A Lonely Lady by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. Daniel is feeling lonely and tries to find a solution.
Spoilers: All seasons, including 9.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.
A Lonely Lady
Chapter 2
The week at the SGC was as hard as Daniel had predicted; the battle against the Ori was complicated and there was not much respite. When on Friday afternoon Sam offered to go with Daniel to the nursing home, he felt happy that she was willing to share again the experience with him. The visit went very well; Sam and Daniel felt very comfortable with the old ladies and behaved as the good friends they were. After they left, the residents of the home initiated a betting pool about what the future would bring to the young couple.
Even though Sam had been cheerful during the visit, as soon as they got in the car she became serious and kept quiet.
"You're very pensive tonight. Are you all right?" Daniel asked her after they had gotten some take-out dinner.
"I'm fine. It's just that the doctor that came with Dottie's medicines reminded me of Janet. It's going to be two years on Sunday, you know?"
"I remember, Sam. I could not forget. We should call Cassie and see how she's doing."
"Let's do that after dinner, okay?"
"Okay."
They drove silently the rest of the way to Sam's house. They ate mostly in silence, both lost in thought. After dinner they called Cassie and the mood went even darker. Cassie had evidently been crying and Sam and Daniel felt helpless to comfort her through a simple telephone line. Sam had tried to be closer to her during her assignment at Area 51, but she had ended up feeling like she was intruding in Cassie's life. Besides, she was not sure it was a good idea to try to get so close to the young woman; after all, Sam was putting her life in mortal danger every week and Cassie did not need to mourn for another mother. Two was more than enough.
Sam came out of her thoughts when she noticed Daniel was starting to pick up his things.
"Stay," she said softly.
"Okay," he answered in a tone that showed his reservations. "I'll help you pick everything up; you go get a couple of blankets and a pillow and I'll make myself comfortable here in this sofa."
"All right," Sam said and went to look for the bedding.
Half an hour later they were both ready to sleep and the house was in complete silence, but neither could close an eye. Right after midnight, Daniel heard some soft sobbing coming from Sam's room. He got up and walked toward the sound. When he reached the door of her bedroom, he confirmed his suspicions. Sam was crying. She probably had been crying for a while. He knocked softly on the door and, with the confidence that comes from knowing a friend very well, he opened the door just enough to be heard.
"Sam, how can I help you?"
She did not answer but her sobs slightly increased in volume. He opened the door more widely and got into the room slowly. A small night-light was on and Sam's silhouette was visible sitting against the back of her bed. He approached her, sat by her side, and stretched his arms to enclose her in a hug. She leaned her head on his shoulder and kept crying. He stroked her back for a long time, comforting her the only way he could, knowing that there was so much pain in Sam that needed to be released. Later on, Sam started to calm down and soon she dozed off in Daniel's arms. He carefully moved her into a more comfortable position and lay by her side, without letting her go.
Sometime after four in the morning, Sam woke up. She was feeling very comfortable but the room was getting colder. She sleepily stretched her arm to reach a blanket she had put on top of the chair by her bedside, when she noticed the other body in her bed. She opened her eyes and under the soft light of the night-light she recognized Daniel's face. She remembered crying herself to sleep while he held her. She still had her head on his chest and he was still holding her. She was certain his left arm would be in serious pain in the morning.
She softly nudged him and woke him up.
"Daniel, get under the covers; it's getting cold."
He blinked a couple of times. He could not see that well; his glasses were on the nightstand. "I'll go back to the sofa."
"No, you can stay. Just get under the covers; I don't want to be responsible for you being frozen in the morning. This is an old house and you know how it gets."
He had clear memories of other nights when he had waken up freezing up in the sofa. He obediently got up and then got under the covers. As soon as he did, Sam put her head back on his chest. Then she put her left hand right by the side of her face and gently caressed him.
"We should try. At least once. See what happens. If it doesn't work, we forget all about it,"
Daniel needed a second to understand what she was talking about. He felt a bolt of fear run up his spine. So many important things hung in the balance.
"Sam…"
She quickly moved out of his chest and turned her back to him. "It's all right. We don't have to do anything that you don't want."
He reached toward her and touched her shoulder. "Sam, it's not that I don't want to; it's that you're feeling sad, depressed, and vulnerable, and I cannot take advantage of that."
"And you're not feeling the same way? That's exactly why we have to do it. Have you thought what awaits us on Monday? This is getting worse and worse. Every time we cross the gate now, we are not peaceful explorers anymore; we are in the middle of a battle with a very powerful enemy that is not even concealing itself. The Ori are expecting us and it's getting harder and harder to defeat them in this game." He gently pulled her so that she turned back to face him. She had tears in her eyes and he felt terribly guilty. "You don't understand, Daniel, but I have all this love inside of me, this tenderness, this desire to give, to embrace, to caress, and it's being wasted. It's wrong. If I die tomorrow it would be gone, unused, untouched. I just need to share it and you are the person that deserves it the most. You have even thought about it."
"Sam, it's not a matter of deserving. I'm not the man you're in love with-"
"You too think I'm in love with Jack? Daniel, how long do you think a woman can wait for a man to decide if he loves her? Yes, it's true, I wanted it to happen and I played with the idea for years, but the rules and regulations were clear. Then, all the obstacles vanished and, still, nothing happened. I even tried to push it myself… I've closed the door to that possibility. I had never let the feelings take root; just in case, you know?" Daniel nodded in understanding. "Just in case," Sam continued, "a jaffa blew his head off. Just in case Laira came back from the past and claimed him. Just in case he crossed paths with Sara and he had the courage to admit to himself that he still loved her. Just in case it was just all a game." She sighed and Daniel drew her closer to him. "I don't know which was the case, but the truth is that he didn't come running to me as soon as he was free to do it and I had to stop torturing myself."
"Ah, Sammy…"
"What?"
"I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"You're such a talented, beautiful woman. I could just fall in love with you so easily."
"And that would be bad how?"
"Without even thinking about the consequences at work, a one-sided feeling could destroy our friendship and you are the raft I hang on to in the worst of tides."
"You're presupposing that it would be one-sided. You too are special, intelligent, handsome, and caring. I could as easily fall in love with you."
"And then?"
"And then we'd see. Why worry now?" Daniel sighed skeptically and Sam added with a smile in her voice, "Thank you for the raft thing. That was cute." Daniel relaxed a little and Sam sensed his change. "Let's go back to sleep. I'm sorry that I brought this up. You must be the only guy who has had to argue comfort sex with his best friend."
Daniel smiled at the idea of other guys' best friends having that kind or argument –he was sure not many had a 'Sam' for best friend– and said, "Don't worry. You and I, we are the kind that discusses everything."
"In the morning I can even try to find the kitchen and make you breakfast," Sam added.
"What do you mean? This is your house."
"I know," Sam said with a little laugh.
"Not there often, ah?"
"Not really," she openly laughed.
"Then, I promise I'll make the breakfast," Daniel said smiling and tightening the embrace on her. She snuggled against his chest and he kissed the top of her head.
Sam would never be able to recall the first minutes with clarity. One moment, she was about to go back to sleep; seconds later, she was tangled in a heap with Daniel. She might have not remembered how it had began, but she knew exactly how it had ended. Perfectly. Marvelously. Fabulously. She could think of many other adverbs, but none seemed to capture everything she felt. They had slept late, very late, and, by the time she finally got up, Daniel had already had a shower and prepared a surprising 'brunch'.
"You cooked all this on your own or did you have some help?" she asked entering her kitchen and suspecting a delivery guy had been by.
"All on my own," he smiled. "In college, I used to skip meals, avoid cooking for just myself, until one day I thought 'Heck, no. I'm going to fix me a good meal, for once,' and I enjoyed it. Every opportunity I have, I fix the best I can, even if it's just for me."
"You never told us that before. You've been sharing our ever-present pizza and Chinese take-out for years."
He shrugged. "I thought that was what you all preferred."
"Ah, Daniel. You still have a lot of secrets, eh?"
Daniel smiled and she sat down to eat. She was amazed at how at ease they were, as always, as if nothing had happened between them.
Right after midday, Daniel promised to cook something for the up-coming mission –anything would be better than the MREs, she thought– and left for his house.
She took a long bath and then she sat down against the headboard of her bed to think. She had learned much since the night before. She had discovered very important facts that had escaped her for years.
First, in a shallower note, she had discovered what it meant to be worshipped. She had heard a girlfriend in college use the term when talking about her boyfriend, but she had always thought it was an exaggeration. Now, she was certain of what her friend had meant and she was astonished that she could have gone all her life without getting to know the sensation. Even if Daniel and she never made love again, that had been an experience she believed would be difficult to top.
Second was the 'falling in love problem' Daniel had brought up the day before. She was certain now that it was not possible. She could not fall in love with Daniel. She already loved him more than that. She had gone far beyond the initial crush that usually brings couples together. What they had was a deeper love, one with solid foundations, which had gone through many hells and was still standing. She realized that she had been repressing any form of physical attraction for him for so many years –first, because of lost-Sha're, then dead-Sha're, then… surely something else– that she had convinced herself there was none. She had been proven wrong the night before; their chemistry had been beyond anything she had expected.
Then she worried that perhaps the same set of circumstances that had brought her up so close to Daniel, could have done the same for Jack and her or Teal'c and her. After all, they had been through all that together. Perhaps. She didn't know. In any case, Teal'c had found someone else; she did not need anyone to explain her what was going on with Ishta. Jack was a different matter; he was still available –granted, far away, but available– and she had been pining for him for ages. Though she had not lied to Daniel when talking about him before, these new developments had reopened that area of her feelings. She felt awfully confused. She would have to sort through all of it before seeing Daniel again on Monday.
She never had a chance. Late that night, she was called to the SGC along with the rest of SG-1 and they all crossed the gate into uncertain territory. When they finally made it back, on early Friday afternoon, they had countless scrapes and minor injuries to account for where they had been. The first thing that Sam noticed when she stepped onto the ramp in the gate room, was that Jack was standing there, at the end of the ramp, by General Landry's side. All the members of the team greeted him casually and he walked away to wait for them to come back from their physicals to the debriefing room. Even though there had been no awkwardness between Daniel and her during the mission, now she suddenly felt it solid standing between them. She could see in Daniel's eyes that he felt he had in some way betrayed his friend and was in need of getting forgiveness. That, she was not going to let happen. Daniel had done nothing wrong and she hadn't either.
During the debriefing Daniel kept his eyes mostly on the papers he had brought from the mission. Jack was his usual joking self and Cameron played his game to perfection. When the meeting was adjourned, Jack called Sam to Landry's office.
"Carter, I need your help with a couple of things I brought from the Pentagon. Would you mind if we go grab dinner and discuss them?"
She thought it was strange that he was inviting her to dinner to discuss matters that were probably highly classified. A couple of months before, she would have begged for this invitation. Now, she was not that certain.
"If we can do it a little later, sir," she said without betraying her feelings. Daniel and I have a date right after leaving the base." Jack visibly tensed up and was about to say something when she interrupted him. "Nothing serious, sir. Just a couple of hours. He takes me to the nursing home, we do our visit, and you can pick me up there near eight. Is that all right?" She smiled and he lost his train of thought.
"Okay," he said after a couple of seconds. "Write down the address and I will meet you there."
"Yes, sir." She scribbled the address on a paper pad, saluted and left the room.
As soon as she got into Daniel's car, Sam told him about Jack's invitation. After that, she made light conversation, but Daniel kept silent most of the time. The visit went very well. They had hired a young artist to teach the ladies how to do some mosaic pieces and they had as much fun as they did.
Near eight, Sam went to the restroom to clean up her hands and the ladies wondered why Daniel was not doing the same. Unusually punctual, Jack was there some minutes later to pick up Sam. "He's our boss," Daniel tried to soothe the unhappy ladies. "It's just work," he lied, as much to himself as to them. Neither believed it and, when he finally went home, he walked straight to his bed and hoped the fatigue of the week would take him soon.
Dottie was not ready to sleep. She had plans to make and soldiers to recruit. If this was going to be a battle, she was not about to lose it.