A/N: I need to remember to change my e-mail so I can get the reviews without having to wait for the site to let 'em show up… Quite annoying to sit there looking at it saying I have 20 reviews, but it only shows me 19 of them. XD lol Hmph.

Anyway. I need to figure out how I'm going to pace all this. To be honest, there's a lot more to cover in the Past than there is in the Present. The present's more there to bring up questions that are answered in later chapters by the past. O.o Like there's some seemingly random things in the Present that freak Suze out, but I can't fully get to till toward the end… So, blah. I might have to eventually write entirely about the past for a few chapters to play catch up. Minimal Dr. Jesse time? I don't how I'll handle that… Ah, the things I do for my art…

I'm kidding. I swear. And this chapter takes place a few months after the first one (at least the Past part does. I.e., it's after Suze and Jesse get married.) And I enjoy Joe and the Bunsen burner thing. He's more or less a tribute to Joe in Susan B's "Dead Man Walking" because… well, he just rocked, and when I think of Jesse having a slightly odd best friend… the name Joe comes to mind. Lol. They're different, of course, but he was inspired. :-P

…And I just had to make a certain character icky. :-P Blah. He just makes such a good icky dude, though… Why bother thinking up another one?

Chapter 2

Past:

"You know, for a newlywed, you spend an awful lot of time away from your wife."

Jesse glanced up from the book he was reading to look at Joe. "I'm studying. Susannah understands how important this is." They were sitting in the university's library, medical books sprawled out across the table Jesse had claimed when he arrived a couple hours before. Their final exams were only two weeks away, and Jesse was taking every possible opportunity to prepare for it. "Besides," he added, leaning over his book to hide his sheepish grin, "I haven't heard much complaining."

Joe snorted. "Yeah, well, I'm sure that's what a lot of married men say." There was a slight pause. "You know what happened to poor Professor Duffy, don't you?"

Jesse didn't bother to respond. He knew Joe wouldn't need any encouragement.

He was right. "He spent so much time teaching and researching, and staying away from his wife that she went off and had a torrid affair with one of bagger guys down at the Safeway."

"Torrid?"

"Yes, torrid. Those are Belinda's words, by the way, not mine," Joe said a little defensively.

Jesse smiled. "I wouldn't take your girlfriend's word on everything, Joe." He finally glanced up from his book. "Professor Duffy is an unmarried man, living with his ninety-year old mother."

Joe frowned for a minute. "I thought she looked kind of old…"

Shaking his head, Jesse turned back to his book. "Shouldn't you be studying, too?"

"Hmph. Nah. I know you'll come over and help me cram the night before." Jesse knew without bothering to look that Joe was grinning at him. "You do owe me, you know."

Here we go, Jesse thought. "How do I owe you?" Then, he and Joe said at the same time: "The BioChemistry experiment."

"Fine, fine. Mock me all you want. You save a man's life, and this is the thanks you get?" Sighing, Joe stood up. "I'll leave you to it. Just remember: Bunsen burners, man. Bunsen burners." Then he sauntered off.

Jesse just shook his head. Sometimes he wondered about Joe.

Some time later, Jesse checked his watch and realized how late it was getting—he'd promised Susannah that he'd be home at reasonable hour. He started to clear the books and papers he had on the table when he heard a familiar voice from behind him.

"Jesse."

Turning Jesse gazed back at him, frowning. "Paul."

Despite what Susannah tended to claim, Jesse had never managed to learn to trust Paul Slater. (A/N: Ironically, right as I was writing this, Review #20 came through, asking if Paul was coming. I thought that was funny timing.) He still managed to make him feel uneasy, at least when it came to Susannah.

Paul grinned at him. "How's Suze doing? Haven't gotten to see her much since you two finally tied the knot."

Jesse turned his back to him, gathering his things. "I don't think that is any of you business." He was being rude, he knew that. But he really didn't want to deal with Paul. Ever.

Paul walked around so that he was facing Jesse. "I'm sorry you think so, because I intend to make it by business." He took something out of his coat pocket that Jesse couldn't see. "Very soon."

Jesse stared at him, narrowing his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Paul grinned, pocketing whatever he was holding. "You'll see." Then he turned and left before Jesse could say a word.

Present:

"Well, Jesse," Dr. Davis said the next morning as Jesse sat in his office, "you make a valid point." He took off his glasses to wipe them on his white lab coat. "I will certainly have to think it over."

Jesse stood and shook his hand. "Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me."

Dr. Davis smiled slightly. "After watching you with her, I think I can get a fairly good idea."

Jesse left Dr. Davis's office, feeling a little more optimistic than when he'd walked in. He went straight toward Susannah's room, like he did every morning. And like every morning since the night he'd discovered her gone, Jesse was plagued by the memories of the days before it had all happened.

What if he had realized sooner what would happen? Could he have saved Susannah from this whole mess by just saying something to her, or to anyone else, for that matter?

Was he really just as bad for what he'd done?

No, he told himself. He'd stepped over the line once—and had felt so guilty for it in the process that he had sworn never to do it again—not that he had had much opportunity. But what he had done hadn't been meant to hurt her—he hadn't even realized what happened until it was over with, when she'd looked up at him, for an instant with that same vacant gaze that seemed to be so permanent now.

Jesse stopped in front of her door, his hand perched on the handle. He gazed at her through the small window. No, what was happening to Susannah right now hadn't come from one split second accident; it was the product something deliberate and constant.

He gazed down at his hand. He would never try to hurt her. The very idea made his stomach roll. That was the difference between the two. Jesse would avoid at all costs to do something to hurt her, and would take the guilt to his grave if he ever did; he on the other hand, wouldn't care, as long as he had what he wanted. That was the difference. Maybe that was all that really mattered.

A/N: Yeah, Jesse's got a little bit of a guilty conscience. Comparatively, what he did is nothing. He thinks it is, 'cause he's Jesse, and that's just the way his brain works.

And before anyone gets confused and asks me: No. Jesse is not the one who did all that to Suze. I don't think he's got it in him to hit a girl, anyway, no matter what crazy things people come up with in fanfiction.