Chapter Fifteen
I'll miss you, Shuichi,
I'll miss you, Shuichi
I'll miss you, Shuichi
Shuichi
Shuichi
Shuichi
"No!" Tai sat bolt upright, screaming as loud as he could. Perspiration ran down his face and into his already soaked hospital clothes. The sound of his heart pounding, and his ragged breathing took over his senses, and forced him to concentrate solely on calming down. Using his tried-and-true method of thinking of absolutely nothing, except breathing deeply, Tai eventually slowed his screaming nerves.
Slowly, slowly, he leaned back into the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Thoughts raced through his brain. Had that been a dream…or a memory? It was so clear, as if it had actually happened. But, it couldn't have been right…the man had called him "Shuichi", and that name was so familiar, tugging at the edges of his memory, but still not triggering anything.
"Shuichi." Tai said it out loud, just to try it out on his tongue. It felt so good, so right, so he tried it again.
"Shuichi. Shuichi…Shindou Shuichi!" A feeling of immense achievement washed over him, and he clapped his hands excitedly over this new discovery.
"Shindou Shuichi."
Tai sat back to reflect on his new discovery. That name was so familiar; he recognized the way it felt when he said it, as though he knew it intimately, and had said it many times in his life. It wasn't his name, so maybe a close friend's? That would account for the familiarity, but then why would that man be calling him by it. Was "Shuichi" a nickname? A joke between them? No, it seemed like more than that; it seemed a lot bigger. Every time he said it, he felt closer to remembering…something…anything.
Tai tried to dismiss the thought; it was hurting his head. But still there was a nagging doubt in his mind...Shuichi…
For the rest of the morning, Tai wandered around the hospital, half preoccupied with his thoughts, and looking for something to do with the other half of his attention. Finally, in what was (to him) certainly a miracle, he stumbled across the children's ward. His first peek showed him a large, colouful room decoreated with crayon pictures, finger paintings, and bright posters with sayings such as: "Don't worry, be happy," and things like that.
One of the posters hanging near the door especially caught the teen's attention. It had originally said "reach for the stars, and keep your feet on the ground" but someone, (a kid presumably) had crossed out the last part, and it now said, "Reach for the stars, and you'll never have to have your feet on the ground again." There was something about that, which made him feel all…glowy inside. Tai smiled widely and stepped into the room to explore further.
Immediately, he was surrounded by a group of young children, demanding things of him.
"Will you mix my paints?"
"Will you build a puzzle with me?"
"Do you know how to turn on the TV?"
"Can you sing a song with us?"
At a soft tug on his shirt, Tai turned around to see a solemn little girl staring up at him, sucking on her thumb. "Will you draw with me?" She murmured around her fist. Tai felt his heart go out to her.
In an attempt to fulfill all their requests, Tai speedily mixed some paint colours together, succeeded in turning on a movie, got open a puzzle, and sprawled out on his stomach on the carpet with all the kids. In front of him, he laid the puzzle, and helped the boy across from him start it, and to his sides, were the little girl, and another aspiring artist, with whom he was also colouring. At the same time, he started to sing a children's song he had heard on TV.
Needless to say, he was an immediate hit. Everyone gathered to be around him, clapping their hands and singing along, and, failing to be able to sit in his lap, they climbed up and sat along his back.
Tai basked in the attention while reflecting on his state of mind. He hadn't felt at peace like this in weeks. Grinning happily, he pulled a sparkly crayon out of the box, and started scribbling on the paper, with no intention of drawing anything particular. All he wanted was to see the nice colour. But as the blob grew, the picture started to turn into something; he filled in the spaces around the blob. Tai found himself humming under his breath.
The little girl beside him leaned over to see what he was doing. Her eyes widened.
"Shiny!" She exclaimed.
Flashback
"Shiny, Shiny, Shiny, Shiny, Shiny…Shuichi!" There was that name again…this time, coming from a brown haired person in the corner who was drawing a picture while lying on his stomach. The person looked up, and he saw a childish grin on a mature face. The man grinned at him.
"Look Shu-chan! Look what I drew!" The man giggled cheerfully, waving the vivid paper around. On closer examination, it was drawn with the brightest colour known to crayon-kind, and now was actually on it's way to the man's stomach, as he had taken a bite out of it, and was chewing happily.
He showed the man his picture in return. It was a stick figure with pink hair and hearts around his head, holding hands with a person with blonde hair. They were both smiling happily in their stick world. For some reason, looking at his own picture made him sad, and he found himself holding back tears.
An incomprehensible looked crossed the man's face, then he grabbed a pink bunny out from beneath his chest, and threw it with all his might at the picture.
"Don't you think about that Yuki meanie-san! I'll be your friend!" And with that, he was tackled to the ground with a big hug. The paper fluttered to the ground, forgotten, with a bunny sized hole where the blond stick man had been.
End Flashback
Tai found himself waking up peacefully from his memory, which was unusual, but looking around, he could guess why. With their afternoon of entertainment, the children had dozed off all around (an on top of) him, and were snoring peacefully. Sighing, he put his head back down on a nearby blanket, and drifted off to sleep.
x
This was the picture that greeted Dr. James as he finally found his patient. Tai had been M.I.A all day, and frankly, the man had begun to get worried. Looking in on his smiling face, surrounded by all the children, the doctor decided not to wake him just yet. Instead, he carefully picked his way across the room to examine a piece of paper clutched tightly in Tai's hand. It confused him for a second, with all the random scribbles over top everything else, but if he squinted, he could see the two smiling people underneath it. Sitting between them was a strange, shiny blob. The outline of some sort of animal was drawn around the person on the right, and on top of that, some slightly angry looking scratches in black. The doctor took a mental note of it for later, and then walked from the room.
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Eiri stood outside of Annie's door, thinking. The girl had slipped a note under his door that morning, while he was still sleeping, telling him to come her apartment at nine o'clock. It was ten minutes until now, and Eiri, as he usually would, left his apartment early in order to get there on time. As he slouched down against the wall, it occurred to him that he could throw habit out the window just this once, since her room was less than ten seconds away from him. Well, now he had nine minutes and thirty seconds to wonder at the note.
Eiri,
I have a surprise for you at my apartment!
Come at exactly six o'clock…no later, no earlier…
Or else
(duh duh duhhhhh)
Annie.
P.S. bring beer.
What the hell could she be up to? This surprise sounded…suspicious, well, at least to a naturally suspicious person like himself. He really didn't like surprises at all, in fact, last time someone had tried to throw him a surprise party, they ended up out of his good favors for months. Smiling, he thought back to those beautiful peaceful months that Tohma had only bothered him to send him apology chocolate…and that was hardly a bother, was it?
His watch said six, so Eiri pulled himself to his feet, and knocked on the door. He heard, to his surprise, two sets of footsteps coming up to the door. Then, it was flung open.
"Eiri! Such a surprise!" There was that cursed word again…but it was indeed a surprise, as Annie grabbed his shirt, and looking both ways down the hallway as a mock mobster, she pulled him in.
The author stumbled into the room quite ungracefully, landing in a heap on top of another man who had been standing directly behind Eiri. A quick apology was exchanged between the two men as Eiri climbed to his feet. The other man, who was introduced by Annie as Chase, her boyfriend, dusted off his clothes, and was discreetly shooting glares at the blond man, who was currently being brushed off by Annie. The girl, who wasn't a complete idiot, caught his glance, and sent him a disapproving look.
"Stop that!" Chase looked at her, startled to be caught. "This is the man I was telling you about, that has been so nice to me, and even fixed the pipes under the sink." Chase extended a wary hand to Eiri, who took it, and gave the author a brief nod. Eiri nodded back, and the rituals of male introductions were complete.
"Did you bring the beer?" In response, Eiri held up his sixpack.
"Alright! Let's drink!"
x
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Eiri fumbled with the key to his apartment…he wasn't really drunk; he was just…a little drunk. Enough so that it took him a few minutes to fit the little tiny key into its equally tiny slot, and turn it the right way. Finally, he did it, and stumbled into the room. Crash…well, there goes the lamp…
The blond man fell onto the side table, knocking over some papers, another lamp, a book, the TV remote, and various other odds and ends that he had lazily dumped onto it. Wincing, he put a hand to his side, and tried to stand up one handed, which isn't always the best idea sober. The result; he fell again, this time directly onto his face.
Eiri glanced at his watch. Had they really drank that much beer in one hour? Wow, no wonder he was having trouble walking…
After this wipeout, he decided to just stay on the floor to avoid more injuries. Annie, who had been following him with Chase in tow, immediately began searching around the room, presumably as revenge for him sneaking around her apartment. Chase went off in search of the bathroom. Judging by the amount of vodka and beer he'd drunk, and the crashing sounds coming from the hallway, Eiri thought that he might be a while. He turned his attention back to Annie, who was now standing directly in front of a shelf, looking curiously at the one and only item that occupied it.
"Who…who was this?" Eiri turned to see Annie gesturing to the dark urn that he always carried around with him, with his favourite picture of Shuichi grinning up at him propped up against it. Sitting on the floor, Eiri considered pretending not to be able to see it from where he was, or claiming that he was babysitting. Both excuses seemed weak, even in his head. Apparently being an author didn't help coming up with excuses, only love proposals. Now, Annie was looking at him expectantly, and he still didn't have anything to tell her. Could he tell her about his relationship with Shuichi? Would she care…would she hate him? As he asked himself these questions, Eiri realized that he actually cared what she thought about him. Was it possible that they had become friends, in the small amount of time they had spent together? Their connection wasn't sexual, that's for sure…but then what was it? He had never really had a female friend before, and it scared him to think of Annie shunning him.
She was staring at him now, with a strange look on her face. With no idea what to do, Eiri reverted back to doing what he had done ever since the New York incident, but had stopped after he met Shuichi. He lied straight up to her face.
"A friend!" He blurted out the words defensively, but he could see Annie wasn't buying it. A skeptical look crossed her face.
"You carry your friend's ashes around with you? Doesn't he have…family, or a girlfriend or something?"
"Yes." Eiri chose his words carefully, trying to stall until he could think this whole situation over. The cloud of alcohol around his head wasn't really helping. "His family has half of the ashes."
Unsatisfied, Annie continued to look at him, waiting. Not having any notion whatsoever on a course of action, Eiri took a deep breath, and plunged into what might scare his friend away forever. "And," he went on, "he was my…boyfriend…" It felt so much better to tell her the truth, and he realized that he had no reason to be afraid. If she couldn't accept him for that, why would he want to be friends with her anyways. The author looked up to stare into her eyes, challenging her to be disgusted or afraid. But instead, he just saw interest in her blue eyes.
"Ah," Annie looked…happier? "Another mystery of Eiri Yuki's past, unraveled." Eiri smiled for a moment. She had understood him; it was times like these that he felt he had known her for years. And, it was exactly at these times that she reminded him of his singer.
"Do you think…" Annie interrupted his musings. "That him and I would have gotten along?" The author didn't even have to think about it.
"Definitely." A blush ran up her cheeks. "He would have loved you."
Chase chose this time to ruin their "moment", not by coming back into the room, but in fact, by the lack of his presence, because all of a sudden, a worried look crossed Annie's face, and she jumped around.
"Where's Chase?"
A moaning sound from the bathroom answered her question.
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Dr. James stared out the window of Tai's room, thinking and worrying. The boy still hadn't come back yet, but last time he had checked, Tai was still sleeping peacefully with the children a few floors down. That wasn't what he was worried about though…it was the picture Tai had drawn that was nagging at his conscious. The doctor knew so well that the sub-conscious mind expressed itself better than the conscious, and this picture was living proof. For a second, the popular cliché rang in his head…"a picture's worth a thousand words" …and it was more true than most people knew. If he could decode this picture, then he could find out more about Tai's mind.
He looked down again at the rough sketch of the picture that he had made. It seemed to him like the two people were happy, they were holding hands, and the hearts above the smaller one's head indicated love. There weren't any hearts above the big figure's head though, maybe this showed one sided love? Or perhaps only the illusion of it…
Certainly one of the most confusing aspect of the picture was the bunny that was drawn over the picture of the man. In all his years of psychology, the doctor truly could not think of a reason why this could have been placed there. The bunny represented happiness, but that contradicted the other messages of the picture. It was possible…he supposed…that the bunny represented a replacement, since it was drawn around the blond stick man, and then filled in with black, maybe, a substitute that didn't quite fit the hole left by someone else.
And lastly, there were big black marks scribbled overtop of the drawing sheet. To the doctor, it seemed like this was a strong indication that the picture was something that Tai didn't want to remember. The placement of the black marks seemed significant to him, they covered up everything, as though there had been a problem briefly, and it was solved, so Tai didn't want to think about what had happened during that period of time any longer, but his subconscious still needed to sort it out.
Dr. James tried to sort this information out, and come to a solution. A possibility was that Tai had felt betrayed by this person, and turned to some one else, a friend perhaps, for comfort. But he felt guilty for betraying this person. The blob could have represented the person who came between them…
But this was all speculation of course…he couldn't know anything for sure.
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Author's note: Okay , don't hurt me…please…the last part is a little out there idea wise…I dunno…whatever, I like the way it's written, so I'm not going to change it…well, okay a few things…but I really need to get started on chapter 16 soon, so I can post this one.