Disclaimer: Nothing you see in this document is mine! Nothing!
Background: The three little pigs!
Author's notes: I'm even more stoned.
Once upon a time, in a land named Cactus land, there lived a little pink pig named Keitaro Urashima. With his porky body and sharp pointy ears, Keitaro looked more like a dope than a knight in shining armor. Not to mention his curly tail that was very long. Now, Keitaro was constantly getting into stupid situations, so his parents decided to send him out into the world to toughen him up and give him some worldly sense.
Keitaro, no matter how stupid he looked, was not stupid. Before he went, he hired a contractor to build three houses for him, one out of straw, one out of wood, and the last out of stone. And so, Keitaro Urashima, the little pig, went out to the world on his journey of self-discovery.
Finally! Keitaro had made it to his first home, the little hut made out of straw. It was really really small. He touched the wall. Under the light pressure, the entire house shook on it foundations. Keitaro was pissed. "WHAT? I PAID FOR SUCH SHODDY WORK?". Even though he was unhappy about the quality of his house, Keitaro settled in anyway. As he was putting up the last of his personal items in the one and only cabinet, he heard a knocking sound on his door.
Walking over towards the door, Keitaro had an uneasy feeling boiling in his stomach. He cried out through the door. "Who is there?". Spying out of the peephole, Keitaro saw what was obviously a wolf covered in sheep's skin. Geez, the stupid wolf hadn't even bothered to cover up his long nose and tail. Being pissed off today, Keitaro said in a casual tone, "Piss off, stupid wolf. I'm not that stupid… yet". The wolf merely growled, and threw off the skin.
"I AM MOTOKO THE BIG BAD WOLF! OPEN THIS DOOR OR I WILL BLOW THIS HOUSE AWAY!", screamed the big bad wolf. Keitaro shrugged, and walked back to his table. The wolf was infuriated at this sign of defiance, and started chanting, "BIG BAD WOLF POWER, UNDECIM SPIRITUS LUCIS, COEUNTES SAGITTENT INIMICUM SAGITTA MAGICA!". Instantly, the entire house was blown right off its spot. Keitaro yelled out in surprise, "What the fuck was all that?", before another gust of wind came and blew him away.
Motoko the big bad wolf was pissed. She had accidentally helped her prey escape. "Damn, now I have to track him down!". With a groan, she set off after Keitaro.
Keitaro flew, and smashed right into his wooden house. Standing up, he groaned in pain and looked back at his ruined house. "SHIT! Now I have to travel towards the stone house!". Keitaro kicked at the pile of rubble, but injured his leg. "FUCK!"
With a limp, Keitaro walked off towards his final house.
Motoko tracked Keitaro to the wooden house, but found it destroyed, so she moved towards his final destination.
Keitaro moved into the house, and slammed the door hard, only to have his bottom smashed by the wall. "FUCK!", he screamed loudly. Meanwhile, Motoko had finally arrived at the house, and she immediately screamed, "BIG BAD WOLF POWER, UNDECIM SPIRITUS LUCIS, COEUNTES SAGITTENT INIMICUM SAGITTA MAGICA!". However, this time Keitaro had taken the time to set up wards that ensured she wouldn't be using much magic soon.
Nobody knew except himself, but Keitaro was a super wizard, and he could easily do wandless magic, and with his wand he was practically invincible. "BWHAHAHAHAHA", came the laughter of the big dumb wolf Motoko. She screamed, "I SEE YOU HAVE A CHIMNEY! PREPARE TO DIE A MOST HORRIBLE DEATH!". Motoko was fed up, and finally decide to waltz in kick Keitaro's ass. She slowly made his way up the side of the house, and dropped down the chimney opening into the house.
Keitaro was awaiting, and as she dropped in, summoned the Eternal sword, and teleported out of her sight. "BWHAHAHAHA, the eternal sword grants me the power of time and space! Die!" With that, Keitaro appeared behind her, and spun his blade into the classical grab-sword-out-of-sheath stance, and yelled, "SHINMEI-RIU OUGI, HIYATSUKU OUKAZAN!". He jumped into the air and spun his sword around. He fell to the ground and dropped the sword with its momentum to Motoko's neck level and chopped the head off.
Motoko's head rolled on the floor, blood streaming out of it.