"So, I, Duo Maxwell, am going out with Heero Yuy, the world's biggest and sexiest jerk.  He thinks I'm a girl and likes me as a girl, meaning he's straight.  But I'm not a girl, I'm a boy.  So that means Heero is in a gay relationship, he just doesn't know it yet.  Well it's good to know we got all of that cleared up…"

I went over today's events in my head while trying to unwind by doing my math homework.  Oh yeah, I'm definitely winding down, my intelligence maybe.

The phone rang, scaring the crap out of me in the process.

"Duo!  It's for you dear!" my mom calls up to me.

"'Kay!" I respond and pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"You didn't head my warning Maxwell." The caller told me coldly.

At the moment I'm not in Miss Polite and Innocent mode.

"Oh hey!  It's the psychopath with the Maybeline brick purse!  How are you Relena?"

"They're Clinique!  Not Maybeline you stupid, boyfriend stealing, bitch!" Relena screeches at me.

"Clinique, Maybeline, Olay, whatever.  What do you want; I'm in the middle of my math homework?"

"YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!"

While holding the phone a foot away from me, I amused my ADHD self with a shiny gum wrapper on my desk.

"Relena, it's only an affair if you're married.  If you're dating it's called two timing." I told her, reflecting the lamp light off my beloved gum wrapper.

"That's not the point Maxwell!  The point is you're dating Heero and he's mine!"

"Possessive aren't we?"

I sighed heavily.  Heero was more trouble than we was worth.  Hell, he wasn't worth anything in my opinion, except for his sexy eyes and hair, and ass and…shut up!  Don't give me that look!  You're the audience; you have no power over the story!  Stop trying to screw up my phase of denial!

"Relena, hate to break it to ya, but, y-o-u  a-r-e  n-o-t,  h-i-s  g-i-r-l-f-r-i-e-n-d.  He told me so himself, get over it."

There was a weird, high-pitched squeaking noise from Relena's end.  I think she's dying.

"Relena?  Hello?"

A small squeak and she hung up.

I hung up too; who cares if she's dead, she was after my boyfriend.  Great, now see what you've done!?  You took me out of my denial!  Now you've ruined the whole story!  Damn story ruiners!

My mom came into my room with my laundry.

"Who was it dear?"

"Erm…mom?"

"Yes Duo?"

"I think I killed her."

~Next Morning~

My mom and I were sitting around discussing where we would hide Relena's body and what we would tell the cops.  Okay, okay.  So we were just eating breakfast, have a little imagination will ya?

Anyways, suddenly the doorbell rings.  My mom goes to answer it, and being the nosy brat I am, I followed her.

To my complete shock and surprise, it was Heero.

"Heero?" I ask.

"Oh, so this is the famous perverted neighbor Duo has been telling me about." My mom says cheerfully.

And there went that stupid blood rushing to my face again.

"Mom!" I whined.

Heero laughed.  And I mean a normal laugh, not the taunting evil laugh he gives me, but normal, happy laughter.  I wanted to ask, "Who are you and what have you done with my moody, evil boyfriend?" but that would've made me look stupid.

"Hello Mrs. Maxwell." Heero said politely, giving me a look that said I'd pay for my pervert remark later.

"Just Miss, thank you Heero."

Heero quirked an eyebrow, but didn't ask anything more about it.  Definitely a good thing, the father/married issue is an automatic death wish if brought up in this household.

"I'm here for Duo.  I'm taking her to school today."

"You are?" I ask.

Feeling my mother's glare burning holes into the back of my neck, I quickly correct my mistake.

"Oh right, you are.  Silly me, I forgot."

I hurried to get my stuff.  I stumbled around looking under everything and after finding it in the most obvious place (my pantry) I hurried back to the front door. 

I grabbed Heero's arm, trying to play the role of girlfriend.

"Bye Mom, see you later!"

I rush out the door, practically dragging Heero along.

"In a hurry to get out of the house Duo?" Heero asks as I nearly dove into his car.  Good thing I didn't actually do that, I was exaggerating, because the windows were shut and I don't think breaking your boyfriend's car on your first day as a couple gets you bonus points.

"You don't know the half of it."

I just gave him a cutesy smile and buckled my seatbelt.  Using all of my will power to prevent my mouth, which I swear to God, is a separate being from the rest of my body, from venting about my mother being a psychopathic-gender-bending-can't-except-the-fact-her-off-spring-sports-a-dick-instead-of-a-pussy-freak-of-nature. 

Don't look at me like that!  What would you feel like if your parents made you keep tampons in your purse when you don't even have a period?  Huh?  Well?  I thought as much.

"So, darling…." Heero started.

I glared at him.

"It you're shooting for the shortest relationship ever record, you're doing great."

Heero leaned over and kissed me, again.  Then I felt something moving around in my mouth.

"HOLY SHIT HE PUT A FUCKING SNAKE IN MY MOUTH! GROSS!!!"

I shoved Heero off of me, rolled the window down and started spitting.

"What the hell is wrong with you Duo!?" Heero yelled at me.

"What kind of *spit* boyfriend *spit* puts a *spit* snake *spit* in their *spit* girlfriend's *spit* mouth!? *spit*" I asked, my head still out the window.

I brought my head back in the window, giving my best PMSing rodent glare.

Heero stared at me like I was some kind of mental patient.

Then his face twisted around, and he covered his mouth with his hands.

"Is he gonna barf or something?  I mean, okay the thought was gross, but throwing up over it is a bit much.  Be a man Heero!"

Then he started making weird noises.

The man was laughing…hysterically…..?

I continue my 'glaring'.

"What's so funny?"

Heero tried (unsuccessfully) to get his laughter under control.

"A-a snake? You, you thought I put a snake in your mouth?"

He laughed harder.

"Duo, that, that was my tongue.  I was French kissing you."

You know that expression, 'their eyes were as wide as dinner plates'?  Yeah, well try silver platters in my case.

"THAT'S GROSS!!" I screamed at him.

He stopped his laughing and put one of those horny smirks on his face and leaned in close to me.

"Come on, you know you liked it."

His hand started working up my thigh, to where he expected something very important to be, but in its place was something very different.

I shoved his hand away.

"I don't like the French."

Heero snickered and went back to his side of the car.

"You'll learn to beautiful."

I blushed and stared out the window.

"I don't like nicknames, but that one can stay." I mumbled.

Alright fine, I'm breaking my own rules.  But here's this hot, sexy guy who's calling me beautiful, what else was I to do?

We reached school and got out of Heero's car.  Unfortunately, I forgot to include, keep your paws of me in my rules yesterday, and it was too late to add it now.  Everyone was staring at us, and pointing and whispering.  I felt so stupid, falling into the label of Heero's next victim.  God I'm so stupid.  Oh well, at least I got a hot guy by my side.  Okay so he'll probably try to get me laid as soon as possible, and I'll have to continue to stop him despite what my lower half says, but still.  THE HOT MAN IS MINE! BOOYAH BABY!!  Damn I need to update my lingo.

So there we are, walkin' along, Heero doin' that whole macho 'ha I've got the hot chick' thing.  Me doing the 'he's with me, touch him and get your eyes clawed out' thing.

Then walks up Relena. 

I felt Heero's grip tighten around my waist.

He glared at her and she glared right back.

"Wow, it's like a Mexican stand off…"

"Relena." Heero growled.

"Not your girlfriend huh?" she said stiffly.

Heero bent his head to touch mine.  I guess that was his answer.

"How could you?  She's such a whore!  You…you….I HATE YOU HEERO YUY!  YOU HEAR ME!?  I HATE YOU!" Relena screamed and stormed off.

Heero gave a half smile.

"About time."

I blinked.

"You can fill me in at anytime Heero."

Heero shook his head.

"Head on to class beautiful, I've got things to take care of."

And he left without another word.

To be continued…

~*Author's Notes:*~

All done.  Heh, I had wirters block with this one. *hugs moony* Thanks for the help moony!!!! ^   ^ She helped me get through it and finish.  Well, what on earth is going on between Heero and Relena, I have yet to discover that myself.  I make it up as I go, and it seems to work no? Lol. Til nex time.  Ja ne!

-BlackStar