White Rose

His shaky hands slid into the cool darkness as he slowly snaked his arm across the warm bedroom sheets and finally came in contact with his desired site. Suddenly his vision flickered slowly as his hand came to a slow rest between the strands of her soft black hair. It had been a long time since he's touched it, touched her, and the urge had come so strong he had little time to stop himself. Chi had always been a strong one, the strongest woman on Earth when he married her, and the only one that didn't waiver under his touch. Sure he'd hurt her a few times, but it was nothing she said she couldn't handle. But now… he was scared to even be near her. Scared his strong hands would damage her already failing body. But tonight was something different. Something was growing in him demanding her touch, demanding to know she was still as strong as ever. It was as if he was giving off a final cry, a final plea to reassure himself that she would be alright. So he reached out, a prayer on his breath and a fear in his heart and his mind sought out to soothe its subconscious.

She'd been awake, when his hands snaked out to touch her hair. She felt his movements as he climbed into bed, his suppressed cries as he tried his hardest not to awaken her or her daughter. Each of his sighs hung heavy in the air, tears stinging her own eyes as she watched her strong husband wither away. If there was anything she could do to stop the inevitable, she would have, but she knew, that sooner or later, her body would have given out. Better now, then later down the road, when he would have buried himself tighter into her, and there would be no one else to surround him.

"Goku"

Her voice wavered across the air and hung heavy like a fog, thick with emotions, giving off more than she had ever really meant to. It was full of pain, physical and emotional, strain, and hopelessness. It said everything he didn't want to admit to himself, and seemed to cut him like a thousand knives. He could tell she wanted him to admit it. That there was nothing he could do, nothing to stop it, but he wouldn't, not yet. Where there is a will there is a way right? Right?

He ignored her, his hand continuing to slide through her silk strands catching tangles which seemed to distress his mood even more. At first it was just her hair, his eyes focusing in on his fingers in the sea of black. He watched them with each move, slow and unsteady, shaking and forced. Out the corner of his eyes, he saw her move, saw her eyes flicker open, and her body turn towards him, but he refused to acknowledge her presence. Scared of what he had been harboring over the past few hours, scared to lose control in front of the little girl who needed him now, more than ever. So instead he allowed his hands to explore her. Sliding over her lips and her face, her soft tresses while his eyes focused intently on her hair, his emotions swallowed tight in his throat.

"Goku? I'm….I'm… sorry. Plea...se. Forgive me."

His hand slid over her lips and held her mouth tight as he blinked back the tears that found their way out of his eyes. Not here… not now, he couldn't do this. Not in front of his little girl.

"Heavan… not here, Chi. Please….I need…"

His voice trailed off as he bit back, scared his voice would betray him at any second. He needed her to go. For Heavan to be in another place for them to talk, and from the movement Chichi had given him, he knew he had been given permission to take her off to bed.

Goku pulled the soft covers back slowly, and slid out from the sea of quilts, standing unsteadily on his legs. His body was exhausted from his tears and a lack of nutrients but he didn't care. Why did he need any of that? All he needed was his wife. And if he couldn't have that… he would have nothing.

He towered over his wife, and looked down at the child they had created together. Their daughter was lying on her right breast, snuggled deep into her form, sweat drops forming from the constant heat of the covers. He had picked her up, his strong arms wrapping gently around her tiny body as she roused slowly, drool dripping from her full bottom lip as he lifted her slowly. A pigtail had came loose and her hair swung with her each movement, as she turned and moaned a quiet protest. She was sleeping and right now she wanted to stay sleep. Too bad that didn't happen during her waking hours. Pulling her body tight against her chest, he felt her tense, whimper, and then slip back into sleep as her body quickly snuggled into his familiar form.

For the first time in a long time, he felt a waver of hope and strength as he protectively held his little girl in his arms. She was so tiny, so defenseless against the world, and he knew that at that moment in time, he would protect her from anything and everything that came her way. It was a silent promise he had made to her and he intended to keep it.

Her room was dark, except for the single pink, princess nightlight that sat in the far right of the room. Her bed on the left was a small white canopy, with pink sheets and quilts, a bouquet of lace and ribbons. He knew it was one of the girlier things Chichi had begged for her to have, and at first he had not realized the need for such things, but laying her down, he had suddenly realized why. It brought him back to Earth, and made him realize just how much she would be needing him. She wasn't as strong as her bothers had been, and favored her mother a lot more than anything. She had a lot of spunk but honestly, it probably wouldn't be enough to get her out of the dangers he foresaw. She was a delicate little thing. Delicate and needed a lot of love and care. Just as her mother had.

His hand reached out and he pulled her other ponytail free of its holder, tossing the scruntchy onto a nearby nightstand, as his daughter turned her head and groaned softly into a pillow. The way her hair fell about her chubby cheeks and her eyelashes fluttered from time to time reminded him so much of Chichi, that it scared him. She was exactly like her. From her hair to her nails to her smile. Her attitude and her diligence. It was as if his wife had been cloned and was growing up in the same household. His hand snaked out and began to run through her hair as she sighed contently.

Some day she would make him proud. Be a fighter like her brothers… but be the one Chichi had wanted to do something different. Like study something, become a doctor or a lawyer or even the president of something. She would get married and have child and a family too. Get married in Chichi's…. Suddenly his train of thought stopped and he pulled back his hand from her head as if he had been burned. Chichi. She wouldn't be there to see any of it. She wouldn't watch her daughter grow up or fulfill the one thing she had wanted her children to do in life. She wouldn't get to hold her grandkids or even be at the wedding. His wife wouldn't see any of it. Her first day of school, her graduation. He would have to stand their alone, his sons by his side as he tried his best to do the work of two parents. And it was all because of her.

The last sentence trailed his thoughts like a knife threatening to consume something. Because of her? Because of Heavan? Is that what he though? Is that what he believed? He looked down at the innocent sleeping child and his whole body jerked back, until his back slammed hard against her dresser. He released a small grunt, but allowed an even louder one to slip through his lips when he was hit over the head with a falling object. It fell into his lap, and hard into his hands as if a prophecy in the dark. He knew exactly what it was and as if by habit, his fingers slid over the oak and he opened it, a soft melody slipping into the quiet air.

Suddenly the events of the day came crashing back into his memory even though he had tried his best to block it. It was supposed to be a wonderful day. A joyous happy day, but it couldn't have been far from that. He remembered driving the car, Chi's screams getting louder as she clutched the leather of his seat, her fingernails ripping it to shreds. It had been just like the last two times, she had been in pain, he brought her to the hospital and the pain stopped once they stuck the needle in her. But this time, it was definitely different. He helped her into the room, her body shaking violently as the nurses rushed out to help her. She seemed normal enough, she was sweating a lot and she was in a lot of pain, but she was crying. She wasn't screaming as much as she had been crying. When they placed her on the table, her eyes fluttered and rolled into the back of her head every so often. The nurses said it was fine, that she was just over come with pain and that all the women did it, but that did little to help his fears. He knew she wasn't as strong as she used to be, but he never expected that display.

Then there was the blood. Oh Kami there was so much. She looked so pale, and scary, her lips were a shade from her normal vibrant pink. She shuddered so many cries, but he still had hope everything would be okay. It wasn't until the nurse pulled him out of the room that he realized she wasn't. He tried to get back in, but Security had been called. He knew if he wanted to, he could have easily broken through security, but he knew it was best he not been in there. There was a reason they had taken him out. It was hours, before her heard his daughter's first cries from outside the door, followed by a steady sound and the shuffle of many doctors. His daughter's Ki was strong, nearly as strong as Gohan's had been but somewhat different and subtle. His wife's… hers was wavering, here one second gone the next and he was on the edge of his seat. He remembers the nurse brought little Heavan out to see him and explained the extent of Chichi's damages. He remembered going downstairs to buy his wife the little music box, hoping it would make her get better soon. He remembered all those painful memories and he wished he could erase it. Remove it from his mind. But it wouldn't go. He was the soul carrier of what happened that day. Chichi too sick to remember and his son's a long way away, sheltered at Bulma's. If only he could have been sheltered from it, if only he could permanently forget it. He had hoped that the problem would go away, but it looked as if it was back, to bite him and his wife in the ass, dragging her life with it.

As if he had snapped back into reality, he dropped the box from his hands, and shot away from it. Crawling on his hands and feet as he accidentally slammed his back into the door. The door suddenly pulled him out of it, and he looked over it, the music sweetly filling the room as his daughter slumbered, her arm hanging over the edge of the bed. It was injuries sustained during her pregnancy and her birth that was killing Chichi. His mind wanted to blame Heavan and part of his heart did, and at the same time, he knew it wasn't her fault. But it was so much easier to blame her. So much easier to be mad. She wasn't old at all, and would probably barely remember Chichi once she passed on. But he would. He would remember her scent and her laugh and her smile. Her cooking and her folding and the way she ironed the clothes till they were crisp. The way she yelled and how the pots always seemed to curve in midair so they never missed you. He would have to remember and carry all of that, and she wouldn't even remember. She was the one that did it, and she wouldn't even remember.

Sniffling quietly, he stood as quick as he could and sprinted to his bedroom, his guilty thoughts sitting heavily on his mind as his tears battled with his skin, falling softly to the hardwood floor and carpeting. He needed her now, to comfort him and be there for him. He needed his Chichi to stay with him.

It didn't take long for him to enter the room, or for his wife to bolt up quickly in bed. She felt it, that there was something wrong with him, and it was confirmed the moment her eyes fell on his face. His face was tear streaked his breathing heavy and his eyes a cloud of emotions. She saw guilt, pain, sadness, terror, and overall grief. She hated to see him like this. Hated the way he had been the past few weeks or so. She had never known him to lose hope or faith over anything, but it seemed like the more she saw him, the more he changed. It was almost as if his heart was struggling against itself, his mind locked in its own battle. She wanted so bad to comfort him, the way she had at the hospital when she gave birth to Heavan, the way she had after each bout over the years. But she knew no amount of comfort she could give would help him now. She watched him slowly cross the room, his body staggering from a lack of food and proper care throughout the last weeks. He almost seemed like a robot, inanimate and unnerved as he pulled himself into the bed, his body cold and distant from her own. It was almost like a slap in the face. He had asked to have her daughter taken, so she could comfort him, but he didn't even want it. Didn't want to even be near her. Made her feel terrible inside. As if, he was turning his back to her. She reached out a frail hand, and gently touched his face. His eyes closed instantly and his body jerking back, as if he had been pained by her touch.

She couldn't help the tears falling from her eyes as she curled into a ball and turned her back to him. How could she do this to her family? This was not what a mother did. A mother was supposed to care for the household and nurture them when they were sad and discomforted, but instead she was hurting her family all the more. She saw the way her son's looked at her, with fear and pain as they marched in there day by day to give her a hug as they ran off to do their daily activities. They never wanted to leave, wanted to stay by her side but Goku shooed them away and said she needed her rest. And it was true. The moment they left she had slipped into a sleep only to be roused by Goku's crying or her daughter's cries for mommy. What would she do if she could never see her children grow up? What would she do if she couldn't see them have their own family. Couldn't any of them see she was struggling with all of this, knowing she was hurting them, and missing out on everything in their life? Well, obviously not, because they poured their emotions on her too, forcing her to comfort their fears and tend to their tears even though she had been crying not more than ten minutes before. She had to stroke their hair and sing to them, and try to give any type of hope she could with whatever little strength she had. She loved her family, and loved to see them smile, but there was only so much she can do for them on her deathbed.

His voice came out raspy in the dark hair and hung heavy on her even as he drifted into a heavy state of sleep.

"Please, don't leave Chi. We can't make it without you."

She never turned around, nor did she open her mouth to respond. Instead she faked her sleep, waiting until she heard his soft snores before she released her pain and anguish into her pillow. The way she had all those years while Goku was away. She comforted herself alone, once again digging deep into herself to find the strength to smile for the next day.

A/N: Hey you guys did you miss me? I'm terribly sorry. You have no idea how busy I have been! It is so ridiculous that I cannot even find time to write for myself! GRRR But I hope you enjoy this update. I'm sorry if it does no justice, but I've been under extreme amounts of pressure to get something, ANYTHING updated on this network. Lol. I hope you enjoy it. Any questions, comments feel free to review! Muahz, love you all, thanks for reading! ….. CarolinaWhiteRose.