Part 3: Bittersweet Butterfly Tears

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans

Raven's never thought much about what other people saw her for. But then she went on a walk on a lovely fall day and met two little girls. And somehow it opened something she hadn't wanted opened and she's breaking down slowly and alone. But then there's Beast Boy... who always knows the perfect time to buy a muffin, and get philosophical about butterflies.

Raven inhaled sharply as she strolled along, crisp fall air fluttering over her face and playing in the folds of her cloak. The sun bathed her figure and serenity invaded her being. Cars ambled by, inching along in bumper to bumper traffic. City smells crawled over her senses. It was beautiful out, and the dark girl had taken it upon herself to forcefully enjoy it. Raven didn't indulge often, and when she did it always proved to be more of a struggle than she felt at all worth it. The thought tugged her indifferent lips downward a bit.

The life of a half-demon, she supposed. Her indigo eyes dropped down to the sidewalk as she continued her aimless wandering. Raven's breath curled palely from her lips, a sigh dying in the air just before her. She passed a café and a movie store before her eyes left the cement rolling beneath her shuffling boots. Her head lolled back and her gaze pierced upwards at the light-hearted sky, fluttering bangs slipping back and teasing the drawn-down hood of her cloak. A curious glaze shimmered at the corners of her searching eyes.

It was… so beautiful today… and yet here she was, thoughts heavy and sullen and her path taken alone. Why was she so very, very alone? It was dreadfully unfair. Raven hugged her arms about herself and bit her lip as she wandered down a secluded side-street. She heard a noise to her left and paused. Two little girls stood staring at her with big brown eyes. Twins. They stood, pinkies linked, and their little red jackets fluttered in a puff of breeze. Raven stopped and tilted her head to the side, staring at the two blankly. She breathed slowly, and, on impulse, attempted a tiny smile.

One of the little girls gasped and skittered closer to her sister. The other one whimpered. Raven was taken aback. …what…?

"Are you… r-really… her?" The little cherub-twin to the right inquired. Raven arched an eye-brow slowly.

"Um…" Raven responded. "What do you mean 'her'?"

"T-The Raven titan?" chimed the twin on the left. Raven nodded slowly. Both girls quivered and huddled closer still. "S-so… you're the… witch?" breathed one. Raven could hardly tell which. Rather, she felt any possibility of "enjoying" the afternoon slip away and die very suddenly.

"I… I'm not a… well… I…" Raven struggled.

"You are—aren't you…" both of them murmured in unison. Raven looked away.

"I'm not a…" she blinked and trailed off, frowning as she returned her gaze to the spot the two children once were. Little feet echoed as the girls fled the alley. Raven's petite shoulders slumped and she felt something in her cringe. "I'm not a witch… I'm just… cursed…" she muttered dejectedly. With half-closed eyes she trudged her way further down the street. As she returned back out onto a main sidewalk, she found herself uncomfortably aware of the various stares sent her way. People stopped getting into their cars to take a second look at the dark teen and mothers discreetly tugged their children closer.

"What are they so afraid of? I'm a titan too… aren't I?" she grumbled as she made her way into a little stone courtyard set up behind a bakery. It was surrounded by lattice laced with ivy and jasmine and soft, classical music drifted from hidden speakers. Raven found herself a bench and dropped down onto it. Was she really that frightening? Her lips pressed into a bitter line and she hugged herself again.

No emotion. You are not affected by what others think. Besides, you deserve it. You're pathetic to think otherwise. Have you tricked yourself into thinking you could ever be wanted?

Raven grit her teeth. No emotion. No emotion. Just two stupid kids anyhow…She blinked once, twice, and brushed away the tickle at the back of her eyelids. It was nothing. Raven surveyed the various shrubbery planted in little areas around the court yard and noted a small, half-dead rose bush hiding behind a few fresher looking plants. She narrowed her eyes and directed a finger at it.

"Azerath…Metrion…Zinthos," she drawled. A single, wilting rose was encircled in a halo of obsidian and tugged free of the bush. Raven summoned it over and let it fall into her waiting hands. A very small smirk. Heh, they really were just stupid kids anyways. She fingered the sickly rose. A beat. "ouch." It slipped forth suddenly and one hand jerked from the rose. Raven stared dumbly at the little trickle of blood slithering down her finger. She eyed the rose and then the little thorns below the bud. Stupid rose. She tossed it away rebelliously.

Curse this stupid place and all its stupid people and… and… Raven swallowed. You are the one who is cursed. Her gaze grew dull and lifeless. She'd fooled herself. Thinking she could ever trick herself into enjoying anything. The discarded rose was again bound in ebony magic, this time unintentionally, and it was puffed into a fine dust of petals. It was all so frustrating. Bottling up everything was just so… frustrating. She couldn't even take a damn walk without being looked at like she was something disturbing or—or creepy. She was constantly under the watchful eyes of the world and it couldn't be satisfied. Raven was doing her best. She really was. She was trying to be the hero. She was trying to be something of worth but it just… wasn't working. She could never please anyone. She could never be… accepted…

Raven's eyes flashed, suddenly angry. It wasn't like she needed them though. It wasn't like she could possibly care about this place anyways. She stood abruptly, fists clenched. Stupid city. The tickling sensation at the back of her eyes again. Raven uttered a low growl. This. Was. Pointless. She took a deep breath and then another. Her lungs heaved in large gasps. She was not upset. She was not hurt. She was perfectly unaffected. That's right. No problems in the world. She didn't need to please anyone. She was perfectly secure in every way.

"Raven?" A puzzled voice bubbled behind her. Raven flinched involuntarily. Dammit. "Hey Rae… what are ya doing here?" Beast Boy's voice slurred again. She turned to face him and Beast Boy's green eyes widened, immediately concerned by the uncharacteristic, distraught look on the girl's face.

"Am-am I not allowed here or something?" she asked. It had been meant to sound sarcastic but… it came out as more of a depressed whisper.

Beast Boy was still staring at her with big eyes.

"What?" Raven took an uncomfortable step back from his intent gaze.

"Raven… are you alright?" he asked. Raven frowned.

"Fine. I'm fine. Why?" she replied, becoming wary. What was he getting at? What did he see? She was fine. She was fine.

She was fine.

"Are you sure? Because…"

"I'm positive." Raven cut him off. She averted her gaze. Why was he so curious all of the sudden? She picked at the hem of her cloak. A sigh. "I-I need to go. Meditate or something…" she said suddenly. She suppressed a sudden jolt of panic that darted through her veins. What if the titans had become tired of her too? Did Beast Boy want to know if she was ok because they were going to kick her out? Was she overreacting? Why was she getting so upset about today anyways? ARGH! Stupid, stupid thoughts!

"Raven… I think something's wrong… really. Do you want to talk about? 'Cause it's ok if you just need to let it out or whatever…" Beast Boy tilted his head to the side as he crumpled up the muffin wrapper in his hand and let it drop into the trash can beside the bakery back door. Raven seemed really out of it… he wasn't sure what could have caused it. She'd been fine when she'd left the tower. Had something happened? But Raven didn't usually let things affect her… at all…

"I said I was ok, didn't I?" Raven snorted, drawing up her familiar barriers. She was being much too sensitive. She needed to get away and just… meditate. Close things back up again…

"Raven…" Beast Boy sighed. Why did she always insist on being so difficult? Stubborn girl… Raven started to walk away. "Raven!" Beast Boy grabbed her shoulder and she turned abruptly, glaring.

"What's your problem? Can't I go meditate in peace?" she asked. BB stared blankly at her.

"I want you to talk to me." He said. Raven sighed and looked away.

"I don't want to."

"But I want you to."

"Beast Boy. Please. Not right now."

"Why?"

"Because I've been scrutinized enough today."

"What?"

Raven closed her violet eyes.

"Beast Boy, just… leave me alone. I-I need to… evaluate some things."

"Raven, what are you talking about?" He asked, his stare genuinely concerned. Raven bit the inside of her cheek. Dare she speak? Beast Boy continued to simply watch. The half-demon swallowed hard.

"I just need to evaluate some stuff. You know… about… myself. I just wanted to go for a walk today, is all. But I was fooling myself. Because I can never just go for a walk. And that-that bothers me. I want to be able to just… go for a walk and not get so… messed up sometimes. That's all. So I need some time to think." Raven mumbled. Beast Boy scowled.

"What happened?" he asked. The girl shrugged. "Raven, why won't you talk to me?"

"Look, it's really nothing."

"Talk."

"No."

Please?"

"No."

"Raven, I care… please talk…"

"I-I…"

"Please? Raven…"

Raven shivered. "I-well… it… I was just trying to walk. You know? E-enjoy the afternoon. And then… these two little girls. Beast Boy, they were so cute… so sweet and innocent…" Raven trailed off.

Beast Boy stared. Raven wasn't usually the type to call something sweet… let alone someone. "Yes?" he prompted gently. Her face contorted into an undeniable mask of self-loathing.

"They called me a witch and ran off. I didn't even try to scare them. They just… they just were. They called me a witch. A witch. I-I know people look at me funny but I never really… considered what they thought of me… until I was just walking. Trying to be normal and they…. They… what does everyone want from me? What am I supposed to be?" The stoic girl burst out. Beast Boy was taken back.

"Raven, you shouldn't care what they think of you. You know what you are. You've always been so secure in that. Why all of the sudden…"

"I don't know. I just don't know. I guess it's all just been building and I can't—I don't think I can take too much more. I really don't. I can't stand being so creepy to everyone. Even… to you and the titans. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden or something. I've never repaid you all for the kindness you've all shown to me and I can't stand that…" Raven looked upward at the obliviously happy sun. Beast Boy exhaled.

He watched her for a moment. He didn't speak. Her frame seemed more wilted and her eyes were abruptly lost and confused. Everything she'd been holding inside. All the insecurities were being brought out because of the words of some immature little children. His lips parted. Had she been holding it all in that long? If she just let loose once in a while…

"Raven?" he said quietly.

"Yes, Beast Boy…" she slurred, not really wanting a lecture from the little changeling.

"Did you know butterflies cry?" he asked. Raven blinked and then stared dumbly at him.

"No they don't." she replied slowly, irritably. She didn't need this. She didn't want this. Why her emotions were suddenly buzzing out of line, she had no clue. She'd heard the name of "witch" applied to her but now… to hear it from little children… it… it…

"Yes, they do. Why would you say they don't cry? Is it just because you've never seen their tears?" he continued. Raven nodded hesitantly, wary. Where was he going with this? "You don't—you don't need tears to cry, Raven. You… don't need to let out much to cry. And it can… do an awful lot of good…" his eyes had fallen to the ground and now he peered up in an almost shy manner. As if he didn't know she would welcome his words. Raven stared.

She stared some more. Her thoughts were running wild. She really just… crying just… why was this sounding s-so inviting? She shouldn't…

He shifted his weight.

She stared, and her lower lip quivered minutely.

"…"

"…"

She let out a silent heave of breath and then plowed into him, shoulders shaking. That… succeeded in surprising him. He stumbled to support both their weights and then steadied. Her face burrowed into his shoulder. Her held her, awkwardly. "Rae…" he breathed. Raven didn't respond. She just cried, dry-eyed into his shoulder. Long minutes passed and she didn't move. Every strange look or fearful glance was wordlessly screamed. Every thoughtless comment or sneering remark was sobbed without any sound in a whirlwind of spontaneous release. Beast Boy hadn't really thought she would… listen to him. It was all so abruptly released, there behind the bakery. And Beast Boy just stood with her there in the courtyard, the sun grinning down on them and her body quivering against him in irrational sadness. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, embracing her gently. She still did not move.

A very long time passed like that and Beast Boy began to realize this would take… quite a bit of time. And that was okay. So he simply held her a little tighter, assuring her of his presence, and very gently, so she would not notice, kissed the top of her head. Cold autumn air caressed the two forms. Beast Boy didn't move her and she didn't pull away. It was… strange that she would so suddenly allow herself to break-down, if only a little. Even stranger still that she would allow him to see it and help her with it. The green-skinned boy pressed his cheek against the top of her head and murmured a sound of consoling which seemed to make her body tremble even more.

He was suddenly grateful that she had taken a walk today. He was thankful that she'd chosen this courtyard in which to examine her hurts for the first time. He was thankful that he'd selected today to drop by the bakery and find her. He was thankful that he had, for the first time, to show her that emotions were sudden and beautiful in their atrocity. He could show her, if only a little, that she had always been needed and accepted and even loved. Beast Boy was thankful for Raven and all of the bottled up sorrow she toted with her.

And Raven cried her butterfly tears.

Author's Note: I... am... SO SORRYYYY! I didn't update last week due to HUGE writters block and then I ended up with nothing more than this really messed up THING that I'm TRYING to call a one-shot. It's not even bittersweet! GYAH! I feel reeeallly stupid but it's the best I could do at the moment. I don't specialize with bbxrae one shots... their relationship always needs more time to d-develope and n-now I'm gonna CRY:sobs:

Ahem. Ok, now that my little splurge of depression is over... I truly am sorry for the horrific state of this fic and I am highly considering revising it. As is usual, I leave that decision up to you, my dear reviewers, who I have so horridly treated by not updating for a whole two weeks. I do hope, however, that you will be kind enough to leave me with your comments whether they be critiques or whatnot I appreciate them all. Now, here is a very important note. I did NOT plan on writing a cyxbee or cyxjinx fic for this section. That means that unless I get a very odd burst of inspiration that contradicts my current plans, we are moving right along into section four. That is... the Starfire section, I do believe. I hope you all won't get too mad about it or anything. I guess if you reeeaally want a bittersweet cy fic I might be able to attempt it. But please understand I'm not very good with them in the first place...

Well, thank you for being so patient and for slaving through this chapter. I send my appologies to all of you. Perhaps BB will buy you a muffin from that niftly little bakery. :sigh: Oh! Before I forget, has anyone looked at my updated "potential stories" section of my profile? If you have... what are your feeling on the story Love me Senseless. I think I want to start it but I'm always a little iffy with begining AU fics... your thoughts are appreciated dearly! ((Eh, on another note... was anyone else disappointed with the Doom Squad? Although I LOVE little BB...))

Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran