Author's Notes
Mmm, Paige and Alex goodness. This takes place after Lexicon Of Love. Because by then they're together and I don't have to go through all of that.
Disclaimer: I do not own Paige. I do not own Alex. I do not own the lyrics used in this story, which happen to be Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson. Yeah, in case you need that one spelled out, the lyrics belong to Kelly Clarkson
Beautiful Disaster
By Persephone's Nautical Nun
I'm scared for Alex. I really am. Here we are, Seniors, and she has no plans for her future. She doesn't even think she has a future. That may have been true a year ago, before she broke up with Jay, but now... She's better now.
She doesn't have to go to college. That's not a necessity. I can understand that she can't afford it. But, certainly she can aim for something higher than the movie theater. It was sad, really. I wanted so much more for her. And, I knew she wanted more for her, too.
She drowns in her dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
She's as damned as she seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save her
My whole heart could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right
Sometimes I think that I can help her, save her maybe. If I can just be with her, and treat her the way she's supposed to be treated. If I just treat her the way that Jay should have. Then, maybe she'll start to see herself through my eyes. Maybe then she'll start to see herself as beautiful and worthy of so much more than a well fare check.
I just wish I knew what was going on in her head half the time. Her beautiful brown eyes are cloudy most of the time.
Cause I don't know
I don't know what she's after
But she's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
She's been through so much in her life, it's no wonder she used to be such a bad girl. She tries to hang onto that bad girl persona sometimes, but I always see through it. She can't hide from me, and I think she realizes that.
She still has to be her independent self, though. She's never leaned on me, not once. I wish she would. I wish she would trust me enough to know that I'm not going to let her fall. I'm not going to be like everyone else in her life. I'm different. I actually do care about her.
She's magical myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change her
So hard not to blame her
Hold on tight
Hold on tight
We're sitting outside, in the rain now, in our work uniforms because we just got off shift. Her eyes are off in the distance again, not focusing on anything but the endless road. Her hair is matted to her face, and there are a few raindrops clinging to her lips, just waiting for more drops to join them so that they'll finally be heavy enough to fall.
She's always so beautiful.
Cause I don't know
I don't know what she's after
But she's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
The silence between us is comfortable. It's funny, I used to be afraid of silence. With Spinner, or Matt, I would always find something to talk about, no matter how trivial, just so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
Maybe that's what was wrong all the time. The fact that I was never comfortable just being with them.
"Come on, Paige, let's go," she breaks the silence, standing up and offering me her hands.
I take it immediately. There's never been a reason not to trust Alex. "Where are we going?" I ask, my6 eyebrow raised, not really caring what the answer was.
"Wherever the night takes us," she said, with her cute little smirk.
I'm longing for love and the logical
But she's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long
I have no idea where we wound up. I don't even think Alex knew. We were somewhere with a lot of trees. Maybe a park of some kind. But there was a gazebo, and that's where we sat, because by then, we were soaked to the bone. It didn't matter, though. Alex always looked good. I think it was that 'I don't care what people think of me' attitude that did it for her. With that attitude, it didn't matter what she looked like on the outside. That confidence would shine through, and she'd look amazing.
Normally, I would have freaked about being out in the rain this long. I'm sure I didn't look all that great. But, that was before Alex. She just had this way of rubbing off on me. For the better.
"What are you looking at?" she asked me as she sat down on the bench, pulling me onto her lap.
I wrapped my arms loosely around her neck. "You," I answered before capturing her lips with mine.
I pulled back and looked into her deep brown eyes. There was so much there. So much that I doubted if I'd ever see it all.
She's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends she breaks
She's never enough
And still she's more than I can take
She pulled me in for another kiss, and I didn't resist. I felt her hand move from my cheek to tangle in my hair. I couldn't help but dragging my nails lightly down her cheek. She was so soft, and warm, even in the rain.
Moments like these end too quickly. It's like, no matter how much of her I get, I always want more. And no matter how much of myself I give to her, I always want to give more.
I am overwhelmed by how much Alex means to me. Everyday, I'm overwhelmed with it. That feeling never goes away.
Cause I don't know
I don't know what she's after
But she's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
We finally pull away from each other and I fall into those eyes again, those sad eyes that don't seem so sad anymore. I trace my fingertips along her face. I start at her hairline, down her jaw to her chin. I move back up and feel the length of her nose, and run my thumb over her bottom lip. And I smile when she leans into my touch, closing her eyes and focusing on it. I run my middle finger over her eyelid, and she doesn't flinch. She actually trusts me.
"Alex," I say, and she opens her eyes to look at me.
"Hmm?" she asks. I don't think she wants to talk. It would ruin this moment that we're in. So, I'll make this as short as possible.
"I love you."
She's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster...