Disclaimer: I do not own 7th Heaven or anything remotely affiliated with it.

My Everything

You knew, but we never talked about it. It was odd. We always talked about everything. But not this. I couldn't talk about this. Not with you.

Then one day, you asked me what I wanted.

"I don't know."

"Come on, Ruthie," you said. "This is your life. What do you want?"

I hung my head in shame.

"I don't know," I whispered.

There were tears in your eyes. They were indistinct, but they were there. I knew they were.

"What do I do, Ruthie?" you demanded. "You have to tell me what you want. I can't wait for you forever."

There were tears in my eyes now too. Damn you.

"I don't know." That's all I seemed able to say.

You came closer to me and forced me to look at you. We were inches apart and I could feel your breath on my face.

"I want to stay, but only if the real you comes back."

This is me. I've changed.

"I know you've gone through some hard times." Your voice was soft, almost fatherly. Almost. "I've been right here with you, but you have to let me in."

No. It's too hard. I can't go through it again.

"I can't," I choked out.

Stop it. Stop your damn crying, Ruthie. Don't let your guard down. You've worked so hard and you've been doing so well.

"Yes, you can. I'm here for you." You took my hand in yours. It was warm, strong.

A tear rolled down my nose and fell to the concrete of my parents' backyard.

"No. I can't do it."

You released my hand and it fell limply to my side. I looked up at you with my messy, wet face. You locked my gaze and took a step back.

"Then I can't do this anymore."

What?

You wiped my running mascara with your calloused thumb. There was a moment of silence as you took my face in your hands and gently kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry, Ruthie. I have to go."

You were walking away and when I finally realized what you meant, I spun around so fast my hair whipped across my face. I watched you handle the gate's lock and push it open.

You couldn't just leave. You were my everything.

I found my voice, however shaky it was. "No!" I screamed. You stopped, but didn't turn.

"I'm scared!" I admitted. I was shaking as fresh tears shot down my face and rolled down my neck.

You waited.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "Please, please don't leave me, Martin!" My chest heaved as my lungs fought for air.

Your shoulders shook slightly and I knew you were crying with me.

"Please!" I pleaded. "Don't leave me!" My knees gave out and I fell to the ground as a child would when throwing a tantrum. "I need you!"

You were at my side on the ground next to me. I couldn't see anymore. The tears blurred your beautiful face.

Gently, you touched my shoulder. I flinched and you instantly recoiled. I didn't mean to. I know you aren't like him. You could never be like him.

"Don't - don't leave me," I repeated. "Please." My words had become nearly impossible to understand, but you caught them.

You shook your head. "I won't. Ever."

You wanted to hold me. You wanted to comfort me. And I wanted you to.

I threw myself at you and burried my face in your chest.

"I'm sorry," I managed.

You carressed my tresses. "No, don't be."

We sat there, in the middle of my backyard, for what seemed like an eternity. I was able to calm myself to a few silent tears.

"I'm glad you aren't like him."

I could feel you tense. "Ruthie, I would never hurt you, or anybody else, like that."

I nodded against your chest. "My family must hate me."

"Why?"

I hesitated. "Because I'm not a...I'm not a virgin anymore. My dad - I can't even look at him."

You held me tighter. "It wasn't your fault. Your dad loves you more than anything."

I fought back tears. "Maybe."

You kissed the top of my head. "Ruthie, you're surrounded by people who love you. You're going to be okay," you assured me. "I promise."

I sighed shakily and with full confidence I replied, "I believe you."

Though I couldn't see your face, I knew you were smiling.

"I'm scared, Martin," I said once more. "I'm scared he'll come back."

You pushed me away so you could see my face.

"I'm here with you." You brushed a stray curl away from my eyes. "You don't have to be scared anymore."

Your voice was so steady and so sure, I had no choice but to believe you. And for the first time in days, I smiled.

"I love you," I said softly.

You grinned and cupped my cheek in your palm. "I love you, too."

And then we kissed.

END