Part 2: Tears Once Felt, Always Needed

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans

Beast Boy is leaving. He has no reason other than that it is something he must do. Raven respects that. But it's hard to let go of the things you don't have. BBxRae

A/N: I would like to remind everyone this is a TRAGEDY section, therefore... do NOT expect happy endings. Not all of them deal with death, but for the most part... they won't make you smile. This fic. in particular may not be that sad, per say, but it is not going to make you laugh. I don't think. So please consider the fact that you are not about to read something that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. That goes for all of the "Tears" section fics. Of course, I will remind you that these are not ALL tragedies. After Tears a different genre will be explored so please do not leave any comments telling me you did not like the fact it was sad or that I must bring so and so back. It's sad on PURPOSE. Other well-considered critiques are appreciated. Thank you.

Tapping against the window frame, raindrops clattered a curious tune. They slid across the dusty glass and painted pictures with wet fingers. Wind howled through the night and hissed, spitefully, at the tower. Its shrieking laments assaulted the great structure and even this wonder of human engineering was submitting to the storm in its own subtle ways. Soft groans of steely voice whispered through every room of the structure. It was within this building that a figure sat, staring pensively out at the angered storm throwing itself across the city. The falling sheets of rain had struck up a jarring rhythm for her thoughts.

She was shrouded in a river of royal fabric, velvety soft and of the deepest navy. It was a starless night hung over her slight shoulders. A hood blossomed off of the long and obtrusive cloak and nestled her head in such a fashion that one might perceive she took solace in its dark folds. The room in which she sat was void of any light save the soft wash of pale glow set off by a single, flickering candle which perched on a tiny brass saucer. The saucer was a very old fashioned sort of relic with a slender handle curving gracefully off one side and looping back down to the base. It was silly that in such a modern age she would rely on the light of a candle to illuminate her quarters, but then again… with the storm screaming and spitting as it was, it was quite probable the electricity was out.

No matter, she was a child of the dark anyhow. She watched the flame sway and bob for a moment and pondered her teammates for a brief moment. All likely to be asleep in their beds at this hour, snuggled deep in an ocean of blankets and attempting to drown out the squall with pleasantly flitting dreams. Her clear indigo eyes hazed over for a moment as she methodically sought out the auras of each of her friends. Though she took pride in considering herself as regal and aloof, she could not help but internally sway to the tiny part of her that was still very much a child and whimpered protest against the violent storm. So, to satisfy this tiny and barely detectible part of her being she let her mind touch the essence of each of her friends and linger, just to reassure herself that in no way was she completely alone.

It was towards the end of this slow and methodical reach to each of the tower residents' auras that she lightly curled her mind around that of Garfield Logan. Beast Boy; the impish little shape-shifter. Having connected with the auras of each of her teammates before, feeling his aura was nothing new. However, it was such a novel sensation each time. The aura of the clownish boy was not the wildly vibrating hum of energy she had assumed it would be the very first time she'd reached out to it but rather a soft mellow chord that mixed locked up secrets and a bravely affixed mask of childish bliss. This paradox of emotions was something which created an odd sense of peace within Raven, and she liked it. The balance of pain and hope in his soul plunged the dark girl into a whirl of misplaced serenity and it was for this reason that she flitted her mind about his aura for a little longer than she would have the others.

Perhaps it was this lingering of her mental prowess on his aura or perhaps it was a blind hand of fate which brought her the vision, but none the less it came. Raven had contented herself to draw back from her checking of auras and she took two delicate fingers and snuffed out the candle, ignoring the tiny burst of white heat the snapped at her fingertips with the motion. She set the flameless candle aside and stood from her curled place by the window, stretching and closing her eyes as her back cracked and popped and rid itself of kinks. Raven slowly rotated her wrists; first one and then the other, letting her head loll back and stretch the muscles of her neck. The cat-like movements were stopped abruptly and her hood slid off as she brought her head back forward.

One hand reached towards her nightstand across the room by her black-sheeted bed. Two fingers were stretched out on this same hand and in a swift command she curled them back to her, beckoning the mug of now-cold herbal tea off the stand with a barely uttered "Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos."

The mug was wreathed in a light veil of obsidian energy and it wavered in the air, levitating sluggishly towards her. Raven's eyes were concentrated dully upon the object. She would have rather enjoyed the tea being hot, but at the moment even the cold quaff would suffice. The mug had tottered in the air to mid-room, and it was evident that the empath was hardly trying to move the object at all, because it seemed to bob and dance towards her rather than come in swift, business-like fashion.

At that moment, Raven felt a soft pressure on her mind. Her pupils dilated and it felt as if her blood had frozen within her veins. The mug was dropped from her control and it clattered to the floor, leaking out its contents. A rumbling surge of her power radiated around her and made the air thicker and darker and almost tangible. She stood still like this for a good five minutes before her eyes refocused and she inhaled sharply.

Her gaze flickered over the room swiftly as if she were trying to locate something. "Damn premonitions…" she muttered softly to the dulled howls of the storm outside. It had been intended as a cross, irritable statement but Raven was unhappy to find it sounded more worried than anything else. She swallowed. Moving her stare to her door she paused. One minute, two… with a black sigh she summoned her powers.

In one fluid motion her eyes had lost their indigo color and begun to pulsate with a brilliant haze-gray and her cloak swirled out to either side, flapping up like a pair of wings. Her body was engulfed in onyx power and she was contorted into the form of a shivering black bird of energy with unblinking white eyes. In this form and fashion she soared straight at her door, phased through it, and then spiraled straight up. She flew through the four stories remaining to take her onto the roof of titans' tower. Reclaiming her human form, the half-demon slapped up her hood and glared upward at the sky which was still disgorging ungodly amounts of rainwater.

Squinting through the fog of rain she saw the silhouette of another being on the rooftop. She lifted a hand above her head and a disc of ebony flowed out from her palm to create shield enough to block out most of the rain. Not that she wasn't already sufficiently wet from her brief stand on the rooftop so far. She shuffled across the rooftop, cloak brushing the wet ground, and came to stand a few feet behind the figure that could now be identified as Beast Boy.

He was soaked, his forest green hair limp and plastered to his forehead. Beast Boy's gaze was far off over the bay, regarding the bridge leading out of the city as if for the first time. Raven had known it was him before she'd even stepped onto the roof. She'd honestly guessed it before she'd even gotten the vision. In fact, Raven had been vaguely aware of Beast Boy's growing unhappiness weeks ago. She'd known, somewhere in her mind, that he would come to this eventually. It hadn't been welcome, though. She had wished it wasn't real and she'd chosen to ignore every sign until now. Now there was no more time. Raven didn't look at him, but rather let her gaze travel out to meet the place on the bridge on which his own stare was focused. She sucked in a breath, pulled her well-practiced monotony back up and spoke.

"So… you're… leaving tonight?" Raven asked quietly. Beast Boy jumped slightly and then turned to face her. Somehow he really wasn't that completely surprised…

"…yeah…" he coughed and looked away again. He shouldn't have deceived himself into thinking someone wouldn't find out. The fact it had been Raven should have almost been expected… and yet now that she was standing here he felt his resolve falter slightly. He watched her lower her hand and let her makeshift umbrella dissipate. Rain eagerly pelted the hood of her cloak and within seconds had pushed it off and proceeded to drench her lavender hair.

"Oh," Raven said. It was quite sad that she couldn't have thought of something better to say. "Where… where will you go?" she asked. Beast Boy regarded her carefully. She seemed almost child-like in the question. Almost as if she didn't want him to leave. Again, his resolve faltered.

"I don't know exactly… just… away. Away from here," he answered. Raven nodded slowly. She still refused to meet his gaze. Mentally, she flooded her mental senses out and basked in his aura. She needed that peace now. In a way, she knew it wasn't so much the feel of his aura that brought her peace as much as it was who the aura belonged to, but Raven wasn't one to think of such things. She wasn't allowed to consider where she might have subconsciously bestowed her affections.

Don't leave. Stay with me…Let me help you grow. Let me show you I'm more than a cold-hearted girl. There's so much I feel. So much I feel for you… but I can't say it… please, please don't leave. Raven opened her lips to say so. "Why… do you want to leave?" was all she managed. Raven withdrew herself from his aura and nearly shivered upon the realization she would never feel it again.

"I don't know, Rae. I guess I kind of feel like… I don't really belong. I need to leave. Maybe it's the memories… of… you know…" he waved his hand absently back in the direction that could be assumed as Terra's resting place. Raven frowned. She said nothing. The rain poured on.

"But you do belong," she said. You're irreplaceable. If I were allowed to love…Beast Boy, don't you see that all I've ever been doing is hiding? Have you never felt me resting near your mind? Have you no idea that without your essence in the tower I can hardly think?

"I guess. Rae, I really can't tell you why I need to leave. All I know is that I have to go. It's… just…"

"There are other people in the world besides Terra," Raven blurted. She bit her lip as soon as she said it. Beast Boy looked at her, a flash of longing in his emerald eyes.

"I know that Rae. I really do," he said quietly. He placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn't make him move it but rather locked gazes with him for the first time that night. For the last time.

"If you know, then why are you leaving?"

"I feel like something out there is calling me, Raven. There's something bigger out there. I'm not trying to say the titans haven't been an amazing family, but I think if I stay here… I'm going to be loosing something I just can't afford to let slide by," he said softly.

"Right… I understand… it's not like you're going to loose anything here, right?" she pushed emotion far away. Beast Boy's eyes were sad.

"No, I'm going to loose a lot. I know that. But some things… you just have to do…"

"You didn't tell anyone?"

"No."

"But you knew…"

"I guessed you might figure it out. You'll tell them, won't you? That I had to leave?"

"O-of course… Beast Boy, I…" Raven hugged her arms around herself. He didn't know how much she needed him. Beast Boy smiled slightly, suddenly the wiser one of the two, and he hugged her gently. If she decided to throw him off the roof for it, oh well. Some things you just have to do…

"Beast Boy, will you ever… will you ever come back?" Raven asked, this time abandoning attempts to keep her voice even. She'd known he was going to leave. But now it was truly happening. Now every ounce of her fear was real. She couldn't give him up when she didn't even have him. He was such a free spirit… so full of life. She admired him. He didn't know that though. He probably didn't even think she'd miss him.

"Do you want me to come back?" he asked her. Raven's head drooped.

"Yes…"

"Ok. I'll come back. Some day." He said. "For you." He grinned slightly and tilted her chin back up to look at him. She saw the lie in his eyes.

"I'll… miss you…" she finally managed.

"I'll miss you too, Raven. But you already know that," he said. Raven did know. She knew he had feelings for her. She knew she could have made him stay if she had begged it of him. But she wouldn't do that.

Beast Boy turned to leave, facing off the roof of the tower again. "So… I'll see you around… some day… right?" she murmured. Beast Boy nodded and then turned briefly back to her. He laid a very quick, very soft kiss on her cheek.

"I'll see you around," he replied before she could comment on the kiss. And then he leapt into the air as hawk and flew away from the tower. He was a few yards off and hardly visible through the thick rain that still fell. She could just barely make out his shape in a rain-halo. He hovered in place for a few seconds and wheeled around abruptly, soaring back over her head on his hawk wing and whistling a single shrill cry as a final goodbye. And then he left. Just like that. He just picked up and left without much reason and without much thought he was gone.

She knew he wasn't coming back.

She knew she wouldn't see him again.

Raven felt out with her mind and tried to reach his aura.

There was nothing but a cold void.

She shivered and slipped slowly to her knees, still staring after him. He would have stayed if she had spoken. If she had told him everything she had truly felt. She was sure of that much. Raven felt a new wetness on her face. Sliding down her cheeks. One tear. Two. That was all. She didn't cry more then that. Because she then and there ceased to feel. Emotions were no longer oppressed. They were simply gone. Because he was gone.

There was nothing but a cold void.

Because she had not spoken.

What once had been felt would be eternally needed…

And never given.

Author's Note: Are we allowed to answer reviews yet? If we are then I would like to... Um, either way. I hope you read the pre-fic A/N because all of that really needs to be considered... Or, I'd appreciate if it was. I don't know if this came out at all good or not because I've written it rather late at night. I appologize if it's not up to par. As always, if there are enough of you who dislike this particular piece I am willing to remove and rewrite/revise. Just let me know. Quickly speaking on the last chapter... no, I will not be reviving Starfire. I'm sorry. It made me sad too. But she's only dead in that chapter... in coming one-shots she will be very alive. Have no fear. Also, perhaps it was not last chapter but one before it, I am quite aware BB is not an elf. However, he does have elven characteristics and thus I occasionaly refer to him as such. It goes the same with calling Cyborg a robot as many pwople do. He is not really a robot but a cybernetically enhansed human. But I'm not about to tell people to stop calling him a robot. You know? Just wanted to clear that up and let people know I AM aware he's not acually an elf. Oh, by the way... it'd be much appreciated if someone would let me know when the knew teen titan episodes come out. I know it's sometime this month, but does anyone know an exact date?

Comments and critiques are welcomed. Sorry for the ultra long A/N. I might post more this weekend but you may have to wait until next weekend... I apologize.

Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran

BTW: Eh, I feel like giving away cookies... so everyone... have a cookie. And a brownie... and a kumquat... or how ever you spell it...