Part 7: Robin Romancing Poison

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans

RxS. Robin doesn't like the fact that Star loves him. Not at all. He should be flattered, but he cares too much to let her get hurt. And loving him... well, he'll end up hurting... tainting her. She's romancing poison and he doesn't approve. But Starfire's quite sure she knows exactly what she's doing.

I don't know exactly when it all started. All I know is that it did. Somewhere along the line, she stopped looking at me as purely a leader. I wasn't just number one in command… I was a friend. I was alright with the arrangement, really. I might go as far as to say I was almost pleased. I think I found some rest in the realization that with her… I could be a little less of a hero and a little more of a person.

It was almost like I could bring my childhood back from the dead, if only for the few scant moments we found alone together. I became 'friends' with all of my teammates. And I thought it was fine.

But I guess, at some point… I couldn't give an exact moment… she decided to look past the mask. Or at least, she decided to try. I don't know what she found, if she found anything at all. None the less, she saw something that intrigued her… or perhaps entertained her. Sometimes it's hard to tell exactly what she's looking at and why. And she fell in love.

She fell in love with something broken and twisted and I was horrified. I see it now, whenever we're talking. Whether it be about our next mission or as… friends… I see her longing. I see her wanting to understand me and see her trying to reach out to me. But she's romancing poison, and I tend to be protective.

I can't let her hurt herself, and yet simply the fact she loves me is a suicide wish strapped down on her delicate frame. No one could know how dirty it makes me feel to know she loves me, and so right at the same time. She'll realize she needs to step down from her cloud of hope one day, I think. One of these days she'll gain some sense and stop this stupid love that's addled her head. The bad part is, it may take as much as ripping an angel down from heaven and clipping its wings to make her gain that sense… and I don't want to see those beautiful eyes bleed. I really don't.

Call it controlling, call it what you like, but I'm an obsessive person and I can't help the fact I want her to be safe. I want to hide her away and assure that nothing will ever hurt her and no one will ever touch her. I can't let her remain enamored with a being teetering between acid and venom.

She doesn't try to hide it. She doesn't try to hide her jealousy and she doesn't try to hide her affections. I wish she could at least pretend she doesn't love me like that. Just so I could sleep at night feeling that she's safe from me. It's really rather disturbing to think that I might become responsible for corrupting such an innocent being.

If I didn't care about her so much… if she wasn't my best friend… I might be able to go on with a clear conscience and even be flattered. But I do care and she is my best friend.

I sigh and run my fingers through my messy black hair. I wish I could give her back her heart, because honestly I don't like having to dance around things to keep it from shattering.

I lean back in my chair and glare at the computer screen. I wonder how long it'll take me before I can concentrate on entering these files and stop thinking about her soulful eyes and gentle smile. I've been thinking about her too long as it is, because I swear I can smell her right now. She always smells so sweet… and I can't stand the fact I like it so much…

"…Robin? You are still awake?" I hear her voice drift over to me curiously. I close my eyes and exhale slowly. Pasting a reassuring smile on my face, I turn to face her.

"Yeah, I've just got to finishing entering these last few files here and I'll be heading off to bed…" I say. I don't tell her that I won't be sleeping. I don't tell her that I'll go to bed and feel guilty for enjoying her presence for the rest of the evening. She is studying my face. Perhaps I look tired because she speaks again.

"I could finish entering them for you. You have done enough work as it is,"

"No, it's alright. I'm fine. It won't take too long, anyways," I turn back to the computer screen and begin to type, hoping she'll just let it be and go to bed herself.

"…"

"…" I can still smell her… My lips curve into a very slight scowl.

"You wish for me to leave." She says. It's not a question by any means. It's a soft statement, a little concerned and a little curious. She wants to know what she's done wrong. "I am sorry I interrupted you, Robin. Please forgive me," she apologizes and I hear her shuffle away from me. I am silent. I hear her stop.

I lift an eyebrow as I hear her begin to move back in my direction. She comes to stand at my side. She's looking at me…

"There's nothing to apologize for, Star. It's fine…" I try and assure her. She remains, obviously standing by me for a different reason that hearing me accept her apology or, in this case, wave it off. I look up at her from my seat.

Her long auburn hair falls like silk and two stubborn tendrils fall forward over her shoulders. Her big green eyes are staring into my masked gaze intently. "Yes, Starfire?" I ask. She bites her lower lip, considering her options. Finally, she leans over and hugs me.

"Goodnight, Robin. Please try and get some rest," she murmurs. I blink and then awkwardly hug her back. She's been doing that a lot recently. Hugging me… playing to close to a fire, I think.

"You too, Star. Goodnight," I say. She pulls away and I'm almost disappointed. That bothers me. Perhaps it is I that plays to close to fire…

"You are not upset with my interruption, then?" she asks. I shake my head. No… I'm not mad at her. I can't be mad at her. "That is good. I truly hate to have you upset with me. Well… I suppose I hate to have you upset at all," she smiles, fondly. One day I'm going to make her angel eyes bleed tears they don't deserve and I don't want to. I frown furiously at this. If she stopped being so… so… endearing and decided to be smart and give up on the human male population… maybe I wouldn't have to grind her heart into dust. But then, I'm under the impression I've done it several times already.

That's a problem. I hurt her a lot, and I know it. But then I feel bad and try to make it up to her in my own… less-graceful ways. Whether it be an intensely awkward verbal apology or just accepting her into my room for a little while so she can recover from a nightmare, I find something just so I can assure her I didn't really mean to kick her to the curb… m-metaphorically, of course…

The issue with all of that is the fact that in reality I did mean to hurt her. I wanted her to stop glorifying me. But it never, ever works. I think, what I must be doing is something akin to slapping a band-aid onto someone's are and then ripping it off and sticking it back on repeatedly. I wonder if she really forgets the sting of all those times I disregarded her, or if she just ignores it.

By now, my face has become a very contorted and unhappy grimace. Starfire is watching me with those girlishly wide eyes, feminine and somewhat feline… all around exotic green… "Erm… I h-have upset you again?" she mews, curling her slender fingers into fists. She is determined to make amends for her non-existent offense.

"No… Star; just… go on to bed. You need your rest. I'll be fine." I purse my lips and exhale wearily. She gives me a sympathetic sort of look and reaches out, as if to touch my face, and then decides against it and drops her hand back to her side. She bows very slightly, like she might do on Tamaran for someone of higher status. I really want to roll my eyes, and I know she won't be able to see it, but I refrain because I've just been mulling over her fragile psyche and have no desire to chance butchering her aptitude for politeness.

"If you are sure… I shall go then. G-goodnight, Robin. Pleasant dreams," she offers. After another moment's hesitation she strides away from me. I wait until I believe she is out of the room.

"…Why are you here… doing this, Star? Can't you see you're just making this hard on both of us?" I mumble to the air, quietly. I set to typing again and find myself genuinely surprised when the 'air' replies to my inquiry. It seems the alien princess had not been quite out of the room…

"It is not I making it harder on us, but you…" Starfire replies, sweetly. I blink rapidly and swivel my chair so I'm facing her, a rather disgruntled expression slapped neatly on my face. Me? I'm not making it harder… it's all you.

"…what?" I say finally. She shrugs, not really looking at me. She's pensive. I can see it in the way she chews thoughtfully on her lower lip and hugs herself with one arm.

"You are the one making things harder on us," she repeats. I'm not pleased with this comment.

"Mind explaining?" I grunt. I don't believe we've actually had a conversation centered on her feelings about me… or vice versa.

"Well… I… believe you are hiding," she says slowly, perhaps a little cautiously.

"Hiding?" I echo. She nods.

"But truly, it is fine. You need not loose sleep over it. I really am quite capable of deciding whom I do and do not love… as well as realizing that there are faults in everyone. I hardly expect a perfect love, Robin. Just love in which both of us are trying our bests to be all that we can be." She says, simply… bluntly…

…She's a clever little thing… "But…" I try to say something, but find I really have nothing to input. What am I supposed to tell her? Sorry, I don't love you because I'm afraid I'll drag you down with me?

"Oh hush, Robin. I do not wish to hear your buts. I am perfectly content in how I feel. And… and you should be also," she floats back over to my side and swats my shoulder. I'm not about to tell her that it hurt… a little… Besides, I'm still registering the fact that she shushed me.

"Are you implying something, Star?" I grumble, eyeing her irritably. Again… playing much to close to fire. She's dancing around with a knife in hand, is what she's doing. She needs to stop. She needs to go to bed and leave me alone. I don't want her to stay, because then I'll get to the point that I'll like it too much to let her leave. If that happens, I don't know that things will go well. Because it's not safe to take a dip in a lake of venom. It's just not right to let her romance poison.

"Implying? Hardly so, Robin. I am stating a fact and nothing more. Truly, why do you think I am here?" she asks me. She's trying to get me to answer my own questions. I sigh, unhappy that I enjoy her company and unhappy that I'm probably her only downfall.

"Because you're a titan, Starfire. You're here to be everyone's angel," And that's as far as I'll let myself go with that train of thought. She sniffs, disagreeing with my reply.

"No, Robin…" her voice dips to a soft whisper. Gentle, almost coaxing… but infinitely innocent. "I am here and not on Tamaran, ruling my people, because you and the titans are my friends. And more importantly… you need someone to love," she sighs. I look at her, unsettled by her reasoning. I need someone to love? Perhaps, but her? No. I couldn't be that selfish. I couldn't be so impossibly selfish that I'd risk hurting her just so that I might blissfully succumb to loving her…

… Right?

Or not. I guess I might really be just that selfish. I must be, because I sure as hell am not refusing the light kiss she's placed on my lips. In fact, I think I'm probably encouraging it by pulling her closer. But… I… I guess if she wants something broken…

I guess if I make her happy… Maybe I can be content to add 'selfish' to my list of overly-protective and obsessive… without too much trouble. I'm not sure why I'm giving in, and letting her kiss me. I'm not sure why I'm kissing her back. I'm not sure why she feels so right in my arms or why I was so fortunate as to catch the eye of an angel.

And something in her kiss, her knowing… gentle… understanding touch… is making me think that letting her romance poison is alright. Because I think angels are immune to the taint of the world. I think if anything, she'll clean me before I can dirty her. And that's good. That's really good.

Because she's stayed much too long for me to let her go.

Author's Note: Well, here's the first of Robin's section. I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I guess I'm alright with how this truned out, but it's not quite how I would've liked it. Hopefully you all find it alright. I've just realized that as of November 14, I have officially been on for a year. It's quite exciting! And it deffinitely would not have been the same without all of you. Thank you so much for all of your support! I hope to be here for a long long time. Any comments would be appreciated, I love hearing from you all. Check out my profile soon for descriptions of my two possible upcoming fics along with Love Me Senseless ;)

Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran

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