! I hear something!" said Phoebe. "Keep singing."
"Oh look! I found the baby! She is under my bed... AND THERE IS A RAT TRAP SNAPPED ON HER HAND! OH CRAP! HAHA OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE, THERE IS CRAP EVERY WHERE!"panicked Phoebe. "Oh dear God, that must've hurt!"
"Oh my God! What happened to my baby?" screamed Monica as she entered Phoebe's apartment.
"Oh nothing. This is just a piece of jewelry I am having her try on," said Phoebe sounding casual.
"Take that damn thing off, I mean dang," said Monica as Phoebe looked at her awkwardly. "I've been trying not to cuss in front of the babies."
"Well, what a good Mom you are," said Phoebe sarcastically.
"Great! Now you think I am a bad Mom! Chandler thinks I am a bad wife! Joey ignored me and my baby has a rat trap still snapped shut on her hand!" cried Monica.
"Oh, it's okay," said Phoebe as she snapped the trap off of the baby's hand and it snapped shut on her's. "OH SHIT! SON OF A BITCH!"
"PHOEBE!" yelled Monica.
"Sorry," said Phoebe. "It snapped my hand. I don't know how your baby didn't cry."
"Well, she is a tough one, she takes after me," said Monica proudly. "Once I dropped her in the kitchen on top of a chair. She didn't cry once. Chandler thought it was awkward that she had a huge bump on her head though. I told him it was that I gave her so many kisses in that spot on her head."
"Chandler actually believed that stupid lie?" asked Phoebe.
"Yeah, well it's Chandler, what do you expect?" said Monica annoyed at the sound of his name.
"Mon, don't worry about a thing! We have something that will put you in a great mood!" said Phoebe.
"Yeah, like what," said Monica unenthusiastically.
"You can clean up all of this crap for us in the apartment! AND YOU CAN CLEAN MY CLOTHES TOO!" said Phoebe with a grin on her face.
"Oh my gosh! Really! Thanks! You guys are the greatest," said Monica. "You and Joey can give the babies a bath while I do this!"
"Okay, although I am kinda babied out today," said Phoebe. "Joey, you do it."
"Okay," said Joey enthusiastically. "I will! Come on Erica, let's go get you and Jack cleaned up."
THUMP!
"What was that?" asked Monica curiously.
"Oh nothing," said Joey. "I kinda just dropped Erica on the tile floor, but she is fine."
"What?" yelled Monica.
"Here Monica, you can use this wonder broom Joey brought over! It works really well!" said Phoebe trying to help make a decoy for Joey.
"Wow, thanks Phoebe's," said Monica totally forgetting about the babies as she cleaned the apartment.
"Well, I am done!" said Joey a half an hour later.
"Me too! Man, that was a lot of crap!" said Monica.
"Yeah," said Phoebe. "Why did you give them an ex laxative anyway and all of that food?"
"I didn't give them that," said Monica. "That stuff was for Joey! He told me he hadn't pooped for a week, so I gave him some prunes to eat and put some ex laxative in his milk."
"Joey!" said Phoebe. "I can't believe you!"
"Yeah, well it tasted nasty, so I gave it to the babies! I didn't know what an ex laxative did. I thought it was some kind of candy!" said Joey.
"Joey, sometimes you are just plain-," said Monica before she looked at the clock seeing that it was 11:56 P.M. "Hey, can you guys watch the babies for me again? I have to go and see Chandler really quick."
"Awwh man! I was gonna go home and-," said Joey before Phoebe answered Monica.
"Yes, of course we will watch the babies!" said Phoebe. "Now go on and git! Git! Old Woman!"
"Old woman!" yelled Monica.
"Just go! Woman!" screamed Phoebe.
"Okay, good bye, thanks," said Monica.
"All right, well I guess I am gonna head out," said Joey as he got up and farted. "Never mind I am gonna stay here and use your restroom."
"Okay," said Phoebe as Joey closed the bathroom door. "Don't fall in!"
"Oh, look at the new little babies that are finally cleaned now and don't smell like crap!" said Phoebe to the babies. "Oh, and Erica, you are allowed to be like your mom, but just don't crawl up anyone's ass sometimes when things around you aren't clean."
"Chandler? Chandler? Where are you?" screamed Monica as she went up to the park's entrance.
And there she found a note.
Dear Monica,
I love you with all my heart.
P.S. Follow the rose petals.
And as Monica looked down from the letter on the ground, she saw at least 10,000 rose petals. She kept on following them, with red, blue, pink, yellow, and white rose petals lying everywhere. She followed the path until she saw light up ahead, not electric light, but candle light beyond a couple of dogwood trees.
"Oh my God," said Monica as she entered the sight to where Chandler was. She was in aw at how beautiful and gorgeous it was with flowers and candles placed neatly everywhere.
"Monica," said Chandler as he walked up to her. "I only have a half heart without you. You complete me. I have loved you since the day that we met and since then our love has grown. You give me warmth when I am cold, and you make me feel magnificent about myself. You are forever my spouse and nothing will ever change that. I love you. So Monica..."
"Oh my God," Monica said as Chandler knelt down on his knee.
"Monica, will you renew your vows with me?" asked Chandler and took out a two carrot diamond ring from his pocket.
"Yes!" said Monica as she knelt down and kissed him after he put the ring on her finger. "Rachel's going to be so jealous!"
"Oh and also, Happy Anniversary!" said Chandler.
"Happy Anniversary, Chandler," said Monica. "I am happy to know that you knew what day it is."
"Mon, you do know that you are the best I've ever had," said Chandler holding her in his arms.
"Then why did you tell me that I wasn't?" asked Monica.
"I was making a joke. See I told you that I am not rusty with my jokes," said Chandler smiling.
"Well, this was the best and worst joke ever!" said Monica smiling.
"Only because it was on you," said Chandler still smiling.
"I love you," said Monica looking into his eyes.
"I love you, too," said Chandler as he kissed her.
1/06/06
Dear fellow readers,
I am especially grateful that you have read my story and I am pleased to say that I am going to continue on writing for this episode of Friends. It will not be called "The One Where the Baby Runs Away". I am just going to start a new story but I am still continuing with the same plot. I might not be able to write it for a couple of days though, because I have exams coming up and I need to study for them, so every now and then you can search for my author pen name,Jakub, and see if I have written anything new.
Thanks for reading,
Sincerely,
Jakub
P.S. Please write a review:)