A/N: After writing the first few chapters of this fic I realized I should probably have something happen at the base as well so I started from where SG-1 left. Just so you know that there are no funky time things going on.
Anyways, thanks again for all the reviews, keep them coming please!
General Hammond watched as the last member of SG-1 disappeared through the 'gate and the wormhole disengage before he left the control room for the comfort of his office. No off-world teams were due back for another 6 hours and SG-13 wasn't going to leave for P3X 461 until tomorrow, he decided it was the perfect time to do some paperwork.
When he entered his office he saw the amount of papers that had been building up on his desk since the encounter with the Brigands. He let out a sigh, something he usually reserved for Colonel O'Neill's stubbornness. Running a hand over his hair-free head the General was just settling down to write some reports when the klaxons blared.
"Unauthorized Off-World Activation!"
Abandoning the papers he was studying, General Hammond rushed out of his office and into the control room.
"There is no incoming traveler but we are receiving a transmission from the MALP on the Brigand home world," Sergeant Walters reported with out being asked.
"Put him on," Hammond ordered, and as soon as the words left his mouth he was staring at the ugliest face he had ever seen in the monitor above his head. He recognized Nacwald the moment he saw him. Nacwald was unforgettable from the wrinkles on his pointed, hook nose, to the thick tufts of hair sticking out from all over his scalp and face.
"Your team late." The nasty little head said with all the scorn it could muster.
"Yes," Hammond replied with practiced patience, "SG-1 may have been a few minutes late in arriving."
"Few minutes?" spat the revolting alien. "10 minutes not few."
"Does it matter? They are there now so you can go on with the meeting."
"What kind game this?"
"I beg your pardon?" General Hammond looked down at the chevron guy who just shrugged. Then Nacwald spoke again, returning Hammond's attention back to the monitor.
"SG-1 not here."
Hammond stood stunned. "Colonel O'Neill's team left five minutes ago. They must have gotten there by now."
"SG-1 not here. You have them."
"I can assure you sir that SG-1 left this facility through that Stargate headed for your planet five minutes ago."
"I come there, see meself." The little alien wasn't asking for permission, he was already headed for the open wormhole before Hammond could speak again.
"What should I do sir?" Sergeant Walters asked.
"Open the iris." Hammond didn't want Nacwald on this side of the 'gate, but he didn't have a choice. The Brigands were not likely to continue trade with Earth if one of their top diplomats was killed by Earth's security defenses. "And find out where the hell SG-1 has gotten to." With that order he made his way to the embarkation room to await the arrival of Nacwald.
Hammond was followed to the bottom of the ramp by a small security team who decided that Nacwald might just attack the General if he was not satisfied by the answer that the General did not indeed know where SG-1 was.
Moments after the iris opened a stout alien strutted through the event horizon and down the ramp. Nacwald wore robes of an iridescent puce, that were a foot too long for his two foot three inch frame and he kept tripping over them as he walked. Nevertheless he had an air about him as if he had just been knighted by the Queen of England. In his left hand he carried a small cane, not that he needed one to aid his walking, he carried it for the sole purpose of using it to hit people he didn't like.
Another remarkable feature was the stench that was emanating from him, as if he had been anointed by 100 skunks at the same time. Needless to say, the smell had reached the little group of people at the bottom of the ramp before the Brigand was ten feet from them.
When he was in front of one of the security team members he raised one hand high above his hand in the customary Brigand meeting style. "You be General Hammond." The man he addressed had a shock of hair that looked like it had been overdue for a haircut since last year.
The real General stepped in, "I am General Hammond Welcome to Earth Mr. Nacwald." But as soon as he got within a foot of the alien he took a few hurried steps back. Now he realized why Colonel O'Neill had been so adamant that they would need nose plugs if they were going to visit the Brigands again.
"Yaa-Poo!" Nacwald responded irritably, "You not General Hammond, you have not enough hair." And he gave the General a small prod with his cane.
A few of the people in the gate room had to suppress their amusement at this statement, one failed, letting out a short snicker before hastily turning it into a cough. It was a known fact that the Brigand people chose their leaders by whoever had the most hair… and who had the worst stench.
Hammond unconsciously rubbed his bald head. "No, I suppose I don't have much, do I?" he managed to say, all too aware of the small smiles that were creeping up on his officers' faces even as they unobtrusively sneaked their hands up to rub their noses. "Why don't we go to the briefing room?" He offered at last.
"I want see base, search SG-1 meself." On the last word he pushed a grubby little finger into his chest.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, we have regulations that prohibit-"
"Yaa-Poo!" the alien shouted again. "Our regulations say leaders have much hair. You follow not ours, I follow not yours."
"I don't think this is quite the same thing." General Hammond said just as he took an ill-advised deep breath and he started to choke on Nacwald's stench.
Nacwald paid little attention to this and said, "I search base meself, or deal off." Then Nacwald with surprising speed and accuracy took his cane and smacked it into Hammond's right knee.
The 'pop' that followed was heard all the way in the control room and everyone in the immediate vicinity winced for their commanding officer. Hammond didn't move a muscle.
Right then and there, General Hammond may have ordered that the Stargate be re-dialed to the Brigand home world so that he could bodily throw the little alien through it himself. However, as he was under such strong pressure by the government to get something of use out of the Brigand-Earth treaty he retained that thought and tucked it away in the dark corners of his mind.
Nothing happened for a few seconds, all the airmen were too shocked by the sight of anyone assaulting the General to do anything.
At last a few airmen rushed up to seize the irate little alien, but General Hammond held up a hand. He motioned to Siler to follow him out of hearing distance of the others in the room. The Sergeant came eagerly; glad to get out of smelling distance of the alien.
"I want you and Jones to take Mr. Nacwald around the base, but only this floor. He doesn't know there are others. Keep him out of the most secure places but let him search for SG-1 any way he wants. When you're done bring him to the briefing room, understood?"
"Yes sir." Siler replied, not at all pleased that he had been given the honor of escorting the smelly garbage bag around.
Hammond and Siler walked back over to the Brigand. The General made a show of great respect as he introduced Nacwald to Siler and Jones. And he told him, "Now, you are free to search the base as you see fit, but these gentlemen will be accompanying you."
The little alien nodded vigorously when he heard this and turned to the two Sergeants, "We now go."
Jones sent Siler a look that clearly said, "Here we go." And the men walked out of the 'gate room with Nacwald hitting their ankles with his cane saying they weren't moving fast enough.
A/N: I did my best to make Nacwald a very unpleasant character and to have him come off as a person that no one would want to be around. He's used to getting his way and can become difficult when it's not given to him, and his only talent is to annoy other people. I think of him as Yoda's evil twin without the pointy ears and green skin. If I failed in this I want to know, and if you have any suggestions to make Nacwald worse or ideas for things he could do to annoy General Hammond I am all ears.