Author's Note: I am SOOOOO very sorry for how long it has taken to update, and I know that this particular chapter probably isn't worth the wait, but know that I AM back on this story. Please R&R...I swear I haven't abandoned you all completely.
Before leaving the room to do his rounds, he turned back to Raina. "We go ahead as scheduled whether Blaine shows or not. If he ruined the mission, it's both your asses."
When Brenam had left, Raina turned to the window and let her forehead rest on the cool pane. She watched the relentless rain that had descended on the city slide down the glass in front of her. "If he told them anything, it's all our asses," she whispered.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. Alec barely had time to ask himself why she was sorry before he felt pain at the back of his neck and then blacked out.
I've got a few scores to settle. She remembered Blaine well enough from her stay at Amarillo. What'd he'd done to her had been after her memory loss. She knew that if she'd told Alec what Blaine had subjected her to, he would've gone and killed Blaine himself. No guilt, no regret. But this was something she needed to do to quiet some of her inner demons. Blaine and Logan were birds of a feather in her mind.She grinned with her next thought as she ran; And I am a very hungry kittie.
"Tomorrow night," Blaine choked out. He kept his face blank of anything but pain. "But there's...no way...they'll come now. They know I'm weak." The lies cost him nothing - he knew he'd be dead soon anyway. At least this way, their mission wouldn't be compromised.
She stepped back toward the wall until her back felt the coolness of the rock. Her body slumped, sliding along the wall and to the floor as if she no longer had the strength to stand. She wept openly, thinking only of all she'd lost. Whatever innocence she'd had left was gone forever. She threw the gun, not caring where it went. As it hit the glass of the door's window, she sobbed to the sound of shattered glass and broken dreams.
Max had lost track of time while sitting on the cold damp floor of the basement cell. She didn't know how long she'd sat and cried, and she didn't care. It seemed like it had been hours or even days since the events that had led her to her current situation. In truth, it had only been an hour. A guard had come and gone already, unnoticed. Seeing the two dead men and the weeping Max, he'd decided to leave it alone - after all, Blaine and Logan were no great loss and he didn't have training in how to handle crying women. He left to get someone who could help - Alec.
Alec watched from the doorway, unsure as to what he should do. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to run to her and hold her in his arms, tell her that everything would be okay. But they'd both know that was a lie. Blaine was only the first of many that would come for Max. And with Sandeman's prophecy and Max's dreams, there was a lot worse in store for them all than just a few Familiars.
His hand went to the back of his neck, where Max had injected him with the sedative. The memory of the kiss they'd shared was still fresh in his memory, as was the panic he'd felt when he'd woken up from his unplanned nap. The guard, Noah, had come to him with the news of what Max had done. He'd ignored Mira's insistence about looking him over and had run straight for the basement. Now he stood in the doorway, watching the woman he loved cry, clueless as to what to do.
"Max? Maxie?" He fought to keep his voice gentle and let none of the panic and worry he was feeling slip through. Max looked up at him through tear-swollen eyes, acknowledging his presence, but staying silent. Alec felt as if he would burst into tears himself, seeing Max so broken and lost. He pushed back the hurt, knowing he didn't have the luxury of a breakdown - Max needed him and he would be strong. I can have a mental meltdown when this is all over.
He stepped into the room, never taking his eyes away from Max's. She never moved, never said a word as he knelt down next to her. "Max, talk to me." He pleaded with his eyes as well as his words.
Max stared blankly at the cot where Logan's lifeless body still lay. "I killed them. I killed them both. And I felt nothing. Nothing, Alec. Not guilty, not angry, not even relieved. I just felt nothing." Her voice never wavered even as fresh teardrops rolled down her face. She turned to look at Alec again, her bottom lip quivering. "How can I feel nothing?"
Alec pulled her into his arms, sliding down to sit on the floor, her head on his chest. "Maxie, if you don't feel anything then why are you crying? You have to feel something to cry." She didn't respond for what seemed like ages, and Alec didn't prod her. He was simply glad that she was letting him hold her.
She pulled back from the embrace just far enough to look into Alec's eyes. "I was crying for myself. I know, selfish right? I cried over the things that I'd lost. Not over the fact that I had just killed two people. Two people who will never get any older...I cried because I should feel something, and I didn't. I cried because I killed at least a dozen people in Amarillo and I felt...I enjoyed it. It was like something took over then, something...primal. But now...it was like I...like I was just empty," she paused to take a deep breath, "Those were two of the people that it should've made me feel good to kill. All I felt was sorry for myself." Max tried to read Alec's eyes, to see if he thought she was crazy, a lost cause. What she saw instead was an unconditional caring with a depth that astounded her.
"Max, after all you've been through, a lot of it I can't even imagine, I think you deserve a little time for self-pity. And as for feeling nothing about killing them," he stopped, his eyes taking on a far away look as he remembered. "We were all trained to go to that cold place when we kill. That empty place that allows us to take a life and not feel anything. It's a safety mechanism engrained in your mind. There isn't anything wrong with it." Alec pulled her a little closer to him, feeling her tense for a few seconds and then relax into his chest.
Silence dominated for moments, but it was a comfortable silence. One that simply meant there was nothing more to say, and that was alright.
An hour passed as the two transgenics sat on the cold stone floor of the cell. Max's breathing had slowed, her chest no longer rising and falling unevenly with sobs and panic. Alec's fingers danced absentmindedly through the curly mass as, thinking Max asleep, he allowed his thoughts to wander. It seemed like lifetimes had passed since the days when they would banter over morning coffee. An eternity since they'd shared a bed, and with it, their hearts. She says she remembers, but how much does that change things? Do I still sleep on the couch? Do I keep my distance? Can I say 'I love you'?
Alec shook his head, closing his eyes. "But what's a couple of nights on the couch compared to the end of humanity?" he asked himself aloud, bitter in realization of the futility of his selfishness. He rested his head against the wall, eyes still closed. He took a deep breath and drank in the sweet scent of the woman in his lap.
"You don't have to sleep on the couch," Max said, a hint of amusement in her voice. Alec jerked his head up in surprise, looking down to meet Max's wide-eyed gaze.
"What?" Alec frowned, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. "I thought you were asleep."
Max grinned as she readjusted and snuggled into Alec's side. "Nope. Just relaxed. I think I've spent quite enough time unconscious, thank you very much," she said smugly as Alec went uncharacteristically quiet, still stroking her hair. She glanced at the now empty cot, realizing she hadn't even noticed anyone come in to remove Logan's body. She shuddered despite the comfort she'd found in Alec's arms. She moved to stand, holding her hand out to Alec. "Can we go somewhere that's not here?" she asked, false bravado not hiding the slight quiver in her voice.
Alec grasped her hand and pulled himself up. "You bet, babe," he replied, putting a hand on the small of her back. As they entered the hallway, he wondered if he were right to act so nonchalant after all that had happened. Regretfully, he ceased contact.
To his surprise, Max stopped in mid-stride and spun to face him. "You know, you don't have to tiptoe around me like I'll break if you touch me or say the wrong thing. I may not remember everything, but I remember enough to know that no one ever treads this carefully around me."
Alec raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Really?" he asked. "That isn't the way I remember it. I for one remember treading very carefully in order to avoid your wrath...and permanent brain damage."
Chuckling, Max feigned a slap at his head. "Ah, but that would imply you having a brain to damage." Alec slid an arm around her waist.
"I never thought I'd miss being insulted, but I have," he grinned.
I need this, Max thought, leaning her head on Alec's shoulder as she pushed the negativity of recent events to the recesses of her mind. Just a little normalcy before all hell breaks loose again.
Max grinned as they made their way up the stairs. "Yep, the bitch is back."